Emo (Part 3)

Hey guys..since i have nothing else to do, i should just come to my little world here. Here is the only place where i can vent out my true feelings. I woke up feeling horribly sick and yet...i know i have to go out somehow just in case i am going crazy. Guys, i don't know what am i writing so far...so please forgive me if you can't understand whatever i ve written. I really don't want to be "emo". Assignments due dates are drawing near and by right, i shouldn't have time to even feel emo. But then...why am i so weak?Where are all my motivations and strength? I am getting weaker and weaker!I don't understand myself at all. I am not like that!!

It is not because of the break up that cause me to be in this state. I REPEAT, IT IS NOT BECAUSE OF THE BREAK UP! I am so god damn disappointed with human's behaviours. I know i can't expect or force people to feel the same way like i do. Or even to feel happy when they are sad. But then...these are small matters. It can be solve with just a simple word of "sorry". Why do you have to walk away? Forget it!!I am determined not to think too much about it or to bother about your stuffs anymore.But please bear in mind that, we are all concern about you and we really wanted to help you. Nobody can help you if you don't open yourself up. You just turned down each and everyone's offer. You don't appreciate people's kindness. You thought badly of them. By right, you don't even deserve the kindness that is being offered to you. Yet, as a Christian, we should learn to forgive and forget. I won't bear any grudges against you. Just let me vent out all my feelings here and everything will be fine.

Sometimes....hmm..yes..sometimes, i really don't wish to care about him any more but then Mummy always asked me to not be like that. I can't help it okay. My blood starts to boil whenever i heard something unpleasant coming out from his mouth. Like what Chloe said, I can be his friend but he CAN'T be my friend. Why do things turn out this way?But then..what can i do??Outsiders don't even know what is happening between us and yet Mummy always thought i am the one at fault. Haizzz......i know i am not a perfect person too but at least i don't behave the way he does. I know i can't judge a person as i am not him/her. But at least, i don't behave the way he does. I know i can't expect a person to be perfect as i am NOT that perfect either. But at least, i still don't behave the way he does.I know i am bad tempered but at least, i DON'T behave the way he does.

Alright...you know what? Since i am determined to vent out everything here, then i shall not beat around the bush. I should just vent out everything. First of all, i seriously can't stand that weirdo and unacceptable behaviours of his....why?What the hell...even if i hated a person to the core, but at least i won't make it so obvious. What do you expect us to do...that person has already appear infront of our house door, do you expect us to chase her away? Please grow up!!You are not a kid anymore. And when you see something that you are not happy with, you tend to vent out all your angers towards innocent people like US. We are not even your slaves. And hey,,,okay..i understand that eveyone has different state of mood. When i am happy, other people might be sad or angry. Or the other way round. But then...it is not like if we are angry, then we have to shoot everyone around us. Well..at least i am not like that. If i am emo, at the most, i'll just keep really quiet.But you are NOT!!You just acted like the whole world has offended you or something like that. I am so sick and tired of all these. Couple or not couple, you are just you and i am just Myself. Nothing ever change...!!Don't step on my toes and i won't step on yours. I ve mentioned before that, i am the last person on Earth you would want to mess with. So don't mess with me..

So people, my mood sucks these whole week. Nothing seems to turn out right!!I can find no one to talk to. Nobody will ever understand the real story behind all these. Everyone will think it is my fault. Haiz..forget it!!Who ask me to train myself with such strong characters...that nobody will find it convincing. I thought this would be the best ways for the both of us. I REPEAT, I AM NOT FEELING REGRET OVER THE DECISION I VE MADE. Like i said, everyone is just trying to be kind and tries to help him out.

Single is always the best for me!!Unless i find someone whom i really really love....then i don't mind changing for the sake of him. But this is different case!!I don't even want to change a single thing about myself. I want to be as strong as possible and not as weak as anything. I don't even want to rely on anybody even though sometimes, you have to rely on someone. Especially when you are feeling empty and lost! I tried my very best not to rely on others. I want to laugh like lunatic and smile N-less times per day. But for these whole week, i am just putting on a very very fake smile. The smile is so god damn fake that i hated myself very much. I don't want to be like this anymore.....!!

Arghh....since he don't appreciate the kindness from all of us, forget it!!Don't come crawling back to me and making me so piss. I must look at Jae Joong. The best looking guy in the whole world. Well..at least to me..he is!!Check out the picture of handsome Jae Joong. He is so good looking that i have to smile everytime i looked at his picture. Where on earth can i find such good looking guy?He can only appear in my dreams!!Awhh....

Alright people, i am fine now!!I think my mood is slightly better now since i ve already vented out everything. Still, i can't escape from the fact that i am feeling sick....!!I need to pull myself together in order to pass all my subjects. Wish me lucks....!!I will fight for the sake of stepping onto my "NEW WORLD". Watch me people, i will be strong!!I PROMISED!!