I need strength....

Me with Uncle MCD

SHE REUNION....all thanks to xiao hong...

You guys are my soul......thanks a lot.....

Holiday is always the best!But it ended so soon....aiks...actually this piece of blog should be posted long ago..but due to my laziness...i kept on delaying it.Seriously..my hostel has no water supply for one week. And so..i have been suffering for one week. T.T..recalling back...luckily i survived. Although home is still the best...but i missed dar dar. I feel something is missing without dar dar. Maybe i rely too much on him....!aiks..must learn to be independent...

Anyway..my holiday is awesome. I get to meet my SHE members, my baobei, my dearest gua gua, my relatives, my cousins, and most of all...my daddy and mummy. i missed them sooooooo much. What did i during that whole week? Well...i stick to my parents for most of the time. Followed them to factory...played with Barry(my cousin), and sat infront of my computer chatting with dar dar. I can even play with my neighbours, Ah Mei, Ah Shuan, Wawa and Ying Ying. They were such cuties and also my sisters. We grew up together and we shared so much memories together. I love them.Besides that, i also did hang out with Selina Bear and Hebe Ting. We did had an enjoyable time. Baobei too, came to my house. I missed you baobei....i only didn't see you for such a short while..and you grew so many white hairs. hahax...anyway...don't be so stress up baobei.....SPM will be fine for you. I have faith in you and Vonny. And i am sure you guys will get through it....gambateh.....

Now...back to this monstrous place, i don't feel happy at all. There were so much problems waiting for me. Schoolwork? Assignments? Exams? Personal problems? PLEASE do leave me!! I had enough of you. I seem to lose my fighting spirit! Recalling back, i used to be so strong. And i won't be pulled down. But why do i feel like giving up now? I need strength. Where is my courages and strength? I need them back...

Honestly....i am lacked of happiness in this monstrous place. Maybe i am not a 100% saddist. I don't even want to be a saddist. Again...although i have gotten something really precious and priceless here, but this surrounding really doesn't suits me. If possible...i hope to be a child forever. But i know i can't go back to the memories that has passed long long ago.......!I missed the laughters i once heard, that sounds so gay. I missed the happiness and memories i once had.I missed JB. I missed the place where i grew up from. I missed the smell of it. I missed everything i had there.......

Once again.....i missed all of you in JB........"I Have You To Be With...Everything Will Be Easy"......

I am who i am......

hey people...surprise to see me back so soon?hmm........well..so much about being emo and tolerating has turned me into a weakling. I am no longer the usual me that i always be. I no longer laughed heartily like i used to do.....or rather...i laughed with a mask on me now. whats wrong with me?

Sorry Mummy...you have given me everything and pins really high hopes and expectation from me. But i let you down almost everytime. you once said to me that the only thing you can give me is "Education". whether to make full use of it or not, it all depends on me. Sorry to say that i didn't make full use of it. I even thought of quiting everything. But never fret..this is my last chance now.....and it is the only part that can lead me to my future. I'll make sure...i finish my part.

Sorry Baobei and Vonny....i am not as strong as you think. And i can't be strong without you guys around...maybe i ve given all my powers and strength to you both. I am left with nothing now. Forgive me for letting you guys down......but no matter what happens, i'll still hang on. You guys once said to me "You are my hope, You are my pride". I am sorry for not doing a good job here. The spirit of "The Pistachio's" shall never fade. Like Vonny said...as long as we are bonded together...it will become our strongest will power. Please provide me the strength to carry on....

Seriously, this piece of blog is not about friends. It is all about me!!......Who am i? A failure? A half-successful girl? A wild girl? Uncivilised? Hateful? .......etc. WHO AM I ?....I just can't understand myself. I don't know the real side of myself. It does gets on my nerves....i hate myself for this.......or maybe....i hate to be myself actually...

In one situation, i can be friendly, happy go lucky, talkative, quick-witted, excited......and etc.but in another situation, i can be silent, angry, emo-ing, serious, very low mood,....etc..

Overall, what i really know about myself is that i am short,round, ugly,rough, fierce, not gentle,wild, tomboy, half-called "Lala",both noisy and silent, can goes into very deep and far thinking, day and night dreamer, an expert in jealousy, very hot-tempered, and extremely sensitive. People might run away if they know all these except for those who really and truly understand me. Thanks ya...baobei and vonny...now only i realized how terrible i am.but you guys never leave me for even a step. Thanks soooooooo much. And my besty Jennifer too....for being there for me whenever i need you. We are heart-bonded friends and buddies....and always will be.And so do my SHE's members, Hebe Ting and Selina Bear.

If you asked me who am i,i really don't know who am i. I hate the real side of myself. I hate the weak side of myself. The real side of me...i think should be in the category of the silent part. Or i should say i actually have dozens of side?Where i don't know which is the real side of me.Now only i realized how weak i am. I may be tough by appearance, but deep inside, i am not. I still need the supports of others. I may be relaxed and steady..but you'll never know my desire to win is as high as anybody. I may be friendly..but only to those who deserves it. I am fierce...but only to those who gets on my nerves. I can be wild especially to people who knows me well. I hate those who is uncivilized. I hate those who steps on my tail for no reason. I set high goals but I am half a failure in my 2nd stage of life. Sometimes,i wondered how i passed through my whole journey of Secondary school life. The answer is simple. I have met good friends who are willing to give me full support and lend me their shoulders when i am down. I'll remembered all the tears and pain that we went through all along our journey.

So long...i am always myself. From my sense of dressing, my characters, my ways of speaking, my hot-tempered, my jealousy, my heart, my bad side, my weak side, and my everything.....i am always being myself. Nobody can change the way i am. Nobody can change what i am. Why did i say so? For even me, myself couldn't change all the negative parts of me...so how could you?Eventhough people might not like me for who i am, or can't accept the real side of me(i can't accept it myself), but what is so wrong for being myself? Can i tell my parents that it is their fault for giving birth to me? Can i blame god for creating who i am? Can i request God to create me as the most perfect person in this World? NO..totally impossible.There are no perfect person in this world. I am just being myself..so long i wanna say "I AM WHO I AM"....nothing ever change...

Tagged?

haiz....i ve been tagged......here is my answers..

How is your Mooncake Festival celebration?
I am having a quiet day.Went to mamak stall with Huay Kee in the morning.ate lots of food(roti canai,mee goreng,rojak + 1 glass of ice milo). spent my whole day infront of the computer. went out with dar dar in the evening.had dinner...then chatted nicely inside the car.wanna find a quiet place but took the wrong route and we ended up going KL.hahaha...chatted for an hour with Baobei through the phone.sweetest time..

Got tagged by Tan Wei Ting

1. What is the relationship of you and her/him?
- Buddy in NS

2. Your 5 impressions towards her/him?
-smart,cute,funky,serious,and cool

3. The most memorable things she/he had done for you.
- enjoying the snacks with me

4. The most memorable things she/he have said to you.
- open that packet of snacks please...

5. If she/he become your lover, you will..
- i am not a lesbian

6. If she/he become your enemy, you will..
- don't ask silly question...totally IMPOSSIBLE..

7. If she/he become your lover, she has to improve on..
- eating(ps:she is a small eater compare to me)

8. If she/he become your enemy, the reason is..
- she don't allow me to eat.

9. The most desirable thing to do on her/him is?
- feed her with more junk food

10. The overall impression of her/him is..
- fantastic

11. How do you think the people around you feel about you?
- don't know.....noisy?laughing non-stop?

12. The character of you for yourself is?
- friendly but can be very bad-tempered

13. On contrary, the character you hate of yourself is?
- the true-self of me

14. The most ideal person that you wanna be is?
- myself

15. For the people who care about you and likes you, say something about them.
- thanks for supporting me...haha

Ten people to tag :
1. Selina Bear
2. Hebe Ting
3. Baobei Kelly
4. Vonny
5. Sook Koon
6. Samuel
7. Yong Sin
8. Kent(Zi Qin)
9.Soo Hui
10. Li Xuan

Who is no.2 having a relationship with?
- with me?

No.3 a male or a female?
- sweat!!can't you tell it by her name?

If no.7 and no.10 were together, would it be a good thing?
- of coz...both are goody-goody type..

How about no.5 and 8?
- very good!both are from penang..

What is no.1 studying about?
- music...

Is no.4 single?
- of coz not.she has got me and baobei kelly

Say something about no.6.
- he is awesome...

the end.........finally...