You are the apple of my eyes

Hi people, it has been a while. Mixed feelings. From the bottom of my heart, i missed the people whom i haven't seen for weeks. And yet, when it comes to the time, i dreaded going. Why? Maybe i just don't like the awkwardness. It is not like they care about my presence or so. Perhaps, they will do even better without me. Sigh, that's me!! The emotional and not-so-confident side of me. I am just not good enough. Hectic life has just started. And this time, my body just couldn't take it so ended up feeling sick again. What a life!!I really should stuff myself with calcium and vitamin pills. I meant this post to be in chinese but due to this new laptop function, i just couldn't find the language application. So, i just gotta try my best to express this post. 

I always heard of Gidden and his famous books. Yet, i did not read even one of his books until recently, when this aura is too strong. His movie and latest book of "You are the apple of my eye" has surpass the famous ratings of all other movies and everyone said it is a MUST watch movie and a MUST read book. I hesitated because i know certain scenes will hit me a lot and i didn't want to end up crying in the cinema. Still, i lost! I decided to face the reality so i read the book and as well as watching the movie. Only one word - AWESOME! This movie makes me laugh and cry at the same time. Well, i guess, it is every girls' dream to have a "Gidden" by their side. Someone who would is so devoted and love myself so much that they are willing to become childish. And yes, those past memories and certain scenes which is so so so so familiar to me. I missed the old good times.

I find the picture above interesting but it is true. I can't put myself fully in Gidden's story because i came from an All-Girls school. Even though we don't have boys in our class, but still, the feeling of ease and comfort still lives within me. I really love the feeling. A girl need not rely on boy for everything. Likewise, i thank God for putting me in an all-girls school because it has turn me into the independent girl of today. What makes up the Viola today is through the experiences of the past.  All those heartaches, sadness, happiness, good old times, tears, joy, and etc.... shall always be my precious memories. It always accompany us throughout the whole journey of growing up.

I will definitely watch this movie again. Those years.... while i am still a young girl. Time flies....Exactly one year ago, He was the apple of my eyes. Well, he shall always be, because i intend to keep all the memories. I'll find myself indulge in all those sweet memories with those precious people :)

Still

When the ocean rise and thunders roar, i will soar with you above the storm..


Dear World,

What's wrong with me? Why does it hurt so much? I have no idea. All i can say is, there is totally NO WAY to enter your World. We are totally like the opposite of one another. I can never be like you nor you can ever be like me. Even if i did try my best to fit in, but still, it is hopeless. I don't want to have anything more to do with this.

Father i turn to You. Despite all these emo feelings, i still wanna thank you for such a wonderful day. Indeed, your joy is my strength :) I shall certainly stop thinking about all these and get started with my assignments. Stay close to me Lord..and don't let me go. I have this kinda feeling that i am so not gonna hang on for long but i shall follow Your ways...

Peace out...

Ashamed

Hey people,

Speaking about faith, i have to confessed that for the past two weeks, i did not spend a decent time with my   God. I am so ashamed of myself. As a believer and a child of God, i shouldn't have this kinda attitude. I should be doing my devotion everyday. Forgive me Lord...i am unworthy.

A good example below will tell you why i love the kids. It is a conversation between Wing (my wonderful Zionkids mate in Perth) and amazing Christopher.

Wing: Christopher, what do u like the most in easter carnival? petting zoo?? Ferris wheel??
Christopher: what is that?? i dont like any of those. I just like GOD and Jesus.
Christopher: what is easter? can u tell me?
Wing: Jesus died for our bad things. *bla bla bla* after 3 days, HE rose again. Then we had a celebration for Jesus for that.
Christopher: Then why is it about chocolate and things???




Look at that!! It was so amazing that i couldn't help feeling touched by what he said. And i was only reading it from Wing's status. Imagine me hearing it straight from Chris himself. It is certainly blessings, praise and truth coming out from the mouth of Child. It was so cute and lovely :)

There you go... don't underestimate the power of children. You can learn a lot through them :)

LAW LAW LAW

Hey World,

For some reasons, i just don't feel good. I have a Law paper which worth 30% tomorrow and i am not allow to go and sit for it. The unit coordinator said she would carry forward that 30% to my final...which means i got to study extra hard for this paper. I don't have good feelings about it. I am just so worried. Oh Lord, do tell me what i should do? Don't care what the school says and just go and sit for the paper all the same? Well, maybe i should just study from now onwards. Pray that i will be able to go to school next week :)

Sincerely,
Viola

November

Hey all, for no reason i just feel like coming here. Maybe i was feeling disgusted with myself for not being able to control situations. While people were busy preparing for their examinations, here i am lazing around because i am not in a fit condition to do some serious studying. While people rush over their assignments in school, i am being kept away from school because of this stupid chickenpox. Sigh, i need to buck up soon.

Anyway, i am pretty much being left alone. As i don't feel like doing anything else, i'll think of the memories happened one year ago which is still vivid to me. Well, i guess the month of November will haunt me forever. Why? Because November is a month to remember :) At least for me, i want to think only the good sides of it. I fell in love with someone last Winter and things will never be the same again. I want to get to know this person more and i just couldn't find the right opportunity. Exactly one year ago, around this time, my friends will be giving me ideas as in to go attend his church service which is totally right at the other end of the city, or ask me to do something crazy.

I have to say, thank God for always being able to put things according to places and He came to my rescue just in time. I don't have the courage to do little things like talking to him on Facebook or adding him on MSN (though i often wished i have the courage to do so). Yet, it doesn't tally compared to what i have told him face to face. Around this time, my friends would always drag me to wonder along the streets of city to see if we get any chances to bump into him. Sometimes, out of rage, they would want me to text him straight away...or even direct, to ask him out just like that. Maybe it is the fastest way, but i don't think it'll work. To be honest, i can never forget every single things that he said (whether is it face to face or virally). Maybe this is just the case when you are too obsessed with a person. Why i can communicate with other people easily and not him? My friend told me, "You got to forget the fact that he is the guy you are interested in. You don't dare to talk to him just because he is someone that you like. You got to overcome all these!" To certain extend, she is right. He is just another harmless human who wouldn't kill you if you talk to him. So why am i so afraid?

It surprised me even more when i heard a voice all of a sudden telling me to confess my feelings for him. God, i am assuming that it is YOUR voice i am hearing. Things really fall according to its own places the minute i made decision to tell him how i feel. Hmm...stop stop!! Let me grasp some air back in reality. I could still remember the scenes clearly. It seems as if it just happened yesterday. Even if it happened nearly one year ago (30/11/2010), but i could still feel the awkwardness right through my bones. *shivers* I was scared. Who said i don't have the fear receptors within myself?

Oh well, i am not expecting anything. It is always better to remember the good sides of it. Come to think of it. He was the first person whom i tried to pursue with my own strength and without much thoughts. I don't even think i will have enough courage to do the same thing again. I can't say i still have the same feelings for him and yet i can't say that i have completely let him go. It is more or less in between... but nonetheless, i am going to give myself more chances to explore the World outside. I believe God has a way. If it is meant to be mine, it will somehow comes back to me. If it is not, then no point hanging on.....

My memories....once upon a November.... :)

Emptiness

I miss you....

Oh well, i guess i just need someone to talk to. I miss my friends scattered around the World. How can i gather all of them together?

Warning sign

Hey World :) It's been a while. Let's see..hmm, i've been absent from my blog for one week. Why? I wasn't feeling well plus, i had a real hectic week last week. I was wondering how come i couldn't recover from high fever and sore throat two sundays ago. I thought i was recovering only to find out within this week that i was infected by the CHICKENPOX virus. Ewww.. i don't like chickenpox. People said it will be itchy but nope, it is painful. I had trouble sleeping and i can't even touch my face. 

Lord, please help me. I have a Law paper this Sunday and 2 assignments due next friday. Yet, i have been given one week off. Doctor was kind enough to offer me two weeks off but i boo-bah at the idea. No way am i gonna missed classes for two weeks. I don't need You to heal all the red spots but at least give me a clear mind so that i can concentrate in my revision as well as working on with my assignments.

Look at the picture above. It was taken last friday while rushing for my Aids report. I truly deserved a spanking for doing last minute work. And yet, it was worst when i reach school only to find that i did not save my work :( What to do?? Redo all over it again. Luckily i had three good friends who are willing to die with me. Lots of different emotions going on that day. From laughters to tears....from tears to frustration!!! Thank you guys. To be honest, i miss them a lot these few days. Life is great when you have some crazy friends who would do crazy stuffs with you. Oh no...in this case, it should be the other way round. They are always forcing me to do crazy stuffs :)

What should i do now? I am in pain!! I can't study nor to kick start with my assignments. So, let me pamper myself for one more day. This is when i remembered i had a book given by Daddy one month's back. It is called "Norwegian Wood". A japanese story but being translated to English :) I am halfway through the book and it was great :)

Stay away

Dearest illnesses, please stay away from me! You are making me so weak for days that i am being unproductive. Come on, spare my life. I have a report due this Friday which is worth 30%. And i also have one page of summary to hand in today. You make me missed 2 lessons as well. The last thing i want from you is to receive a "Fail" in my result page. Please be kind to me :)

Sincerely,
Viola

Doubt?

Hey people.... this will be a really short post.

Been wanting to update my blog for the past few days but really don't get the opportunity to.

Anyway, i just wanna thank the Holy Spirit for guiding me throughout the whole lesson. I wasn't well-prepared for the lesson so i kinda do it on the spot. Thank You Jesus...next time i'll prepare beforehand :)

Talk about being a true friend, misunderstandings always took place. No matter how i tried to shun it away or clear it up, but it just keep growing and growing until i really have no other way out. Someone told me, "Take a rest and don't do anything at all!!" I guess i'll do it.........

I just wanna say "Thanks for hurting". Oh yes thank you so much for hurting whether it is intentional or unintentional. I won't be stumbled but i am just so disappointed and hurt. I know it is kinda repetitive, but all in all i just wanna say i am a human with REAL emotions too. You all have feelings but it doesn't mean i don't have one. Believing stories from one side just WON'T help. Don't even try to talk to me in the first place if you don't intend to change or you intend to change only for a while. It just gets on my nerves. By all means, go ahead and trust only one side... i will wash my hands off all these. And yes, i'll be silent. I need a break..

"When i don't bring up something or don't say something, it doesn't mean i don't care or i am clueless!! I just trust in my Lord believing that silence can convey all messages" by Viola.

Dearest Lord, i love you. The God i know is righteous and holy....