Sweet moments

Woohooo..i am back to update again :) So..what is so special that i have to set a title like above? Sweet moments? Yes, indeed i had a sweet and fulfilling week. Why? First of all, last week was my last week of holiday. I started my trimester 2 on Monday (5/9/2011)...boring to the max :( Second, BB Kelly is back. Nono, i should say she WAS back in JB last week but now she went back to KL. Third, i had a good time with her. Wanting to spend more time with her but couldn't because time is short. I hope she will come back again.

 We had fun disciple-ing. Or rather, i should say, we ENJOYED chatting. Disciple-ing BB Kelly is one of the most excting thing because, in front of her, i can totally be myself. As in, i don't act in front of my other disciples but it is just different. I can lie down, or sweep the floor while asking her to attempt to those questions herself. All in all, i just have so much confident in her walk with Jesus that i don't have to stay with her throughout the whole lesson to watch her. That's what i called - Relaxing :) I am sure BB Kelly wouldn't want me to sit and watch her all the time. We'll rather have some Tutti Frutti instead :)

Church was cool too :) Lunch with Aunty Rosalind and the rest was awesome too :) I realized i just felt so comfortable when BB Kelly is around. So sad that she went back already. I am not saying i don't feel comfortable with this church. I have already accepted the fact that i am so gonna be alone all the time except during moments when i serve people. It just feels so different when you have somebody who knows you well there :) Oh well, i guess i gotta wait for another few more months before BB Kelly will be back to join me again :) Come back soon. Remember our lesson for that day? Always learn to forgive and forget. Things are perfect even though it didn't seem to be. Sorry if our connect group meeting wasn't up to your expectation. I promise you that it will be way better the next time you comes back :)

Korean cuisine with BB Kelly and my parents :) MA SI SO YO :) We are so addicted to korean dramas and basically Korea, that we just want to have korean cuisine all the time. I guess it is time for me to pick up another brand new language :) before i can officially say "Na wa se yo" to Korea again *winks*

School has started. I was praying to God earlier on that i hope history won't repeat itselfs again. So far, i am fine with everything. It is gonna be a hectic trimester because i am taking something called L.A.W. What on earth? Why is it my core module? I can't afford to fool around or slack this trimester. I don't want to repeat any of the modules. Results are out!! So far i am happy with it except for the marketing management. I've appeal for my paper to be remark again. Hopefully it went well :( With this, i decided to do something about it. Stay away from me Chocolates, sweets, junk food and those nasty nasty ice cream! I need to pass this test God has for me... No matter what the outcome is, i am willing to except all that God has in plan for me :)

PS: I don't want to stumble anybody with my Christianity life. But so far, it seems as if all my beloved ones has different opinions toward me.  They said i am too engrossed in Christ that i ve forgotten that i have a family. Sometimes, it is not that i don't want to talk to them about it. They don't even want to listen. Sometimes, i choose to be silent but that doesn't mean i am trying to hide my guilt. It is just that i know you guys will never understand God's visions for me and you'll never be able to understand why am i doing all these? So please spare me.... i can't just back out now. And i don't want to. I have been desperately trying to achieve all those visions and everything goes according to what God has planned. I don't want to lose God...

To prevent this situation from getting worst, i made a decision........

Dreams??

Herrow World, i am back again :) Don't worry about my title. I just had a long talk with a friend of mine and we talked about our future. Future seems so blur to me now. As in i really don't know what i want to do. It is either, i further on with my master in bible studies or early childhood education, or i pursue on with my biggest dream - enter the field of media. Or worst come to worst, take over Mummy's career. I love languages and if possible, i would really love to master the languages that i loved and make full use of it :) Nothing is impossible ey? Fight the way....

I received a parcel from Jo and Ms Foh all the way from Perth. Honestly, i am touched. Seriously!! They knew me so well and i could see their effort into preparing my birthday gifts :) Thanks girls. I miss you all heaps. There are a few stuffs in the box but i'll just show you one first. Look at this T-Shirt. It was the Boombox Tour 2011 shirt. I wanted it so much and Ms Foh decided to give it to me. On it were signatures by Mr Ryan Higa and other youtube celebrities :) There are also other stuffs which moves my heart and it brought back lots of memories too :) I'll show you guys again next time...

Time flies :( My break is ending soon. I have to go back to Singapore again next week. I ve been spending time with Mummy. I am sure she will feel lonely when i goes back. Nobody accompany her to watch korean dramas for the timebeing :( I don't want to. Call me weirdo...but i do admit i am a Mummy girl. I remember i used to drag her along when i go dating last time :P I am not emo. I am just thinking. What should i do to take a step closer to future? I guess i need to start planning now. To master my lover no 1- The Violin? To further on my Japanese language? To pick up Korean Language? To dream big for the sake of my future? Lord....speak to me. Speak to me....

Same place, same aroma, same companions

Hello World, i am here to update about my 4 hours of sweet dating with my girls (Selina Bear and Fishy). I had an awesome high-tea session with these two girls last Friday before Connect Group. God is really good to me. He blessed me with double happiness :) It has been quite a while since S.H.E last gathered. Sadly, Hebe Ting couldn't join us this time. Haven't seen her for at least 5 months :( Nonetheless, i really believe that S.H.E will reunite very soon.

 Our most favourite place - LAVENDER. Everytime S.H.E meet up (even if it is only 2 of us), this is the only place we will go. It doesn't matter if we sit there for the whole day. The ambience is good. Lavender is super great. It not only reminds me of that one time i argued openly with one of the waiters,but it also reminds me of my dearest girls.

I enjoyed talking with them. Who say we needs to dress up when we meet up? Who say girls need to put make up? Who say we cannot laugh loudly and heartily? Who say a girl must be demure and elegant? Who say a girl must be quiet? In conclusion, i just wanna say, we are contented being just the way we are :)

PS: Eversince i ve written last night's post, i knew that i would be emo and moody this morning. True enough, i really don't feel like talking and i really don't have mood to do anything. Even if i am serving in the ministry which i loved, i still don't have the mood to do it. The reason why i stay and why i am doing is because i believe the existence of God in the House. Sometimes i seems to have forgotten that it is God i am serving, not human. Why do i feel so horrible? I really have no idea. God touches my heart deeply today. I felt something pierce through me. I know i just need Him....

Lord, don't leave me. You are the only one i could live for. I know i am not alone...

Tired

Super super random short post.

I AM SUPER DUPER TIRED ......

Yet, i was inspired by posts written by someone :) God is awesome....

Random thoughts - I was fooling around with Wing through facebook a few days ago. She was writing something like "Feel like jumping off my body and travel to other parts of the World". Then we started imagining ourselves really jumping off our bodies and travels around the World like North Pole, South Pole, Paris, Brazil and etc. It was so great!! Back to reality, how nice it would be if i could really leave this realistic World and to travel to all places around the World.

It is just so tiring. I don't know what's wrong with me. When people starts to rely on me, i'll feel stressed and tired. As in, i am not a perfect person. So, do i really have the right to take care of someone? I can only do this much..which is still within my capacity. I wanted to do more but i can't. For now, just let me live in my dream land for a bit. To leave everything in my life and to go into my own desire World. How nice would it be if i could help out at some red cross thingy elsewhere? How nice would it be if i could just help those poor kids outside? How nice would it be if i could just say "Yes" everytime people ask for my help? You know what, this is random, but i do missed my "Little Green". I really don't want to trouble people and i do NEED my little green car. It is not big or expensive car...but at least i could offer to fetch people or send them home. Lord, i want my little green back :(

Sometimes, i just felt like Wing. I want to jump right out of my body and let my soul fly to some random places. Maybe i am really tired.......whatever i write doesn't make sense anymore. So ....ciaozz...it is random but GOOD NIGHT WORLD...

:)

Good afternoon folks...it is rare to see me updating my blog during day time. Oh well, i am slacking actually. Mummy asked me to come with her to factory for this whole month to lend a helping hand to Aunt AJ. Today is a bit special because she brought her two kids along (Barry and Rynn). They were sick again :( We need to pray for healing. It is not good for kids to fall sick so often.

My Cycling partner - Ying Ying :) From young, she is always very naughty and talkative. Yet, she is always very nice to me. Always give me a hug or wants me to give her a hug whenever she sees me. So sweet of her. I enjoyed spending time with all my kids :)

Even though i felt as if i did not spend my time wisely today, but still i think it is worth it. I had a long talk with Jovan (my ex-leader) through MSN. It was good reminiscing all the old good times. It was awesome to know that everyone is doing well in Murdoch and they are slowly building the zone. I am glad he is the zone supervisor now. You will do great!!! Though we may be small, but we are very united. I really hope to see this spirit in our current JB Church. It was really inspiring. Come to think of it. If he did not encouraged me with the power of "Reach The World", if he did not grab me out for a talk, I can't imagine what will happen to me today. Perhaps, i could have been a back slider. Perhaps, i would have lose all my faith. God is indeed awesome. Thanks for all the encouraging words and the things which you ve taught me :) He is always a good leader to me. We are the sowers but God is the one who takes care of the seed. I will never give up or step down because i don't want to fall into the Devil's trap. I believe i will be able to find the right person to hand over the power of "Reach The World" to. Thank you for not giving up on me and still continues to plant in me. Even though i know God was the one who did all the work, but my heart of gratitude towards this zone will never fade..!To me, NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE. Whatever discouragements that i faced now is totally nothing.....

Oh man...i miss them more and more. I am waiting for the day when God will bring me down the memory land again :) May God bless the Murdoch Zone.......it is the best zone ever...

Bored

Hey peeps,

I don't have any ideas what to write *big grins*..but because i wanna achieve 100 posts by this year, i HAVE to update constantly :)

Random thoughts - A lot of things happened recently. Big matters, Small matters...they are all driving me crazy. I can't help thinking so much. Noise. I loved being in a noisy condition. Why? Because it prevents me from thinking too much. Yet, i can be in a quiet condition. That's when i am reading or doing other stuffs...so that my mind won't wander off. After writing a long post of myself, i guess i sort of understand who i am already :) One word - COMPLICATED :P

There is one thing i should be proud of. And that is i ve destroyed the last memory (That little mini guitar) I wanted to do it long time ago but don't have enough courage to do so. Why? I scare i will regret. I scare i will cry. i scare i will break down. Yet, when i see it, i don't think i am happy either. So what can i do? I don't feel anything at the mention of his name. I just want to let go completely. What did i do? I threw it away. Yesh...i got rid of that last memory yesterday's night (On my way back to JB). I won't tell you where i dump it :P Thank you Lord. I truly felt so relief and peaceful after getting rid of it.

Something which brightens up my day. Finally SHE is willing to open up to me :) I thought i will never be able to touch her heart when Jeremy assigned her to me. 2 hours of heart to heart chatting on the phone has given me a deeper understanding of her. I am glad she is positive. I know it is not my strength but HIS. I can feel it. Praise the Lord. You showed me the evolution of Impossible to Possible.

Sometimes, i don't know what i am doing. Sometimes, i may doubt myself. Sometimes, i am confused. Sometimes, i may doubt You. Sometimes, i may feel discouraged. Sometimes, i may feel hurt. Sometimes, i lose confidence. Sometimes, i dislike myself. Sometimes, i am weak. Sometimes, i cannot feel You. Sometimes, i let my thoughts and feelings control me.....!All in all, i just wanna say, i want to come near You, Jesus. Let me encounter You.....

這就是我 (This is Me)

Hey people, after reading Pig's (one of the most important person in my life) blog, i suddenly have that kinda mixed feelings. To think we are so alike and i didn't even know it. Thus, it makes me wanna write a post of myself too :) Let me take you to an inner World of me. If you know me well, you will know this is real me from the inside out...

如果了解我


這就是我



「我:很简单」不喜欢跟别人去争些什么，吵些什么，除非触及底线 。

「我:看似坚强」其实在平静的外表下，内心很容易受伤。

「我:会伪装」即使遍体鳞伤，还是固执的假装一副无所谓的样子。脸上依然挂着天真无畏的笑容。



其實

我



看似冷漠只不过因为情感太强烈，越是付出真心就越会被伤害

偶爾很讲义气够朋友；不会耍心机；对待感情认真专一；很顾家；

常常脾气倔强但心地善良；喜欢逞强；非常害怕孤单；不凶很好相處



其實

我

喜欢黑夜，因为黑夜是我最好的盔甲，阳光下只能见到我隐忍的微笑，只有月亮才看得到我隐忍了一天的悲伤。

所以我积压在心底的伤口，靠着我一个人砥，很累很累，直到我找到心属的荆棘这时，小心翼翼地接近。



請別



爱上我，我等不起，怕孤单的指數很高。


请别



爱上我或和我做朋友，我喜欢折腾人，一会儿对你好，一会儿对你坏。



请别



爱上我，我喜欢自相矛盾。





或許

我

想你了,不会马上发个信息打个电话给你说我想你,就算是发了打了, 也极少说出想你这两个字.

这就是我 超乎常人的冷静.

因為我 害怕失去, 害怕太在乎自己会受伤, 害怕不保护自己就会遍体鳞伤. 害怕的太多,

所以爱里的我看起来总是不冷不热.但你需要的不是怀疑我不爱了,而是要温暖我冰冷的心。



或許自私 但是我更怕聽見自己心碎的聲音



或許

我

有时候很孤独，我需要人们的关心，

有时候比较粗心，我需要人们的体谅。



其实我很单纯，我更需要人们的爱护和帮助 。



我也有缺点，相信我，我会改的。



我

吃软不吃硬；经常口是心非；很乐观又很悲观；安全感不多；有点感性；

有些话即使害怕错过也不说；小敏感；小洁癖；小心软；害怕受伤；总说自己不孤单，其实很寂寞；

对陌生人冷冷的，熟悉后就嘻嘻哈哈；总表现的很坚强，其实很软弱；总被人误解，却不愿解释。



我

很难向别人敞开心扉，所以一直期盼能遇到一个什么都不必说却能够懂我内心的人

我

的心里有一个角落,死也出不去,别人也进不来



我

想哭的时候，我会闭上眼睛不让它流泪，然后告诉自己，还是可以坚持下去；

难过的时候，我会伪装自己，笑着对别人说，我很好、我很开心；

失落的时候，我会勇敢的对自己说，没事，一切总会过去。

我宁可让别人觉得我快乐得没心没肺，也不愿意让自己看起来委屈可怜。



我其實很需要安全感



对于很多事情，我虽然看的透彻，但我仍然愿意去相信，

这个世界，是美好的，身边的人，是善良的，即使知道最后可能会让自己受到伤害，也在所不惜，这就是我，理性却又感性



我的单纯与善良是深入骨子里，容易相信一个人，相信一份感情，哪怕是在伤害之后，

我依旧是属于好了伤疤忘了痛的那种,我把这样的感受自己吐进了灵魂里，折磨着自己，时刻不曾停歇。

事实上，一点点跟伤痛有关的事物，都可以刺伤我的心。

哪怕再微笑，我也会感知得到



我不懂拒绝别人 宁可勉强自己 总替别人着想 宁可委屈自己 忍让成性的我 你觉得我好欺负？

那是因为你不懂我内心的强大



请原谅那個，犹豫不决只是想做个正确的决定的我。

争吵过后請给我个赌气的机会



当你們成为我的好友时，你們会突然发现，原来我对你們已经相当的了解了。

有些你們自己都没注意到的细节，我可能已经给你指出来了。

有些你們心里的小纠结，我也心里早就有数了。

可能你們会觉得有点恐怖，为什么我之前并没有告诉你們这些。

其实，我就是这样。很多东西，我都懂，但是我不说





看似喜歡獨來獨往的我

其實很需要人陪伴

但即使心裡多麼的渴望

多麼的害怕 一個人面對一切



但為了不想得到 和自己想像中的答案是不一樣的

寧可委曲求全 獨當一面

都不說出來...



因為我真的很怕受傷...


This is the confession from the inner Viola. If you know me, you will notice this is the real me from the inside. I am not emo nor sad. Just trying to know and to expose the real me from within. I might look fierce or strong, or even sometimes over-happy, but there are times when i do have my own emo moments. I am strong and yet not 100% strong. After knowing God, i know certain parts within me has changed....still i couldn't figure out which part is it :) Yea..i can't ignore the real me :))