If I let you go......

Hello World....i am back. If you care to notice the date of my previous post, that post should be written like 2 days ago. Hmm..anyway, i will update my blog often now as this is the ONLY WAY i can reply my BB Kelly's comment. As you know, she held a most privilege position in my heart, so i have to accept her idea by writing a really long comment for her at the end of every post. Like you say, make the whole World jealous??But i don't think anyone will get jealous at all...bluek :P

Anyway, before i move on to the real topic, i just wanna show you some of the stuffs which are quite precious to me. People, i still believe in Fairy Tales. I meant i believe in making my OWN fairy tale come true.

My Fairy Tale
Blessings and wishes from the rest =)

I received this letter like 2 days ago and i had trouble recognizing this hand-writing. I know it looked familiar.....=)

Anyway, i knew it at once after seeing your address. Sowee BB!!I should have recognize it earlier. Thanks BB.......love you... Simple isn't it???But it is full of words and drawings inside...hehe..i won't show it.For BB written her secrets inside...ngek ngek....!I won't betray you BB..OH MY GOD...look at this!!TOHOSHINKI- my most beloved HERO JAE JOONG. Guess which is Jae Joong??Obviously he is the most outstanding guy TO ME. Awhh...i went to Morning Glory with Shermaine today and i couldn't find his solo poster and all. Plus, the pen i am looking has been taken by others =( Anyway, i'll get someone to find it for me in back in Malaysia. Saddening... Sadly, this band is facing a trial of breaking up. What can i say??ALWAYS KEEP THE FAITH. No matter whatever outcome is it, i'll always support Hero...Sarangheyo...oh no..i should say わたしあなたが大好きです。。。

People, I ve been reading and thinking a lot these few days about something. But i really don't know how can i draft out this post without making it so obvious. Alright, to make it simple, I hate "Lies" and "Misunderstandings". I repeat, I HATE "LIES"AND "MISUNDERSTANDINGS". Why must these 2 things appear in this World? You know what?You can't defend "Lies". It will be expose one day. I hate lies. Just be honest with me okay?It is better to be honest with me rather than i find out the truth myself. I can't describe the pain of it. I can't stand being lied or kept in the dark. No matter how bad the situation is, i rather you be honest with me better than you tried to hide something from me. Anyway, even if you were my bestfriend or what, i'll still lost trust in you after i know you lied to me. Misunderstanding is no better than lies. A simple misunderstanding can cause two friends to become strangers. So you can see how terrible and scary a misunderstanding can cause. You know what is the best way to prevent all these?Yes..BE HONEST AND ALWAYS TELL STRAIGHT FROM YOUR HEART =) Don't keep everything to yourself okay? We can't control people's mind. Just make ourselves clear and everything will be fine. This is what i learnt for i used to keep everything to myself. I thought by doing this, i can save people from worrying and to stop troubling others. But what i got in the end is people started hating me and all nonsenses. So people, make a wise decision please. Only you, yourself can change your own life =)

I realized, my kids has all grown up!!I know it is a good thing to them but a bad thing for their parent's. Why??Because they will be going through all stages in a teenager's life and parent's tend to get worried about them. I was inspired by Kelnice recently for i know she is in her teen age- sweet 16. Anyway, i used to be 16 myself so i know exactly how she felt. Being a teenager is not an easy task. You tend to get distracted by things around you. For example, love matters, activities, hard to cope with your studies and etc. Girl, whatever you do, you cannot neglect your studies okay? Don't be like me =) I know you are big enough to settle your own stuffs. I know you don't like your mummy to control you, but your mummy is worried about you. Wait till you are older, then you'll know why she act like this. No worries, i'll still bless you and your "Anata". Be happy always......=)

I have been listening to this song- If i let you go, by Westlife. It reminded me of a lot of stuffs. For example, the long ago memories that i ve locked. I used to love this song very very much because i find the lyrics meaningful. I ve stopped listening to it for quite a while. But i decided to listen to it again =) Here goes the chorus:-

"But if i let you go, i will never know,

What my life would be, holding you close to me.

Will i ever see, you smiling back at me,

How will i know, if i let you go......."

People, i've unlocked my "Forbidden Memories" today. In a flash, everything flew back to me. Trust me people, i ve gotten over it!Seriously, i don't feel sad or pain anymore. It is just a long long ago forbidden memories.....once upon a December. But i don't want to taste the same pain ever again..even though i pretty much think i will again. For, i still will make the same decision by not telling or confessing to the other party. I am just so afraid of the outcome. Someone said, "If you continue keeping quiet and not let the other party know, you'll never get him!". Wanna know what i think? True enough i will feel pain, but it is better to keep it to yourself isn't it? I don't want to ruin the friendship. Star told me once, "If he knows, friendship will always be there, but things will never be the same any more!" I agreed with him. And someone said, "What if he likes you too?" Honestly, i didn't think that far. I rather maintain our friendship rather than him avoiding you. BB, i know you will understand this! I have my own mission, Just like you =) I know you will say "What if he likes another girl? Just because you never confess, and you missed the chance?" I only can say, i want him to be happy. By all means, he can get any girls he want. 或许叶子的飘落不是风的追求，而是树的不挽留! If you like someone, you don't have to be with him, as long as he is happy, then it is enough for me. Again, if he is the right one, i will know it =) Just like you...this is how a Setarean should behave. Steady, natural and real...

Dearest dearest BB,

Thanks for the comment but you are like scolding me all the way =( I know what you trying to say so i WON'T go back. Trust me. I am going to enrol in the winter course anyway. So i definitely won't go back. Don't worry...you are going to keep me accompany throughout the whole 2 months. Exciting isn't it? You should feel happy for you have the privilege to keep me accompany :P Yes i know i am better than a lot of people. For i don't have financial problems but, i miss The Queen. The Queen miss me too. T.T T.T!! She is all alone and lonely back at home with no one to accompany her. You know what, when i asked Ah Shuan and Wawa they all how is everyone doing back at home, they actually said they seldom hang out eversince i flew to Perth. It is like, even Mummy-san also seldom hang out with them. Everyone is busy with their own stuffs. Mummy-san is troubling over having no one to replace her supervisor ( Who has just passed away recently). I know she wanted to come over to visit me but with this situation, she can't even leave her office. I just want her to be happy and not over-worked. What can i do BB? Will you help me like how you promised to after you read my diary? I have something to trouble you again. You are right too BB. I don't want to know how many "Tomorrow" i still have but i want to know how many dreams i have achieved. I read this line from somewhere “人不要等明天，因为没有人知道自己有没有明天”This thought is so negative. I meant i kinda agree with what its say but i am not going to mourn over it. Since we know life is short, then why don't we just live it to the fullest. Do what we can as long as we don't let our parent's down. Right BB? I am going to save and get my MRS CAMMIE as soon as possible. Don't wanna lose to you..bluek!Haha...you are going to teach me how to use Mrs Cammie. You better save up too. Get those ipod touch or whatever is it off your mind.I expect you to come and visit me in Perth next April. Remember our BET?? I know i am not going to lose...hehehe! I want my Utopia. BB, i know you felt lonely and emo at times. Don't let your two princes affect your mood okay? Just think over it carefully. At least you are better than me. If not, i exchange with you? Study really hard okay? Tell me if anything happens. Enjoy your stay in our beloved home- JB. You'll realize it is a wonderful place after all. At least it is where i have been staying for the past 20 years. I can't reply you a really long one because you haven't tell me about your problem. So this is all about me anyway...!BB, it is not that i don't want to reject, but i really can't bring myself to reject. This place is not like where i used to be. You can't do as you like here. The thing meant nothing to me at all. Maybe because i don't want to offend people....=) I don't know. I think i will be fine. Don't worry.....i know you will support. Even the whole world is against me, but i am not afraid, because i know, in a far far away land, there is a Princess who will always be there for me. And that is YOU!! You are also another one who can accept the real me =) ほんとうにありがとう。。。。!!I know it take ages to wait for your reply because my dearest BB-san took a long time to update her blog. But i will be waiting and waiting for your comment. Ps: I want Christian Dior and Chloe T.T!!Hahaha...Perfume rawkzz!! Love you too

Sorry World, for all these rubbishes. Anyway, i received a complaint from Ting and some other people saying that my post ever fails to be long. Sorry guys...i actually have too much to update but i really don't know what i am typing. I think i should use the Word Count next time. I will try to shorten it people, don't worry!!In future, just skip through the last part because that will be my reply to my dearest reader no 1, my BB-san!!Sorry World...i'll see you soon. Love you all....=)

The Princess is feeling guilty + sweet time with my babe

Hi Peeps, The Princess is back. I have been slacking for quite a few days. In my mind, i have tonnes of things to update but i don't know where can i find my motivation to do so. People, i am done with my Japanese Oral and Listening Test. How was it?I can only say, i screwed in the role play part plus i nearly doze off during listening test. So i didn't manage to catch the last part. =( Nevermind, i'll buck up for my final. Wish me lucks people.

The Princess is feeling guilty?Yes..she should!Because she broke her promise to others. She promised that she will be attending the combined cell last week but in the end, she did not. I was all ready to attend cell for the day but my babe came all the way from the city to visit me. 3 hours is definitely not enough for us for we hadn't been seeing each other for quite a while. But i didn't know that this would result in me, escaping from cell. I was so guilty that i didn't know what to do. What i can do is just cry cry cry?Stupid me. Why am i so weak?But i don't blame my babe Kai Lyn. Don't feel bad okay? I'll still love you =) Sorry babe and the rest for being so emo. I just felt like a failure for not doing my role well. Plus i hate the fact that i did not keep my promise. That's all.....but despite the fact of me feeling emo for the whole day. I did enjoyed my time with my babe Kai Lyn. I try to make myself drunk so that i can forget everything. But i am such a lousy drinker. I not only make myself sick and worst of all, i make my babe worried. Again World, she was my best best best friend eversince Primary One. And she is sooooooo pretty. Love her....=) Check out my babe below
She is very pretty isn't it? I am so proud to have such a beautiful babe. Thanks for coming all the way to Murdoch to visit me babe. Thanks for being so concern. Thanks for being such a good friend. Life is always happier whenever you and Tan Sri are around. I know you are worried about me but i know what i am doing. Don't worry babe. I'll take good care of myself.Good luck for your exams okay?? Hope to see you again soon. Thanks for everything ya....=)

I have so much to update but when i set my hand onto the keyboard, my mind went blank. I don't know what i should write. Nowadays, i realized, i am always doing something which i don't like. I don't want to be a hypocrite but i really can't bring myself to say "No" to others. Just like that day, i am already feeling so tired and sleepy after a major lacked of sleep for the whole week but in order to please people, i have to go out with them. What's wrong with me? I seem to have lost my power and strength to say "No". I chose to go with them and yet, i am making myself miserable by feeling so tired and emo. I just realized how tired i am recently. I am tired of having to please others. I am tired of having to do something i don't like. I am tired of having to face tonnes of problems and different expressions of someone every time. I am really tired....!I am a normal human too. Please give me a break!!Let me off.....!Why is it you guys can get angry and be emo whenever you want to but when it comes to my turn, you guys have so many things to comment about? I am just a normal human anyway...=( Can't i have my right to release my emotion at times?

The Queen scolded me yesterday for going out often. Hello..when did i go out? The furthest i go is just Utopia. And that is when we have transport. If not, how are we going to get there? When i asked her why? Then she say because i didn't answer her phone calls and didn't on "Skype". Do you mean i have to stay at home 24 to 7 just to wait for both yours and Aunt Aj's call? Your timing is always not right. Sometimes you called me at 5pm, sometimes, 11am, sometimes during night time. Do you expect i stay in my room for the whole 24 hours? Gosh...just because i didn't pick up your phone, then you accuse me for going out all the time. I know she is worried but then, don't accuse me okay. I am not the type of girl that will go out clubbing and to learn how to be a bad girl. I didn't even smoke or do something illegal. Have some faith in me please. I know you believe i am not that type of girl. Haix...a normal student need to have their own life too!!I did not tell you what i am doing just because i don't want you to worry about me. Imagine if i tell you i am walking alone in the dark yesterday all the way from Kardinya to Murdoch, how would you react? And what can you do?I am more than enough sore for not being able to go back to Malaysia this coming winter. Initially when i asked for your permission to go back, you asked me to stay back here. Then right now, after i have decided to stay here, you give me a really big surprise by asking me to go back. All my friends are trying really hard to psycho me to go back. The feeling is not even nice. I really wanted to go back but i can't. Do you know how hurt is it, when everyone else is back home, and i have to stay here? But I don't want to feel guilty again!Don't want ever...=( "Everything happens for a reason"........i'll stick to my decision!!

World, what will you do if you realize i have disappear from this World? Will you ever remember me? Anyway, i am just crapping!Nothing serious....=) How i wish i was a baby so that i can cry cry cry all day long without having to speak to anyone. Did i ever tell you guys i have lots of dreams??I have a new one now. And that is to change all the bad to good. Got it?Hmm..you don't have to know what i meant. I know this takes time, but i have my own dignity. "DARE TO DREAM, DARE TO ACCEPT". If one day, i failed in my mission, i'll still have to accept it. At least i have tried my best. True enough i will feel disappointed and upset over it, but this is the best i can do =)

Dearest BB, this is a strange way to reply your comment. Why must i reply like this? But anyway, since you are holding a most privilege position in my heart, i don't mind doing this just for you =) BB............SAVEEEEEEEEE ME PLSSSSSSSSSS!! Everyone is leaving me alone here....i miss you like hell. Why are we so far away? Most people don't understand me. And i have to say "Yes" to everything. I know you are gonna say i am a stupid girl but i don't know what's wrong with me. I am just so weak now!!Am i like that last time? Tell me more about my old-self. I seem to have forgotten who am i after i leave SETA. I am really tired BB. I am tired of having to stand his temper every time. I am tired of having to look at his black face everyday. T.T!! I am too tired to do anything BB. I just wanna hide myself away from the World. Why is it so hard to be myself?? Thanks BB, for everything!I know you are having your own troubles as well. Don't worry about having no one dating you. You think i have is it? And your birthday is still so far away, how you know you are spending it alone? Maybe Momo will accompany you? I have received your card anyway. Thanks BB. It has a strong "Malaysia" smell. But i can't hug it to sleep every night, because it'll get spoilt. I have to hug my Cute Bear and Mumu to sleep anyway =) Remember, your homework due date is coming near. Where is the FIRST picture taken by Mr Cammie? I am going to get my own Mrs Cammie. Hmmpph....Gambatte for your mission. I know you can achieve it soon!!=) Love you BB...have fun in JB. Tell me about your first experience taking a train back to JB. Enjoy the smell of JB...i'll talk to you soon. Muackz..yours truly, ME

Anyway World, i ve been blabbering too much. All meaningless stuffs. I will update a more meaningful post next time. =) I PROMISED i won't be emo in my next post...well..hopefully!!Good bye World...The Princess is feeling so sick and tired.....

The Princess is feeling down

Hi people, The Princess is back again!First of all, she wanna thank all those people who wishes her yesterday. But unfortunately, The Princess is so not gonna admit that she is one year older. Well, i used to love birthdays but as i grow older, i don't see the excitement in it any longer. Maybe i don't like the fact that i am getting older each year!That's why i hate it =( I don't know if i heard wrongly or what..but according to that person, "Celebrating birthday is like celebrating your death". I meant it is like you are getting closer to death. Still, it is a special occasion for it is the day when your dearest mummy brought you into this World. I wanna thank my dearest Mummy-san (The Queen) for bringing me into this World. Thanks Mummy-san. You are always my Queen.
Check out my key-chains. I specially love the apple because i love to eat apples. Red ones of course =) My secondary school mates will know i always had apples during lunch break. I don't know why girls like this kind of stuffs. Even as a girl myself also i don't understand the reason why. Maybe because it is meaningful or maybe because it is beautiful. To me, i love to hang these kind of key-chains onto my handphone, pendrives, bag and everywhere. It gives me a sense of belonging. Like that thing really belongs to me. You have to like it if you are my friend for i tend to hang these types of key-chains onto my friend's stuffs too. So people, if you so happen to see something with similar cute key-chain on it, be sure to return it back to me. But i know there are millions of girls outside who will do the same thing like i do. For, WE ARE GIRLS. Oh no..we are princesses =)

Letter from Sister Lam (My NS buddy). I can't believe i actually have the urge to reply her letter. It was fun actually. Remember how stupid we are when we served in NS. Both me and Sister Lam stayed in the same dorm and we are of the same group. We ate together, do laundries together and see each other every single day. But, we picked up a habit of writing letters to each other. It was fun though. So eversince that day, we wrote to each other often. Even in Perth now, i still received her letters. Thanks Sister Lam...!You warmed my heart each time i received your letter. I miss you and Ting very very much. (PS: I will tell you more about them next time. They are my very very very best buddies during the time when i was in NS).

Now, most of my friends were afraid that i might forget how to read and write chinese since i am studying in Perth right now. But no worries my friends, i still know how to write. I love Chinese anyway. Stay tuned for my "Chapter 4". Sorry, i ve been neglecting my story for quite a long time. I even thought of giving up but now, NOPE. I got rid of that thought. I don't wanna give up my story. I will continue writing it. So, don't give up on me people!Be patient with me =)

Okay, back to my title. Why is the princess feeling so down?? Why? Because she can't go back to Malaysia. The Princess don't even have the thought of going back at all but now, she is being influenced by all her friends because most of them will be going back this coming winter holiday. I did mentioned to Mummy about it but it was merely just for fun. I know Mummy wouldn't want me to waste money because she wanted me to stay in Perth. But that day, she said i can go back if i want to. I felt "Arghhh". Just when i have already promised my church mates that i will be serving throughout the whole winter, then she said i could go back. I felt like crying actually...aiks. That was last Sunday i guess when mummy called me. I didn't talk to her nicely for my mood was all spoilt by my final assignment. Then she told me Daddy said i could go back too. I burst out in tears right after i hang up the phone. First, i really wanted to go back. Second, i have already promised my mates that i will serve during this Winter. I guess this is God's challenges for me. To be or not to be!!A lot of people had tried to psycho me about going back to Malaysia but i am sorry, i don't want to be someone who break promises. So, with a heavy heart, i wanna say "Good bye Malaysia. As much as i wanted to go back, but i am sorry, i got to stay!I really hope time can pass quickly in order to shorten our gap!" =( This is why The Princess has been feeling troubled and emo over it.

PS: To my dearest BB, i am a good girl. I listened to your advise. So i am NOT coming back this winter. I ve made up my mind. Nothing ever change. Please do something to make me forget all these...pleaseeeeee!!I can't accept the fact that i am gonna stay here alone when everyone is gone. T.T T.T!!Anyway BB, thanks for listening to all my troubles. This feeling is kinda new and fresh. I hope i won't have to say "Bye Bye" to it without even trying. Likewise, i wanna wish you luck in finding your Mr Right. I know i know...i can hear you screaming "Ipod touch" all the way but don't marry that guy for the sake of Ipod touch okay? Don't ever tell anyone i am your BB if you do that. Haha, but i know you won't!I know my BB is very persistent. We gambatte together okay?One more thing, DON'T EVER EVER TRY TO APPLY JOB IN A NIGHTCLUB!Get that thought off your mind. To me, you are beautiful. People have no right to judge you anyway since they don't even know your characters. I believe you can find a prince that will treasure the inner beauty of yours one day. You know what, i will always be there for you if you need me. I miss you like anything but you don't allow me to go back =( So it is your duty to accompany throughout that period. You won't even have chance to run away. Be prepared....=)

Dearest World, The Princess is feeling better already. No use feeling emo since i have already made up my mind. I ve got to move on isn't it!Give me three cheers please...for being so strong!!Maybe i might find myself actually feeling please for not going back after all. Remember i used to say "We don't need a reason for something" ? But i believe "everything happen for a reason". So, let it be. I have got to let go of something somehow =) Yes, to make myself happy, i ve got to unlock all the unhappiness within me. Good bye to all troubles which cost me my tears!! I won't hate you anyway......=)

Good bye World.....i bet i'll see you guys real soon!!

The Princess is back......(Back to childhood)

Hello World.....i have the urge to blog again. Why? I don't know. Maybe i am emo? Or maybe because i am too stress?Oh man...that is totally impossible. But for your information, i really did have to study for my exam and as well as completing my last assignment. Honestly, i did nothing for the past few days. I am such a last minute person. I always leave things undone until the last minute, then i'll start panicking!!!Anyway, i don't care!!You know what, sometimes, you have to follow what your heart tells you. If you feel like blogging, then for goodness sake, just do it! Remember what i said in my last post?Sometimes, you don't need a reason for "something".

Well, i am so glad that my BB Kelly has finally updated her blog. She told me, every girl is a princess. Oh my...that sounds so familiar. I used to say that too. Well, i am a princess to my Mummy anyway. And hence, my title will be "The Princess is back". I will reply your comment at the end of this post BB Kelly. Please be patient with me okay?You know i love you...=)
Check out the little novel above. That is my most favourite novel - A Little Princess. I was inspired by this little girl. Read this novel to find out more!It won't be nice if i tell you the whole story. Being a princess is every girl's dream. I don't deny i longed to be a princess too. Define princess. To me, a princess is a very very beautiful girl. She is rich. She is kind. She has the best personality. She wore the best clothes. She has everything including her Prince Charming and all. Who wouldn't want to be a princess?Anyway, that was the past! Now, i have a different mindset and definition for a princess. To me, a princess don't have to be pretty for she is more than enough pretty with her good personality. A princess don't necessary have to doll up nor dress up in her best clothings. She is more than enough pretty even with her most natural appearance. Inner beauty is the best thing you can find in a princess. So....every girls can be a princess =) Be the best princess ever!!!

Like i said, "My heart has not grow, but i have grown up physically". You think i like that? I am still a child anyway. I knew it!!Mummy always complaint that i wasted her grains for i am still as short and small as ever. The kids around me were growing up fast but i remained the same. Yes..i love soft toys, animals and all toys. I still kept all my toys. Why?Because i love them and they are my best companions ever. They are the ones who accompanied my throughout my lonesome childhood =)

I love kids. They are so cute!So young and tender. As i said, i don't have any siblings so i tend to give all my love and passion to all young kids outside. It wouldn't hurt me to give them a pat on their head or to carry them. Talking about kids, i have a bunch of "Beloved kids" which i treasured whole-heartedly. They gave me strength and motivations in everything i do. They support me. They looked up to me. They accompanied me throughout the time when i was so lonely. They accept me for who i am. They listen to everything i said......!!They are like sisters, brothers, best friends and family to me. In short, i miss my kids very very much.

We are neighbours. But we are like sisters. Yes..more than friends. We hanged out together. We had dinner every night outside our house compound. We joked. We laughed. We shared our secrets. We cried together..................!!My life would never be happy without the existence of you kids. I am glad that we lived so near to each other. Athough you guys have already grown up, but i believe the pure and natural spirit inside you will always be there. You guys are forever my most beloved and most lovable kids ever.

This is the first time i went travelling without mummy and daddy. I gave my first time to Kelnice. For this is the first time i took a kid to travel overseas with me. Thanks Kelnice. We had fun in Korea and you are my best travelling partner ever.....Annyeong haseyo!!Sarangheyo Han Guk.. I have my official poser as well. Look at that!!I don't even have to tell her what to pose. She knew it without me telling her. I am sorry that i am not able to upload most pictures of our sweet moments but i can assure you, the memories are priceless....=) This is our most recent picture- Christmas 2009. Surely, there are more kids. But these four kids were like my real-life sisters. We fought. We scolded each others. We ignored each others. But the bond between us are just so strong that i will feel weird if i don't get to see them for days.Obviously, all the kids are younger than me. The closest to my age is 4 years different. Time can change everything. Initially, i never thought i would be so close with them. By the fate of God, everything turn out well....

I shall introduce three of my most beloved kids. The ones who always stood by me and had given me the best memories in my life. This is one of the Khong's daughter. I called her "Wawa" for her name is Yuan Hua. She is 5 years younger than me. I knew her first for both our mummy's were the best of friends. Everyone said we looked alike. I expect that is because she started hanging out with me when she was around 4 years old. Honestly, she is like my real sister. Nobody would ever ever believe we are not. She had one elder sister but they were not so close. She once told me that, she felt like leaving that family of her's because her sister treat her badly. I love her....for i really treat her like my own sister. Everywhere i go, i'll bring her along. Whatever stories i have, i'll share it with her. She is closer to our family and my mummy love her too =) Despite the look, unfortunately, she inherited my bad temper. I can still remember the last time we fought (Last August) We ignored each other for more than a month. We fought like anything in KL. We scolded each other in our blogs. I was sad because i really don't want to lose my sister. I thought things will never be the same any more. I thank God for answering my prayer. Everything is fine now. I even drove her around. I am just so glad that she is my friend. And i am glad that she enrolled in my secondary school. Carry our SETA's flag high okay??I leave my Leo Club to you. Make sure you'll be really really active. I will check on you at times...hehe...=) Next....Kelnice!!Wow...i think her age is the nearest to me. 4 years gap but we are still sorta click. I tend to tell her everything for she listens. She is a grown up girl now. Learning how to doll herself up and she is really beautiful. I enjoyed the trip to Korea with you. She loves Doraemon. She is caring towards her baby brother. She is even more mature than me. She is a good sister.. I can still remember the time when she started falling in love. I have to be her counsellor for the person she likes is none other than my bestfriend's brother. Despite the fact that things does not turn out well, but i can see that she is a devoted person. When she likes somemore, for sure it is hard for her to give up. Go Girl...I'll support you. Now that she is a grown up girl with her own circle of friends, but still, i know you are a good girl. You won't disappoint your mummy. Remember to study hard okay? Form 4 is not a honeymoon year. Get good results and i'll see you when i am back. I will go travelling with you I PROMISED!!... My official Poser!!!Oh gosh..how i miss her!She is just soo soo sooooooooooo good and innocent. I love her to the max.You know what...she is 7 years younger than me but we are just so click. It is like i know what is on her mind and she knows what is on mine. Plus, she is as crazy as me. We both love to do silly things like...creating lame jokes, try to do funny actiongs, acting cute and yes...playing. Look at that....isn't she cute? Despite the fact that she is the youngest among us four, but she is quite mature at times. She is good in her studies plus she is so pure and natural that she is always being bullied by others. She is 13 years old now. A teenager already...but i don't like the fact that she is taller than me. Haha...i meant i used to be taller than her but all of them surpass me already in just a few years time. Although you are 13, but you are still as silly and innocent as ever. She is good in studies but stupid in daily life stuffs. Hey..i am not being mean but this is what everybody said. Even our parents'. But i still love her. Thanks for everything okay? Whenever i see cows, it'll reminds me of you for you love cows. Keep on being yourself.....and i know our friendship will never change. I still kept the cards that you made for me.....and i love it =)

Awwhh...i miss my kids so much. Seeing those pictures will makes me sad for i wanted to be with them all along the while. Although we each have our own part to fulfill now, but i believe, everything will remains the same. Yes..especially our friendship!!This is our promise to each other...don't try to break it okay? Check out the pictures below and you'll know how silly we are....

I don't know what makes me have the urge to write this post!!!I never tell them about my blog of course. Shhhhh........don't ever ever tell okay? For those who added them in their facebook account. Let me keep it "Private and Confidential". I have good feelings about their future and their study life. I know they are so gonna be successful in their life. Thanks for all the concern messages and chatting with me through MSN and Facebook. To simplify it, i just wanna say "I miss you all and i don't want to grow up".

Did i ever ever tell you guys the reason why i don't want to grow up? Even though i know i am not suppose to behave like kids when my age doesn't allow me to, but still, i don't want to grow up. I don't wanna change my life. Why? Because i don't want to accept the fact that time can change anything. I know by the time comes, we will go separate ways and everyone will have their own life to maintain and all. But, i just don't want anything to change. As i am growing older, my mummy is getting older too. I don't want that to happen =( This is why i longed to remain as a young child. My mummy's child...so that i can keep her accompany and that she wouldn't feel lonely. I want her to know that although i have already grown up, but i won't leave her. I am still myself....=) And i will always be the mummy girl.. PS: BB.........remember the day when Mumu and Mimi parted? I felt so sad. Although Momo can't join us that day but i have gotten her hug from you. Anyway....that is not the main point. Before i start, i just wanna thank you for everything you ve done for me. Such as helping me to send such beautiful handmade flowers to my Mummy-san. Thank you so much BB!!!I owe you one for that. Alright, back to the real topic. Yes...i did read the message you written for me in your blog. Dearest BB, we can't control people's mind. I know you don't like people to judge a book by its cover but it is really uncontrollable. Like i said, DARE TO DREAM, DARE TO ACCEPT. I know you have many dreams and it is not like everything is achievable. But, at least you know what you can do in order to live your life to the fullest. You know what you can do..so that you can at least smile to yourself and say "I have achieved my goals!" I know you BB....!!You may be strong from outside, but deep inside, you are weak. Yet, i believed you can actually pull yourself together so that you won't fall apart. I am always here to help you BB. Even though i can't help you much, but i am always ready to be your listener. Thanks for listening to all my troubles too. I am no better than you BB. This is the truth. So long as you have confidence in you, i know everything will change. Try it BB....!!Remember, if you find yourself being surrounded by loads and loads of problems, the simplest key to unlock all these is to "LET GO". I know my BB will always the strongest and honorable SHERO. I still need you BB...so you cannot let yourself fall apart. Love you.....muackzz..Call me childish but i don't deny the fact that i always talk to my soft toys. Mumu has been feeling so lonely eversince he parted with Mimi and Momo. But thank God, he found a friend at last. Yes..."Cute Bear Bear" came into his life. I kinda stole this bear away from someone =) but don't worry, this bear is in safe-hands. At least, i am a kind master. Honestly, i don't know the gender of this bear. It looks half like a SHE and half like a HE. Anyway, i decided to call it a HE for Mumu needs a brother. He is the additional member to my big family. I believe the bear is smiling. No one can take this bear away from me because i owned him. Wanna know why?? Hehe...for it has my name on him. Check out the word VIOLA!Thanks Ting for this nice key-chain. At least i know where to put it so that it won't get spoilt. And of course, to make sure that i'll remember you. So yea...this bear is mine =) and his name is "Cute Bear Bear".

I really don't know what am i typing so far. This post is not like what i expected it will be. Anyway, there are more to come. People, i am feeling sick....due to a major lacked of sleep. Serve me right for not sleeping. I am determined to be a good girl now. So.....once again....GOOD NIGHT WORLD!!!

What will i do?

Hello World...how's your week?Well, for me, i haven't done much readings. I didn't even pay attention during lectures and tutorials. Don't know what's wrong with me?I just felt like slacking and all. Gosh...i really need Lord Jesus to give me all the motivation and strength. I am not sure why i am here for as i have no idea what i should write. But then, i really have the urge to update my blog so yea...here i am!I thought of putting "What do you want from me" as my title but i need to draft out that post first for i don't want it to be OUT of topic. I know it is not necessary for a blog title to be relevant with its content but let it reflect at least 10% of the title. So, back to my title- What will i do? Nothing special actually...i was listening to this song by Natalie Burks. I love the softness and tenderness of this song. Soft and Tender reminded me of "Tender soft".

PS: Tender soft is a tissue paper brand. No special than "Royal Gold" of course but this is the only brand that i will use. People have been asking me why as this is not a special brand and it is definitely no better than any other brands. Why??Of course there must be a reason for me to do so. I think i have mentioned it before but nevermind, in order to satisfy your curiousity, i will say it again. Remember about a guy whom i admire in my tuition class? Yes...way back during my high school time!That's when i was rushing in and out from Omega Tuition Centre (a famous tuition centre where most JB students will go). Yea, he was the main role in my diary of "Secretly Loving You". Okay, to cut the story short, i was facing some problems on that day and i cried. What else can make me cry? LEO of course....!He was sitting behind me and normally he would have disturb me or make fun of me. But on that day, he was extremely quiet and solemn. He just passed me a packet of "Tender Soft" tissue paper and asked my buddy not to disturb or question me. I was so touched at that moment that i didn't know what to say. Silly of me right? But eversince that day, i only used one type of tissue paper. Yes...Tender Soft!!

Anyway, i'll stop crapping. What will i do? I love the lyrics. Here it goes:-
I'm not really sure of the words to say
If only you knew that i feel this way
I wanna give my heart to you
Show me the way that you want me to

This post will be about my journey before i officially joined the World of Christ. Why? Because HE changes my life. I still remembered the days when i was still a free thinker. I used to ask my mummy "Mummy Mummy, why don't we join the christian? We can go to church every week!" My mummy always said i am crazy for she never thought of becoming a Christian. I never really sat down to sort out why would i have such thoughts. Maybe because i was being looked after by a Christian family for a while when i was a baby. Yes, my Godma Lucy No 1. For your information, i have two godma. Both their names' are Lucy. I'll tell you more about my Godma someday =)!!So yea...my mummy said i was being influenced by that Christian Family. I don't know why, but since young, i fancied all types of cross. I love the sight of church. You know those churches in olden days? A house-like building with a big cross above the it? Yea, i love it!!I always wonder what is in there. Will there be people singing? To me, church is a sign of "Peace". I can still remember the first time i stepped into a church. I was like "Wow". My mind was so peaceful and relaxed. Listening to their songs can set my tears rolling at times. I am a sinner anyway...

I was being possessed when i was 10 years old. I was sick for one whole month and have consulted more than ten doctors. People told her i was being possessed. My mummy was so worried that she went to temple. And yea..believe it or not, i was really being possessed. I don't know the reason why that lady who held 3 joysticks on her hand will rush up and down, in and out of my house, shouting and screaming at some languages which i don't even understand. All i know is that i was being asked to drink something. Gradually i got better!!Since then, my mummy became a Buddhist. Still, i wanted to be a Christian so i never wanted to touch those joysticks and any of the praying materials. Honestly, i don't like the sight of it. It was both eerie and scary. I just don't like it. Okay, i don't want to comment too much about it. I just assumed that i have no fate with these kind of things.

I don't know what makes me have the urge to become a Christian. Anyway, i had a talk with my Machi Zhi Xian for i know she will understand my feelings. She is superb holy. She was so glad that i believed in Christ so she brought me to her church. That was the first time ever i stepped into a church. Everything was so great and the feelings are so much different from temples. My machi tried to convert me into a christian but without forcing. She gave me a little booklet asking me to read the prayer ONLY when i have decided to accept Lord Jesus into my life. I remembered myself having to sneak out to church without mummy knowing. I have to create numerous excuses for i was so afraid that she might stop me from going. I finally decided to tell her the truth right after i ve got my first cross. Mummy was open-minded but daddy was not. All my relatives were trying to psycho me with the disadvantages of being a Christian. I don't deny that i actually have the thought of giving up and not becoming a Christian. First is because of mummy. Second, is because i don't want to be a Christian who don't go to church every week.

Many things occurs during that period. To simplify it, the affair between my Chemistry teacher and i in the year 2007 makes me becomes a Christian officially. I was so devastated at that moment when i finally caught sight of the little booklet my Machi gave me. I followed every instructions in that booklet and hence, i became a Christian. But things don't always go your way. I was being challenged by all obstacles and problems. *sigh* Relationship problems and everything.

I always had this cross around my neck. Why? Because it represented HIM. Yes, my mighty Lord. I only know the real meaning of Christ when i came to Perth. At here, i get to attend church every week. At least, i know God is with me. HE gave me strength when i was feeling so down. HE is my comfort to everything. Even though i have to give up on something, but i know i have made the right decision. Thank you Lord for everything. Right now, i am "Serving to Lead". I serve because i want to..... !!I believe this is what i learnt throughout the days when i was still a "Leo". With love, we serve. I guess it is the same thing for everyone. =) I am glad i am a Christian after all.

This is the end of my testimony. I know it is rather brief but i really don't know how to put it in words. Anyway....you know what, i realized that sometimes, we don't need a reason for "something". When you are craving for something, that's it. You don't need a reason for that. Hmm..i'll define more on that someday. My mind is totally blank right now. Lack of sleep i guess. I will end this post with a note dedicate to my dearest BB.

PS: BB...i used to complain why i was born as a girl. I hate being a girl for a girl is always the one who gets hurt. I was being hurt too by boys. This is why i chopped of my long hair. But i never thought of being a transexual. JUST BE YOURSELF. You know BB, you don't have to dress up or doll up yourself just to impress or to grab boys attention. Why?We don't have to. For we are fearfully and wondefully created by God. WE ARE WHO WE ARE!!Prove to yourself that you can be a Shero. I know you are craving for someone to be there for you. Who doesn't? Despite whatever decision you make, i know you are still my purest and most natural BB ever. Remember that i will always love you....and i will be there for you just like you are always there for me. Remember....dare to dream, dare to accept!!!Your dreams will come true....=)


Good Night World....

Mama I love you....

Hello World...i thought of not coming back to this blog for this whole week BUT...i just received a terrible news from my dearest BB Kelly.She told me "MOTHER'S DAY" is this sunday. Oh my god...what the heck am i doing?I thought i still have time to think of what to write or even decorate the card. Oh no.....i am such an unfilial daughter. Well, in order to make up for it, i got to come to this little world of mine again. And, i must compose a longer post as compared to last year's post.First of all, "Gambatte kudasai" to myself. I know i can do it =)

Mother's Day?What is the first thought that comes into your mind when you heard of the word "Mother's Day"?It is a common celebration for all the mommy's in the World. (Ps: No. It is a most wonderful celebration for all Mommies!) What did you do on this day? Did you just have a quick dinner with your mommy or just shove her a present or card? How many of us will actually appreciate this day?Do we know the real meaning of Mother's Day? Do we actually appreciate this special occasion? What is the role of mother in the whole family? Is she somebody who has to handle all house chores? Someone who has to serve you? YES...you, the kids!! Is she our servant? Don't ever dare to think about it. Mommies are the most wonderful soul in the world. They are fearfully and wonderfully made by God. Mother's are amazing, for they were made up by emotions and love. They were priceless for they gave birth to us. They showed us love and care plus, they handle all our stuffs.


So right now people, let me tell you about my Mummy!!My mum is amazing!!Why?Because she gave birth to me. Yes...i felt so lucky and happy to be born by such noble mummy. My mummy is a tough woman. Working and doing house chores are her favourite. She don't mind sleeping in that montrous factory of her's. Once, she told me she thought of moving to her factory. Well, i totally disagree with that. She don't mind working for the whole week (that's when we are lack of workers)...yes..even on sundays. My mummy is not someone who wants to party all day long. I don't even see her hanging out with her friends. The only thing she care for is her career. Yes, that so-called montrous factory. My mummy has got the so-called "hygienic syndrome". She can't bear her house to be dirty even though it is not even dirty. She can't bear to leave her house unswept for "maximum" two days. I used put on my sulky face the minute she asked me to sweep the floor. I don't like doing house chores but yet, sometimes, i felt so ashamed of myself and i will do it eventually. People said she don't need a maid for she is staying alone in that house but i seriously do think my mummy needed one. Since she is working, so leave those house chores to the maid. Looking back, we haven't got a maid for quite a while. So mummy is the one who handles the whole house. No matter how tired she is, she is determine to keep her house spick and span. That's ridiculous...for i don't enjoy doing house chores, but she seems to love it. And often, i caught her humming while working. I guess, she really enjoyed doing all these. She used to love shopping but then, recently, she said money are hard to earn. And she said we should be thrifty. Once a while, she tend to buy something as a reward to herself. I don't mind her buying shoes, bags, clothes and all. I think she deserved it. So Mummy, just spend all your money on something that you like. Doll up yourself. Even if she wear a simple T-Shirt, i still think she is very pretty. Yes...that's her- My Mummy. Let's move on to more....

Christmas 2009

Did i ever mention that i am the only child?Yes...basically, i am the only child in my family but in reality, i actually have four elder brothers and one elder sister. My dad has two wives (what's so wrong about that?). I never felt that my life is unfair. In fact, i am glad to be born in this family. Why?I have all my close relatives and friends with me plus my wonderful parent's. I was never alone. NEVER!!Well..actually i did complain about my life before. Who doesn't?I used to grumble and complaint that i do not have a brother or sister. I ALWAYS WANTED A BROTHER OR SISTER. I don't mind if they are older than me or younger me. I just wanted someone who can keep me accompany so that i won't feel so lonely and alone. I used to confront my parent's...asking why they wanna give birth to me since they don't intend to give me any siblings. I was so alone and lonely during my childhood age. What is the use of having so many toys, soft toys and dolls if there is no one there who can talk to me?And hence, i tend to talk to myself creating numerous stories. Pretending i was a mummy carrying my daughter (dolls), pretending to be a teacher teaching my students (my soft toys), pretending i was a cook handling my restaurant and etc. I still talk to my soft toys now even though i am a Uni Student. Recalling back, i was really creative then. But...i still wanted someone to play with. I used to blame my parent's for the abortions. I want them to adopt a baby for me. My parent's told me i was the luckiest girl. I never really get what they meant until now...!!And i know i never will. So i tend to put all my love and passion that i saved to all my cousins and young kids outside. I used to think what is the use of having so much money if i have to be alone in the house with no one to talk to? I believe a large family can be as warm and merry even without money. It is the strong bond i envied..and not the supply of money. This is the thing they have which i don't HAVE in my life. But i know i can't blame mummy for that. That's because daddy is not always by her side and that she have to raise me up all by herself. If i were to have 2 or 3 more younger siblings running about, i bet it will be too tough for a woman. =(


Despite the fact that i looked ugly here, my mummy looks great!!=)

Mama I Love You, Mama I Care....
Mama I love You, Mama My friend,
You're my friend...

That was so long long time ago. I finally decided to accept my destiny to be the "ONLY CHILD" in my family. Aiks....lonely as i was but i'll grow up isn't it? During primary school, every young kids are so pure and innocent and they don't even care how many siblings you have. But as i entered secondary school, i was stupid enough to mind what people said. I don't even dare to admit that i was the only child for i don't like hearing comments like " Oh my god, you belong to the rich people group. You don't even know how poor we are. Plus you are the only child....etc etc etc". I am afraid that i might have no friends. So i tend to keep my background "Private and Confidential". I think only my true true friends knows the real story of me. I never explain or tell my story to people unless they really wants to know. Yes....i was given a set of key when i was in primary school. Why?Because my mum is so busy working that there won't be anyone else in the house to unlock the door for me. I have to wait for her to come back often. Always remember myself as a kid, waiting at the door to look out for the purple nissan or my dad's Pajero. But their time is not always constant. Sometimes, she came home in the evening but sometimes, she came home late at night. I don't blame her for working too hard. I really don't!!I don't mind being left alone in the house. For this is how i learnt to be independent!!But i was too young to understand the reason why she works all day long. I always thought she is so in love with her career. I never even realized that my school uniform is so much different from the rest. My neighbours all were studying in government school and i was the only one who get to enter a private school.

As time goes by, i tend to grow up too with my own circle of friends.From primary school mates till secondary school mates.......i'll tell her everything. I never kept anything from her. She'll never never controls me over whatever decision i made unless it was risky. Only child i was, but my mummy never spoilt me. She hates lying. She'll canned me terribly if she knows i lied. Never underestimate her ways of canning. The more you run, the more you'll get!!We used to have like 3 to 4 canning stick in my house. It is everywhere....!!=)

As i am always alone in the house, i tend to pick up a habit "wanting to stay in the house always". Whenever she ask me to go out, i will always decline. So i hadn't been spending much time with mummy during that age. I know it was bad of me but i hate to step outside of my house for even one second. I was given the best education!!I can remember seeing Mummy feeling so happy and proud over my UPSR results. I thought everything would remain the same for i enjoyed going to school. I was proved wrong for secondary school is totally different from primary school. Students there are definitely less friendly (even though i attended an all girls school). Still, i manage to find my own place in that school. Thanks to LEO club. I am able to open myself up. I tend to go out often, joined in numerous activities, stay up late at night, and all. I was an active member. My mummy was surprised to see the sudden change in me. She reminded me not to neglect my studies but i did. I remembered i came home late one night when i was a Form 3 student, due to some Leo club function. I came home at around 2am in the morning. Mummy called me more than 5 times to ask where i was...and her tone was like turning from soft to irritate and finally flared up. I didn't know she was worried. I even think she controls me too much...not giving me any freedom. She even threatened me to quit LEO..but i did not listen to her. I finally found my place at school....and i will NEVER give up. I climbed so high to get that post......and i can see that mummy and daddy were both solemn when i was finally the "President of Leo Club". They expected all these....but knew they could do nothing to change my decision. I am sorry to say....but Leo Club really affects my studies. But this is where i found my friends and courage and all. It was priceless to me. I was proud to be a LEO. I remember her asking me to study account and yet, i refused to. I even asked her to get me into Science class. I thought i would be able to handle both my studies and Leo well. But......things are not as easy as you imagined it would be. Sorry mummy ..if my results makes you disappointed. This is not the end of my life yet....i can still work hard for my future!! The back view of my parent's. I love the back view of mummy. From behind, i can see that she is a tough and superb career woman. Well..at least to me, she is!!

Even when i was about to enter college, mummy still have to settle everything for me. I wanted to go overseas but she don't allow me. I was quite sore and angry but i always wanted to experience life outside. My aunt told me to give in to her...but sorry, i did not!!I never thought of giving in to her and this makes her flare up even more. My mum used to say that, physically, i inherit nothing from her but what i inherited fully from her are her characters- bad tempered, don't want to lose and all. I am determined to be a strong girl. When i was serving in the camp (National Service), she spend a lot of money buying me food and all. She settled everything for me. I should have felt bad for spending so much......

I thought i will be strong when the day comes for me to leave my home and to go up to KL. I know my life is about to change. I never even cried when she left. But when night time comes, i was feeling so alone and i can't believe i actually did cry. Never had i realized i actually miss my home so much. I am sorry that i always make you worried. She is a superb mummy. I only called to tell her about the terrible condition at my new hostel, and during the following week, she drive up to KL to settle all my things again. I know i should have study really hard when i was in college but i make things worst by getting a boyfriend and being in a relationship. Luckily all these does not affect my results. I can see mummy was feeling pleased with my results after all. I used to think that i'll never be able to experience outside but she surprised me one day by saying "I think you should study in Australia right after your foundation!" I was amazed.

So, that's where i am now...sitting here and typing out all these. She actually wanted me to take up business but i am so into mass communication. She wanted me to go Singapore but i wanted to come overseas. I have my way at last!!!But the feeling is not what i expected it would be. I am not as happy as i imagined. I am not a good daughter.I always make her sad and worry....and yet i am worried about her at times too..now that i am so far away. Sweet family

I know mummy doesn't want me to come so far. I knew it!!Although she said it is because of the qualification and standard and all..but i know she don't want me to leave her. I started realizing it when i was a college student. Since then, i always wanted to follow her wherever she goes. I want her to take me along whenever she wants to go shopping or even hanging out with our neighbours. I JUST want to follow and to take her along with me. We had endless topics to blabber about. I told her everything...well at least....i know what i can tell and what i can't tell. *winks* I make sure she knows all my friends.

Life is so unpredictable. I really don't know what will happen next!!So ...what i really wanted to do is to finish my course as soon as possible and try my very best not to let her worry about me. I am fine here...honestly. She gave me the best care, the best education, and the best in everything. She really fulfilled her task to be a good mummy. She is responsible in everything she does and as well as her concern and care towards me. She used to say she has nothing to give me..but what she can give me is "education". I remember myself still wanting to sleep with mummy even though i was 14. That's because daddy 0nly stay with us once a week. So i get to sleep with mummy with full of soft toys on the bed. Even if daddy comes, i will still pull a mattress into their room and was determine to sleep there.....

I was an idiot in maths. Calculations and sums can really put me to sleep. I studied really really hard just to pass my maths. Mummy knows it all. She said to me "Just do your best. Even if you fail, it is ok. Mummy knows you have work really hard for it!" Look at that!!She is the best mum isn't it? I was really crying at that moment!!!Not because i can fail in my maths of course but the things she said.

Dad and Mum...before they leave Perth....

As i grow older, i realized i had everything!!Yes...EVERYTHING!Family, love, friends and all. The best is...i have the BEST MUMMY ever. Despite the fact that i have to stay alone often....but i never felt that i was an unlucky child. I still love my family and life. I know my condition is rather complicated but who cares? I still love this family!And yes...the most important people in my life......

There is something which i never say, not because i don't care. Despite the fact that i am now 2437.89 miles away from you, but my soul and spirit will always be in the family!!!

To Mummy dearest:-

Sorry if i ever ever hurt you with my words!Sorry if i ever ever shouted at you. You know i have harsh temper. In future, just don't mind whatever i said. Sorry..because i chose to be a Christian in the end. I know you always wanted me to be a buddhist but sorry....i believe in CHRIST!! Sorry if i had mood swings sometimes, that's because i faces some problems which i don't wanna tell. I know you don't want me to be alone (you knew that i wanted to break up with him) but this is ME!!I know being single can be lonely sometimes but i chose to be single until i met the right person. Sorry for everything. Sorry if i ever make you sad. Sorry for making you sad during the time when i gotten the disease -BULIMIA. I know i ate like normal but in reality, i go straight to the toilet to vomit right after eating. SOrry for making you worry. I know you have been working hard to keep me at school. I know i shouldn't have spend so much. I felt so bad whenever i see you forking out a lum sum of money to pay for my things (clothes, accessories, school fees and all). I know you are feeling lonely at times. So i hope you can treat yourself better by not working too hard. There are things happening in the factory. I knew it all. I wanted to be there to share all your ups and downs. I want to help you out by minimizing your problems. I will do all the house chores for you i promised. I won't nag or grumble anymore. Please stay healthy !!Do take care of your health.Treat yourself better by hanging out with Aunty Ching and Aunty Swee Fern. Get Barry to stay with you sometimes. And most importantly, get yourself a maid. Don't overworked!!Stop working if you don't feel like working. Even if you tell me one day that you do not have enough financial to support me, i don't mind. What's the big deal? I can just quit school!!I am determine to go back right after i graduated from Murdoch. I don't wanna change your life for i know you won't want to leave your siblings and friends behind. I am determine to change my life and not yours. Don't worry Mummy. I'll be a good girl i promised. Don't worry about my studies at all. I know what i am doing!!You are a good mum and i am FOREVER IN YOUR DEBT!!I Just wanna say " I love you Mummy"....


To all the Mummy's in the world....i just wanna wish all of you a very "Happy Mother's Day"!!People, do appreciate your mummy!!They are the best soul ever.....=) Love them just like i love my own Mummy.

Be THE ONE and not SOMEONE...

Aloha dearest World.....i am back!!!Finally, i am done with all these stupid essays. Okay...it is my fault for procrastinate. But i am just so glad that everything is OVER!!Right now, i just left my Japanese composition and one presentation...then i can prepare for my finals. YAYYYYYYYY!!I had a great chat with dearest SELINA BEAR through skype....last week??Yes..just when i am so vexed and emo over my essays. Glad that you are always there for me!!!Right after skyping, our status changed from siblings to "In a relationship". So people, i am attached to Selina Bear!!..Not single anymore...hehehe...love you girls so much. Whenever i look at our album "S.H.E.RO", it reminds me of our sweet time together. Miss you girls so much...!!Anyway.....check out my beloved Selina Bear below..

Princess Selina Bear
Too bad S.H.E is so far away now. I wish Hebe Ting were here to skype too!!Well...there is always hope for us to meet up. Can't wait to go back!!I ve been missing everything a lot back in JB. JB is my home.....!!!

S.H.E.R.O
This song seriously inspire me a lot!!I can just do everything by my own without a HERO. I am not saying that girls are strong but surely we have got to be independent right? We can still survive without boys. Right girls?

Since i am having the urge to write something, then i shall just expand a bit from my long long ago post "I AM WHO I AM". Listening to S.H.E.R.O make me wanna be just myself only. I know most people finds it hard to accept the real me. For i am crazy, childish, not at all ladylike(tomboy), noisy, bad tempered, not at all gentle, very rough, a bit sensitive, and quite fierce at times. But THIS IS ME!!I hate being called fake, hypocrite, or even being backstabbed. If you don't like anything about me, for goodness sake, just come and tell me. Don't have to backstab from behind. THIS IS ME!!If i don't like that person's characters, for sure i will tell it to him or her (that's if IF he or she is my friend). If i really treat that person as a friend, i will tell it straight to him or her. THIS IS ME!! If i see my friend ended up in bad ways, i will feel heartbroken for them and i will try my very very best to change them even though it might cause them to hate me. I just hate seeing my friends walking towards death end. THIS IS ME!!I don't deny i will choose friends. But i won't befriended with those that are rich or pretty or even handsome. I don't care a damn about all these. I will be good to those who are sorta click with me. I meant, i will pay extra attention to them =)...erhem, for instance, BB Kelly, my S.H.E's and etc. THIS IS ME!!I know nobody is perfect...you can't expect everyone to be all perfect with zero bad points. But then, please don't try to change the way i am. I am happy enough with my life. What's so wrong being myself?I know people may find it hard to accept the real me, but despite all the things that happened, i am always being MYSELF. Thanks to those who are willing to accept the true me =)

Back to my title above, "Be the one and not someone". Yes....in life, we must always be THE ONE!!Did i ever tell you about a guy whom i have crushed for 3 years?Well..that was during my high school time...or i should say, during the time when i am so so into the world of LEO. Don't bother searching for boys in my school for i attended an ALL GIRLS SCHOOL. What happen then? Nothing of course for i never tell him how i felt. And hey, you can't blame me for being stupid. I am just so afraid of the outcome and i believe everything will change right after confession. So...i rather not tell plus, he is always so cool and out of the world. Nobody knows things about him. Nobody knows his stuffs. Nobody knows what is going on around him. He is THE ONE!And yes, during that time, he is the KING of my heart. Hahaha..but that was the past of course. I've got to move on...!!I used to think that i will never be able to forget him. I used to suffer just because i can't tel him how i felt. Guys..if you know my story, you will be able to know how i felt during that period. But I am glad i did. Thank God!!I don't have that kind of feelings for him now but still, he will forever be someone special to me. The so-called THE ONE. So right now people, i just wanna say....we should always be THE ONE in our life and not someone. I am determine to make myself as THE ONE in someone's heart. I believe i will know it if the right person appear in front of me one day =)

PS: I know this is kinda dramatic but it is true. The long and forbidden memories are just so clear that it takes forever to bury all of them. Ahh well people, since i have posted my enclosed piece of diary "Secretly loving you" like centuries ago? So i think i might post another enclosed piece of my heart diary "Forbidden Love" soon. Ahh well.no promise!!I might consider. For those who have already read it before...SSHHHHHHHHHHH....!!=) I know my BB Kelly will love to read it!!

Till here people...sleepy sleepy zzz...See ya in the next post!!