i can't sleep

Alright it is 4am in the morning and I am not asleep. Why is it that the other party can always sleep whilst I had to stay awake and torture myself with all these? 

 I know I am not a perfect person because I think too much. Still it doesn't give you the right to judge me for who I am because you don't know me at all. No one likes to think too much and it is not a nice feeling. Just because you don't give a shit, it doesn't mean it is easy for someone else.

 Yes. Judging by how you treated me, it really doesn't seems that you care. Because if you do, you would have understand the agony and anxiety of waiting. Perhaps I never really let you wait before and that's why you took things for granted. If only the situation were the other way round, perhaps you would be more considerate.

 Relationship is not a game where you wanna get into it due to good feelings and don't have the guts to stay on when troubles arise. 5 times I have been dumped by the same person and to be honest, I am a dumbass.

 That's exactly how I felt. Just admit that you didn't care as much as you think you are. I am not on the top of your list.

 This is how I wanna be at times. Unreasonable moments where all I want is your assurance that you will never leave me. Guess I was wrong.

Even if it is so, I still hope he could be that person. Being played out so many times but still hope things would be better.

DUMB ASS, you can be even more dumb!!

Too hurt

Why is it so hard to be me? Why is it so hard for him to accept a person like me? 

Why is it so hard to let go when I am already in pain and full of bitterness?

The dream

It is hard to find this kind of guy in this World now.

Maybe I accidentally let go of someone like that in my past. Oh well… punishment is ahead of me now for not treasuring.

Too late

I guess it is too late for me to not be that "second" choice. I am and forever will be. Just because I am a rebound. 

Waiting like a fool
Crying like a fool
"Dearest heart, when will you wake up and be cruel instead? Instead of you being hurt by someone who doesn't know that you are waiting and keeps being cruel to you? "

Can it be?

Why is it so hard for him to love me? Relationship takes both hands to clap. There is always a reason why a person is insecure. There is always a reason to every cause. Why is it so hard for him to understand? 

Why is it so hard to meet a person like that?

When the night comes..

Hate it when it is at night and I've got no where else to go.

My mind is blank and I am lost!!

 Please don't ever ever hurt me again with unfulfilled promises.

If only you could be me just for a day and you will know how I felt…and why do I acted this way. I do not want to explain myself anymore.

Sweet dreams World!

Trust

I am just feeling lost and confuse right now. A big part of me still want this relationship badly and yet I am afraid that he is not gonna keep his words. Buddy told me, stop and skip all the "understanding each other's procedure" and just make my point straight. After talking to her, we realise that the root of the problem is that girl and my struggles in accepting the fact that I am a rebound. 

If he is not willing to oblige in the one and only thing that I am insecure about, it could only be one reason - HE DOESN'T LOVE ME (from beginning till the end) Yes. It is true that most guys find it difficult to stay away from girls, especially hot and pretty one. BUT loyal guys will be able to refrain themselves from it, just because they love each other too much and they are willing to forgo everything just for the sake to be with each other. Just like my buddy's boyfriend!! He is not dumb but loyal.

Even like right now, I am trying my best to trust that he didn't do anything behind my back and I hope he will stick to that. If not I will really feel that I am being used as a tool for him to move on or for convenience sake and I'll be ditch forever. I just want somebody to love me genuinely because it is not easy to give your heart away and not be appreciated.