yesterday.............

ARRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
My mood sucks today........really don't know what i should do........!Yesterday's memories is soo sweet to me..!
And i thought i could maintain like this forever........!!I ve forgotten all my troubles..and everything seems so far yesterday.Never did i thought that my 2nd day at school would be so depress and unwanted...i hate school!i hate tuition..!Usually..i love to go tuition..and always can't wait for my tuition day to come....but now...i HATE it...
it SUCKS......................................................................................................................................................
Well...i seem to lose feelings to that particular person whom i hold on for so long.I hate to let this feeling fade away eventhough i knew it very well that nothing will come out in the end.........!!And yet..now i feel nothing about losing these kind of feelings.What's wrong with me?What has happen to me?Has my heart changes?I am not so sure of it.....perhaps it has really change..................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is it a good thing afterall?But why do i feel so hurt everytime i think of him?It is like twice the hurt which i am afraid to taste.I m sick and tired of the taste.....yet...i know everyone in this whole will have a taste of it.It definitely tastes bitter and not at all nice......!But still...one taste of it will let you remember it for LIFE.
This is kinda a new feeling to me..i can't overcome it.Why didn't i let it grow in the first place?And why did i ignored it at first?If i let it grow in the first place...then all this wouldnt come to me now..

*but if i let you go..i will never know...what my life would be holding you close to me...
will i ever see...you smiling back at me...what will i know...if i LET YOU GO"...


to be continued...

darkness of my life...........

After sacrificing my tears,tolerating critisms from others,being back-stabbed,being scolded,and after so much struggling of hard work,......i finally got what i wanted.....the ALPHA TOP AWARDs....!!The feeling was not what i expected-Happy,joyful,proud,mad,crazy.!!In fact..i felt so empty inside..and all those unexpected feelings rises in me.Now i finally understand how that person felt when he gotten these awards last year.After getting the TOP awards for 3 years,we LOST it last year.We only got the OUTSTANDING awards which can only be consider as the 2nd best.I expect him to be happy for all his hard work has been paid off..and yet his face look sad..and i believe he cried too.
I remembered vividly what he told me before i becomes the incoming president.He remind me to work harder and to fight back the awards again.I was determine to work hard.This was my promised to my Outgoing president.It hurts me to see her crying and feeling so sad!And so...i began to work extra hard for my club after installation......i was determined to get back my TOP club award..
And this year...all my hardwork has been paid off....but yet...i don't feel happy at all..!In fact the atmosphere is so awkward.....!!I don't know how to face those who didn't get the awards.Now......i finally understand how he feels when we did not get the awards.......!!He is feeling bad for us too....and i believe he don't know how to face us....................................................................................................................................................
And so.....NOW...here i am sitting here...facing the same,old problem that he faced last year...!!I really,
truly felt sorry for those who can't get the awards.!I ve to admit...that i ve always aimed for TOP and not OUTSTANDING.It was a pressure that my president gave me.She pin her hopes on me...and i can't let her down.I really don't wanna the other clubs to think small of themselve...i want them to treat us like before...!A good friend to them.
Friendship means the most in my life............!!And i really don't want the TOP awards to ruin everything.
Now the award is like a monster to me...i HATE it...............!!Return me back EVERYTHING....return me my HAPPINESS...my SMILE.....and everything...............