Looking at my evil self through the mirror, I just can't bear the sight of it.
What has gone wrong with me? I done all the things which I am so afraid that the other person will do.
Feelings are hard to express. To say I don't feel anything, that's a lie. To say I don't miss those times, that's a lie too. To say I am not grateful, that's a lie too.
Recalling back to the past, I was the one who fought so hard for this. If I could turn the time back, perhaps things would be better.
The same scenario has taken place again. Just that this time, I don't have to right to beg for a second chance. I am sorry..
About Me
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My Blog List
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Cycling Penteli mountain8 years ago
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I've Moved!10 years ago
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how scary are complaints and discouragement!!!11 years ago
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My Long Lost Blog13 years ago
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♥New Year♥13 years ago
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1 comment:
It's only been a day but all I can say is that I miss you like crazy. This IS the hardest thing I've ever done my whole entire life. It's almost driving me nuts but you and I both know it had to be done. I'm holding back my tears as I sit aimlessly in front of the computer typing this and my heart ache so SO much when I read those older post you wrote.
Baby-chan, I am sorry for not treating you the right way. I am sorry for not loving you properly. I am sorry for a millions things I've done but I want you to fully know that I TRULY loved you with all my heart. It took so long for me to realized it and for that, I am an idiot but through out the hardship period during the relationship, I've never betrayed your love. I only had the heart for you.
Yes, if only we could turn back time and where I would treat you lovingly, none of this would have happened. If only we could hold on to those sweet memories we shared and expand it into loving moments in our lives, it would have been perfect. Those memories we had, it's something I'll hold deep onto my heart.
You know, there's so much I missed doing with you. I missed the 1st time we were at Malacca, our 'City of Love' where we did literally nothing but spend time with each other. I remembered the 1st time you had to go Klang and I took off just to bring you there then we had our 1st Hardrock cafe session and instantly fell in love with that place. I missed those crazy midnight runs to Klang just because you were afraid of being alone in that scary Prescott Hotel and then the sudden early morning rush to JB to work the next day. I missed the random outings we had where we had no freaking clue where to go and always end up at random cafes. I missed sitting in your room watching Shin-chan and crazy talent shows on Youtube then laugh our asses off. I missed waiting for you to come back late at night from meetings and then I'll go buy your favourite Tuna and Egg salad sushi and Ice cream and then watch you eat them happily. I missed the joy you have eating your favourite fish pasta and Onigiri. I missed your manja-ness. I missed going crazy in the car while listening to Frozen and Wicked. I missed just watching you sleep. I missed kissing you, holding you, touching you, hugging you and loving you. I missed a million things about you. I know I wasn't an expressive person back then but those intimacy we had was my ways of expression and I've never done any of those things with anyone else before except you.
But baby-chan, reality kicked in and I'm beginning to lose you. I regret doing so many things which could have been avoided which led to this situation. The real problem wasn't because I wanted to meet other girls. The problem is I WANTED TO LOVE YOU but I can't cause you love someone else. As much as I want to take back all I've said last night, I can't if there's a 3rd party in it. If I do that, it'll just be another endless cycle of waiting and lying and also, as much as I want you to do what you said in you last sentence, I know you can never do that cause you can never let go of him.
I've never been so shattered before in my life but for now, I'm letting go. For this period of time, I'll wait from a distance. You meant a great importance to me in my life and I can never thank you enough for all you've done. You were going to be MY LAST and somewhere deep inside me still wished you are.
Thank you baby-chan
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