February

Sometimes, inspiration just comes and i will have lots of meaningful lyrics popping on my mind. Praise God again for such wonderful meeting. To be exact, thank God for revealing Himself to me during the worship session just now. Felt the holy spirit moving within me. I wouldn't mind worshipping Him all night. 

I was talking to someone just now and she shared a great testimony with me. PRAISE THE LORD!! If possible, i really felt like giving up on her but thank God i didn't do that. From a stubborn person, she starts doing her devotional time and God is by her side. She was moved by God's grace :)

That conversation led me to my own thoughts. Why am i so impatient with my mum at times? I am willing to spend hours listening to a friend's talking and yet i can't even spend some time talking nicely to my own mommy and daddy. When i think about it, i wasn't the only one facing this kinda problem. In fact everyone is struggling in this area too. Why? That's because they are the person whom we loved most. Just because we love them too much, that's why we don't mind showing our true self to them. Whereas while we are at outside, we can't possibly throw tantrums and speak what we like (though i often does that) because that would really spoil our reputation. Back at home, who cares? I am free to act like myself!!But will our parents forsake us just because we are rude and impatient? No they won't. In fact, they loved us even more...

There goes the same for God. Most of the time, we are disobedient....and is often rebellious towards Him. But did He care? Oh yes He does. Did He punish us? Of course He does. Did He forsake us? NOPE He doesn't. No matter how we failed Him, and no matter what i did, He still blesses me with all that i need EVERY SINGLE DAY. I know He loves me, that's why sometimes, i tend to take His grace and mercy for granted. I know He will remembers my sins no more...

Thank You Jesus
I just want to lift your name on high
I just want to lean on you this day
O' Father would you let me be the one to search your heart :)

February is here :) And i am glad i'll be meeting a few of my family members from Perth :) YAYYYY... can't wait to catch up. What a good start to February :) But wait...i gotta go through all stupid lessons first :(

Hypocrisy

Alright....this is sort of like a venting short post because it doesn't feel good to be woke up when you know you just fell asleep some time ago. I didn't had a good sleep all thanks to those firecrackers. (Not blaming anyone here but that's just the cause)

Honestly speaking, i won't be a hypocrite and tries to show that i love doing house chores because i dislike it to the core. I have no idea why my house is seemingly huge to me right now. Just when i have a tight schedule, i really don't like it when my mum keeps on pushing me to do this and that. It just gets on my nerves. I'll do it when i feel like it - That's my style!! I am not a particular cleanliness freak like her because she can do house chores everyday and still thinks it is dirty. But to me, i would do it maybe twice a week, knowing that it is NOT that dirty. Spot the difference?

This trimester seems pretty tough to me. Not only i am having a ridiculous schedule, but i seem to be having problem coping it as well. It really puts me off when i think of the long journey back to Singapore.... O Please.. i wanna get everything done.

Sweet sweet sound :)

I was searching for songs via YouTube and i realized there aren't much songs in my iPod. Humans are complicated. Sometimes it is so hard not to go according to your mood regarding what you would love to listen to that day :) There goes the same for me and hence i deleted all my previous songs (not my type of songs anyway) and sync only worship songs in it. Call me old-fashioned but i love listening to oldies and also slow songs. 

My old "Fujitsu" has died before me and i arrived at a point when i have to delete all my precious folders in it...therefore i lost all those nice songs :( Come to think of it, Singing has been one of the greatest "building relationship" hobby i ever had. All my friends love singing...therefore i don't need to go through some hard process to get closer to them :) I thought of those old songs like S.H.E, Carpenters, Backstreet boys and etc. Compared to those Kpop and Jpop that i love, those songs are more meaningful. Not to say i don't like songs of today, but songs from yesterday just carries MORE meaning. 

I was listening to庆幸有你爱我by 蔡淳佳just now. It was so good. I really love her voice. Listening to it reminds me of those nice songs (Okay, to be exact, my favorite songs) in my "sleeping hard disc". Can't wait to copy them to my iPod :) There are a lot of meanings and certain characters to certain songs that i like :) For instance, all S.H.E's songs represent my beloved Selina Bear and Hebe Ting. 

“我一直都在” 让我想起了他。中学时期苦苦单恋着“他”的我 ：）读女中的我是通过社团才认识他的。若要把我们的故事写成小说，我会把它取名为 －那些年，我单恋的男孩之被封锁的爱。每当我沉迷在一首歌时，我的好姐妹都会问我，“喂，我很想知道这首歌背后的主角是谁？” 我都会傻傻的看着她们说 “什么主角？想太多！！本公主我只是纯粹觉得这首歌很好听吧了。” “你少来了！别以为我们不知道你肯定是在想着哪位王子了！！” 她们总是这样回答我 ：）想回头，其实还挺怀念那些日子。或许现在的我没什么机会再次体会到那些年的心情了，但，我永远都不会忘记当是那段单纯又珍贵－“单恋着他的心情”。 这是每个女孩都会体会的心情吧。。。。

从纯纯的欣赏转变成喜欢，更喜欢，疯狂的喜欢，慢慢造成了无谓的难过以及心痛。即使再怎么喜欢，我就是不敢说出口。虽然说，告白后不一定会成功，但至少我得把握机会吧！我没做到！！我选者了逃避。。。错过可以表达的机会，选者继续单恋着他的同时，我也选者了放弃。我太单纯。。。放弃并没有很简单。我还是得花上很多年的时间来测底放下有关他的回忆。很难，也很痛苦！！即使几年后的我第一次接受一个人的追求，我还是摆脱不了他的影子。我忘不了，也不想忘记。也许，我还在寻找那一丝丝的希望吧。。。。

我选者放弃一位真心为我付出的男孩。原因有很多－比方说，性格合不来等等。但最重要的是，他并不是我在寻找的那一位。有时后，人就是这样。宁愿去守护一段不可能会发生的奇迹。原以为我永远都会活在痛苦里。但，我还是走出来了！！我真正能放下的原因？？是因为我爱上了耶稣 ：）没人比他更爱我了。所以我才能微笑着说 “我一定能做到！” 

即使放下了，我偶尔还会想起他。原来就算你走出了过去，在你心里最深处还是有着他的回忆。因为我是真心喜欢过他。。。。

我一直都在 
你身後等待 
等你有一天 回過頭看我 
我的笑送給你希望你快樂 
妳的難過都給我 
關於你的一切我都好好收藏著 
我一直都在 
你身後等待 
等你有一天 能感覺到我 
就算我再你世界渺小像一顆塵埃 
我也會給你我所有的光和熱 

我很怀念当年的那份心情，有苦有甜，有酸又有咸。坠入单恋爱河的开时 － 我才16岁。。。。。

Dream

Praise God for a great meeting last night :) I enjoyed the time with the boys and Hui Xian. Thank God for the Holy Spirit who led me throughout the whole lesson. It was indeed a great night. 

Alvin and i were planning to play use two instruments for worship - Violin and Guitar :) We are still trying. No doubt it is a cool thing :) Perhaps someday we can include piano in as well. That would be perfect :)

Now, why did i ever thought of giving up music? It is not that i am dreaming to become one of the greatest performers nor play like Nodame Cantabille. But in the least, at least i hang on to that passion. Playing because God wants me to and not the least for myself. I am not an excellent Violinist, nor a great Pianist...and not even a standard Guitarist. Attending cell group makes me feel that learning music is a way to serve God too ..especially through worship.

And i say, i am not gonna give up... even though sometimes i get frustrated, especially learning new pieces and especially during times when i can't get the tune right. Oh well, all these are part of the learning process. No one say learning something is easy...

頑張ってください！！私はあきらめるつもりはありません

Waiting

Sometimes, waiting for you is like waiting for the rain in a drought. Long and yet disappointing. Still..i am not gonna give up searching for you. It may be long and it may be really suffering but on the other hand, it gets to master my patience and tolerance.

I'll wait for you.. whatsoever or whosoever it is to come...

Sitting and reminiscing

Hi World :) It is New Year Day 3. So far, everything has been pretty exciting. You just had to wait patiently for me to upload those pictures and i am not going to do it until i goes back to JB. Or to be exact, until i collect them all. I am someone who loves to record every single details of my life. Sort of like a "Memory Keeper". I met a pair of couple during my Korea trip in year 2009, and they just wouldn't stop taking pictures of Kelnice and myself even though we just met each other. Out of curiosity, i asked them why. And he spoke to me gently "You know, when you are in old age, there is nothing but photos to help you to recall everything. People might not believe what you say or you don't even remember anything. But at the end of the day, the photos which you have taken is your one and only evidence". And they urged me to take as many pictures as i can :) How i misses them....

 I found it to be true. Now that i am back from Perth, the only thing i can do to reminisce whatever memories i had there is to browse through all the pictures i took there. I just loved looking at those pictures my friends tagged me in. Look at the picture above, that was my first photo shoot by Raphy :) I was a really shy girl at that time and i really couldn't smile to the camera. And hence all the comments given to me is to smile more :)  He was planning to capture the loneliness and peace of a girl reading the bible. And there i am sitting on the green grass, finding my relationship with God :) A good memory for me which makes me think i need to hire a personal photographer to capture my whole life for me :) PS: Maybe i should really consider hiring one.

Sometimes, reminiscing over the past and recalling all those ups and downs, failures and obstacles doesn't mean that i can't move on. You just got to remember that those were the reasons why you are shaped into who you are today. Those were the reasons why you are able to move on to become a stronger person. Those days when i am not familiar with the beloved zone yet, i always thought how i wish i could stay back in JB with my Mommy and Daddy, and without having to overcome my shyness and the lack of confident in me.  When i have to make that dreadful decision to come back, i felt so unwilling and extraordinary pain because i know the minute i touched down JB, i have got to stand alone, leaving my comfort zone and to face the reality that i can only can viral supports from my family in Perth. That's when i realized, a person should not only hope to remain at the same stage and pace all the time. You just need to move on when your time is up :) And my God did help me to overcome that "impossible" within me...

When i think i don't have the strength to do something, God always proves me wrong. He somehow always manage to encourage me through someone. The best key to unlock all your obstacles is to "Let go".   My definition of "Let go" is not to encourage you to let go completely and not to think of it anymore. It is just that sometimes we just got to accept the fact that we can't go back to the past and things will never be the same again. Instead of dwelling in the past and being caught in the cage, why not we just set ourselves free and fly out of our comfort zone using our own wings? Jesus set me free by dying for me on the cross, and likewise, i also got to set myself free by flying out from the past. Sometimes, i could even use my own wings and to fly back to the past to see how much i've grown :)

:) I am free....

Best gathering ever....

Herrow People, once again i got to keep on updating because of my laziness :) We had our Chinese New Year connect group meeting last friday and it was splendid. It is a pity that not all members are present but it was still awesome. 

 I love these people. Why did i say this was the best gathering ever? That's because the presence of God is too strong that night. I can feel God wrapping His arms around each of us who weary and each of us who are broken-hearted.

I imagined the number of things i could do if i don't have to lead a connect group every friday. But the fact is, i WANT this connect group. It won't kill to just spend time with the Lord. After all, we belong to Him.

Thank you for the wonderful blessings. It really meant a lot to me :) You guys are really awesome to the max. I pray that you will continue to place your trust in the Lord believing Him for more.

Dearest Father, i may be confused for i don't know where You'll lead me to in future. I am all worked out and anxious because i don't have the slightest vision on what i will become in the near future. But all i can say is that i can feel Your presence so close to me. I can feel Your arms wrapping around me when i am down. I don't want to be emotional because i know how much you would love to see me smile. I thank you for all those blessings that you have blessed me with. I don't deserved it but You are just too gracious and forgiving. Now, i can say it out loud with full confident that i will be patient as i wait upon Your call and directions. Where You lead me, i'll follow....

With love,
Viola