it is haunting me again...................

Hey guys..i am back....getting lazier and lazier to update. afterall...who will care about whether i did update or not? once upon a time, only Baobei, my so-called good friend, star aka yong sin, my invisible reader, Vonny, and my buddy, Sufee will. But now.....Sufee has withdraw himself from the world of internet. And the other 3 loyal readers have to compete against their SPM. So who will care about it? haha...so once again...my bloggie will be left alone for quite sometimes. but i will wait for you guys to be back again once more...

After staying here for quite a period, i found out that, i still hasn't adapt much to the life here. Oh fiddlestick! i admit i have already adapt to the life here...whether i am busy with schoolwork, assignments or even those lousy, unnecessary problems as well as friendship and personal problems. despite all of these, i have actually getting used to the life here. still....in conclusion...it can't be deny that this place DOESN'T suits me at all. i really don't like this place for it is like sucking all my happiness away. i misses JB like shit......!Li Xuan has written at her personal message that "JB people misses their home easily". I totally agree with this sentence.

But have you ever wonder why do we misses our home? the answer is easy...that's because we don't like this place...and that we can hardly find happiness here. In this monstrous place, all we can do is just to study, browse through the net reading blogs to blogs, wasting time and as well as sleeping. If we seriously enjoyed ourselves in the first place, we wouldn't have misses our home damn much!!friends?i have plenty. it is just a real, heart-bonded friend is extremely hard to find. I can never get someone whom i can pour out my real feeling to.aiks....forget about those reasons and explanations...overall..i still wanna say...i have no fate with this place and therefore i can never be happy here.

Words can bring millions of meanings. And your words meant a lot to me!Everything you say, i assumed it is all true. And every promises you made, i assumed you will fulfill it. But now...you are twisting your words. And i am not afraid to say...it hurts!!i feel as if i can never smile again...........!but again...sorry...it is not your fault!perhaps it is mine....!You turned me into who i am today. You turned me into someone who always want to rely on others.You turned me into such a crazy person who gets worry unnecessary. You turned me into a person who can hardly rest my brain. You turned me into a person who is willing to give all my laughters and happiness away. You turned me into such a weakling.Have you ever wonder where does all these great imagination comes from? and why do i have such ridiculous thinking? it all comes from YOU.........but i doubt you will understand all these...for you can't even answer such a simple question from me...!tell me...in this monstrous place, who i can rely on?Do you really know what i want? Have you actually care about what i want from the bottom of my heart?

This lyrics kept on ringing on my mind....and i can't help humming the tunes and starts singing along with it. the song sang by Westlife..."If your heart's not in it for real, please don't try to fake what you don't feel. If love's already gone...its not fair to lead me on. Cause i would give the whole world for you.......Everything you ask of me, i do. But i won't ask you to stay, i rather walk away....If your heart's not in it................." Deeper and deeper i sank....all those strugglings and yearnings are making me to lose my control....!when can i ever find the way out? To the "You" out there, i doubt you will read this blog.......although i have promises to respect your decision, to return you all your freedom, would not suspect you, but still...i wanna say "I miss you"...............

I have been wearing a mask eversince the first day i come here. all i want is just to be myself. but why does it seem so hard? I can't seem to please anyone here.....everyone was like having their own styles and personalities. You can never satisfy any of them. I just wanna be myself.......

Baobei and Vonny....i misses you guys!i can only be my real, true self whenever i am with you guys. For in this world, excluding my closest kins, you guys are the only one who can accept the real me. And i am afraid of losing the spirit of "The Pistachio's"!and also my SHE's members....girls...i missed you....!whenever i am hopeless, you are the one that always pop out of my mind..........

Do not fret.....above are just something which popped out of my mind...which i feel i should jot it down since i was in a writing mood and that i have no one whom i could share my story to. Phone bill is much too expensive...so i can't call Baobei they all.........!but anyway....bloggie is ending soon..so everything will be alright. There will always be a better tomorrow for me..........wish me lucks!ciaozzz...