Numbed

"Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?" - Airplanes


I really love this particular sentence above :) I know i used the lyric 2 posts back but still, i find that it really corresponds with my feeling for today.

Sometimes the thing that you yearned for or wanted doesn't mean it is the best for you. You may try as hard as you want to, but if it is not meant to be yours, it will NEVER be. So what am i doing? WAKE UP please! I really don't want to waste my time on something which seems hopeless. It is oblivious and clear that the treatments are just so different. I don't want to face the same thing TWICE.

I never been this hurt. Nope, not even when he chose to be silent as a way of rejecting. Really....It is like i can feel sharp knives piercing through my heart. So this is the real feeling of "heartache". If it is so, i really dislike the feeling. And i don't wanna experience it again. Your words are powerful enough to make me ponder over it for long. I don't know what's wrong with me. It is just like a sudden sharp pain. Oh well, all i can say is, this whole experience tells me that i am not a cold-blooded and hard-hearted person, because the pain is extreme.

PS: A lot of people thought i am a hard-hearted person. So, they would rather not offend me. But you'll never know, sometimes, that is just a cover-up version of me. Yes, to cover all weaknesses and the lack of confidence within myself. I am after all, still a human with emotions. I am weak at times too...

Sorry if i sounded emo. I just can't bear that feeling. It is painful. From now i just want to make myself STRONGER :) If someone has to affect me with words, let that person be GOD. I would rather turn my attention on Him. It doesn't matter if my heart ache for God or that i am being affected by His word. At least i know that He would never leave me or forsake me.....