Awkward? Chuck it away...

Hey World, i've been neglecting my blog for a few days. Wouldn't have even think of coming here if i never so happened to come across Ryan's personal blog :) He really brightened up my day with his dancing skill :) Anyway, life has been good for me.  Even though i can still feel the pain but i know i have a God who heals.....

Ever been into an awkward situation before? I am sure most people experience it before. For me, it is like, i really and truly don't like it when i actually do know that person but then we just can't communicate. What on earth is this? It disgust me even more when i actually don't even dare to look directly into that person's eyes nor to pluck up my courage to talk to him or her. It is just plain annoying. I mean i didn't do something as crazy as what i did to that special person..so why should i feel awkward?  Oh please...chuck that feeling away!! I don't feel like myself...

PS: No matter how long, and no matter how hard i try to forget, there is still a solid memory of you which lies somewhere deep down my heart. Don't get me wrong. I've already move on..... it is just that, this is something which will happen when you truly gave your heart away.

Got tricked into watching "Paranormal Activity 3". I don't like. Like really really don't like. I dislike anything to do with horror and blood and disgusting and scary stuffs :( I need to build up my courage.... but my heart is weak....

Numbed

"Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?" - Airplanes


I really love this particular sentence above :) I know i used the lyric 2 posts back but still, i find that it really corresponds with my feeling for today.

Sometimes the thing that you yearned for or wanted doesn't mean it is the best for you. You may try as hard as you want to, but if it is not meant to be yours, it will NEVER be. So what am i doing? WAKE UP please! I really don't want to waste my time on something which seems hopeless. It is oblivious and clear that the treatments are just so different. I don't want to face the same thing TWICE.

I never been this hurt. Nope, not even when he chose to be silent as a way of rejecting. Really....It is like i can feel sharp knives piercing through my heart. So this is the real feeling of "heartache". If it is so, i really dislike the feeling. And i don't wanna experience it again. Your words are powerful enough to make me ponder over it for long. I don't know what's wrong with me. It is just like a sudden sharp pain. Oh well, all i can say is, this whole experience tells me that i am not a cold-blooded and hard-hearted person, because the pain is extreme.

PS: A lot of people thought i am a hard-hearted person. So, they would rather not offend me. But you'll never know, sometimes, that is just a cover-up version of me. Yes, to cover all weaknesses and the lack of confidence within myself. I am after all, still a human with emotions. I am weak at times too...

Sorry if i sounded emo. I just can't bear that feeling. It is painful. From now i just want to make myself STRONGER :) If someone has to affect me with words, let that person be GOD. I would rather turn my attention on Him. It doesn't matter if my heart ache for God or that i am being affected by His word. At least i know that He would never leave me or forsake me.....

Blessed 22nd Dearest Dee..

Blessed 22nd Dearest Dee. You are such a blessing in my life. You came to me when i was just alone in Perth :) I really miss you heaps. 

Too bad i wasn't there to celebrate with you... still, there are lots of things which i wanna say to you. You are a strong leader Dee, and you are a prayer warrior girl. Continue to keep the faith and continue to strive more for Him. You have already glorify Him in various ways (dancing, serving and etc). Continue to help the zone to grow.... 

I shall not describe so much about you because all that i have to say has already been written in one of my long ago post :) Dee, you are a beautiful and strong girl from the inside out. Never let emotions bring you down. I am really glad that you have found Ju in your life. Life has been so much brighter for you :)

I will always remember the good times that we had during my journey in Perth. Our happy moments, our weakest moments, through all prayers and fast. Thank You Dee for teaching me how to stand firm and to surrender everything to God. Despite all the downs, i am really thankful that you exist

 in my life :) I really enjoyed my moments with you girls. Though we are far apart, but i know our purpose will be the same. 

I just wanna wish you a very happy birthday and May God's joy and blessings be with you. I know the zone/cell will definitely create something spectacular for you. Do update me :) Love you Dee....

Just one wish

"Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?? I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now..... "

I have never seen a shooting star before in my whole life even though i would give up anything just to see it once with my bare eyes. Somehow, i wonder, why would i long to see a shooting star? Once upon a time, i used to believe that shooting stars will be able to make my wish come true. When i was young, i would always stare into the night sky, waiting for something to sweep past..but it never happens. For a girl who has never seen a shooting star before, i tend to talk to the stars above, hoping and wishing that it will make my dream comes true :) Yes, i did all these once upon a time.

Now, a realization falls over me. Can a shooting star fulfill my dreams? I learnt the truth that shooting star is one of God's creation. And it can never help to fulfill my wish. I believe my God can does it better.  Humans are complicated. We tend to do crazy stuffs. Still, this is my childhood dream. I will still be happy if i could get to see one.

I don't know what makes me write this post. I do think that the lyric is cool :) I am off to look at the starry sky :) Good night...

Angry Birds..

Hello World, look at my title above :) I guess this is the first time i ever write anything about Angry Birds after getting all crazy over them for quite a while. To be honest, i have absolutely NO IDEA what is it all about? I know they are famous and that's it!! Gradually, i don't know what motivates me to buy their key chains and stuffs. I am such a bad influence because Barry got addicted to Angry Birds too :P And it is ALL BECAUSE OF ME...

This was taken a few months back. I have no idea why i have to draw all these for Barry or rather, why did i agree to help him to draw in the first place? Maybe i was just trying to keep him quiet? Oh well, nonetheless, what's drawn is drawn *big grins*

PS: Philippians 4:13 kepts on ringing in my head. It is everywhere....through videos, through blogs and basically everywhere. Yes, i know i can do all things through Him who gives me strength. Even right now....

Okay peeps, just a short update this time to ensure that my blog is alive. I wanna upload pictures of our The First 17th meeting and also our chill out night. My BlackBerry is not being friendly :( Fine, i am gonna ditch you soon :P

Good night World..

I want excitements!!

Herrowz World,  back again to update. Today, i really want to thank God for all that He has done for me   :) I wasn't well-prepared for my presentation which worth 10%. All in all, everything went well. This hits me. I am always very good at encouraging people with Matthew 6:34. Yet, when it comes to me, i will have to force myself to practice it. I am not saying that i am always 100% worrying about stuffs, but i don't even want that 5% of worrying. God is really good to me today :) 

Saw this quote which i feel it is really true. "I can't brag about my love for God because i fail Him daily. But i can brag about His love for me because it never fails " 


So true isn't it? We started to complain about our physical tiredness whenever we were being asked to serve more than we are suppose to. We always claim that we are sacrificing a lot for God. When we are successful, we won't even bother to thank God for it. When we fail, we put all blames on God. If we were to do our own soul-searching, ask yourself, do you really love God? Or do we love God with conditions?  I just want to confess that i fail him everyday :( But God did not give up on me. He is helping me to go through everyday with His strength. I really want to know this God more because i know HE IS FOR ME :)

Soul Searching

Lord, You are truly the God of righteousness. You are the hater of sins. Whenever i done something wrong, or rather something not right, i will always have this kinda uncomfortable and guilty feeling. All i wanna say is, i am not a perfect person but i am trying to be. Please guide me and show me the path to righteousness. Remind me when i am doing something wrong. Sometimes i might not even know it. I don't even know if i am doing the right thing or not, but i do feel very uncomfortable about it. It is not a nice feeling. I am sorry Lord, for all that i've done which is not pleasing to You. I am trying my best to be a better person. Please be in the center of all that is happening right now.... Show us your way... Do not let us use our strength to solve all problems. I am giving You all that i am facing right now.

I just feel that i got to type all these. I don't know why...but i just feel like it... i am sorry Lord...

Departures

Dearest folks, good to be back so soon. If only i could be more hardworking in my studies...then life would be so much easier :P Well, before i sign in to this blog, i ve already planned to write this and that. Yet, the minute i set my hands onto the keyboard, i lost track on what i am suppose to write. Sigh, i agreed with what my friend told me, that we shouldn't plan our lives. Let it be impromptu.

I was watching "Departures" just now. This is one of the most famous and well-known movie in Japan. I remembered last year around this time, i was attending a Japanese Festival in Perth where they chose 5 of the most popular movies in Japan. Departures was one of the chosen ones. I wanted to watch it but it clashed with my busy schedule...and also i was hesitating because i read the story outline and realized that this movie has something to do with deceased. Okay fine..i admit that i am a coward and i am not a brave person. I dislike something scary or horror. Most of the time, i tries to watch horror films but always ended up screaming or covering my eye throughout the whole movie. Maybe i would watch it if a gang of people would accompany me :)

Back to the topic, being a media student, we were encouraged to watch various genres of movies. Our lecturer specifically recommended us to watch "Departures". I don't want to but she begged us to. And then, i decided that it must be God's will, because i missed it last year. To my surprise, i find myself actually enjoying the whole movie. There is a lesson to be learnt. I won't say it. JUST WATCH IT!! I was so touched T.T!! Truly, as a media student, i need to appreciate the beauty of arts :)

Thank you Father for giving me the courage to watch this movie. And thanks for such a beautiful day filled with laughters and excitements :) You are awesome...

I love Sundays ......

Hey dearest World.. i am 15 minutes away to midnight. Before i end this day, i thought i would come and update for a bit. I really love Sundays...because Sunday is always the day when we get to serve and gather in the House of Lord. No matter how emo or how sad i am, whenever i set my heart aside for the Lord, i will naturally feel happy. This is when i truly experience the Lord's joy. Truly, the joy of the Lord is my strength.

                                       

If we are able to bring smile to an old lady's face, why not we do it often? For once, i am so thankful that i was given the opportunity to fetch this sweet lady (Aunty Rosalyn) this morning. Through her, i get to hear a lot of encouraging stories. I am just so glad that God is always watching over us. Do not underestimate a simple action. It might seems small to you, but to others, it is beyond description :)

Through all these, i learn to accept things just the way it is. I don't want to change things or even try to change it, because i don't have the strength to do so. All my strength comes from my one and only lover, Jesus Christ :) I love you so much and thank you for today and more Sundays to come. I want more of You...

B.A.N.G

Hey hey hey....i am back for a reason. I don't have a specific topic on what i should blog about, but something hits me :) It has already been a routine for me to take a stroll at people's blogs. Some of them update regularly whilst some took a while to update. Yet i am so glad to browse through this person's blog daily (without much expectation because he doesn't update often). Today, i am surprise to see so many new posts :) One particular post really hits me.

The blogger wrote about having to put on another front in order to fit in. He mentioned something about acting cool just to fit in when all the while he is a funny and crazy fellow. It draws my attention when i realized that's exactly the situation i am in now. Sometimes, we wanted so much to be accepted by others, that we tend to hide our true self. For instance, i am sad today but i can't show it. So instead of showing my sad face, i tend to put on a fake smile and pretend that i am very happy. You get the whole picture?

I am always having a lot of difference sides of me. I know that the real desire within me is to be happy and crazy because i am free to do anything i want instead of having to put on a cool and serious look. Honestly speaking, i detest cool looking people. I am sorry to say that. It sounds harsh. Not to say that i wanna judge but it is just that, there is always a sign of barrier which stops me from getting nearer to "cool" people. I always have this mindset that they wouldn't want to hang out with "un-cool" people like me. For instance, i admit i am a crazy girl. People might think i am just acting or putting on a show..but believe it or not, that is my real emotions from the bottom of my heart, and from the inside out. I laugh and smile when i feel like it. I am happy hanging out with people i like. Sometimes it just turns me off when people show me some kind of "cold" look. What on earth?

I have to admit that i am someone without confident. I don't believe in my looks and characters. So naturally, i am 100% dependent of my heart and the way i treat people. Putting on a mask doesn't seems to help either for i am aware that my mask doesn't suits me at all. With that i really and totally agree with what that blogger written in his blog.

I think whenever I try to be cool, that’s a sign that I’m unsure of my identity. A sign of my insecurity and lack of confidence in myself. Being cool makes me more emo and I tend to judge people more because cool people don’t hang out with ‘uncool’ people. But being crazy make me more happy because I have nothing to hide and I can do whatever I want.

Thanks for inspiring me with whatever that you written. You'll never know that a simple post can really encourage people :) I am glad i have this kinda habit of following up people's blogs. Lastly, i just wanna say "BE YOURSELF" ...and yes, do nudge me if you think i am not being my usual self, for that's just so not me...

She will be still..

Hello World :) Wanna know what happened to me for the past few days? After blogging about Daylan in the previous post, i was suppose to rush for my Media Audiences Proposal and PR essay which is due T.O.D.A.Y!  Yet, sadly, i couldn't fight against my physical tiredness. I did stayed up late but i am not as productive as i want myself to be. So many things came up at a time and i couldn't reject even if i don't feel like it. It might seems that i am a hypocrite...but i just don't want to disappoint people. There must be a reason why a person calls you or ask you out. I always believe that... :)

Enough of that.... i did sacrificed my sleep to get everything done. God is always faithful even though He was naughty enough to scare me at the last minute :) I love Him more and more. He gave me so many unexpected surprises :) I shall keep that as a secret between myself and God :P

 Guess what? Finally, i mean..like really finally, i get to serve in Kids Central for once. They are lack of one person and so, i get to sneak in. Hurray!! Super natural, super natural God, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE. Look at the kids <3 I know it is not as big as ZionKids, but don't worry, we'll grow one day. Apart from the fact that we are really small, kids are basically the same. I remembered when i used to serve in ZionKids, i need to think fast and act fast, because when a child wanted someting, he/she must have it immediately. Kids here are totally the same too. We will have to be alert and quick all the time. You know what? I love it...from the bottom of my heart. Even if you wanna doubt, i am fine with it :P I am just kidding...i don't what am i typing now..

There are so many things which i wanna share but i can't just squeeze everything in one post. I shall leave some for the next post. Something to share with you all. When i was small, people around me all loved singing. I was being brought up in that kinda situation. When i was in primary school, we adores Westlife, Britney Spears, Backstreet boys and so on. Things can't possibly remain the same isn't it? So, when i moved on to secondary school, 99% of my friends are chinese speaking. Even though i wasn't good in chinese, but in order to fit in, i will try my best to memorize those chinese lyrics. Thanks to them, my chinese improved :) Tee Hee... Well, after blabbering for so long, i just wanna say, Karaoke is the best place to build a relationship. It might be boring for those who don't like singing, or rather, don't really like to hang out in KTV. Don't miss a good opportunity. If you never try, you'll never know.

PS: Look at the picture above. I was so touched and amazed. Who say we can only sing Pop songs in a KTV? KTV nowadays are very advance. They even have worship songs.  We can even worship in a KTV room. How perfectly amazing is that? I love that concept!!!

I am super duper sleepy now... so forgive me World, if you think whatever i typed doesn't make sense. I just wanna say "Thank You" to my Lord for always being there for me. Thank You... i'll pull through all these. What people do and say doesn't really affect me anymore. I just can't expect everyone to be friendly or accept me for who i am. So, instead of making myself miserable, i guess i'll just let it be. God will lead me to the right people. Yes, ALL THE TIME :) Lastly, yes, in reference to my title above, i will be still. I will always be still....

:)

Herrowz lovely World, i am back again after 3 days? Hmm, talk about being productive, i know i am a procrastinator. I just can't sit infront of the laptop :( It'll slow down my progress and having 2 essays worth 30% due on the same day isn't cool at all. It seems as if time is never enough for me. I am always having to rush over something aye...! Still, i have no idea why am i here when i know i am not suppose to :P

 Lovely people :) I just loved being around them. Of course there are more lovely people around :) They have been really supportive and encouraging when i need them. There isn't a moment when i have to approach them to open up my heart, for they knew it without words. Thanks for being smart and thanks for being there... you are awesome. Totally reminds me of my beloved Murdoch zone <3

Well, someone told me, when the tide is low, it is just about to turn. I guess, after all these emo moments, i am almost fine. Come on, i can't stay emo forever isn't it? Life goes on...

 I miss him i miss him i miss him. He is Daylan (my most favorite kid in Zion Kids) *big grins* All the teachers said i showed favoritism. I loved all the kids but Daylan used to be the closest to me during that time :) I miss those moments when i have to crack my brain to think of new ways to trick him into finishing his food. I miss those moments when i would just stare and stare at his dreamy face. I miss those moments when he would just drag both my hands and make me spin round and round until i couldn't take it during worship sessions. I miss those moments when he would bombard me with his words. I miss those moments when he would jump onto my back and forced me to give him a piggy back ride. I miss those moments when i would go baby-sit him and his older brother, Christopher and younger sister, Erin at their house. I miss those moments when he would run into his room when it was time to put on his diaper. I miss those moments when i could check on him when he sleeps, to see if he's alright. I miss those moments when he would always dress up in spiderman suit and looked so cute. I miss those endless memories of him. All in all, i miss him super duper much and i miss the kids...

I am so blessed to have a friend like Wing (My only Zion Kids mate from Murdoch zone). She knows that i miss Day Day a lot, and she will always send me pictures of him :) Kids grow up too fast. I am sure they'll change a lot when i goes back for a visit in future. Kids are great blessing from God. Love them so much. Invest in them to raise up a generation who loves God.

Talking about children makes me happier, despite the fact that i had a tiring day. Travelling in and out so often is no joke. I am physically worn out...but not to the extreme that i will be defeated. NOT YET!! I know i have a God who heals. It reminded me of someone who said to me "Viola, i want you to wear this thing as you go out to "Reach the World". I have given this power to you. It is always in your hand!I trust that you can do it"  Yes, i ve been relying on that power to survive. It seems so real...i am looking forward to the day when i could hand over this power to someone who needs it. I've been blessed with more than i deserve :)

What now? Fight on with my essays before i runs out of time *huge sigh* Oh dear..i need motivation. Please scold me or whack me. I need to wake up soon..

A day to remember :)

Hey World, i know that i wasn't in a good mood recently. So all my posts are like...hmm..you know how is it like. I guess i am just all stressed out. Still, i manage to appreciate the beauty of Law. Fight the way. Nothing my God can't do :)

I really and truly missed serving in Zion Kids :( Even if i don't get the opportunity to serve in Kids ministry here, but my passion and love for children will never fade. They are God's promising future. I trust in You. The rainbow in the sky to show God's promise is a truth :) The kids outreach was a huge success. Nothing is impossible with God around.

I enjoyed spending time with the awesome people. A lot of things happened which caused me to break down. Do not fret. A moment ago, i may be crying, but at the next moment, i'll smile like usual :) This is my gift and power from God. Thanks for listening to me....

Grrrr

I AM TRULY AND DEEPLY DISAPPOINTED WITH YOU ALL.

What do you treat me for? Don't think i don't know how to say "No", then you all can take things for granted. Just because i didn't say anything, but it doesn't mean i don't care. I have my own rights and i am human too. I have my own emotions and feelings too. Don't think you are anyway special than me because God created us equally with love.

Please understand that. If you need to bring up the matter, just bring it up and stop being a coward. Updating all those nasty tweets is not gonna help in solving the problem. I am ready...