B.A.N.G

Hey hey hey....i am back for a reason. I don't have a specific topic on what i should blog about, but something hits me :) It has already been a routine for me to take a stroll at people's blogs. Some of them update regularly whilst some took a while to update. Yet i am so glad to browse through this person's blog daily (without much expectation because he doesn't update often). Today, i am surprise to see so many new posts :) One particular post really hits me.

The blogger wrote about having to put on another front in order to fit in. He mentioned something about acting cool just to fit in when all the while he is a funny and crazy fellow. It draws my attention when i realized that's exactly the situation i am in now. Sometimes, we wanted so much to be accepted by others, that we tend to hide our true self. For instance, i am sad today but i can't show it. So instead of showing my sad face, i tend to put on a fake smile and pretend that i am very happy. You get the whole picture?

I am always having a lot of difference sides of me. I know that the real desire within me is to be happy and crazy because i am free to do anything i want instead of having to put on a cool and serious look. Honestly speaking, i detest cool looking people. I am sorry to say that. It sounds harsh. Not to say that i wanna judge but it is just that, there is always a sign of barrier which stops me from getting nearer to "cool" people. I always have this mindset that they wouldn't want to hang out with "un-cool" people like me. For instance, i admit i am a crazy girl. People might think i am just acting or putting on a show..but believe it or not, that is my real emotions from the bottom of my heart, and from the inside out. I laugh and smile when i feel like it. I am happy hanging out with people i like. Sometimes it just turns me off when people show me some kind of "cold" look. What on earth?

I have to admit that i am someone without confident. I don't believe in my looks and characters. So naturally, i am 100% dependent of my heart and the way i treat people. Putting on a mask doesn't seems to help either for i am aware that my mask doesn't suits me at all. With that i really and totally agree with what that blogger written in his blog.

I think whenever I try to be cool, that’s a sign that I’m unsure of my identity. A sign of my insecurity and lack of confidence in myself. Being cool makes me more emo and I tend to judge people more because cool people don’t hang out with ‘uncool’ people. But being crazy make me more happy because I have nothing to hide and I can do whatever I want.

Thanks for inspiring me with whatever that you written. You'll never know that a simple post can really encourage people :) I am glad i have this kinda habit of following up people's blogs. Lastly, i just wanna say "BE YOURSELF" ...and yes, do nudge me if you think i am not being my usual self, for that's just so not me...