Saturday, February 23, 2013

Pain and relief

So many things going on my mind today. Wanted to join in for the Evangelism activity but this weak body won't allow me to. Instead, I prayed for two hours. Crying out and pouring out to Him. I ask Him why? I know I shouldn't be asking Him because all His plans are perfect for me. But hey, this is my personal spot, so let me just pour out.

I don't understand why I should feel so empty and lost. I mean just three days off work and I felt as if my World has ended. I didn't want to sleep the day away and realize I should have done something better. It is no fun. I want to work and I miss the kids :( Please tell me Lord that I am healed!

Father, I really appreciate you sending all those sweet people in my life. I need to step out from my comfort zone I know. I know I can't always stay at the same place. But sometimes, I really wish to go back to those times again. To me, I am like someone who is on a mission trip. I am just so lucky that all my beloved ones are here. I have a memory lane which I wanted to go back to take a stroll. Yes, I want to forget everything that I am going through right now and to just take a stroll quietly even if it is just by myself. I told you already Lord, that I am not strong at all before You. You need to lead me and guide me. There goes a saying "How can you love someone when you don't even love yourself?" No.. that's not true. Alph and Jovan used to say, it is all about "JOY" - "Jesus, Others and You" I really like that!

And I learnt something. What's mine will be mine and what's not mine will forever not be mine. So there is no need for me to feel sad or sore about it. After all that You have showed me Lord, I know I shall not even hope or long for it. I shall not even try to seek for it. I know words are easier said than done. No doubt I am still trying :) You wipe away my tears when I broke down. You were there by my side when I need You. Please tell me that You would be there for me despite all storms. You are sufficient for me.

Heal me and You will see that I am ALL READY for the next level..


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