Motivation

Herrowz World, in order to achieve 100 posts by this year, i need to remind myself to come back here often. Guess what? I flee back to JB. We had leader's meeting last night and thank God, i manage to get a ride from both Jeremy and Alvin. I manage to escape from all those traffic jams and long travelling time :) The reason why i chose to come back instead of being a good girl and to stay in Singapore to study, is due to the fact that  i know i won't study if i stay in Singapore. Instead, i'll be spending most of my time surfing facebook and browsing through people's blog. At least when i am at home, Mummy still can nag me and i will naturally feel guilty if i don't study :) I know i am complicated but yea, that's me for you *winks* Exam's coming. I need motivation!!

PS: Instead of fasting food, i do see the need of changing it to "Facebook" and blog. Or maybe i should just banned it. I've been spending too much time on facebook which is not good. I am not suppose to get addicted to any Earthly stuffs.

There you go. I was suppose to post this picture few days back but because of technical problem, i have no choice but to delay it. Thanks to the waiter at "The Hands Burger" for helping us to take this picture. It was good hanging out with Raphy and Kelmo. I am so proud of them and i envied them for their passion in media. Raphy came all the way from Perth to give a talk on "How to organize a Youtube Celebrities concert?" For your information, the Boombox tour 2011 that he organized during May was a great success :) I am looking forward to participate in the coming concert in Singapore/Malaysia. God is great! Without God, nothing is possible. I miss everyone in Perth. Browsing through all our good old times pictures never fail to bring tears to my eyes. It is not that i am weak but i am just too overwhelmed and sometimes don't understand why God wanna plan my life this way.

Something to share :) I was on my way to Toa Payoh yesterday. While staring at zone's group picture (Which i always carried it with me), God spoke to me. He started by rewinding all those memories to me. Tonnes and tonnes of memories flow on my mind and i find it hard to absorb everything. Memories of me arriving in Perth, starting out in the zone, witnessing the first Murdoch service, started serving as usher (My first ministry), accept God's invitation as a core member, lost my relationship and friends because of God, how i got closer to the zone and God, how i broke down, how i showed my true feelings, how i learn to love, how i learn to be strong, how i learn the power of "Discern", how He cried for me, how i realized the fact that i am not alone, how i learn to share in the Lord's joy, how i gave my heart back to God, how He lead me home, how i learn to put God above anyone else, how i learn to accept His wills, how He placed me in many ministries, how He placed me (The only Murdochian) in drama team, how i learn to endure the pain of making decision, how He assisted me in terms of emotions, how He insisted that i should come back, how hard it is to let go of that particular someone, how i decided to let go, how i finally gave in, how guilty i felt when one cell group was disperse because of my leaving, how i endure the pain of seeing tears in the zone's eyes when it was time for me to say Goodbye, how i blame myself for all these, how much He loves me, how i survived till now, how much He has in store for me, reflections of who am i in Perth and who He turned me into TODAY.

When i finally opened my eyes back to reality, i realized i have been wanting to cry eversince the day i leave Perth and eversince the day i promised God that i'll be strong. God is telling me to surrender all my emotions and everything to Him. I am not saying i don't love the church i am in now. I do love it and i am happy with everything God has planned for me. It is just that back in here, i need to stand alone and i got to be strong which is really a "cover up" of Viola because i am not a confident person. I will break down at times. I don't really have someone whom i can share my problems with. I can't seem to find the right person to share with. That makes me wanna bottle up all my emotions. I don't wanna wear a mask wherever i go. It is very tiring. I just wanna be myself and yet I can't allow myself to be weak because i know there are tonnes of people who needs God outside. But God told me not to worry and not to underestimate the ability He has planted in me. He wanted me to be strong and yet i can choose to break down whenever i couldn't take it. For instance, i am always rushing after something (Which i don't know what is it). Even if i do have a lot of time, but i am always rushing. There is never a time when you could see me walking slowly to enjoy the scene, especially when i am alone. I never realize how tired i am because i can't allow myself to be defeated. God is reminding me that i am allowed to slow down my pace and not to be too strong all the time. It is not wrong to cry and it is not wrong to be weak in front of God. Sometimes i just tend to be happy-go-lucky in everything that i didn't realized that my heart is all wounded and i need healing. Thank you Lord for reminding me of that. I will spend more time to listen to what my heart has to say....

There goes the same to the "Power of Discerning" which God himself cried and spoke to me......but i shall save it for the next post :) The story of why i always stare at the hand strap i wore on my hand. I know that i have the ability to "Reach the World" for the power is always in my hand :))) The one and only encouragement that keeps me going on till now ..............