Speechless =.=!!!

Hey peeps,

Please stay away as far as possible. This is gonna be another *venting out* post. I am so sorry but i guess this is the only way to make me feel alright again.

Sometimes, i really don't know what i should do to ensure that i am doing something "RIGHT". I mean, i carried out orders. I am being obedient and do what i ought to do. It is just that in certain areas or circumstances, i really cannot follow blindly what i am being asked to do. I have my ways to handle all these and i felt peaceful after doing what i am suppose to do. And yet, i am being known as "Un-teachable" if i don't 100% follow orders.

Again i wanna say, sometimes, no feedbacks doesn't mean i don't know anything. There are things which i didn't say but doesn't mean i don't care. I know what i should say and what i shouldn't say. People trust me with stuffs and i do think i have the right to protect what they shared. It might sounds like gossip but we do know how to repent. I am not someone who could help others to decide where they wanna be or who they should be with. It is only God who could do that. PS: I am not indicating anybody. It is just one of my random thoughts because i really *dislike* politics. It just makes me feel super duper uncomfortable.

I am not even trying to compete or whatsoever. I don't need to clarify or make known to the whole World what i am doing and all. People can think whatever they want of me. If people can like me for who i am, they can *dislike* me for who i am too. I don't need people to understand me. I know what i am doing and i know i have a faithful someone to guide me all along the way. Someone asked me once, "Don't you feel tired at all? Don't you think you are a bit too strong and you needed a rest?" The fact is that, i cannot allow myself to be weak. Who will care? I have only ONE master whom i am serving.  What i am doing is just for the best of His kingdom. I need to step into people's World (without being one of them) to win them over. Please understand that all these cannot be done by forcing. It is the quality that matters...not the quantity. I cannot change a person's views or thoughts. I cannot help them to make decision. I cannot even ask them to do something which they do not want to do.

I am sorry that i sounded emo. In fact, i am just talking to myself. I think too much at times which makes me feel so bad and uncomfortable. That's why blog is my best friend :) 

All in all, i just wanna say, it is hard.....but i know things will be fine sooner or later. No worries peeps, the next post will be slightly happier. I had fun for the past two days. It feels so good to hang out with Murdochians. Good job, Raphy and Kel :D Oh well, I guess that little emotional part within me has risen again no matter how hard i tried to hide it.....

Updates updates!!!

Hello dearie World, i am back. I am finally done with all assignments and even that sickening presentation. Trust me, our dearest lecturer did gave us a hard time by asking so many questions :) Anyway, that wasn't the main point. This semester is coming to an end which i really thank God for it. I need my holidays soon. Yet, i know i will have tonnes of things to do. I wanna visit Godma Lucy and Godpa Robert in KL. I wanna arrange my time well so that i won't clash with Connect group's meeting :( Anyway, i shall worry about all these when exams are over. Come on, i was so happy when presentation is over that i forgotten that 3 exams waiting ahead for me. This shows how relaxing i am??

 Sometimes, we shouldn't underestimate a simple and lame game. It can bring so much fun to certain groups of people. Look at us. We certainly had fun. I am determined to turn my "The First" group like my cell group in Perth.

I am blessed to have members who encouraged me with words like "You know, we actually felt so comfortable with this group. That's why we came back again!" XD It really provokes me to work even harder for the sake of this connect group. Who cares if i have or don't have my own personal time? It is the people that i loved. Who cares if people said nasty stuffs to me? I have inherited the power of "DISCERN" from my beloved Murdoch zone.

One for all and all for one. This is like the most encouraging phrase i have learnt from old classics. I always loved the story of "The three musketeers". It is always encouraging and touched to see people are willing to work hands in hands with one another. I am always visualizing that there must be a place somewhere out there where everyone is living in peace and happily. Back to reality, my country is in a mess now. My previous zone supervisor, Alph used to ask us, "Are you guys proud of your country?" A lot of us shook our heads. Then he continued "God put you in that place for a reason. If you, as a Malaysian, are not even willing enough to admit that you are from Malaysia, then it shows that you are not being appreciative towards what God has given you!" His word rings in my head eversince that day. From then onwards, i am really proud to admit that i am a MALAYSIAN :D Sometimes, we just need God to remind us of who we are. I am really proud of every single things in my life.

Another thing struck me. There are always lots and lots of politics going on in a church. But isn't church a place where people should work together and be loving towards one another? I know as long as there are people, conflicts are bound to be there. If that's the case, i seriously think that church is one of the best place to master "One for all and all for one". Let us stop being selfish and start caring for one another. It doesn't matter who is doing what and how much effort one has put in. We are just a servant to God. He knows it all :)

Till here folks....don't worry. This is just another blabbering season of mine. I just feel that i had to write something. So if you are here, welcome to Viola's World!!

PS: Feeling is so hard to control. When you think you have gotten over it, then it'll come back to you once more. I am so not gonna repeat the same mistake again nor to trust in "love" again.

Perseverance

Hello World....

I feel like writing my blog since i don't wanna do anything else. I purposely rush back early today so that i would have time to multi-tasks *big grins* I have so many things to do. Haven't look through this Friday's lesson and i am not done with the invitation cards yet. Serve me right for being complicated. Why do i want to choose handmade?? And yet i am not feeling regret over it :) It is important that everyone in the group felt themselves being loved by me :) Tee Hee....

Today is the due date for our marketing plan. Yayy, we only left presentation and final exam then i am officially done with this freaking subject. Hopefully i can pass. I really don't want to repeat this module. I have one final individual assigment which i have not even start yet. Wanna know when is the due date? THIS FRIDAY!! Yayy..to think i am so happy about it. Sometimes i don't know if i should feel happy or angry with this "over-relaxing" attitude of mine. It is true that i don't feel stress over exams, assignments or when i have too much things to do. And yet, "over-relaxing" makes me procrastinate a lot. For instance, i can still chat with my friend over the net or browse through people's blogs even though i knew my assignment is due at 8am the next day. I experienced this a lot while i was in Perth..which really gets on my nerves. While other people is busy studying or appear to be busy, me, likewise tend to be super free. Why? Because i know can always produce my work right on time (Even though it is not a good work). I guess i don't really have high goals for myself. Whilst people were aiming for High Distinction or Distinction, i am only aiming for a Pass. I used to have high goals too...but i just don't want to be disappointed. So, setting my goals low is a good thing to me too. Nothing to lose i guess :) I enjoyed being simple at times. I guess the only stress i have right now is having to rush after time. Time will never wait for me and i am forever rushing after it.

Not to say that busy life is not good. I want to be as busy as possible. Yet, sometimes, i secretly hope i can have more personal time of my own. I know i am being complicated. And i am contradicting myself. I dislike being alone and yet,at the same time i hope to have my own personal time. What is this?? Hmmm...i don't know. Still....i prefer to be around people rather than being alone :)))

Perserve on!!! I know i will never allow myself to give up halfway. No matter how tired i am, i know my "New World" is right in front of me. My dreams seems closer and closer to me now :))))

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord

Hey World, back again. And this time, i am emo :P I mean i don't wanna be emo but no choice. I was troubled by a lot of things and assignments are killing me. So many things to do. Sometimes it is not that i didn't put in effort but the thing is, i really don't know what you want. I don't want to be a marketer. I prefer happy stuffs :( For instance, CHILDREN!!

THE GIRLS!I love this connect group days by days. People asked "Why are you sacrificing so much for this group?" First, i don't consider all these as sacrificing. It is time consuming but definitely not sacrificing. Anyone can do it :)  I am not doing it for the sake of pleasing humans but i do think it is worth it for the sake of God. I just want all of us to be united and happy. After all, we are ONE family. It is not as if God's level of love for everyone is different. I just want all of us to be happy. I can get a lot out of you guys. We are all here to help out one another.

Two truths and One lie :) I remembered when i first asked to be in charge of game for cell group in Perth, i chose this game. I was in Kelvin's cell group then. My first cell leader. Can't believe i am one now :) And yet, i still wanna choose this game. This is one of the best way to get to know about your members. Although it wasn't much but at least i gained something.

Stormy rain just won't go away. But life is always like this right? When this tide is over, the next will be arriving soon. I am not afraid because i know i will get over it soon :) There is no right and wrong in everything as long as we believe....

There is NONE like You

There is none like you....
No one else can touch my heart like you do
I could search for all eternity long
And find, there is none like you......

At times i may fall.....who is there for me? No doubt HE IS!! Someone always said, "Why hide everything to yourself? Or even write everything in your blog? Who will care? Just tell it out!" The main point is, i don't want to stumble anyone and i can't just share it with anyone i like :) It has to be someone whom you really trust. Now that my heart has quiet down and i do really see the need of writing stuffs on my blog. Why? At least it is my own little space and i don't stumble anyone here. You can chose to read or not to read. And if you do, welcome to a different World of "VIOLA"!! Someone used to say, "You shouldn't bottle all your emotions up. You can choose not to smile when you don't feel like it." But the fact is, people always known me as the crazy Viola and if i do really shut my mouth up one day, the World is gonna turn the other way round :) It is only when i am alone, then i'll surrender all my emotions to HIM. I admit i am a girl with lots of emotions :D

Father, hear my cry now! What is the best decision and or even the best plan? I know You will never let me walk alone, and yet i really do see the need of seeking You right away. Maybe i am really stressed out and i didn't even realize it...or maybe my mind was crammed with lots of stuffs that i find it hard to barely just breath. Oh well....good luck to me. I know He will guide me out through stormy rain.....

Ding dong bell...

Woohooooooo people, here i am. Praise the Lord that i am still able to use this laptop of mine. It was suppose to be dead :( So sad...hopefully it will last me throughout my assignments. Please Lord *Big grins*. Oh well, my weekend was awesome. Watched Transformers 3 with friends. I am glad Bumble bee and Optimus Prime is still alive :D For a moment, i though Bee was gonna die....i don't like!!I prefer happy endings. Church was cool...Connect group was awesome!I am on the verge of recovering :) Hopefully i will. Weather has been really bad.....no wonder my body cannot take it :( Well, my purpose today is not to write about anything but i just want my blog to stay alive :)

 The First 4th Meeting. It was mad awesome. We manage to get Dawn, Eric and Marc to join us. I hope i did not scare you off :P Welcome to "The First"!! Hope to see you all again :)

 I was making more "The First" cards. I thought i would just stop at batch one but then decided that, everyone should received equal treatment. Since i handed out this cards to every members in the first place, then every "future" members deserve one of these too :) Spot the difference okay? I have made up my mind to change the color of heart shapes all the time. I am on the "PINK" trend now. Do grab one before it runs out of stock.....

I played this game during one of my cell group meeting in Perth. Thanks Clarence for the idea. If you look closer, you'll be able to spot the beautiful star in the middle (created by us). The objective of this game is to get to know more about you and also to realize how important to be united :)

I really thank you all for encouraging me and always assured me that i am not alone in this battle :) At times i may fall, but i am so not gonna let myself be weak. Please pull me up whenever i am falling...for sometimes it can't be helped. God has given me such big vision and by all means, i am going to use His strength to make that vision comes alive :D

I love you all :)

Dislike being sick :(

Herrow World, sorry, hadn't been updating for a week?? I have no idea. I was planning to post pictures of "The First 3rd Meeting" but decided that my computer might have gotten virus as both my pendrives are ILL now. Better don't take the risk :P I will upload it when i get back to JB. Hopefully i remember to....

People there are so many things which i have to do and yet my schedule has been pushed backward again. I was down with fever and running nose again which is a disaster. I *dislike* being sick. And my throat is killing me. It is not like those other normal sorethroat i used to encounter. This time i felt as if my whole throat is swelling and i find it really hard to swallow any food. I guess i got to be like Kevjumba, to have only JELLO and liquid stuffs :(( I WANT MY MACCAS. I am missing fillet-o-fish, Chicken McNuggets, and Ice-cream a lot. And now they are selling SHAKER FRIES again *drools*. I wanna eat...

Yet on the other side, i should be thankful. I know my Father is healing me slowly. No doubt, HE WILL. Ive came across a famous blog called "Dancing Paper Cranes". It is really heartbreaking and yet encouraging to see Leonie being so positive and so strong to fight against her disease. Here i am complaining over all these eenie mini sorethroat and running nose but there she is, fighting against cancer which could have taken her life away. What now? Learn to be thankful. Things are perfect even though it didn't seems to be. I guess i am just feeling moody that i haven't been able to sing well these past weeks due to this sorethroat and running nose which makes my voice sounds so croaked and funny.

On the other hand, i really did try to smile as a greeting to every starting of my day to ensure that i will be able to endure it with my Father's joy. For THE JOY OF THE LORD IS MY STRENGTH. I really felt blessed to have such a funny lecturer for Consumer Behaviour. Everyone might think he is silly, funny, and maybe over-ego because he kept on praising himself all the time :P And yes, even though he could afford to buy a car, but he rather take public transports instead of driving. He won't even carry a proper bag but instead carry those environmental bags around. He carried a Doraemon bag once which makes me laughed non-stop. Really..you can't just stay serious for once in his class. Your jaws will drop because you laugh too much. Oh well..i typed all these just because he made me laughed so much earlier on. He actually asked me to praise him on facebook for his pink shirt and to compliment how nice he looked =.=!!! And yet, he actually shoot me from head to toe, from my hair to shoes. Hahaha...i wasn't angry..but finds it amusing. To him, all girls must be feminine and gentle, with long hair and laugh gently. Haha..and i told him.."Hello, i prefer short hair and you know it is so pathetic if you wanna laugh but cannot laugh heartily." Super funny to the max. Join his consumer class one day and you'll know how funny it is...

Father, oh Father, i don't want to be lazy. But instead, i haven't been writing letters to you for a week :( I guess i just have to stop procrastinating and be really consistent each day. Whatever headaches, vomiting, sorethroat, fever, running and coughing...you better watch out. I am so gonna bring you down..hmmphh...!Tomorrow is what day? Yayyy.It's Friday Friday....!Which means, i am going back home. Yayyyy....i miss my home...huhuhu...and i want to go back.... :DDD