Dream Catcher 2

Nightmares never end.

Series of nightmares:-

"Fears, Insecurities, Depressions, Hurts and Pains"

Sometimes it is better to not fall asleep since sleeping is going to be tough. Hopefully, I can sleep through these dreams and wake up knowing it is just a dream. I don't know how is he doing right now. Perhaps enjoying his life without me. All I know is that, it is not going to be easy for me because this is not the life that I wanted. Still hoping and waiting, but all these series of nightmares are not helping anyway. 

 

I don't know what I am saying. The influence of alcohol is making me unnecessarily crazy. Dream Catcher huh? I need one right now. 

Dream Catcher

It is this time of the year again where we all gather together as one family. This means New Year will be here soon. Everything is the same, everyone is the same, even the surrounding smells the same, bu the only person who can't make it is my heart. After all that happened, I really don't blame my heart for not being cooperative. Just let it cry and be sad for as long as it wants to. 

Everything that has happened are like nightmares. If only the myth of "Dream Catcher" were real, I really hope it will capture all my bad dreams and let only the good ones remain. I am not satisfy and happy with the conclusion. I really hope when nightmares are over, we will wake up holding each other's hand again.

Think it is time for me to get a new tattoo. It shall be a "Dream Catcher" this time just because I am tired of nightmares and I need some real nice dreams from now onwards.

Happy New Year people. I left this post written halfway before I went out and now it is past midnight. So, have a great year :)

想说：
如果那么想认识其它女人和她们交谈，干脆就直接把facebook和twitter activate 回，然后再add 回她吧。这反而会让我好过一点。 与其一直在猜测你会做些什么事，不然就直接让我看清你的真面目。 反正痛的人也只有我而已，不会是你！

不想回复我就干脆把我从whatsapp 删除掉。 不要一直让我知道你有在查看，但又不回复我。 这样很伤人！！基本的尊重，连小孩子都会的。

Woke up hoping that it is just a nightmare but guess it is all true.

What I really want..

If only life were that simple….

ranting

Really hate it when Mommy kept asking me what I am getting for his family. Does it matter? They won't appreciate it anyway. So what if my neighbour's boyfriend bought something? He will never do anything like that okay.

Told Mommy I have to attend a client's open house on the second day of New Year which means I have to drive back to JB and back to Kulai again. She kept mentioning him and ask me to get him to fetch me. I am like he doesn't even care. Without a freaking boyfriend also I will be driving alone as usual. JUST LIKE BEFORE

I know you are worried Mommy, but the guy that you trusted is no longer interested in your daughter's life. He has better life to enjoy.

Ciaoz.

想说

想说，我过得并不好
一直假装自己很坚强
实际上有多可悲

不想放弃却一只被逼到不得已而放弃
自己连做决定的权利都没有
不想爱却被逼得一定要爱
想爱时又被逼得不能爱
好辛苦
好难承受
我活着很痛苦

S.T.R.E.S.S 

Good job clients!Thanks for stressing me out even when your goods arrived at site already. 

Love is blind

My head is bursting
My body is in pain
I can't sleep
I can't eat
I can hardly breathe
My throat hurts
All I wanna do is to run away and never coming back again
Used to think JB is a sweet place and I can find true love. Now only I know I am such a failure. The scar is too deep.
Instead of love, I decided to add some hatreds in it, so I can feel less pain.
Been blinded by love and thought it will last. And the person will stand by me and help me to turn into a better person.
I am gone
That girl is gone
What lefts in me is the desire to die and completely get lost from this World
Good bye

What can I do to revive a dead heart?
Maybe I need to exchange a heart for a heart. If possible I want to trade in my own heart so mine can be dead and let that evil person feels how is it like to be rejected.
Officially changed his name to "Evil". Live till so old already still wanna fool around with girls and hurt people's heart. COWARD!!

I've lost my battle!
I've failed
No matter how hard I tried, I won't change a thing anymore.
Just gotta accept the fact that I am unworthy.

You've won!
Go forth and be happy. Don't have to try so hard to get rid of me.

我彻底输了
感情输了
事业带给我的压力让我觉得很挫败
无人能分担
对于父母有说不出的理由，还是不要让老人家来为我担心。 只说好不说坏。
你赢了！
你自由了

ranting

Sarcasms are gonna make things worst my dear friend.
You are tired! And guess what? ME TOO :)

So what now? Running away from problems instead of dealing with it?
My greatest apologies, I won't run away from it
As much as it pisses people (including myself) off, I still have to face it.
Either you accept it or go on being sarcastic.

just my thoughts

It is funny that so many people know my secrets and yet can pretend they knew nothing about me in front of me. Kudos to those who can really cover up. I am not up to that level yet.

There are a lot of things that I know but I chose not to reveal it. Didn't say anything doesn't mean I won't feel hurt or pain. So please be understanding when I flared up for something that I cannot control because it is already very hurtful to find out things that I am not suppose to know- Spell it out!! I.N.S.E.C.U.R.I.T.Y

I believe I can be the best writer for the book of insecurity in the future if I manage to overcome it in times to come. No one knows how hurtful and tough it can be because you never been through the exact same thing. You don't have the right to get angry and to reprimand me for something that can't be control. I don't want the same thing to repeat twice. It happened to me before and I am trying hard not to let the same thing repeat itself again. Guess it creates more misunderstanding.

Sometimes, advising verbally but without action doesn't help. The sweetest feeling is when you are running and you fell down, and you know you can still get up because someone will be there running along with you and making sure you finish the race.  What I am asking for is just a little bit of patience and understanding and that's enough. Nobody like to suspect or be suspected. It is not nice to not trust a person who claims that he/she trusted you completely. I am trying my best. Even there is no drastic improvement but at least there should be a "LITTLE" bit of improvement.

Good night!

...

Dayre is a bit hard to me to express as it has limited characters. No one is gonna come here anyway so who cares? 

Even a totally random uncle whom I met in this field can spare his time to chat with me while inviting me to have lunch with his family and workers, I don't know why am I still unworthy in my own bf's eyes. Maybe I am not important to him at all. Uncle Albert is someone that I just met and even if it is just courtesy, with him(boss) personally messaged me telling me that I am the only VIP that was being invited to his lunch and he hopes to see me there, it touched me. Wouldn't it be even greater if my own bf will text me one day and say "You are invited by my family and I to have dinner with us and we hope to see you there".

Oh well, messaging me is already a hassle and he just wants to make me a bad person in front of everyone. Be it then. Let me be bad.

L.O.V.E

Love

Simple

Fulfilled

Satisfaction

Peace

Sometimes, you only need these to form something called "life"

Bernado :)

My favorite boy :) 

You must grow up well

so true