Same place, same aroma, same companions

Hello World, i am here to update about my 4 hours of sweet dating with my girls (Selina Bear and Fishy). I had an awesome high-tea session with these two girls last Friday before Connect Group. God is really good to me. He blessed me with double happiness :) It has been quite a while since S.H.E last gathered. Sadly, Hebe Ting couldn't join us this time. Haven't seen her for at least 5 months :( Nonetheless, i really believe that S.H.E will reunite very soon.

 Our most favourite place - LAVENDER. Everytime S.H.E meet up (even if it is only 2 of us), this is the only place we will go. It doesn't matter if we sit there for the whole day. The ambience is good. Lavender is super great. It not only reminds me of that one time i argued openly with one of the waiters,but it also reminds me of my dearest girls.

I enjoyed talking with them. Who say we needs to dress up when we meet up? Who say girls need to put make up? Who say we cannot laugh loudly and heartily? Who say a girl must be demure and elegant? Who say a girl must be quiet? In conclusion, i just wanna say, we are contented being just the way we are :)

PS: Eversince i ve written last night's post, i knew that i would be emo and moody this morning. True enough, i really don't feel like talking and i really don't have mood to do anything. Even if i am serving in the ministry which i loved, i still don't have the mood to do it. The reason why i stay and why i am doing is because i believe the existence of God in the House. Sometimes i seems to have forgotten that it is God i am serving, not human. Why do i feel so horrible? I really have no idea. God touches my heart deeply today. I felt something pierce through me. I know i just need Him....

Lord, don't leave me. You are the only one i could live for. I know i am not alone...

Tired

Super super random short post.

I AM SUPER DUPER TIRED ......

Yet, i was inspired by posts written by someone :) God is awesome....

Random thoughts - I was fooling around with Wing through facebook a few days ago. She was writing something like "Feel like jumping off my body and travel to other parts of the World". Then we started imagining ourselves really jumping off our bodies and travels around the World like North Pole, South Pole, Paris, Brazil and etc. It was so great!! Back to reality, how nice it would be if i could really leave this realistic World and to travel to all places around the World.

It is just so tiring. I don't know what's wrong with me. When people starts to rely on me, i'll feel stressed and tired. As in, i am not a perfect person. So, do i really have the right to take care of someone? I can only do this much..which is still within my capacity. I wanted to do more but i can't. For now, just let me live in my dream land for a bit. To leave everything in my life and to go into my own desire World. How nice would it be if i could help out at some red cross thingy elsewhere? How nice would it be if i could just help those poor kids outside? How nice would it be if i could just say "Yes" everytime people ask for my help? You know what, this is random, but i do missed my "Little Green". I really don't want to trouble people and i do NEED my little green car. It is not big or expensive car...but at least i could offer to fetch people or send them home. Lord, i want my little green back :(

Sometimes, i just felt like Wing. I want to jump right out of my body and let my soul fly to some random places. Maybe i am really tired.......whatever i write doesn't make sense anymore. So ....ciaozz...it is random but GOOD NIGHT WORLD...

:)

Good afternoon folks...it is rare to see me updating my blog during day time. Oh well, i am slacking actually. Mummy asked me to come with her to factory for this whole month to lend a helping hand to Aunt AJ. Today is a bit special because she brought her two kids along (Barry and Rynn). They were sick again :( We need to pray for healing. It is not good for kids to fall sick so often.

My Cycling partner - Ying Ying :) From young, she is always very naughty and talkative. Yet, she is always very nice to me. Always give me a hug or wants me to give her a hug whenever she sees me. So sweet of her. I enjoyed spending time with all my kids :)

Even though i felt as if i did not spend my time wisely today, but still i think it is worth it. I had a long talk with Jovan (my ex-leader) through MSN. It was good reminiscing all the old good times. It was awesome to know that everyone is doing well in Murdoch and they are slowly building the zone. I am glad he is the zone supervisor now. You will do great!!! Though we may be small, but we are very united. I really hope to see this spirit in our current JB Church. It was really inspiring. Come to think of it. If he did not encouraged me with the power of "Reach The World", if he did not grab me out for a talk, I can't imagine what will happen to me today. Perhaps, i could have been a back slider. Perhaps, i would have lose all my faith. God is indeed awesome. Thanks for all the encouraging words and the things which you ve taught me :) He is always a good leader to me. We are the sowers but God is the one who takes care of the seed. I will never give up or step down because i don't want to fall into the Devil's trap. I believe i will be able to find the right person to hand over the power of "Reach The World" to. Thank you for not giving up on me and still continues to plant in me. Even though i know God was the one who did all the work, but my heart of gratitude towards this zone will never fade..!To me, NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE. Whatever discouragements that i faced now is totally nothing.....

Oh man...i miss them more and more. I am waiting for the day when God will bring me down the memory land again :) May God bless the Murdoch Zone.......it is the best zone ever...

Bored

Hey peeps,

I don't have any ideas what to write *big grins*..but because i wanna achieve 100 posts by this year, i HAVE to update constantly :)

Random thoughts - A lot of things happened recently. Big matters, Small matters...they are all driving me crazy. I can't help thinking so much. Noise. I loved being in a noisy condition. Why? Because it prevents me from thinking too much. Yet, i can be in a quiet condition. That's when i am reading or doing other stuffs...so that my mind won't wander off. After writing a long post of myself, i guess i sort of understand who i am already :) One word - COMPLICATED :P

There is one thing i should be proud of. And that is i ve destroyed the last memory (That little mini guitar) I wanted to do it long time ago but don't have enough courage to do so. Why? I scare i will regret. I scare i will cry. i scare i will break down. Yet, when i see it, i don't think i am happy either. So what can i do? I don't feel anything at the mention of his name. I just want to let go completely. What did i do? I threw it away. Yesh...i got rid of that last memory yesterday's night (On my way back to JB). I won't tell you where i dump it :P Thank you Lord. I truly felt so relief and peaceful after getting rid of it.

Something which brightens up my day. Finally SHE is willing to open up to me :) I thought i will never be able to touch her heart when Jeremy assigned her to me. 2 hours of heart to heart chatting on the phone has given me a deeper understanding of her. I am glad she is positive. I know it is not my strength but HIS. I can feel it. Praise the Lord. You showed me the evolution of Impossible to Possible.

Sometimes, i don't know what i am doing. Sometimes, i may doubt myself. Sometimes, i am confused. Sometimes, i may doubt You. Sometimes, i may feel discouraged. Sometimes, i may feel hurt. Sometimes, i lose confidence. Sometimes, i dislike myself. Sometimes, i am weak. Sometimes, i cannot feel You. Sometimes, i let my thoughts and feelings control me.....!All in all, i just wanna say, i want to come near You, Jesus. Let me encounter You.....

這就是我 (This is Me)

Hey people, after reading Pig's (one of the most important person in my life) blog, i suddenly have that kinda mixed feelings. To think we are so alike and i didn't even know it. Thus, it makes me wanna write a post of myself too :) Let me take you to an inner World of me. If you know me well, you will know this is real me from the inside out...

如果了解我


這就是我



「我:很简单」不喜欢跟别人去争些什么，吵些什么，除非触及底线 。

「我:看似坚强」其实在平静的外表下，内心很容易受伤。

「我:会伪装」即使遍体鳞伤，还是固执的假装一副无所谓的样子。脸上依然挂着天真无畏的笑容。



其實

我



看似冷漠只不过因为情感太强烈，越是付出真心就越会被伤害

偶爾很讲义气够朋友；不会耍心机；对待感情认真专一；很顾家；

常常脾气倔强但心地善良；喜欢逞强；非常害怕孤单；不凶很好相處



其實

我

喜欢黑夜，因为黑夜是我最好的盔甲，阳光下只能见到我隐忍的微笑，只有月亮才看得到我隐忍了一天的悲伤。

所以我积压在心底的伤口，靠着我一个人砥，很累很累，直到我找到心属的荆棘这时，小心翼翼地接近。



請別



爱上我，我等不起，怕孤单的指數很高。


请别



爱上我或和我做朋友，我喜欢折腾人，一会儿对你好，一会儿对你坏。



请别



爱上我，我喜欢自相矛盾。





或許

我

想你了,不会马上发个信息打个电话给你说我想你,就算是发了打了, 也极少说出想你这两个字.

这就是我 超乎常人的冷静.

因為我 害怕失去, 害怕太在乎自己会受伤, 害怕不保护自己就会遍体鳞伤. 害怕的太多,

所以爱里的我看起来总是不冷不热.但你需要的不是怀疑我不爱了,而是要温暖我冰冷的心。



或許自私 但是我更怕聽見自己心碎的聲音



或許

我

有时候很孤独，我需要人们的关心，

有时候比较粗心，我需要人们的体谅。



其实我很单纯，我更需要人们的爱护和帮助 。



我也有缺点，相信我，我会改的。



我

吃软不吃硬；经常口是心非；很乐观又很悲观；安全感不多；有点感性；

有些话即使害怕错过也不说；小敏感；小洁癖；小心软；害怕受伤；总说自己不孤单，其实很寂寞；

对陌生人冷冷的，熟悉后就嘻嘻哈哈；总表现的很坚强，其实很软弱；总被人误解，却不愿解释。



我

很难向别人敞开心扉，所以一直期盼能遇到一个什么都不必说却能够懂我内心的人

我

的心里有一个角落,死也出不去,别人也进不来



我

想哭的时候，我会闭上眼睛不让它流泪，然后告诉自己，还是可以坚持下去；

难过的时候，我会伪装自己，笑着对别人说，我很好、我很开心；

失落的时候，我会勇敢的对自己说，没事，一切总会过去。

我宁可让别人觉得我快乐得没心没肺，也不愿意让自己看起来委屈可怜。



我其實很需要安全感



对于很多事情，我虽然看的透彻，但我仍然愿意去相信，

这个世界，是美好的，身边的人，是善良的，即使知道最后可能会让自己受到伤害，也在所不惜，这就是我，理性却又感性



我的单纯与善良是深入骨子里，容易相信一个人，相信一份感情，哪怕是在伤害之后，

我依旧是属于好了伤疤忘了痛的那种,我把这样的感受自己吐进了灵魂里，折磨着自己，时刻不曾停歇。

事实上，一点点跟伤痛有关的事物，都可以刺伤我的心。

哪怕再微笑，我也会感知得到



我不懂拒绝别人 宁可勉强自己 总替别人着想 宁可委屈自己 忍让成性的我 你觉得我好欺负？

那是因为你不懂我内心的强大



请原谅那個，犹豫不决只是想做个正确的决定的我。

争吵过后請给我个赌气的机会



当你們成为我的好友时，你們会突然发现，原来我对你們已经相当的了解了。

有些你們自己都没注意到的细节，我可能已经给你指出来了。

有些你們心里的小纠结，我也心里早就有数了。

可能你們会觉得有点恐怖，为什么我之前并没有告诉你們这些。

其实，我就是这样。很多东西，我都懂，但是我不说





看似喜歡獨來獨往的我

其實很需要人陪伴

但即使心裡多麼的渴望

多麼的害怕 一個人面對一切



但為了不想得到 和自己想像中的答案是不一樣的

寧可委曲求全 獨當一面

都不說出來...



因為我真的很怕受傷...


This is the confession from the inner Viola. If you know me, you will notice this is the real me from the inside. I am not emo nor sad. Just trying to know and to expose the real me from within. I might look fierce or strong, or even sometimes over-happy, but there are times when i do have my own emo moments. I am strong and yet not 100% strong. After knowing God, i know certain parts within me has changed....still i couldn't figure out which part is it :) Yea..i can't ignore the real me :))

Blogging mood

Hey people, i am super sleepy after a most fulfilling weekend. It is the beginning of another brand new week and i am using God's strength to help me to last throughout this week :) Cute Dawn don't allow me to sleep on Saturday's night so i had to bring along with me a pair of "Panda eyes" to attend church service on Sunday. I thought i won't be able to last throughout the whole service. Trust me..i am super duper sleepy. Yet, by the grace of God, He blessed me with twice the energy level i used to have.

I was so sad when the twins has to go back to their formal connect group. I felt like a Mummy having to send my daughters away :( I enjoyed being in the same group with them and i enjoyed talking with them. Still, PRAISE THE LORD!! I have been praying and praying for Yvonne eversince the day when she decided not to come to church. It wasn't easy. I confessed that i am not a very patient person. The more visions i received, the more i wanted to achieve it. Hence, i was discouraged because i don't see any results at all. In the midst of waiting, i have learnt the power of "Patience". I need to learn to follow God's pace. No matter how much i wanted a thing to happen, i will have to lie in wait for God's timing. I forgot to say, connect group was awesome to the max. Everyone had fun....thanks for sharing and trusting in me :)

Random thoughts again. Oh well, i don't know how to put it in words but what i wanna say is, "We will never learn to appreciate something until we lost it". I used to work so hard on my stories until one day, when i decided to take a break. I never get back to my stories and i will never remember to continue writing until recently. My laptop died and i lost all my documents :( I don't even have a back up copy for my stories. See? When i had it, i don't appreciate it..but when i lost it forever, i'll think and think about it. I felt so lost and sad. I know i can always rewrite it..but things will never be the same again :( All my hard works are gone. The amount of tears, effort and time i invested in it, it is gone forever. Will i be able to turn impossible into possible? To rewrite all my stories again..Lord, help me!!

Okay, since i am that emo now (which i don't know why am i so emo all of a sudden), i shall just turn this into another meaningless post. Why am i so timid? Why can't i be more confident? Why can't i pluck up my courage? I don't know. Due to sin, woman's sorrows are multiply. Maybe that's the reason why i tend to think too much and make myself emo. I DISLIKE!!! I want to change my destiny. To turn all impossibles' to possibles' I can do it...definitely i can...

Defeated Queen

Hello World....exams finally over :) I am happily enjoying my so-called short break now. Even though it is only less than one month, but it is better than nothing right? Mummy said i got to help her out in factory everyday :( Still, what can i say? It is better to help out than to do nothing right? Morever, they are my family. Helping them out is a MUST :) I love my family.

PS: Don't worry about my random title - Defeated Queen. My silent and loyal readers will notice that i used this title before 2 years back :) Why did i re-use it again? *Big grins* My mummy is watching it now and of course i re-watch it with her again. It was awesome. I certainly don't want to be a "Defeated Queen".

 Sometimes, a small kind and thoughtful action can warm my heart :) Dearest Aunty Rosalyn knows i love chocolate and she kept some for me even though i couldn't be there during their outreach :) I love her so much and i told her that. She is such a dear lady...reminds me of my own grandmother. Too bad i don't have this priviledge to fetch my grandmother around anymore :( I'll keep all our beautiful memories in my heart.

V for Viola? I love this bunch of people :) Rewinding to the time when i first attended this church. That was after i left Perth...i was trying so hard to fit in. I always think that i am not the type of person which people will like or accept. So i have to try extra hard in every situations...especially when i have to reach out to people now. Sometimes i just wish that everything would remain the way it is. I am enjoying and loving every single moments which God has blessed me with. Yet, sometimes, things do change. No matter how tough life is, God always remind me not to underestimate the confident that He planted in me. He wants me to know that He created me just the way i am. No matter how i despite myself (during emo seasons), i am still HIS creation :)

I am not emo. I just feel like writing. People, my Fujitsu is dead :( Uncle Keith helped me to reformat it and i lost all my documents, even all my beloved written stories. I realized i don't have another back up copy :( Guys, i am sooooo sorry. It would take a long time before i have this inspiration to rewrite all my stories again :(

PS: It is really time to let go. What's wrong with me? I honestly and truly don't have any feelings for him anymore. I am leading a brand new life now and i am happy with my current life. All that i have to say will forever remain in once upon that december. Just let things remain the way it is. And yet why is it so hard for me to let go? I guess it is just this mind trick of mine again. After treasuring it for quite a while and for the first time, trying to achieve something which forever won't be mine, i find it a pity to let go of it just like that. But why do i still want to keep it when i know it will bring back painful memories? I won't stalk you like before or try to find out more about you for God has filled that place. Enough of all that, i don't know if you will read this or not, but all i wanna say is that i just hope you will be able to find your happiness :) And that i'll give you my greatest blessing. Thank you for being an encourager to me. I used to feel so inferior and i know i can only stand in the midst while you are like the brightest star shining from afar. Now that i am standing on the same line as you, i know you are just part of my memories :) Thank you....i believe i can really move on now :) God is with me....

Really people, it is painful....but nothing is impossible. I know i can do it. If you think i look emo or what these few days, i am so so so sorry :)

I know...

I love the King and the King loves me :)

Sometimes, i don't have to say anything. The Power of Silence will convey all the things i wanna say. I believe even if i didn't say anything, my Father will know for He is even greater than my heart <3 I just love you so much...........

Random thoughts

Hey peeps,

I always loved Sundays because it is the day when i can reunite with God in His house :) (PS: Back in Perth, i looked forward to Saturdays because our service is on Saturdays :P) Well, i hope i won't turn this into a long post again. I just feel like writing even though i know i still have one more paper left. Goodness, when can i ever be serious and start studying? :( I don't want to be that kinda person who will cry over spilt milk. What kind of person i am?

This lead to a brand new random thought. Recently, Mummy is addicted to taiwanese dramas. Please, i do think my One Piece is so much better than those lovey dovey dramas which makes no sense. I am serious. Imagine all those fairy-tales-alike scenes which will NEVER happen in real life unless i create my own scenes (which i have tried but it didn't turn out to be true) She said i am a bad influence because i was the one who introduce all those dramas to her :P What a good way to put all blames on her daughter huh? :D Yea, that's how my mummy and i communicate, that's if you don't know.

Recently there's this new taiwanese drama which i don't know what is it called. I know Cindy Wang is one of the actress. I kinda like the beginning of the story line. It was about a girl who always forced herself to adapt to other peoples' likings. She didn't even know what she likes and who she is. This led me to my latest random thoughts. "Who am i?" I am not saying i look like that girl in the drama but certain characteristics of that role reminds me of myself (Definitely NOT the love part). I realized i knew very little of myself. And yet, i understand that the purest love that exist in life is to know myself. If i don't even love or understand myself, how could i even have the right to love others? Why am i saying all these? That's because i realized i don't even know what i like. Everyone around me have their own specific likings. For instance, when someone asked me, "What's your most favourite musical instrument?" (PS: For those who don't know, i have 3 lovers - Violin, Piano and Guitar) Then i will say, "Oh, i like Violin the most. Hmm..and i also like Piano and Guitar!" ............But the question they asked is "What's your MOST favourite musical instrument?" You get what i meant? I can't even make up my mind what i really like. It is normal for most people to have varieties of likings. What i wanna say is, to make up your mind on what you really like the most is hard. Yet, that's the key to unlock the real self within us.

I am trying to reach the extend of unlocking the real self within me. I need to understand myself more before i can reach out to others. Jesus knows me from the inside out and yet He wants me to do a real research study on myself. Who is Viola? What are my likings? What i dislike? I don't want to portrait myself as one person to others and at the same time, trying to find out what kind of person i am. Who i am to God will be who i am to people out there :)

Sorry, i am blabbering again :)) Gotta work hard for the final paper tomorrow :( God is with me :)))

Motivation

Herrowz World, in order to achieve 100 posts by this year, i need to remind myself to come back here often. Guess what? I flee back to JB. We had leader's meeting last night and thank God, i manage to get a ride from both Jeremy and Alvin. I manage to escape from all those traffic jams and long travelling time :) The reason why i chose to come back instead of being a good girl and to stay in Singapore to study, is due to the fact that  i know i won't study if i stay in Singapore. Instead, i'll be spending most of my time surfing facebook and browsing through people's blog. At least when i am at home, Mummy still can nag me and i will naturally feel guilty if i don't study :) I know i am complicated but yea, that's me for you *winks* Exam's coming. I need motivation!!

PS: Instead of fasting food, i do see the need of changing it to "Facebook" and blog. Or maybe i should just banned it. I've been spending too much time on facebook which is not good. I am not suppose to get addicted to any Earthly stuffs.

There you go. I was suppose to post this picture few days back but because of technical problem, i have no choice but to delay it. Thanks to the waiter at "The Hands Burger" for helping us to take this picture. It was good hanging out with Raphy and Kelmo. I am so proud of them and i envied them for their passion in media. Raphy came all the way from Perth to give a talk on "How to organize a Youtube Celebrities concert?" For your information, the Boombox tour 2011 that he organized during May was a great success :) I am looking forward to participate in the coming concert in Singapore/Malaysia. God is great! Without God, nothing is possible. I miss everyone in Perth. Browsing through all our good old times pictures never fail to bring tears to my eyes. It is not that i am weak but i am just too overwhelmed and sometimes don't understand why God wanna plan my life this way.

Something to share :) I was on my way to Toa Payoh yesterday. While staring at zone's group picture (Which i always carried it with me), God spoke to me. He started by rewinding all those memories to me. Tonnes and tonnes of memories flow on my mind and i find it hard to absorb everything. Memories of me arriving in Perth, starting out in the zone, witnessing the first Murdoch service, started serving as usher (My first ministry), accept God's invitation as a core member, lost my relationship and friends because of God, how i got closer to the zone and God, how i broke down, how i showed my true feelings, how i learn to love, how i learn to be strong, how i learn the power of "Discern", how He cried for me, how i realized the fact that i am not alone, how i learn to share in the Lord's joy, how i gave my heart back to God, how He lead me home, how i learn to put God above anyone else, how i learn to accept His wills, how He placed me in many ministries, how He placed me (The only Murdochian) in drama team, how i learn to endure the pain of making decision, how He assisted me in terms of emotions, how He insisted that i should come back, how hard it is to let go of that particular someone, how i decided to let go, how i finally gave in, how guilty i felt when one cell group was disperse because of my leaving, how i endure the pain of seeing tears in the zone's eyes when it was time for me to say Goodbye, how i blame myself for all these, how much He loves me, how i survived till now, how much He has in store for me, reflections of who am i in Perth and who He turned me into TODAY.

When i finally opened my eyes back to reality, i realized i have been wanting to cry eversince the day i leave Perth and eversince the day i promised God that i'll be strong. God is telling me to surrender all my emotions and everything to Him. I am not saying i don't love the church i am in now. I do love it and i am happy with everything God has planned for me. It is just that back in here, i need to stand alone and i got to be strong which is really a "cover up" of Viola because i am not a confident person. I will break down at times. I don't really have someone whom i can share my problems with. I can't seem to find the right person to share with. That makes me wanna bottle up all my emotions. I don't wanna wear a mask wherever i go. It is very tiring. I just wanna be myself and yet I can't allow myself to be weak because i know there are tonnes of people who needs God outside. But God told me not to worry and not to underestimate the ability He has planted in me. He wanted me to be strong and yet i can choose to break down whenever i couldn't take it. For instance, i am always rushing after something (Which i don't know what is it). Even if i do have a lot of time, but i am always rushing. There is never a time when you could see me walking slowly to enjoy the scene, especially when i am alone. I never realize how tired i am because i can't allow myself to be defeated. God is reminding me that i am allowed to slow down my pace and not to be too strong all the time. It is not wrong to cry and it is not wrong to be weak in front of God. Sometimes i just tend to be happy-go-lucky in everything that i didn't realized that my heart is all wounded and i need healing. Thank you Lord for reminding me of that. I will spend more time to listen to what my heart has to say....

There goes the same to the "Power of Discerning" which God himself cried and spoke to me......but i shall save it for the next post :) The story of why i always stare at the hand strap i wore on my hand. I know that i have the ability to "Reach the World" for the power is always in my hand :))) The one and only encouragement that keeps me going on till now ..............

OUTREACH

Your Name, is a strong and mighty tower

Your Name, is a shelter like no others

Your Name, let the nation sing it louder

Cause nothing has the power to save....but YOUR NAME :)

My God is not just some ordinary God. He is Supernatural and Everlasting :) Lots of things to say but when it comes to sharing, the words just won't flow nicely :(

PS: I was going to upload pictures of Raphy, Kelmo and myself when Raphy came to Singapore to give a talk. But somehow, i had problem saving those pictures from Facebook. Oh well, i guess it has to be in the next post then.

Nonetheless, i still have something awesome to share. Let's share in the Lord's joy.

 As all of us know, all connect groups are carrying out "Daniel's strategy" where each of us have chosen our "Three" (Non-christian/backslider). We have been praying for them for 3-4 weeks. Then, we are gonna have an Outreach and invite all these "Three". Yet, the response wasn't that good :( Nobody really wants to come and we didn't like to force them either. We tried all ways - Called them up instead of texting, advertise, and plead them to come, but all in vain. Alvin and i was so devastated. It was our first time organizing this kind of event. We called it "Friend's Night" and we don't want it to end up to be like a normal connect group's meeting. What can we do? Leave everything to God...........We really don't know what else we can do.

We did leave everything to God. Even in the area of food. We were so afraid that the food wouldn't be enough because quite a few of them didn't confirm that they were coming. It was suppose to be a potluck. Praise the Lord. We had more than enough food :) We manage to get 3 brand new visitors. And the best part is, 2 got saved and 1 rededicated herself back to God. ALL GLORY GOES TO GOD!! What now? Nothing is impossible when God is around. I was so nervous during sharing time. Still, i wanna say, keep your house firm and strong :) You know what is the greatest foundation already...

Overall, my weekend is very fulfilling.....though a lot of things happened :( *Huge sigh* I know i don't have to worry because God is there. Yet, i will still dwell over it again and again. I love spending time with Mummy even though we were just watching dramas and doing groceries shopping. I love going to the House of Lord even though i know i will have to spend half the day there. I love serving the Lord even if it is without condition. You know what's the latest "deal" i have between God and myself? Alph once told me that we all ought to have confidence and believed that Heaven's door is already open for us and that we are all going to Heaven for sure. What i wanna drive from his sentence is, i don't want to go to Heaven. If i could make a deal with God, i wanna give up the opportunity to enter Heaven. I am not saying i don't want to follow God anymore. I'll still serve Him and do what He wants me to do. Instead of wanting to receive His rewards, i am willing to forgo everything just for the sake that all my beloved ones will be saved :( Time is running out. I know i am being impatient but i really want to see that breakthrough soon :(

I know i just have to keep on believing and pray about it but i am still a human. Sometimes it is really hard to maintain that kinda positive thinking. I wanna emphasise again - That's why blog is my best friend :) I will practice what Dee taught me - P.U.S.H (Pray Until Something Happen) Dear Jesus, i love you so much!!I know You will help me to survive from all these storms....

PS: Just a random thought, do i look fierce? Normally i am the one who goes round saying people looks fierce and yet, recently, a lot of people commented that i looked fierce and super gangster. Oh please..what a joke!!!Oh well, maybe i do look fierce when i am into my emo season :))