人生中的遗憾 (intro)

Dearie World.....my internet is back. I am super duper happy but of course Mummy ain't very please about it. According to her, as long as i have internet, then i'll forget all the house chores. I seriously hate doing house chores. Sweeping + Mop-ing + Washing clothes + Cleaning my room = DISLIKE. Hmm..i guess nobody really likes to do house chores right? Today, i have this kinda feeling of writing this blog post in chinese. See....my blog title has given me away XD

I miss my girlies super much. Especially when i am trying to adapt to a new life here. Sometimes, when you are used to something, you wouldn't wanted a change. Well, i guess i got to rejoice...for this is God's plan for me. I should be glad that i have the chance to keep on changing and adapting to new lifestyle XD

PS: I know we looked super unglam in this picture.....but i always find it very meaningful. See that? At least we smile through tears. There is always HOPE when there is NO HOPE.

我已经开始慢慢适应这里的生活和环境了。再怎么说，我也是在这里长大的。要适应并不难。家永远是最好的！不过，我不知道开课后的日子会怎样。我能应付得来吗？我不敢想像。我不敢肯定未来的路会怎样，但我知道，我这一次回来是有理由的。那就是上帝想要对我说的话。刚开始，我当然会很不甘心。为什么是我？为何在我最不想离开的时候，我却被逼要做这样的决定？为什么我不能狠心一点，而选择留在Perth？反正决定权在我手上，没有人会怪我的。可是，我就是会觉得内疚。不过，已经不重要了。上帝说“我们改变不了昨天，但是，我们可以利用今天来改变我们的行为，好让明天受到鼓励”。

有时候，我很恨自己为什么要一直怀念过去？过去就让它边成永远的回忆吧。我们是不可能回到过去的。明天对我们来说才是最重要的。这就是我们活着的定义。所以，我决定要跟“我的过去”道别了。每个人的生命都会有着不同的经历。我也不例外。。。。虽然我知道我比很多人来得幸福。我从小都不必担心钱的问题。爹地妈咪对我有求必应。可是，人生中总会隐藏着连我们本身都没察觉的遗憾吧？？

现在回想起来，我的人生从小学开始到中学，甚至到大学，原来都有着不同的遗憾。。。它们都包括友情，感情世界，课业，家人，当然也少不了自己的内心世界。

我会一个接一个的慢慢打出来！！读者们，请不要放弃我。。。。让我好好的练一练我那差到不行的华语吧 。。。。。。。。

GOOD NIGHT WORLD XD..ooops...stay tuned for more =D

The 3 L.O.V.E.R.S of my life

Hello Dearie World...i am back to update my blogpost again. Finally, i went to consult the doctor. Goodness know why do i need to pay RM86 just to get a cough medicine and some antibiotics *sigh* How i wish my nose isn't block now. It does gets on my nerves =( Again people, life has been good. Just need to get myself planted in church and stuffs...and i'll be good. Do you love music? Alright people, i am here to introduce the 3 lovers of my life to you. Yes..officially...XD

 First of all, let's welcome my LOVER NO 1 - The Violin. She is still new....because i upgraded my Violin to a full-sized one. I still miss my old violin though =( Oh well, i believe she will lead a better life with my cousin. I always loved Violin since young. Even though a lot of people said Violin sounds so sad and emotional but still i loved it. And hence, since young, i always pester my mummy, threatening that i wanna give up piano just to pick up Violin. She was like "FINE!! You can have your way!" Woohooooooo....but unfortunately, due to the heavy workloads and activities, i couldn't further on for higher learning. I am coming back to her now =)

 Piano piano piano- My LOVER NO 2. My mummy was arguing with me that i was the one who pester her about learning piano when i was young. But since when i say i wanna learn piano. I guess mums are all like that. Always ask their kids to learn music when they were small. I guess that's how i came into the World of piano. I think i watched too much "Nodame Cantabille"...but i can't help feeling that it is true. I gave up piano just because my piano teacher stays next door. And she always tend to spot check if i did practice my piano or not. I felt stressed...and hence, i gave up halfway. Musics were meant to be enjoy. If i don't feel happy learning it, then i think the whole thing will turn meaningless. I am happy with my current relationship status with my lover no 2 now. I can play piano happily without having to stress over theories and grades or even exams XD

And now........the latest addition to my musical family. Let's welcome My LOVER NO 3 - The Guitar. Hmm..why am i interested in this instrument all of a sudden? I guess it is due to cell group. As you know, Murdoch zone is not really big and we are often lacked of musicians....and hence...it strike me. I kinda like it though. Thinking of upgrading it to a better one....oh well...that's the future...let me learn first =DD

Woohooo..i have a lot of small instruments. For e.g Recorder, Flute, Ocarina and etc. But they are not my lover. It is just for fun.......So who are the lovers of your life? I had an awesome time with these lovers. Share it with me please....XD

Alright...gotta go now...ciaozzz....

My two little rascals

Hello World.......so hard to update my blog without internet service. I don't know what's wrong with my home internet again =( But apparently my mum said "The internet always goes wrong whenever you are at home!" Fine... =P Anyway, i have been sick for quite a long time and i think i brought the virus all the way from Perth. So saddie....I have been baby-sitting my cousins a lot recently. Hopefully i get to master the power of patience. Well, you can reprimand a kid, but don't ever hit them. It won't work.

 Barry and me. People said he is stunning handsome but.....i do think he is super naughty. And hence.....i always goes mad because of him. What to do? My dream is to open a kindergarten with lots of kids running about. Don't know why am i wasting my time doing a Bachelor of Marketing and the Media when i know i won't be dealing in this field in the future XD

Here goes Rynn, Barry's younger brother. Ahaha...people said i always show favouritism when i am dealing with kids. I don't....it just depends on the amount of time i spend with them. I spend more time with Rynn i suppose....so naturally, i won't want to scold him and he didn't do anything that would makes me goes mad. Plus, i loved to watch him eat. You know, there are some type of kids who would eat a lot and very fast. Whilst some kids are too whiny whiny and always rejects food. Well.......and hence, here is the picture of Rynn wanting to get off the baby chair but wasn't allow to XD

Life has been good. I realized i have too many stuffs to settle and there are endless stuffs for me to learn and pick up here. Hopefully....i can master all of it. And of course my dreams. The only fear is that i am afraid i would back slide and stray away from God once more. Really must get on with serving and stuffs before i lose my passion. Honestly Lord, i need your guide and specific directions on where you are leading me to.

Well, i don't know. It seems to take longer than i expected. I was hoping to get over you as soon as possible but oh well, i guess it takes time. There are too many things which reminds me of you....especially now, when i am dealing with my lover no 3. It totally reminds me of you ALL THE TIME. God bless me....why am i so stupid to pick up something which have your trademark in it?

Oh people...i found my lover no 3. Will update about it soon XD Hopefully.......if nothing goes wrong with my internet. Ciaozz people...i don't want my mum to shout at me for using her company's computer to update my blog and to facebook all....=ppp

Just the way you are

God wants us to be grateful and rejoice at every single plannings that He planned for us. So here, i am trying to rejoice at every single happenings in my life.

Life here is good....because God, you are amazing! And we are amazing to Him just the way we are. Even if the whole World rejects us, He will never forsake us. So, World, be grateful and happy because there is someone up there who will always watches over us XD

I think whenever it comes to Friday, i will have a sudden feeling of sadness because i misses the cell back there in Perth. I am still trying to adapt to a brand new Christianity life back here. Come to think of it, i never got myself planted in any church or cell nor even serving when i accepted Christ back in 2007. I never even flip through the bible. And hence, i know this journey will be tough...but i'll treat it as God's mission for me =)

How have you been doing? Well, i am thinking you should be enjoying your life but on the other hand working hard too =) I don't know how to put it in words, but even if you feel that the whole World is against you, look high above, for you are amazing just the way you are XD Nobody knows you better than He does XD

Stay tuned people for more....i want TAROT!! I think it is time for me to step into Tarot Cafe and to reunite with those tarot cards again =)

Things i wanna say...........

Helloooooooooooooo peeps, never ask me how am i doing in Singapore or how do i feel back home. Because i only been home for 2 days. The weather here is killing me. It is soooooooo hot and humid. It has been raining like cats and dogs for the past two days and it is making me emo. I loved rainy days but not during the time when i am feeling super duper emo. So yea....

Good byes are really hard to say. I wonder how can i ever pluck up my courage to say good bye to all of you. Especially when i, myself alone have to face the whole lots of you. But i bet we all felt the same......i don't wanna say good bye but oh well, i believe God will open a bigger door for me in future XD

 Thank you guys for everything. Especially for taking the trouble to sign the calender. I love it a lot for i can feel the love in it. Thank you so much guys......it has been a pleasure journey with you for the past year. I know words are hard to say...especially when i have to say it infront of so many. Sorry, but i can only express it in words. I am glad i was being placed in Murdoch zone. I thanked God for putting me here. Even though we may be small, even though we may not have as many man power like the rest, and even though we faces lots of discouragement, but to me, this journey is a bliss. The amount of sacrificial that we gave while setting up our first murdoch service was really a powerful scene to everyone. I am sure many people can feel it as well. Thanks for giving me an opportunity to call this place "Home". Each and every single one of you shall be in my prayer forever =) I longed for the day when we can all reunite once more. Go all the way Murdoch Zone. Continue to make an impact wherever you go XD

MY GIRLIES!!! Whenever i look at your pictures, i will have to tell myself to "Stop crying!!". I really miss you girls a lot a lot and a lot. And of course the rest of the people. You girls has been my support throughout everything. Thanks for the prayers and wishes. I really missed those times when we always have girls chat, late-night movies or tea, ciao together, and a lot more. Though we may be far apart, but i always believe that God will somehow bring us back together once more =) Do remember to take care over there k? And be sure to keep me update on what's going on....and so do i XD I will come back for a visit as soon as i can. Remember our promise girls? To meet up end of the year and to travel around =) Start saving now XDDDD please don't allow me to spend too much....

Well, i guess this is all for this post. Not that long right? Because i wasn't prepared for a long post yet. ......Ciaozzz....see ya guys in the next post =)

PS: I am so sick of chocolate cakes now. I still have 2 whole lot of it in my fridge. Someone please help me to clear it off.....

My New Toy

Hello World, i am back to my Home Sweet Home. It won't be long before another chapter of my life is about to start again. Someone said to me once "It is time for you to bring the yatch back to the shore". It makes sense, but i always think that my journey is not going to end that soon. So instead of ending everything, why not i put it in a way that it is just the beginning of another new chapter XD I prefer that. Well, this post were meant for Marie. I promised her that i will update about my new soft toy. I met up with Marie on the 11th March 2011. I had a great time shopping with her. We went in to most of our favourite shops..especially Morning Glory and Forever New. Not to be forgotten, we had bubble tea from Easyway too =) I got so smitten by this white rabbit pig from "You are beautiful" that i wasn't sure if i should get it or not. But i am glad i got you.......

Let's welcome my Rabbit pig. It has name of many languages which both me and my good friend,Marie has chosen for him/her. We weren't that sure of its gender though. It was suppose to be a boy-girl rabbit but in the end, we decided to call it a SHE.

English name: Viola Marie

Chinese name : 潘美嘉

Korean name: Kim Hyori

Japanese name: Sakura Ichigo 桜いちご

とてもかわいいですね！！！

I simply love this rabbit pig. Thanks Marie for tempting me to buy it. You always make me laugh and i do love hanging out with you. I miss you sooooooooo much Marie but i believe we will see each other again. Do take care over there in Perth and i shall surprise you =)))

Next post will be coming up soon =))

*Dislike*

Helloooooooooooooo people! There will be no pictures today because i am not using my lappie to type out this blog post. =( I wish i am using my own lappie because i wanted to upload pictures of Issy-san, my one and only Japanese buddy for Japanese 1. It is okay, i shall write a brand new post for that session again when i manage to find time to sit down *fingers crossed* I will miss you Issy, and also the rest of my Japanese buddies XD

Why dislike? Because i ate too much spicy and i tend to stuff myself with chips and soft drinks, until i fell sick. Super super dislike this kind of feeling. While other people were running around and enjoying all yummy food, i have to wrap myself up in my cardigan (super hot day) and trying hard to swallow without hurting my throat. What's more, i can't even sing now =(

I also dislike, or i should say HATE the fact that i have no ability to please everyone in this World. There are bound to be some issues. To the "You", i know there are endless misunderstandings between us...but all i wanna say is, i'll never stop treating you as my good friend. The Viola you knew since the 1st day i said Hi to you has always been the same. I never once change myself......!Maybe you can feel the difference when we stayed together and hence you think that it is different from the girl you knew in the first place. That's because you get to see the inner side of me. I am a human too. I will show out different emotionals and feelings of me too. I may be grumpy at times, maybe you'll feel that i looked too fierce,or even if you think i am fake............but this is ME! I am sorry that i couldn't be a perfect friend to you. Like some other people said, i am a human too. I cannot be perfect. I can't please every single person. The only thing i could do is just to try to reduce the risk of being dislike or hated by people. I just want you to know that, whether it is the confusing me you saw, the grumpy Viola, the crazy Viola and also whatever which makes you dislike me, the heart of treasuring you as my friend is always always there. I cherish every friendship that i have....... i am sorry if i really did offend you in any ways. Sometimes, i don't know what i have said and done. So please remind me people, i don't wanna lose any single friends of mine. I am greedy........

Don't really wanna let go..........no..i really don't! But what can i do? Don't think i am irritating or annoying please. I just wanna be your friend. Yes i do. I am contradicting myself by saying that i will move on and whatsoever.......but as i settle down and listen clearly to what my heart says, i don't wanna let go at all. Even if i might not stand any chance at all, but at least, please give me a chance to be your friend. And let me have a chance to know you more. Why do i still have time to pounder here? In fact, i should be thinking of how on Earth can i pluck up my courage to go near him again (without any motives this time but full of sincerity of wanting to be his friend). My buddy told me, "You don't dare to do it is merely because you care too much over that person and it hinders you from doing what you have planned. You mind terrible towards how he/she thinks..and hence your level of confidence will drop tremendously." That's true also.......so what now? Pray hard.............and held out the hand of friendship again once more to him. As simple as that...

Will i be able to do it? Well, i don't know.........Help me Lord.....You know i need you...

Girlies chat

みなさん、おはようございます XD さいごのよるはとてもうれしいがったですね！どしている？Well, i wish i could continue in this Japanese post. But i am very certain that my readers will leave my blog forever =) Unless you all pick up Japanese. Yayy..i can imagine the whole lot of us blogging in Japanese. Woohoo..awesome!!!Anyway, good morning to all......to be honest, i felt sleepy. I got woken up by my phone vibration. Not a nice feeling to be woken up when i tucked in at 5am plus the night before..

Who is the girl above? Familiar? Woohooo.....she is my buddy Lixuan Lim. And for those who know us, you will realize that there are two Lixuan Lim on our friend list which is kinda confusing. Why? Because Kon WL decided that he has to become Lixuan Lim for sometime =)

Anyway, back to my topic, i had a really nice chat with my buddy last night. Something which is worth updating because i hadn't really talk to her for quite a while. Needa to catch up for a bit. Buddy, you know what, i am really happy that you are happy. By Cupid-ing the both of you is like one of the happiest thing i have done in my life so far......so continue to stay strong for one another k? And don't worry about me, i'll follow my heart in whatever situation and won't give up that easily. You know me XD

Okay okay..my main purpose of updating this blog is to vent out again, since i can't really talk to anyone and no one will understand. Ishhh........why you guys always have to force me into a situation which i can't even handle? Like why? I really don't want him to misunderstood. Don't mess things up again. I still wanna be his friend. But i don't think it is easy anymore...............*sigh* To think you got woken up by the vibration of your phone and find yourself reading a very strange message not knowing what happened. What can i do? And what can i say? I am sorry and it won't happen again.......*fingers crossed*

What??!!I sound like a child who has done something wrong. But i didn't. Why is it so hard to extend a friendship? And why is it so hard to want to keep him as a friend? What the crap is wrong with me? Honestly speaking, i just wanna be myself and his friend in my OWN ways. Anyway, i don't know what i am typing. Grrrr........totally spoil my mood for the day. Somemore, i am meeting my perth bestie later........hopefully things will goes well. Wish me luck....

PS: I guess i am just hungry. Beware of a hungry girl please...you wouldn't want to step on her tail =P

Numbed

A warm greeting to all dearest ones. In less than a week, i will be back to Home Sweet Home. Don't really

want to ...but sometimes choices were not meant for me to make. I don't have a choice in every circumstances. It is either give up both side or choose the narrow road instead of the wider one.  Machi Zhi Xian has flew to China for some internship thingy. Will definitely miss her a lot, especially when i know i'll be alone in church. May God bless her with journey mercy.......and i pray that she will come back to me soon XD

Before i start, let me warn you first.This shall be a super emo nemo post, for i am not in my best mood right now. I have a lot to say and a lot to tell.........and yet, i can't tell it to anybody. So, in the end, blog is the only place where i can vent out everything.

 Finally, i managed to ciao with the girls. Ciao Italia definitely serve the best tiramisu ever. Even the pasta were good =) I am so so so gonna miss it. I loved talking to the girls even though i know that things are definitely changing. Will things ever be the same again if i manage to rewind the time back before i made this fateful decision? Will we be able to pass His tests for us? I will miss you girls for sure. Give me 2 years time! I'll definitely come back to fulfill my dream =) Maybe things wouldn't be the same anymore, but i know God will be the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. And He always have His plans ready for me. Thank you for giving me strength and encouragement when i broke down crying yesterday. You girls believe that i am stronger than this. Indeed, i wanna be strong again.......give me some time to let go.

My first and final experience. Well...at least it is the last for the timebeing..but i'll never let this passion of mine to fade. I'll train myself for this. Well done guys....even though we always don't think we have done a great job, but i believe we definitely touched God with our voices. Remember, we are singing for the sake of glorifying His name. He will be proud of what we have done for He knows our name. It is definitely a wonderful experience for me for this is what i always wanted to do. I am glad i manage to get Edwina, Justina and Alain to perform with me this time. If not, i am not sure if i can even face all this alone. Thank you guys....

I can't do it. I still cannot do it. I can't let go which i don't know why. All the while, i have stopped praying about this anymore for i think i am impatient. I can't wait for God to give me specific answer to what i have been seeking. I don't know what God wants me to do. I don't know God's purpose for putting him in my life. There is no way i could talk to him. There is no way i could know him more nor even can i face him directly. I thought it will fade.........really...i didn't want to think about all these anymore but why? Why am i such a weakling? Why can't i just let go? I cannot take it. I really cannot. This kind of feeling is like so near yet so far. You wouldn't understand how hard is it to let go? Because i am the one who take this initiative to take a step closer to you. No one can understand the torment behind these fake smiles and laughters of mine. No matter how strong a person is, she is still a human and i will break down too. So for now, readers, please let me vent out everything out from the bottom of my heart. Let me feel better.

I don't understand why they wanna force me. Maybe they just didn't want me to regret. Maybe they think it will be stupid of me for leaving without doing anything. I can't even think of a better explaination apart from apologizing. I know i should just let this matter rest and pretend that those messages were from me. But i guess, i still care..........and hence, if i don't do it, i will go sleepless for days. I know we can't control a person's feeling. I don't want anything from you except that you are willing to treat me as a friend and talk to me like normal. I am weak. I am unworthy. I don't know what has gone wrong with me. I really don't know.........maybe i just didn't want to leave.....

Maybe maybe maybe...there are lots of possibilities..........ggggrrrrrrrrrr......all of a sudden, i don't know what to write. Forget it! Nobody will care anyway...... in the end, i am still the only person who can save myself. I seriously cannot let myself fall apart. I just wanna say, thanks for being my motivator. Because of you, i tend to pick up my musical dreams which i have long given up. Because of you, i have the urge of not losing to anybody but to continue to live beneath my dreams. Because of your passion in serving and in Christ, it inspire me to walk stronger with God each day. Never will i laugh at myself for not having the guts to step into a club for i think i just like the way things fall according to place. So what if i never step into a club throughout my whole life? I believe there are better places to hang out =P And because of your perseverance in everything, it makes me wanna do just the same as you are. You'll never know all these..........but it is the truth. You saved me....when i thought God has forsaken me. Maybe this is the reason why God send you to my life. You may think you are only a normal human.......but you'll never know how much you have influenced me in my life and as well as my christianity walk. Watching you worshipping God with all your heart really cause me to break down. Thanks for being who you are.......

Okay.......i ve finish venting out what i wanna say. Even though it is not all..but this is all i can think of. I just wanna stay strong.....Sorry if i make you guys worried...........don't worry about it guys, I am fine. Viola will always be Viola. I won't be defeated that easily =P Sooner or later, i'll be as crazy as usual XD