November

Hey all, for no reason i just feel like coming here. Maybe i was feeling disgusted with myself for not being able to control situations. While people were busy preparing for their examinations, here i am lazing around because i am not in a fit condition to do some serious studying. While people rush over their assignments in school, i am being kept away from school because of this stupid chickenpox. Sigh, i need to buck up soon.

Anyway, i am pretty much being left alone. As i don't feel like doing anything else, i'll think of the memories happened one year ago which is still vivid to me. Well, i guess the month of November will haunt me forever. Why? Because November is a month to remember :) At least for me, i want to think only the good sides of it. I fell in love with someone last Winter and things will never be the same again. I want to get to know this person more and i just couldn't find the right opportunity. Exactly one year ago, around this time, my friends will be giving me ideas as in to go attend his church service which is totally right at the other end of the city, or ask me to do something crazy.

I have to say, thank God for always being able to put things according to places and He came to my rescue just in time. I don't have the courage to do little things like talking to him on Facebook or adding him on MSN (though i often wished i have the courage to do so). Yet, it doesn't tally compared to what i have told him face to face. Around this time, my friends would always drag me to wonder along the streets of city to see if we get any chances to bump into him. Sometimes, out of rage, they would want me to text him straight away...or even direct, to ask him out just like that. Maybe it is the fastest way, but i don't think it'll work. To be honest, i can never forget every single things that he said (whether is it face to face or virally). Maybe this is just the case when you are too obsessed with a person. Why i can communicate with other people easily and not him? My friend told me, "You got to forget the fact that he is the guy you are interested in. You don't dare to talk to him just because he is someone that you like. You got to overcome all these!" To certain extend, she is right. He is just another harmless human who wouldn't kill you if you talk to him. So why am i so afraid?

It surprised me even more when i heard a voice all of a sudden telling me to confess my feelings for him. God, i am assuming that it is YOUR voice i am hearing. Things really fall according to its own places the minute i made decision to tell him how i feel. Hmm...stop stop!! Let me grasp some air back in reality. I could still remember the scenes clearly. It seems as if it just happened yesterday. Even if it happened nearly one year ago (30/11/2010), but i could still feel the awkwardness right through my bones. *shivers* I was scared. Who said i don't have the fear receptors within myself?

Oh well, i am not expecting anything. It is always better to remember the good sides of it. Come to think of it. He was the first person whom i tried to pursue with my own strength and without much thoughts. I don't even think i will have enough courage to do the same thing again. I can't say i still have the same feelings for him and yet i can't say that i have completely let him go. It is more or less in between... but nonetheless, i am going to give myself more chances to explore the World outside. I believe God has a way. If it is meant to be mine, it will somehow comes back to me. If it is not, then no point hanging on.....

My memories....once upon a November.... :)