100th??

Hey World..

Oh wait..i didn't even realized that i have already hit my target. And that is to write at least 100 posts this year!! I MADE IT!! Oh my word...I MADE IT!!!!

Been wanting to update about my wonderful Christmas spent with awesome people :) Yet, i know i have something even more important to do. And that is to finish up my 2nd batch of Christmas cards :) I just want to be fair. If one of my friend received something from me, everyone ought to receive the same thing. It is tiring, but THIS IS ME :)

Well, my mood? Happy and yet not really happy. Why? I guess that's because school is starting soon and once again, i got to start adapting to the different timetable? What would my 3rd trimester be? My last trimester was awesome :) I am believing God for a better trimester. Can't wait to meet my friends. 2012 will be great!!!!!

PS: Can't wait for 2011 to end and yet it is a bit sad to say "Good bye" to year 2011. A lot of things happened during this year. Sad and happy moments...sighhhh

Good night World :)

关于我。。。。

Hey World.. i am too blessed that i really don't know how can i ever thank God for His endless blessings upon me :) Still, being blessed doesn't mean my journey will be very smooth. I do have a lot of emotions going on. Especially when i feel myself being left out or feeling uncomfortable... 

I love smiles :) All i ask is just a simple and sincere smile with no other meanings behind it. A smile can be fake at times. I love being joyous and cheerful and yet.. sometimes, it can't be helped that different situations will bring changes to a person's face.

我是个爱哭鬼。 不开心的事情总是很成功的把我弄哭。我是个心里脆弱的人，但也不至于是个软绵绵。我只是容易受伤吧了，因为我在做每件事的同时都把我所有的感情都加如进去。我很喜欢哭。因为我喜欢哭过后的感觉，就像雨过天晴那样 ：） 很美好！很舒服！我不喜欢把感情都闷在心里。

还记得在澳洲的时候，我只会把不开心的事都往心里吞。遇到什么都不肯跟别人分享，因为我无法相信任何人。我以为只要我什么都不说， “麻烦” 和 “问题” 都不会缠着我不放了。别人也不会嫌我烦！可是我错了，原以为很坚强的我，有一天，哭了！ 哭的当时，我闪躲到一旁去，不让别人发现。我想我这个“毛病” 是很难改掉的！除非我是当场爆哭的，那是两回事 ：），不然我都是喜欢一个人躲起来哭。最后，我还是被 “他” 发现了。 他只跟我说了一句，“你尽情的哭吧。会哭就表示你有在成长哦！” 当时的我， 非常感动。。。。。 谢谢你！！

为什么我会聊到 “哭” 呢？因为，我现在也非常想哭。我也不知道问题出在那里。也不知道自己到底做错了什么，我总是很在意自己和教友的关系。为什么别人可以相处的那么愉快而我却那么的疏远？我也不知道。。。有几会跟他们合作，我本来还算开心。可是，久而久知，我发现自己和他们没什么沟通。我就是会觉得不自在。跟别人就不会有这样的问题。我不想因为这样而辜负了上帝对我的期望。我只想把自己的本份做好。别人的脸色与我无关。反正无论我怎样做，人家都是不喜欢！对啦。。。我就是这么一个没自信的人！就现在。。只限现在这五分中，就让我好好的“发泄” 情绪吧！！ 我一定能做到的。。。因为我相信的人正是我的上帝！！

Okay...ranting time is over. I am so much happier now. Thanks to Machi Zhi Xian who reminded me that blog is a great place to rant :) Oh well.. despite this whole hour of emo-ness, i know my day is gonna be great :) My Lord is great ....

Overwhelmed :)

Hey people, i just somehow can't stop updating my blog without stressing on the word "blessing". God really loves me too much. I don't think i even deserve HIS blessings. Praise the Lord. I will let pictures to do their work :) There will be four blessings each according to pictures :) 

Blessing One -  Met up with my dear Selina Bear on Friday :) I miss her so much. Haven't been seeing her for quite a while. She is still the same... apart from the fact that she is getting prettier and sweeter. Good luck to all potential suitors out there. Instead of meeting up at Lavender, we decided to chill out at Starbucks this time :) We planned to hang out there for hours but finally decided to catch a movie instead. We watched "The Muppets". It was so touching that i cried.

PS: Although we had a good day, but we missed Hebe Ting a lot. For goodness sake, come back soon :) SHE is not complete without you..

 Blessing Two - My baby is finally back :) Honestly speaking, i don't like it whenever she is in KL. I felt as if i have no one to talk to whenever she is not in JB :( I am glad Machi Zhi Xian is back now. At least God knows that i don't like to be alone.

Anyway, we had a short hang out session together with Shermaine and Cedric :) I missed those times when we always hang out in Perth. I thought i've lost Shermaine's friendship due to some misunderstandings. We seldom contact ever since i came back to JB. Still, God is awesome. I was soooo surprise and happy when she told me she is in JB and wanted to meet up :) Hoping to catch up more with her soon.

 Blessing Three - We went caroling at Plaza Sentosa on Saturday. Yes, members from The Church went caroling together. Everything was good. I had a great big blessing from dearest Aunty Rosalind. She is always giving me surprise and MORE surprise. I felt so blessed. I enjoyed every bits of yesterday even though i always have this kinda thought that i can't blend in with some people. Still, it is not all about them. It is all about what my Lord wants me to do.

PS: I enjoyed my current bonding with the people at church. It is not as close as anything but it certainly wasn't as cold as before :) I still prefers to be covered by sunshine and smiles :) I am trying not to take people's coldness so personally. I can't expect everyone to treat me the way i desired and yet i don't want to  return them with similar coldness. Someone told me, the key to happiness is "BE YOURSELF". God created every single person with different personalities for a reason :)

Blessing Four - Hmm..you know what i wanna say. SUNDAY IS MY FAVORITE DAY :) I am always happy on Sundays. Oh well, not all the time. I have my emo moments too *big grins* Still, i know my God can take away all my gloomy feelings. Today is an awesome day for me. Like..really really awesome. Awesome presence of God in church, awesome fellowship, awesome cooperation while working for God, awesome time, i don't know how can i ever thank God for His never-ending blessings upon me. With that, i just wanna conclude that, i belong to God forever and ever. I shall always be your servant Lord :)

PS: When i say i have completely let go of you, i am lying because you are still my inspiration. When i say i still like you, i am also lying because i have long given up on you and i know it is impossible between us. Still, whenever being asked why my standard is so high, i'll always say "That's because i can't find anyone like him". I don't think that's true. I am just too used to saying his name whenever people tries to pair me up with someone else. All in all, i think i am using this as an excuse. I don't think my standard is high. I think i am afraid to let anyone into my heart. I am just not good in handling "love" affairs. A friend asked me "Do you still like him?" I did not answer her immediately as i thought i would. Instead, i paused for a moment and reluctantly forced myself to say "A bit". I always thought that if the right person appears, i would be able to forget him naturally...but it seems as if it is not true. My friend continues "I think the reason why you can't allow anyone to enter your heart is because you are not willing to get rid of his memories and everything. If only you can get rid of him completely, i am sure it would be easy for you to let someone else in". From another aspect, it is not that i am not willing to let go of my past. What if i fall for the wrong person again? What if i like that person but that person is not even interested in me? Won't it be like letting history repeat itself again? Well, i don't know....

Sorry for blabbering World :) It just flows out... guess i am sleepy. Praying for a great day tomorrow :) Good night World...

The Lucky Girl

Hey people, speaking of blessing, i do realized for my last two posts, i kept on emphasizing on blessings from God :) Oh yes, to sum it up, this post will be stressing on "blessings" again. I had a wonderful Sunday. I just loved being in the House of Lord. It is true that politics in church really gets on my nerves. So, my friends and even my closest kins are always asking me "Are you really happy?" or "Do you think it's worth to be in a place where you don't feel happy at all?" No doubt, i can feel sad for the whole day or even longer than that when someone ignores me in church. Still, if you ask me to choose between "To go" or "Not to go" to church, i will always give in to God in the end :) I know no matter how unhappy and unwilling i am, i will naturally feel happy as long as i am serving Him. This is my definition of happiness and being cheerful :)

 Reunion with my family - The String family. I repeat, The Violin is my Lover No 1. I always have strong affection towards this instrument and yet i blamed myself for not having that will power to hang on till the end. Oh well, one should not be hanging on to his/her past. MOVE ON!! As long as i have this determination to carry on, nothing is impossible. My dream will become realistic.

Well, after blabbering so much, i just wanna thank God for His supernatural blessing. I trade in my old violin exactly one year ago and bought a new one. Yet, i did not realize that my new violin is full of problems. It is not only bad but i have trouble pressing my strings. The sound of it was so bad that i can't even focus. The tutor advised me to send my violin for some repairing session in Singapore and she told me that the price would be very costly. I was stunned for i want to save up for my Super Junior's concert next year :(

Machi and i search High and Low for that particular shop and we found it. I was really excited to see so many violins. The greatest blessing to me from God for that day is that what i thought would cost a few hundreds turn out to be only 10 over bucks. Phewwww.... Not only do i have enough money to pay but i can even afford to buy a good quality tuner. God is good...

It has been so long since i last had a good chat with Machi. I had a superb long and great day with her. I am so glad i was born a girl. At least we have a lot of similar topics to blabber on. Blessings over blessings...i am overwhelmed with what He has done for me. I went for an interview and it was all good. Hopefully i can get it... because i really don't want my mum to pay for all my expenses anymore. I am trusting God for more.

PS: Received a call from aunt AJ around 8pm plus saying that Granny has passed on. Mummy didn't even call me. Trust me, i did not break down nor feel extremely sad because i always believe that God loves her more. Maybe this is a way to console myself or a way to encourage me to become stronger. When my grandpa and grandma died a few years back, i did not shed a single tear until i was being forced to. People known me as hard-hearted. I am not! Sometimes, passing on is a good thing for them because they don't have to endure any more physical pain like cancers, and diseases. Who wouldn't want them to live longer? Who would want our loved ones to leave us? The last thing i wanna see is my parent's sad faces and expressions. It is a blow to them. I can feel the pain even though i know i can control my emotions. What can i say? I don't even know how i should react now and i don't even know if i should cry or not to cry. I decided to stay strong because i know God has His own plans for everybody.

Lord, i am entrusting her into your mighty hands. Forgive her and let her rise as you call her name. I believe there will no longer be sorrows and pain... :)

Super blessed

Hello World, let's give Jesus a shout out of praise for all that He has done for me tonight :) Honestly speaking, i really want to show you guys the surprise Aunty Rosalind gave me, but i think i got to postponed it because i want to talk about our Christmas Outreach for tonight. I confessed that i wasn't well-prepared for this outreach and i did not have good expectation about it. Why? I had chickenpox for the past few weeks and i did not have chance to meet up with the group to discuss about it. Everything was last minute plan. Most importantly, i kept on forgetting about the synchronized prayer for the outreach everyday at 10pm. Look at that, i don't even dare to think about the crowd and the outcome for this outreach. Yet, my God is amazing!!!!

 Overflowing FOOD which can easily put on a few kilos if we were to finish everything. I really wanna thank everyone for contributing and not to be forgotten, my dearest Mummy who cooked pasta and prepared everything for us even though she wasn't feeling well. Yet, we were making so much noise :( I am so so so sorry. I promised i will help you to do more house chores.

Good food, good companion, crazy testimonies, great laughter, and not to be forgotten, HIS PRESENCE is what could be found in our "THE FIRST" outreach. Congratulation The First-izens :) You guys are awesome. We certainly rock the outreach tonight! It is not a joke.... i enjoyed spending time with you all even though i am not prepared.

Sharing is one of the hardest thing even though this is not the first time i preached. Maybe i am too used to having a lesson guide with me. And when i was asked to speak spontaneously, it is kinda challenging. Still,   i manage to do it :) It was really heart-warming to see people reciting the sinner's prayer after me. I am believing Him for more. Of course, i longed for more people to join us in the fight even though i know the route won't be easy. Come on, "REACH THE WORLD" is my title for today's preaching :) I am glad this story manage to touch the hearts of others...... even though this is not the first time i ever tell this story.

PS: No matter what kind of problems i will be facing, i know i will always have the power and strength to move on. Why? Just because i am aware of the faith that i have within me. I know my God will always save the day....

Blessed

Hi World, the princess is back (PS: Oh my word...it has been so long since i last used this phrase) For your information, people used to call me "Demon Princess". Oh well, misses the good old times. Thought of starting my blog post with something special instead of complaining and complaining :) The bell of "Freedom" is ringing soon. Oh yeahhhhhh... just a few more days. Yes, just give me 3 more days to finish this report and i am FREE for the next one month. HOLIDAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.....

Sunday is always my favorite day. Who said it wasn't? The Lord always blessed me with a really good day. After missing church for two weeks, it feels so good to be back :) I really loved the fact that i have a bunch of members who are always there to support me. Praise the Lord for it. I thought things would be slightly awkward, especially towards certain people.... but i know my God saved the day. Leader's meeting was awesome. Special thanks to our lovely pastor for treating us pizza until we were so sick of it. Most importantly, the sermon was AWESOME to the max. Who said our church is Stoppable? Come on, we are the Church and we are forever UNSTOPPABLE. No matter where i am, i will learn to be unstoppable too.. because God's nature is what should be in us.

Honestly speaking, God really blessed me a lot yesterday. I am sooooo glad i manage to spend some time with dear Aunty Rosalind and she gave me a surprise :) I shall keep that surprise for my next post. She is Such a sweet old lady, always so gracious. She might be the oldest member in our church but to me, she is as sweet as anything. I am really blessed to meet someone like her. She treated Wilson and i to a really fine french dinner. As much as i wanted to stay longer with her, i know i have to rush back to another "Blessed meeting" :) No worries, i shall visit her whenever i am back :)

PS: I really appreciate the fact that God always send the right people in to my life. I appreciate even more when "Trust" is in every friendship that i have. Thanks for trusting in me and sharing with me everything of yours. Even if it is just a small thing, but i appreciate it. You are really a good brother even though i always make fun of you. I scold you because i know you are able to take it... 

Hey, who say there isn't any PURE boy-girl friendship? Must there always be something in a boy-girl friendship? Can't it be just a pure and simple one? I'll prove you wrong because i do have a lot of good guy friends whom are merely "JUST FRIENDS" to me and nothing will ever happen between us.

Oops sorry sorry....i drifted too far away. I always feel agitated because whenever i am close to a guy friend, and then people around you started saying things behind like "You guys sure get together one!" or "Do you like him?" Full of craps! Yet, i proved them wrong everytime. From KL to Australia to Singapore and back to JB, all the time, people will happily paired me up with someone, very sure that we'll ended up being together. Yet, nothing ever happen... See? I told you, pure friendship does exist!

Alright, back to my "Blessed meeting". I really love Shannie. Awwwhhh..love her to the max. She knew i like "Tohoshinki" and basically a K-Pop fan. She managed to get two free ticket which worth $188 from her boss. Instead of giving it to her friend who is a hardcore fan of Tohoshinki, she asked me to go along with her instead. DOUBLE BLESSING!! Look at that...i have a God who hears and who knows what i need. I have a lot more testimonies to share about what my God has done for me but i shall keep it until the next leader's meeting :) I enjoyed the whole concert with Shannie. It was crazy and we were shouting all the way. Yet, it was touching............ i still loved the times when they still remain as 5 instead of 2. It is okay, i will always keep the faith and keep on believing. Why? I do that....just because i am a Cassopeia :)

You are too awesome Lord............You are giving me what i DON'T deserve. That makes me see you as a really merciful and gracious God :) I want to be just like you..

Symptoms of addiction

Hey people, i am counting days now. In less than one week's time, i am gonna be FREE :) Can't wait to meet up with friends and i can't wait for Christmas. It is TOMORROW D: I am having my LAW. Don't know why, but i had bad feelings about it. Still, i agreed with what Mel said, ask God and He will give me what i want. I am blessed today. Just when i need some serious advise, my ex-zone supervisor came to talk to me. He gave me some really good advise which again planted that "confidence" within myself. I really enjoyed talking to him :)

PS: Dear God, i am not gonna turn myself away from you. So please keep my faith strong and rekindle my flames of passion within me all the time.

 I always loved it when everyone can worship God together. It is the greatest feeling ever when you can feel the presence of God....so close. Like really, soooooooooo close to you. It is always good to worship Him and He deserves it. Today is really a blessed day for me. I can't help singing

"So blessed i can't contain it. So much i got to give it away...."

Why? I wasn't planning to go to TheEdge Conference even though i paid for it. Why? Because i don't like the awkwardness and being in a place where i don't know anyone. It is just so uncomfortable. And yet, i decided to attend the night rally which is really amazing. Pastor Rich Wilkerson JR. preached about the "Symptoms of addiction" which really hits me. I am glad i went. As our life goes on, we often forgot all about our first love. Why are we troubled over all those trials when God is ALWAYS with us?? We are the ones who forgot the existence of God. We were asked to fix our eyes on God and be an addict of God. An addict doesn't need anyone to help them to be high. We will get high ourselves. We don't need anybody to tell us to read our bible, pray and do devotion. We will do it without any reminders.

Our God is an awesome God. And yes, He is my strength :) After sorting out all these emotional stuffs, i realized, i haven't been very addictive to God for these past 2 weeks. He don't deserve all these. Thank You for pulling me back in such speed. I realized that immediately. Nope God.. i am not doubting You. I just don't like all these politics. Still, i know you have a way out...and i know You want to bring me higher from where i am now. I know i am addicted to You when i am willing to pay all price to fix all problems :) You are indeed an awesome Father, Provider and Deliverer. You are my friend, my listener, my lover and best companion. Without You, i wouldn't be who i am today :)

I love You Jesus <3

Mixed feelings...

Heyyyyy World, i have no idea why i am here when i am suppose to study. I am feeling really horrible and terrible now because i am worried. I really want to pass this stupid law. Ishhh.. stupid darn chickenpox which caused me to miss my mid term and now my 30% will have to be carried forward to my final. Even my lecturer also "shake head" at the difficulty of passing. Tell me, where can i find mood to go conference when my life outside conference is just so messy and complicated? Maybe it is very irresponsible of me to back out at the last minute. I don't care whether you are happy or not, but you just gotta understand that life still goes on outside Conference. Sigh...

 Nicole and myself. She was my classmate since last trimester but i only get to know her this trimester. What to say? She's fun to hang out with :) One smart girl!!Been seeing her a lot these few months and my whole university life has changed so much. When i think back, i am always alone during the last trimester. It is more on my own thoughts and doing things alone. Not to say i don't have friends, but everyone has their own life. Perhaps God hears me, and things has changed so much. I am beginning to love school and lessons :)

I still can't forget "Giddens' " smile during her wedding. It is so natural. Like really...so natural that he has succesfully caused me to be in tears. I can feel tears rolling down my cheeks the moment i saw that smile. In the first place, Giddens was cursing the bridegroom and planning how to make him look ugly during the wedding. But the minute he saw his "apple" walking in, he forgot all about the cursing and plans, and gave her the best smile ever. I like the way where he can be so open-minded about it.

我錯了。


如果你真的很喜歡一個女孩，

當她有人疼，有人愛，你會真心真意的祝福她。
永遠幸福，快樂 - 那些年，我們一起追的女孩
 
 
PS: There is only one question on my mind. Why aren't there anyone like Gidden during my primary school life, college life and even university life?? Life is always fair..... :)
 

You are the apple of my eyes

Hi people, it has been a while. Mixed feelings. From the bottom of my heart, i missed the people whom i haven't seen for weeks. And yet, when it comes to the time, i dreaded going. Why? Maybe i just don't like the awkwardness. It is not like they care about my presence or so. Perhaps, they will do even better without me. Sigh, that's me!! The emotional and not-so-confident side of me. I am just not good enough. Hectic life has just started. And this time, my body just couldn't take it so ended up feeling sick again. What a life!!I really should stuff myself with calcium and vitamin pills. I meant this post to be in chinese but due to this new laptop function, i just couldn't find the language application. So, i just gotta try my best to express this post. 

I always heard of Gidden and his famous books. Yet, i did not read even one of his books until recently, when this aura is too strong. His movie and latest book of "You are the apple of my eye" has surpass the famous ratings of all other movies and everyone said it is a MUST watch movie and a MUST read book. I hesitated because i know certain scenes will hit me a lot and i didn't want to end up crying in the cinema. Still, i lost! I decided to face the reality so i read the book and as well as watching the movie. Only one word - AWESOME! This movie makes me laugh and cry at the same time. Well, i guess, it is every girls' dream to have a "Gidden" by their side. Someone who would is so devoted and love myself so much that they are willing to become childish. And yes, those past memories and certain scenes which is so so so so familiar to me. I missed the old good times.

I find the picture above interesting but it is true. I can't put myself fully in Gidden's story because i came from an All-Girls school. Even though we don't have boys in our class, but still, the feeling of ease and comfort still lives within me. I really love the feeling. A girl need not rely on boy for everything. Likewise, i thank God for putting me in an all-girls school because it has turn me into the independent girl of today. What makes up the Viola today is through the experiences of the past.  All those heartaches, sadness, happiness, good old times, tears, joy, and etc.... shall always be my precious memories. It always accompany us throughout the whole journey of growing up.

I will definitely watch this movie again. Those years.... while i am still a young girl. Time flies....Exactly one year ago, He was the apple of my eyes. Well, he shall always be, because i intend to keep all the memories. I'll find myself indulge in all those sweet memories with those precious people :)

Still

When the ocean rise and thunders roar, i will soar with you above the storm..


Dear World,

What's wrong with me? Why does it hurt so much? I have no idea. All i can say is, there is totally NO WAY to enter your World. We are totally like the opposite of one another. I can never be like you nor you can ever be like me. Even if i did try my best to fit in, but still, it is hopeless. I don't want to have anything more to do with this.

Father i turn to You. Despite all these emo feelings, i still wanna thank you for such a wonderful day. Indeed, your joy is my strength :) I shall certainly stop thinking about all these and get started with my assignments. Stay close to me Lord..and don't let me go. I have this kinda feeling that i am so not gonna hang on for long but i shall follow Your ways...

Peace out...

Ashamed

Hey people,

Speaking about faith, i have to confessed that for the past two weeks, i did not spend a decent time with my   God. I am so ashamed of myself. As a believer and a child of God, i shouldn't have this kinda attitude. I should be doing my devotion everyday. Forgive me Lord...i am unworthy.

A good example below will tell you why i love the kids. It is a conversation between Wing (my wonderful Zionkids mate in Perth) and amazing Christopher.

Wing: Christopher, what do u like the most in easter carnival? petting zoo?? Ferris wheel??
Christopher: what is that?? i dont like any of those. I just like GOD and Jesus.
Christopher: what is easter? can u tell me?
Wing: Jesus died for our bad things. *bla bla bla* after 3 days, HE rose again. Then we had a celebration for Jesus for that.
Christopher: Then why is it about chocolate and things???




Look at that!! It was so amazing that i couldn't help feeling touched by what he said. And i was only reading it from Wing's status. Imagine me hearing it straight from Chris himself. It is certainly blessings, praise and truth coming out from the mouth of Child. It was so cute and lovely :)

There you go... don't underestimate the power of children. You can learn a lot through them :)

LAW LAW LAW

Hey World,

For some reasons, i just don't feel good. I have a Law paper which worth 30% tomorrow and i am not allow to go and sit for it. The unit coordinator said she would carry forward that 30% to my final...which means i got to study extra hard for this paper. I don't have good feelings about it. I am just so worried. Oh Lord, do tell me what i should do? Don't care what the school says and just go and sit for the paper all the same? Well, maybe i should just study from now onwards. Pray that i will be able to go to school next week :)

Sincerely,
Viola

November

Hey all, for no reason i just feel like coming here. Maybe i was feeling disgusted with myself for not being able to control situations. While people were busy preparing for their examinations, here i am lazing around because i am not in a fit condition to do some serious studying. While people rush over their assignments in school, i am being kept away from school because of this stupid chickenpox. Sigh, i need to buck up soon.

Anyway, i am pretty much being left alone. As i don't feel like doing anything else, i'll think of the memories happened one year ago which is still vivid to me. Well, i guess the month of November will haunt me forever. Why? Because November is a month to remember :) At least for me, i want to think only the good sides of it. I fell in love with someone last Winter and things will never be the same again. I want to get to know this person more and i just couldn't find the right opportunity. Exactly one year ago, around this time, my friends will be giving me ideas as in to go attend his church service which is totally right at the other end of the city, or ask me to do something crazy.

I have to say, thank God for always being able to put things according to places and He came to my rescue just in time. I don't have the courage to do little things like talking to him on Facebook or adding him on MSN (though i often wished i have the courage to do so). Yet, it doesn't tally compared to what i have told him face to face. Around this time, my friends would always drag me to wonder along the streets of city to see if we get any chances to bump into him. Sometimes, out of rage, they would want me to text him straight away...or even direct, to ask him out just like that. Maybe it is the fastest way, but i don't think it'll work. To be honest, i can never forget every single things that he said (whether is it face to face or virally). Maybe this is just the case when you are too obsessed with a person. Why i can communicate with other people easily and not him? My friend told me, "You got to forget the fact that he is the guy you are interested in. You don't dare to talk to him just because he is someone that you like. You got to overcome all these!" To certain extend, she is right. He is just another harmless human who wouldn't kill you if you talk to him. So why am i so afraid?

It surprised me even more when i heard a voice all of a sudden telling me to confess my feelings for him. God, i am assuming that it is YOUR voice i am hearing. Things really fall according to its own places the minute i made decision to tell him how i feel. Hmm...stop stop!! Let me grasp some air back in reality. I could still remember the scenes clearly. It seems as if it just happened yesterday. Even if it happened nearly one year ago (30/11/2010), but i could still feel the awkwardness right through my bones. *shivers* I was scared. Who said i don't have the fear receptors within myself?

Oh well, i am not expecting anything. It is always better to remember the good sides of it. Come to think of it. He was the first person whom i tried to pursue with my own strength and without much thoughts. I don't even think i will have enough courage to do the same thing again. I can't say i still have the same feelings for him and yet i can't say that i have completely let him go. It is more or less in between... but nonetheless, i am going to give myself more chances to explore the World outside. I believe God has a way. If it is meant to be mine, it will somehow comes back to me. If it is not, then no point hanging on.....

My memories....once upon a November.... :)

Emptiness

I miss you....

Oh well, i guess i just need someone to talk to. I miss my friends scattered around the World. How can i gather all of them together?

Warning sign

Hey World :) It's been a while. Let's see..hmm, i've been absent from my blog for one week. Why? I wasn't feeling well plus, i had a real hectic week last week. I was wondering how come i couldn't recover from high fever and sore throat two sundays ago. I thought i was recovering only to find out within this week that i was infected by the CHICKENPOX virus. Ewww.. i don't like chickenpox. People said it will be itchy but nope, it is painful. I had trouble sleeping and i can't even touch my face. 

Lord, please help me. I have a Law paper this Sunday and 2 assignments due next friday. Yet, i have been given one week off. Doctor was kind enough to offer me two weeks off but i boo-bah at the idea. No way am i gonna missed classes for two weeks. I don't need You to heal all the red spots but at least give me a clear mind so that i can concentrate in my revision as well as working on with my assignments.

Look at the picture above. It was taken last friday while rushing for my Aids report. I truly deserved a spanking for doing last minute work. And yet, it was worst when i reach school only to find that i did not save my work :( What to do?? Redo all over it again. Luckily i had three good friends who are willing to die with me. Lots of different emotions going on that day. From laughters to tears....from tears to frustration!!! Thank you guys. To be honest, i miss them a lot these few days. Life is great when you have some crazy friends who would do crazy stuffs with you. Oh no...in this case, it should be the other way round. They are always forcing me to do crazy stuffs :)

What should i do now? I am in pain!! I can't study nor to kick start with my assignments. So, let me pamper myself for one more day. This is when i remembered i had a book given by Daddy one month's back. It is called "Norwegian Wood". A japanese story but being translated to English :) I am halfway through the book and it was great :)

Stay away

Dearest illnesses, please stay away from me! You are making me so weak for days that i am being unproductive. Come on, spare my life. I have a report due this Friday which is worth 30%. And i also have one page of summary to hand in today. You make me missed 2 lessons as well. The last thing i want from you is to receive a "Fail" in my result page. Please be kind to me :)

Sincerely,
Viola

Doubt?

Hey people.... this will be a really short post.

Been wanting to update my blog for the past few days but really don't get the opportunity to.

Anyway, i just wanna thank the Holy Spirit for guiding me throughout the whole lesson. I wasn't well-prepared for the lesson so i kinda do it on the spot. Thank You Jesus...next time i'll prepare beforehand :)

Talk about being a true friend, misunderstandings always took place. No matter how i tried to shun it away or clear it up, but it just keep growing and growing until i really have no other way out. Someone told me, "Take a rest and don't do anything at all!!" I guess i'll do it.........

I just wanna say "Thanks for hurting". Oh yes thank you so much for hurting whether it is intentional or unintentional. I won't be stumbled but i am just so disappointed and hurt. I know it is kinda repetitive, but all in all i just wanna say i am a human with REAL emotions too. You all have feelings but it doesn't mean i don't have one. Believing stories from one side just WON'T help. Don't even try to talk to me in the first place if you don't intend to change or you intend to change only for a while. It just gets on my nerves. By all means, go ahead and trust only one side... i will wash my hands off all these. And yes, i'll be silent. I need a break..

"When i don't bring up something or don't say something, it doesn't mean i don't care or i am clueless!! I just trust in my Lord believing that silence can convey all messages" by Viola.

Dearest Lord, i love you. The God i know is righteous and holy....

Awkward? Chuck it away...

Hey World, i've been neglecting my blog for a few days. Wouldn't have even think of coming here if i never so happened to come across Ryan's personal blog :) He really brightened up my day with his dancing skill :) Anyway, life has been good for me.  Even though i can still feel the pain but i know i have a God who heals.....

Ever been into an awkward situation before? I am sure most people experience it before. For me, it is like, i really and truly don't like it when i actually do know that person but then we just can't communicate. What on earth is this? It disgust me even more when i actually don't even dare to look directly into that person's eyes nor to pluck up my courage to talk to him or her. It is just plain annoying. I mean i didn't do something as crazy as what i did to that special person..so why should i feel awkward?  Oh please...chuck that feeling away!! I don't feel like myself...

PS: No matter how long, and no matter how hard i try to forget, there is still a solid memory of you which lies somewhere deep down my heart. Don't get me wrong. I've already move on..... it is just that, this is something which will happen when you truly gave your heart away.

Got tricked into watching "Paranormal Activity 3". I don't like. Like really really don't like. I dislike anything to do with horror and blood and disgusting and scary stuffs :( I need to build up my courage.... but my heart is weak....

Numbed

"Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?" - Airplanes


I really love this particular sentence above :) I know i used the lyric 2 posts back but still, i find that it really corresponds with my feeling for today.

Sometimes the thing that you yearned for or wanted doesn't mean it is the best for you. You may try as hard as you want to, but if it is not meant to be yours, it will NEVER be. So what am i doing? WAKE UP please! I really don't want to waste my time on something which seems hopeless. It is oblivious and clear that the treatments are just so different. I don't want to face the same thing TWICE.

I never been this hurt. Nope, not even when he chose to be silent as a way of rejecting. Really....It is like i can feel sharp knives piercing through my heart. So this is the real feeling of "heartache". If it is so, i really dislike the feeling. And i don't wanna experience it again. Your words are powerful enough to make me ponder over it for long. I don't know what's wrong with me. It is just like a sudden sharp pain. Oh well, all i can say is, this whole experience tells me that i am not a cold-blooded and hard-hearted person, because the pain is extreme.

PS: A lot of people thought i am a hard-hearted person. So, they would rather not offend me. But you'll never know, sometimes, that is just a cover-up version of me. Yes, to cover all weaknesses and the lack of confidence within myself. I am after all, still a human with emotions. I am weak at times too...

Sorry if i sounded emo. I just can't bear that feeling. It is painful. From now i just want to make myself STRONGER :) If someone has to affect me with words, let that person be GOD. I would rather turn my attention on Him. It doesn't matter if my heart ache for God or that i am being affected by His word. At least i know that He would never leave me or forsake me.....

Blessed 22nd Dearest Dee..

Blessed 22nd Dearest Dee. You are such a blessing in my life. You came to me when i was just alone in Perth :) I really miss you heaps. 

Too bad i wasn't there to celebrate with you... still, there are lots of things which i wanna say to you. You are a strong leader Dee, and you are a prayer warrior girl. Continue to keep the faith and continue to strive more for Him. You have already glorify Him in various ways (dancing, serving and etc). Continue to help the zone to grow.... 

I shall not describe so much about you because all that i have to say has already been written in one of my long ago post :) Dee, you are a beautiful and strong girl from the inside out. Never let emotions bring you down. I am really glad that you have found Ju in your life. Life has been so much brighter for you :)

I will always remember the good times that we had during my journey in Perth. Our happy moments, our weakest moments, through all prayers and fast. Thank You Dee for teaching me how to stand firm and to surrender everything to God. Despite all the downs, i am really thankful that you exist

 in my life :) I really enjoyed my moments with you girls. Though we are far apart, but i know our purpose will be the same. 

I just wanna wish you a very happy birthday and May God's joy and blessings be with you. I know the zone/cell will definitely create something spectacular for you. Do update me :) Love you Dee....

Just one wish

"Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?? I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now..... "

I have never seen a shooting star before in my whole life even though i would give up anything just to see it once with my bare eyes. Somehow, i wonder, why would i long to see a shooting star? Once upon a time, i used to believe that shooting stars will be able to make my wish come true. When i was young, i would always stare into the night sky, waiting for something to sweep past..but it never happens. For a girl who has never seen a shooting star before, i tend to talk to the stars above, hoping and wishing that it will make my dream comes true :) Yes, i did all these once upon a time.

Now, a realization falls over me. Can a shooting star fulfill my dreams? I learnt the truth that shooting star is one of God's creation. And it can never help to fulfill my wish. I believe my God can does it better.  Humans are complicated. We tend to do crazy stuffs. Still, this is my childhood dream. I will still be happy if i could get to see one.

I don't know what makes me write this post. I do think that the lyric is cool :) I am off to look at the starry sky :) Good night...

Angry Birds..

Hello World, look at my title above :) I guess this is the first time i ever write anything about Angry Birds after getting all crazy over them for quite a while. To be honest, i have absolutely NO IDEA what is it all about? I know they are famous and that's it!! Gradually, i don't know what motivates me to buy their key chains and stuffs. I am such a bad influence because Barry got addicted to Angry Birds too :P And it is ALL BECAUSE OF ME...

This was taken a few months back. I have no idea why i have to draw all these for Barry or rather, why did i agree to help him to draw in the first place? Maybe i was just trying to keep him quiet? Oh well, nonetheless, what's drawn is drawn *big grins*

PS: Philippians 4:13 kepts on ringing in my head. It is everywhere....through videos, through blogs and basically everywhere. Yes, i know i can do all things through Him who gives me strength. Even right now....

Okay peeps, just a short update this time to ensure that my blog is alive. I wanna upload pictures of our The First 17th meeting and also our chill out night. My BlackBerry is not being friendly :( Fine, i am gonna ditch you soon :P

Good night World..

I want excitements!!

Herrowz World,  back again to update. Today, i really want to thank God for all that He has done for me   :) I wasn't well-prepared for my presentation which worth 10%. All in all, everything went well. This hits me. I am always very good at encouraging people with Matthew 6:34. Yet, when it comes to me, i will have to force myself to practice it. I am not saying that i am always 100% worrying about stuffs, but i don't even want that 5% of worrying. God is really good to me today :) 

Saw this quote which i feel it is really true. "I can't brag about my love for God because i fail Him daily. But i can brag about His love for me because it never fails " 


So true isn't it? We started to complain about our physical tiredness whenever we were being asked to serve more than we are suppose to. We always claim that we are sacrificing a lot for God. When we are successful, we won't even bother to thank God for it. When we fail, we put all blames on God. If we were to do our own soul-searching, ask yourself, do you really love God? Or do we love God with conditions?  I just want to confess that i fail him everyday :( But God did not give up on me. He is helping me to go through everyday with His strength. I really want to know this God more because i know HE IS FOR ME :)

Soul Searching

Lord, You are truly the God of righteousness. You are the hater of sins. Whenever i done something wrong, or rather something not right, i will always have this kinda uncomfortable and guilty feeling. All i wanna say is, i am not a perfect person but i am trying to be. Please guide me and show me the path to righteousness. Remind me when i am doing something wrong. Sometimes i might not even know it. I don't even know if i am doing the right thing or not, but i do feel very uncomfortable about it. It is not a nice feeling. I am sorry Lord, for all that i've done which is not pleasing to You. I am trying my best to be a better person. Please be in the center of all that is happening right now.... Show us your way... Do not let us use our strength to solve all problems. I am giving You all that i am facing right now.

I just feel that i got to type all these. I don't know why...but i just feel like it... i am sorry Lord...

Departures

Dearest folks, good to be back so soon. If only i could be more hardworking in my studies...then life would be so much easier :P Well, before i sign in to this blog, i ve already planned to write this and that. Yet, the minute i set my hands onto the keyboard, i lost track on what i am suppose to write. Sigh, i agreed with what my friend told me, that we shouldn't plan our lives. Let it be impromptu.

I was watching "Departures" just now. This is one of the most famous and well-known movie in Japan. I remembered last year around this time, i was attending a Japanese Festival in Perth where they chose 5 of the most popular movies in Japan. Departures was one of the chosen ones. I wanted to watch it but it clashed with my busy schedule...and also i was hesitating because i read the story outline and realized that this movie has something to do with deceased. Okay fine..i admit that i am a coward and i am not a brave person. I dislike something scary or horror. Most of the time, i tries to watch horror films but always ended up screaming or covering my eye throughout the whole movie. Maybe i would watch it if a gang of people would accompany me :)

Back to the topic, being a media student, we were encouraged to watch various genres of movies. Our lecturer specifically recommended us to watch "Departures". I don't want to but she begged us to. And then, i decided that it must be God's will, because i missed it last year. To my surprise, i find myself actually enjoying the whole movie. There is a lesson to be learnt. I won't say it. JUST WATCH IT!! I was so touched T.T!! Truly, as a media student, i need to appreciate the beauty of arts :)

Thank you Father for giving me the courage to watch this movie. And thanks for such a beautiful day filled with laughters and excitements :) You are awesome...

I love Sundays ......

Hey dearest World.. i am 15 minutes away to midnight. Before i end this day, i thought i would come and update for a bit. I really love Sundays...because Sunday is always the day when we get to serve and gather in the House of Lord. No matter how emo or how sad i am, whenever i set my heart aside for the Lord, i will naturally feel happy. This is when i truly experience the Lord's joy. Truly, the joy of the Lord is my strength.

                                       

If we are able to bring smile to an old lady's face, why not we do it often? For once, i am so thankful that i was given the opportunity to fetch this sweet lady (Aunty Rosalyn) this morning. Through her, i get to hear a lot of encouraging stories. I am just so glad that God is always watching over us. Do not underestimate a simple action. It might seems small to you, but to others, it is beyond description :)

Through all these, i learn to accept things just the way it is. I don't want to change things or even try to change it, because i don't have the strength to do so. All my strength comes from my one and only lover, Jesus Christ :) I love you so much and thank you for today and more Sundays to come. I want more of You...

B.A.N.G

Hey hey hey....i am back for a reason. I don't have a specific topic on what i should blog about, but something hits me :) It has already been a routine for me to take a stroll at people's blogs. Some of them update regularly whilst some took a while to update. Yet i am so glad to browse through this person's blog daily (without much expectation because he doesn't update often). Today, i am surprise to see so many new posts :) One particular post really hits me.

The blogger wrote about having to put on another front in order to fit in. He mentioned something about acting cool just to fit in when all the while he is a funny and crazy fellow. It draws my attention when i realized that's exactly the situation i am in now. Sometimes, we wanted so much to be accepted by others, that we tend to hide our true self. For instance, i am sad today but i can't show it. So instead of showing my sad face, i tend to put on a fake smile and pretend that i am very happy. You get the whole picture?

I am always having a lot of difference sides of me. I know that the real desire within me is to be happy and crazy because i am free to do anything i want instead of having to put on a cool and serious look. Honestly speaking, i detest cool looking people. I am sorry to say that. It sounds harsh. Not to say that i wanna judge but it is just that, there is always a sign of barrier which stops me from getting nearer to "cool" people. I always have this mindset that they wouldn't want to hang out with "un-cool" people like me. For instance, i admit i am a crazy girl. People might think i am just acting or putting on a show..but believe it or not, that is my real emotions from the bottom of my heart, and from the inside out. I laugh and smile when i feel like it. I am happy hanging out with people i like. Sometimes it just turns me off when people show me some kind of "cold" look. What on earth?

I have to admit that i am someone without confident. I don't believe in my looks and characters. So naturally, i am 100% dependent of my heart and the way i treat people. Putting on a mask doesn't seems to help either for i am aware that my mask doesn't suits me at all. With that i really and totally agree with what that blogger written in his blog.

I think whenever I try to be cool, that’s a sign that I’m unsure of my identity. A sign of my insecurity and lack of confidence in myself. Being cool makes me more emo and I tend to judge people more because cool people don’t hang out with ‘uncool’ people. But being crazy make me more happy because I have nothing to hide and I can do whatever I want.

Thanks for inspiring me with whatever that you written. You'll never know that a simple post can really encourage people :) I am glad i have this kinda habit of following up people's blogs. Lastly, i just wanna say "BE YOURSELF" ...and yes, do nudge me if you think i am not being my usual self, for that's just so not me...

She will be still..

Hello World :) Wanna know what happened to me for the past few days? After blogging about Daylan in the previous post, i was suppose to rush for my Media Audiences Proposal and PR essay which is due T.O.D.A.Y!  Yet, sadly, i couldn't fight against my physical tiredness. I did stayed up late but i am not as productive as i want myself to be. So many things came up at a time and i couldn't reject even if i don't feel like it. It might seems that i am a hypocrite...but i just don't want to disappoint people. There must be a reason why a person calls you or ask you out. I always believe that... :)

Enough of that.... i did sacrificed my sleep to get everything done. God is always faithful even though He was naughty enough to scare me at the last minute :) I love Him more and more. He gave me so many unexpected surprises :) I shall keep that as a secret between myself and God :P

 Guess what? Finally, i mean..like really finally, i get to serve in Kids Central for once. They are lack of one person and so, i get to sneak in. Hurray!! Super natural, super natural God, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE. Look at the kids <3 I know it is not as big as ZionKids, but don't worry, we'll grow one day. Apart from the fact that we are really small, kids are basically the same. I remembered when i used to serve in ZionKids, i need to think fast and act fast, because when a child wanted someting, he/she must have it immediately. Kids here are totally the same too. We will have to be alert and quick all the time. You know what? I love it...from the bottom of my heart. Even if you wanna doubt, i am fine with it :P I am just kidding...i don't what am i typing now..

There are so many things which i wanna share but i can't just squeeze everything in one post. I shall leave some for the next post. Something to share with you all. When i was small, people around me all loved singing. I was being brought up in that kinda situation. When i was in primary school, we adores Westlife, Britney Spears, Backstreet boys and so on. Things can't possibly remain the same isn't it? So, when i moved on to secondary school, 99% of my friends are chinese speaking. Even though i wasn't good in chinese, but in order to fit in, i will try my best to memorize those chinese lyrics. Thanks to them, my chinese improved :) Tee Hee... Well, after blabbering for so long, i just wanna say, Karaoke is the best place to build a relationship. It might be boring for those who don't like singing, or rather, don't really like to hang out in KTV. Don't miss a good opportunity. If you never try, you'll never know.

PS: Look at the picture above. I was so touched and amazed. Who say we can only sing Pop songs in a KTV? KTV nowadays are very advance. They even have worship songs.  We can even worship in a KTV room. How perfectly amazing is that? I love that concept!!!

I am super duper sleepy now... so forgive me World, if you think whatever i typed doesn't make sense. I just wanna say "Thank You" to my Lord for always being there for me. Thank You... i'll pull through all these. What people do and say doesn't really affect me anymore. I just can't expect everyone to be friendly or accept me for who i am. So, instead of making myself miserable, i guess i'll just let it be. God will lead me to the right people. Yes, ALL THE TIME :) Lastly, yes, in reference to my title above, i will be still. I will always be still....

:)

Herrowz lovely World, i am back again after 3 days? Hmm, talk about being productive, i know i am a procrastinator. I just can't sit infront of the laptop :( It'll slow down my progress and having 2 essays worth 30% due on the same day isn't cool at all. It seems as if time is never enough for me. I am always having to rush over something aye...! Still, i have no idea why am i here when i know i am not suppose to :P

 Lovely people :) I just loved being around them. Of course there are more lovely people around :) They have been really supportive and encouraging when i need them. There isn't a moment when i have to approach them to open up my heart, for they knew it without words. Thanks for being smart and thanks for being there... you are awesome. Totally reminds me of my beloved Murdoch zone <3

Well, someone told me, when the tide is low, it is just about to turn. I guess, after all these emo moments, i am almost fine. Come on, i can't stay emo forever isn't it? Life goes on...

 I miss him i miss him i miss him. He is Daylan (my most favorite kid in Zion Kids) *big grins* All the teachers said i showed favoritism. I loved all the kids but Daylan used to be the closest to me during that time :) I miss those moments when i have to crack my brain to think of new ways to trick him into finishing his food. I miss those moments when i would just stare and stare at his dreamy face. I miss those moments when he would just drag both my hands and make me spin round and round until i couldn't take it during worship sessions. I miss those moments when he would bombard me with his words. I miss those moments when he would jump onto my back and forced me to give him a piggy back ride. I miss those moments when i would go baby-sit him and his older brother, Christopher and younger sister, Erin at their house. I miss those moments when he would run into his room when it was time to put on his diaper. I miss those moments when i could check on him when he sleeps, to see if he's alright. I miss those moments when he would always dress up in spiderman suit and looked so cute. I miss those endless memories of him. All in all, i miss him super duper much and i miss the kids...

I am so blessed to have a friend like Wing (My only Zion Kids mate from Murdoch zone). She knows that i miss Day Day a lot, and she will always send me pictures of him :) Kids grow up too fast. I am sure they'll change a lot when i goes back for a visit in future. Kids are great blessing from God. Love them so much. Invest in them to raise up a generation who loves God.

Talking about children makes me happier, despite the fact that i had a tiring day. Travelling in and out so often is no joke. I am physically worn out...but not to the extreme that i will be defeated. NOT YET!! I know i have a God who heals. It reminded me of someone who said to me "Viola, i want you to wear this thing as you go out to "Reach the World". I have given this power to you. It is always in your hand!I trust that you can do it"  Yes, i ve been relying on that power to survive. It seems so real...i am looking forward to the day when i could hand over this power to someone who needs it. I've been blessed with more than i deserve :)

What now? Fight on with my essays before i runs out of time *huge sigh* Oh dear..i need motivation. Please scold me or whack me. I need to wake up soon..

A day to remember :)

Hey World, i know that i wasn't in a good mood recently. So all my posts are like...hmm..you know how is it like. I guess i am just all stressed out. Still, i manage to appreciate the beauty of Law. Fight the way. Nothing my God can't do :)

I really and truly missed serving in Zion Kids :( Even if i don't get the opportunity to serve in Kids ministry here, but my passion and love for children will never fade. They are God's promising future. I trust in You. The rainbow in the sky to show God's promise is a truth :) The kids outreach was a huge success. Nothing is impossible with God around.

I enjoyed spending time with the awesome people. A lot of things happened which caused me to break down. Do not fret. A moment ago, i may be crying, but at the next moment, i'll smile like usual :) This is my gift and power from God. Thanks for listening to me....

Grrrr

I AM TRULY AND DEEPLY DISAPPOINTED WITH YOU ALL.

What do you treat me for? Don't think i don't know how to say "No", then you all can take things for granted. Just because i didn't say anything, but it doesn't mean i don't care. I have my own rights and i am human too. I have my own emotions and feelings too. Don't think you are anyway special than me because God created us equally with love.

Please understand that. If you need to bring up the matter, just bring it up and stop being a coward. Updating all those nasty tweets is not gonna help in solving the problem. I am ready...

Surprise

Hello Peeps, talk about surprise. I love surprise :) Thank God for sending wonder people in my life who would care to surprise me. I was quite down yesterday after knowing that all First-izens will not be free and we will have to cancel our usual Friday meeting :( Nevermind, maybe God is giving me a rest. As i was happily watching drama and surfing the net, 8.30pm comes and i heard my door bell rings. Whoever could it be? I was expecting NO ONE. Like literally, NO ONE! I was surprise to see the boys and Dawn. For your information, they were suppose to be at Desaru, having fun.

See!!How sweet they are...trying to give me surprise by saying they are not coming but turning up at my doorstep :) I appreciate it. Still, i manage to surprise them fully by telling them our meeting has been cancelled. What fun....we ended up having connect group after all.. and yea.super duper awesome time!!

 Alrighty. These people were shock by my mum's generosity. We had like so much left over food. Satay was awesome :) I love these people.

THE BOYS!!! Talk about being a leader.... i got influenced by them and their "Coning". We ended up driving from Maccas to Maccas, grabbing ice-cream. Oh my, i don't want to be blacklisted from Maccas. I still want to go Maccas :)

It was fun though, hanging out with these people. Brand new experience, brand new feeling. My God is awesome <3

Cold blooded

My heart is getting colder and colder. Not towards God but certain people. Why? Why am i like that? I don't want to be so cold. I dislike this kind of feeling. Still, nonetheless, i am not gonna let you bring me down. I am as strong as anything :)

PS: I know my recent posts are kinda short. I am not in the mood for a long post yet :) Ciaozzz...

Don't stop believing...

I wanted very much more than anything else in this World is to stay happy all the time. Being happy is easy but staying happy is a very challenging task. I could have been the most happiest girl in my life. Yet, i always let those unworthy thoughts to conquer my feelings. That's how i became the DEMON Viola. Take away the D and N and it becomes EMO.

Grown up version of us. We had good memories with one another. Although we have grown up and a lot of things couldn't possibly remain the same, but they are always my dearest sisters.

Happy? How should i stay happy? I am definitely not in a good mood now. So many things happened. Trying my best to stay positive and yet it is hard. I want to escape but i know He is not done with me yet. What now? DON'T STOP BELIEVING.... and hold on to the feeling....

My Lullaby

I am LAZY...and i really don't wanna do anything. I am sleepy....zzzzZZZ

PS: I am sure i found my answer to the question which i have been seeking for a long time. You are just so awesome :)

i...i...i....

I just love being in the presence of God. I love the fact that my God always have His own ways to touch my heart no matter how hard i tried to be cool. He is awesome. You touched me deeply today :)

I have problems. And i know i am facing tonnes and tonnes of them :) Yet, i can feel the joy whenever You are with me. I just wanna say "Thank You".....and i love you :)

As time goes by...

Hey peeps, i have to admit that i am a poor planner. I couldn't even manage my time well. To say i have done a lot of things, that's not true. And yet, i am not doing nothing. So, complicated yea...

Well, it has been a while since i last thought of you or even to browse through your page. To say i don't miss you, that's a lie. To say i don't feel anything, that's a lie too. I am not contradicting myself. It is true that i have already let go and lay down all these completely. Still, it is a fact that you are the one who inspires me throughout everything. I compared all these politics with the ones i had in ZPH. It is more or less the same and yet, there is always unity among the church members there. I would have given up long time ago if it weren't because i visioned your perseverance face. I am not the only one facing problems. All of us were....

I don't think i will erase your memories completely until i manage to find the right person :) Call me stubborn but i am not someone who will let go of something easily. I miss you...

:(

Hey people, i am back :) The only thing that is worthy to be happy is the fact that i still remember my blog. Other than that, i am really moody and to be exact sad. I don't know what's wrong with me. I have no idea why am i so down. Eversince the day i have made this decision, i know i am so gonna feel like that. If you know me, you'll know that i hate (Sorry Alph, but i got to break this rule for once because i really cannot stand it) to be absence from Church. You know the fact that i hate to be left out for anything. If possible, please don't let me know what i have missed out. If not, i will think a lot :(

I guess nobody really understand me. Thank God i still have this little space where only my besties will care. If you know me, you'll know that i am a person without confidence. Yes, i may look like a person with full confident but i am not. Not to say that i am 100% weak but i have the weaker side of me. Don't think i am a superwoman. I am just like anyone of you. I have emotions too. Please respect that. I am not saying that i need people to thank me or appreciate what i have done. But please note that a normal girl like me will appreciate a little bit of help if i do need one in future.

I don't think people will like or accept me for who i am. That's why i appreciate every single friends or people that i met. It is just that why is it i am the one who has to leave after trying so hard to bond everyone together? Sorry, this is just a random post. I guess i am too emotional right now. It felt as if i have just been slapped hard on the face. It is always the same in every situations. Leo club was one, then College, then Perth and even RIGHT NOW. Maybe this is my calling and i don't even know it. Maybe i were meant to be alone all the time. I am not trying to indicate anything but this is how i felt. When i am needed, then i'll feel useful. But when i am not needed anymore, nobody will ever remember me. I am sorry to say all these...

I honestly think that maybe my time is up and i got to move on to another chapter of my life again :) My time is up and i am no longer needed anymore. Maybe this isn't the right place for me at all from the start but it was my stubborn-ness who makes me perserve on. I should have left long ago. Why did i stay on? It is too late now. I can't leave just like that. I need to do something. Lord, all i ask of you right now is to show me the path. Lead me to the next stage.

Sweet moments

Woohooo..i am back to update again :) So..what is so special that i have to set a title like above? Sweet moments? Yes, indeed i had a sweet and fulfilling week. Why? First of all, last week was my last week of holiday. I started my trimester 2 on Monday (5/9/2011)...boring to the max :( Second, BB Kelly is back. Nono, i should say she WAS back in JB last week but now she went back to KL. Third, i had a good time with her. Wanting to spend more time with her but couldn't because time is short. I hope she will come back again.

 We had fun disciple-ing. Or rather, i should say, we ENJOYED chatting. Disciple-ing BB Kelly is one of the most excting thing because, in front of her, i can totally be myself. As in, i don't act in front of my other disciples but it is just different. I can lie down, or sweep the floor while asking her to attempt to those questions herself. All in all, i just have so much confident in her walk with Jesus that i don't have to stay with her throughout the whole lesson to watch her. That's what i called - Relaxing :) I am sure BB Kelly wouldn't want me to sit and watch her all the time. We'll rather have some Tutti Frutti instead :)

Church was cool too :) Lunch with Aunty Rosalind and the rest was awesome too :) I realized i just felt so comfortable when BB Kelly is around. So sad that she went back already. I am not saying i don't feel comfortable with this church. I have already accepted the fact that i am so gonna be alone all the time except during moments when i serve people. It just feels so different when you have somebody who knows you well there :) Oh well, i guess i gotta wait for another few more months before BB Kelly will be back to join me again :) Come back soon. Remember our lesson for that day? Always learn to forgive and forget. Things are perfect even though it didn't seem to be. Sorry if our connect group meeting wasn't up to your expectation. I promise you that it will be way better the next time you comes back :)

Korean cuisine with BB Kelly and my parents :) MA SI SO YO :) We are so addicted to korean dramas and basically Korea, that we just want to have korean cuisine all the time. I guess it is time for me to pick up another brand new language :) before i can officially say "Na wa se yo" to Korea again *winks*

School has started. I was praying to God earlier on that i hope history won't repeat itselfs again. So far, i am fine with everything. It is gonna be a hectic trimester because i am taking something called L.A.W. What on earth? Why is it my core module? I can't afford to fool around or slack this trimester. I don't want to repeat any of the modules. Results are out!! So far i am happy with it except for the marketing management. I've appeal for my paper to be remark again. Hopefully it went well :( With this, i decided to do something about it. Stay away from me Chocolates, sweets, junk food and those nasty nasty ice cream! I need to pass this test God has for me... No matter what the outcome is, i am willing to except all that God has in plan for me :)

PS: I don't want to stumble anybody with my Christianity life. But so far, it seems as if all my beloved ones has different opinions toward me.  They said i am too engrossed in Christ that i ve forgotten that i have a family. Sometimes, it is not that i don't want to talk to them about it. They don't even want to listen. Sometimes, i choose to be silent but that doesn't mean i am trying to hide my guilt. It is just that i know you guys will never understand God's visions for me and you'll never be able to understand why am i doing all these? So please spare me.... i can't just back out now. And i don't want to. I have been desperately trying to achieve all those visions and everything goes according to what God has planned. I don't want to lose God...

To prevent this situation from getting worst, i made a decision........

Dreams??

Herrow World, i am back again :) Don't worry about my title. I just had a long talk with a friend of mine and we talked about our future. Future seems so blur to me now. As in i really don't know what i want to do. It is either, i further on with my master in bible studies or early childhood education, or i pursue on with my biggest dream - enter the field of media. Or worst come to worst, take over Mummy's career. I love languages and if possible, i would really love to master the languages that i loved and make full use of it :) Nothing is impossible ey? Fight the way....

I received a parcel from Jo and Ms Foh all the way from Perth. Honestly, i am touched. Seriously!! They knew me so well and i could see their effort into preparing my birthday gifts :) Thanks girls. I miss you all heaps. There are a few stuffs in the box but i'll just show you one first. Look at this T-Shirt. It was the Boombox Tour 2011 shirt. I wanted it so much and Ms Foh decided to give it to me. On it were signatures by Mr Ryan Higa and other youtube celebrities :) There are also other stuffs which moves my heart and it brought back lots of memories too :) I'll show you guys again next time...

Time flies :( My break is ending soon. I have to go back to Singapore again next week. I ve been spending time with Mummy. I am sure she will feel lonely when i goes back. Nobody accompany her to watch korean dramas for the timebeing :( I don't want to. Call me weirdo...but i do admit i am a Mummy girl. I remember i used to drag her along when i go dating last time :P I am not emo. I am just thinking. What should i do to take a step closer to future? I guess i need to start planning now. To master my lover no 1- The Violin? To further on my Japanese language? To pick up Korean Language? To dream big for the sake of my future? Lord....speak to me. Speak to me....