I am who i am......

hey people...surprise to see me back so soon?hmm........well..so much about being emo and tolerating has turned me into a weakling. I am no longer the usual me that i always be. I no longer laughed heartily like i used to do.....or rather...i laughed with a mask on me now. whats wrong with me?

Sorry Mummy...you have given me everything and pins really high hopes and expectation from me. But i let you down almost everytime. you once said to me that the only thing you can give me is "Education". whether to make full use of it or not, it all depends on me. Sorry to say that i didn't make full use of it. I even thought of quiting everything. But never fret..this is my last chance now.....and it is the only part that can lead me to my future. I'll make sure...i finish my part.

Sorry Baobei and Vonny....i am not as strong as you think. And i can't be strong without you guys around...maybe i ve given all my powers and strength to you both. I am left with nothing now. Forgive me for letting you guys down......but no matter what happens, i'll still hang on. You guys once said to me "You are my hope, You are my pride". I am sorry for not doing a good job here. The spirit of "The Pistachio's" shall never fade. Like Vonny said...as long as we are bonded together...it will become our strongest will power. Please provide me the strength to carry on....

Seriously, this piece of blog is not about friends. It is all about me!!......Who am i? A failure? A half-successful girl? A wild girl? Uncivilised? Hateful? .......etc. WHO AM I ?....I just can't understand myself. I don't know the real side of myself. It does gets on my nerves....i hate myself for this.......or maybe....i hate to be myself actually...

In one situation, i can be friendly, happy go lucky, talkative, quick-witted, excited......and etc.but in another situation, i can be silent, angry, emo-ing, serious, very low mood,....etc..

Overall, what i really know about myself is that i am short,round, ugly,rough, fierce, not gentle,wild, tomboy, half-called "Lala",both noisy and silent, can goes into very deep and far thinking, day and night dreamer, an expert in jealousy, very hot-tempered, and extremely sensitive. People might run away if they know all these except for those who really and truly understand me. Thanks ya...baobei and vonny...now only i realized how terrible i am.but you guys never leave me for even a step. Thanks soooooooo much. And my besty Jennifer too....for being there for me whenever i need you. We are heart-bonded friends and buddies....and always will be.And so do my SHE's members, Hebe Ting and Selina Bear.

If you asked me who am i,i really don't know who am i. I hate the real side of myself. I hate the weak side of myself. The real side of me...i think should be in the category of the silent part. Or i should say i actually have dozens of side?Where i don't know which is the real side of me.Now only i realized how weak i am. I may be tough by appearance, but deep inside, i am not. I still need the supports of others. I may be relaxed and steady..but you'll never know my desire to win is as high as anybody. I may be friendly..but only to those who deserves it. I am fierce...but only to those who gets on my nerves. I can be wild especially to people who knows me well. I hate those who is uncivilized. I hate those who steps on my tail for no reason. I set high goals but I am half a failure in my 2nd stage of life. Sometimes,i wondered how i passed through my whole journey of Secondary school life. The answer is simple. I have met good friends who are willing to give me full support and lend me their shoulders when i am down. I'll remembered all the tears and pain that we went through all along our journey.

So long...i am always myself. From my sense of dressing, my characters, my ways of speaking, my hot-tempered, my jealousy, my heart, my bad side, my weak side, and my everything.....i am always being myself. Nobody can change the way i am. Nobody can change what i am. Why did i say so? For even me, myself couldn't change all the negative parts of me...so how could you?Eventhough people might not like me for who i am, or can't accept the real side of me(i can't accept it myself), but what is so wrong for being myself? Can i tell my parents that it is their fault for giving birth to me? Can i blame god for creating who i am? Can i request God to create me as the most perfect person in this World? NO..totally impossible.There are no perfect person in this world. I am just being myself..so long i wanna say "I AM WHO I AM"....nothing ever change...