♫The Viola's

February

2012-01-31T09:08:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, inspiration just comes and i will have lots of meaningful lyrics popping on my mind. Praise God again for such wonderful meeting. To be exact, thank God for revealing Himself to me during the worship session just now. Felt the holy spirit moving within me. I wouldn't mind worshipping Him all night.

I was talking to someone just now and she shared a great testimony with me. PRAISE THE LORD!! If possible, i really felt like giving up on her but thank God i didn't do that. From a stubborn person, she starts doing her devotional time and God is by her side. She was moved by God's grace :)

That conversation led me to my own thoughts. Why am i so impatient with my mum at times? I am willing to spend hours listening to a friend's talking and yet i can't even spend some time talking nicely to my own mommy and daddy. When i think about it, i wasn't the only one facing this kinda problem. In fact everyone is struggling in this area too. Why? That's because they are the person whom we loved most. Just because we love them too much, that's why we don't mind showing our true self to them. Whereas while we are at outside, we can't possibly throw tantrums and speak what we like (though i often does that) because that would really spoil our reputation. Back at home, who cares? I am free to act like myself!!But will our parents forsake us just because we are rude and impatient? No they won't. In fact, they loved us even more...

There goes the same for God. Most of the time, we are disobedient....and is often rebellious towards Him. But did He care? Oh yes He does. Did He punish us? Of course He does. Did He forsake us? NOPE He doesn't. No matter how we failed Him, and no matter what i did, He still blesses me with all that i need EVERY SINGLE DAY. I know He loves me, that's why sometimes, i tend to take His grace and mercy for granted. I know He will remembers my sins no more...

Thank You Jesus
I just want to lift your name on high
I just want to lean on you this day
O' Father would you let me be the one to search your heart :)

February is here :) And i am glad i'll be meeting a few of my family members from Perth :) YAYYYY... can't wait to catch up. What a good start to February :) But wait...i gotta go through all stupid lessons first :(

Hypocrisy

2012-01-30T17:15:00.000-08:00

Alright....this is sort of like a venting short post because it doesn't feel good to be woke up when you know you just fell asleep some time ago. I didn't had a good sleep all thanks to those firecrackers. (Not blaming anyone here but that's just the cause)

Honestly speaking, i won't be a hypocrite and tries to show that i love doing house chores because i dislike it to the core. I have no idea why my house is seemingly huge to me right now. Just when i have a tight schedule, i really don't like it when my mum keeps on pushing me to do this and that. It just gets on my nerves. I'll do it when i feel like it - That's my style!! I am not a particular cleanliness freak like her because she can do house chores everyday and still thinks it is dirty. But to me, i would do it maybe twice a week, knowing that it is NOT that dirty. Spot the difference?

This trimester seems pretty tough to me. Not only i am having a ridiculous schedule, but i seem to be having problem coping it as well. It really puts me off when i think of the long journey back to Singapore.... O Please.. i wanna get everything done.

Sweet sweet sound :)

2012-01-30T06:34:00.000-08:00

I was searching for songs via YouTube and i realized there aren't much songs in my iPod. Humans are complicated. Sometimes it is so hard not to go according to your mood regarding what you would love to listen to that day :) There goes the same for me and hence i deleted all my previous songs (not my type of songs anyway) and sync only worship songs in it. Call me old-fashioned but i love listening to oldies and also slow songs.

My old "Fujitsu" has died before me and i arrived at a point when i have to delete all my precious folders in it...therefore i lost all those nice songs :( Come to think of it, Singing has been one of the greatest "building relationship" hobby i ever had. All my friends love singing...therefore i don't need to go through some hard process to get closer to them :) I thought of those old songs like S.H.E, Carpenters, Backstreet boys and etc. Compared to those Kpop and Jpop that i love, those songs are more meaningful. Not to say i don't like songs of today, but songs from yesterday just carries MORE meaning.

I was listening to庆幸有你爱我by 蔡淳佳just now. It was so good. I really love her voice. Listening to it reminds me of those nice songs (Okay, to be exact, my favorite songs) in my "sleeping hard disc". Can't wait to copy them to my iPod :) There are a lot of meanings and certain characters to certain songs that i like :) For instance, all S.H.E's songs represent my beloved Selina Bear and Hebe Ting.

“我一直都在” 让我想起了他。中学时期苦苦单恋着“他”的我：）读女中的我是通过社团才认识他的。若要把我们的故事写成小说，我会把它取名为－那些年，我单恋的男孩之被封锁的爱。每当我沉迷在一首歌时，我的好姐妹都会问我，“喂，我很想知道这首歌背后的主角是谁？” 我都会傻傻的看着她们说 “什么主角？想太多！！本公主我只是纯粹觉得这首歌很好听吧了。” “你少来了！别以为我们不知道你肯定是在想着哪位王子了！！” 她们总是这样回答我：）想回头，其实还挺怀念那些日子。或许现在的我没什么机会再次体会到那些年的心情了，但，我永远都不会忘记当是那段单纯又珍贵－“单恋着他的心情”。这是每个女孩都会体会的心情吧。。。。

从纯纯的欣赏转变成喜欢，更喜欢，疯狂的喜欢，慢慢造成了无谓的难过以及心痛。即使再怎么喜欢，我就是不敢说出口。虽然说，告白后不一定会成功，但至少我得把握机会吧！我没做到！！我选者了逃避。。。错过可以表达的机会，选者继续单恋着他的同时，我也选者了放弃。我太单纯。。。放弃并没有很简单。我还是得花上很多年的时间来测底放下有关他的回忆。很难，也很痛苦！！即使几年后的我第一次接受一个人的追求，我还是摆脱不了他的影子。我忘不了，也不想忘记。也许，我还在寻找那一丝丝的希望吧。。。。

我选者放弃一位真心为我付出的男孩。原因有很多－比方说，性格合不来等等。但最重要的是，他并不是我在寻找的那一位。有时后，人就是这样。宁愿去守护一段不可能会发生的奇迹。原以为我永远都会活在痛苦里。但，我还是走出来了！！我真正能放下的原因？？是因为我爱上了耶稣：）没人比他更爱我了。所以我才能微笑着说 “我一定能做到！”

即使放下了，我偶尔还会想起他。原来就算你走出了过去，在你心里最深处还是有着他的回忆。因为我是真心喜欢过他。。。。

我一直都在
你身後等待
等你有一天回過頭看我
我的笑送給你希望你快樂
妳的難過都給我
關於你的一切我都好好收藏著
我一直都在
你身後等待
等你有一天能感覺到我
就算我再你世界渺小像一顆塵埃
我也會給你我所有的光和熱

我很怀念当年的那份心情，有苦有甜，有酸又有咸。坠入单恋爱河的开时－我才16岁。。。。。

Dream

2012-01-27T21:47:00.000-08:00

Praise God for a great meeting last night :) I enjoyed the time with the boys and Hui Xian. Thank God for the Holy Spirit who led me throughout the whole lesson. It was indeed a great night.

Alvin and i were planning to play use two instruments for worship - Violin and Guitar :) We are still trying. No doubt it is a cool thing :) Perhaps someday we can include piano in as well. That would be perfect :)

Now, why did i ever thought of giving up music? It is not that i am dreaming to become one of the greatest performers nor play like Nodame Cantabille. But in the least, at least i hang on to that passion. Playing because God wants me to and not the least for myself. I am not an excellent Violinist, nor a great Pianist...and not even a standard Guitarist. Attending cell group makes me feel that learning music is a way to serve God too ..especially through worship.

And i say, i am not gonna give up... even though sometimes i get frustrated, especially learning new pieces and especially during times when i can't get the tune right. Oh well, all these are part of the learning process. No one say learning something is easy...

頑張ってください！！私はあきらめるつもりはありません

Waiting

2012-01-27T09:08:00.002-08:00

Sometimes, waiting for you is like waiting for the rain in a drought. Long and yet disappointing. Still..i am not gonna give up searching for you. It may be long and it may be really suffering but on the other hand, it gets to master my patience and tolerance.

I'll wait for you.. whatsoever or whosoever it is to come...

Sitting and reminiscing

2012-01-25T03:12:00.000-08:00

Hi World :) It is New Year Day 3. So far, everything has been pretty exciting. You just had to wait patiently for me to upload those pictures and i am not going to do it until i goes back to JB. Or to be exact, until i collect them all. I am someone who loves to record every single details of my life. Sort of like a "Memory Keeper". I met a pair of couple during my Korea trip in year 2009, and they just wouldn't stop taking pictures of Kelnice and myself even though we just met each other. Out of curiosity, i asked them why. And he spoke to me gently "You know, when you are in old age, there is nothing but photos to help you to recall everything. People might not believe what you say or you don't even remember anything. But at the end of the day, the photos which you have taken is your one and only evidence". And they urged me to take as many pictures as i can :) How i misses them....

I found it to be true. Now that i am back from Perth, the only thing i can do to reminisce whatever memories i had there is to browse through all the pictures i took there. I just loved looking at those pictures my friends tagged me in. Look at the picture above, that was my first photo shoot by Raphy :) I was a really shy girl at that time and i really couldn't smile to the camera. And hence all the comments given to me is to smile more :) He was planning to capture the loneliness and peace of a girl reading the bible. And there i am sitting on the green grass, finding my relationship with God :) A good memory for me which makes me think i need to hire a personal photographer to capture my whole life for me :) PS: Maybe i should really consider hiring one.

Sometimes, reminiscing over the past and recalling all those ups and downs, failures and obstacles doesn't mean that i can't move on. You just got to remember that those were the reasons why you are shaped into who you are today. Those were the reasons why you are able to move on to become a stronger person. Those days when i am not familiar with the beloved zone yet, i always thought how i wish i could stay back in JB with my Mommy and Daddy, and without having to overcome my shyness and the lack of confident in me. When i have to make that dreadful decision to come back, i felt so unwilling and extraordinary pain because i know the minute i touched down JB, i have got to stand alone, leaving my comfort zone and to face the reality that i can only can viral supports from my family in Perth. That's when i realized, a person should not only hope to remain at the same stage and pace all the time. You just need to move on when your time is up :) And my God did help me to overcome that "impossible" within me...

When i think i don't have the strength to do something, God always proves me wrong. He somehow always manage to encourage me through someone. The best key to unlock all your obstacles is to "Let go". My definition of "Let go" is not to encourage you to let go completely and not to think of it anymore. It is just that sometimes we just got to accept the fact that we can't go back to the past and things will never be the same again. Instead of dwelling in the past and being caught in the cage, why not we just set ourselves free and fly out of our comfort zone using our own wings? Jesus set me free by dying for me on the cross, and likewise, i also got to set myself free by flying out from the past. Sometimes, i could even use my own wings and to fly back to the past to see how much i've grown :)

:) I am free....

Best gathering ever....

2012-01-24T03:45:00.000-08:00

Herrow People, once again i got to keep on updating because of my laziness :) We had our Chinese New Year connect group meeting last friday and it was splendid. It is a pity that not all members are present but it was still awesome.

I love these people. Why did i say this was the best gathering ever? That's because the presence of God is too strong that night. I can feel God wrapping His arms around each of us who weary and each of us who are broken-hearted.

I imagined the number of things i could do if i don't have to lead a connect group every friday. But the fact is, i WANT this connect group. It won't kill to just spend time with the Lord. After all, we belong to Him.

Thank you for the wonderful blessings. It really meant a lot to me :) You guys are really awesome to the max. I pray that you will continue to place your trust in the Lord believing Him for more.

Dearest Father, i may be confused for i don't know where You'll lead me to in future. I am all worked out and anxious because i don't have the slightest vision on what i will become in the near future. But all i can say is that i can feel Your presence so close to me. I can feel Your arms wrapping around me when i am down. I don't want to be emotional because i know how much you would love to see me smile. I thank you for all those blessings that you have blessed me with. I don't deserved it but You are just too gracious and forgiving. Now, i can say it out loud with full confident that i will be patient as i wait upon Your call and directions. Where You lead me, i'll follow....

With love,
Viola

Happy Dragon Year :)

2012-01-24T03:26:00.000-08:00

Hi World, first of all, HAPPY DRAGON YEAR to all. Hope your new year is as great as mine. To be honest, my new year started like 2 weeks ago when i had my first "Yu sheng" with Aunty Rosalind and the boys. (PS: Long story but i am glad i made the right decision. Sometimes, your small action can mean a lot to other people )

My cousin and myself. She is a mystery girl to me. Hardly get the chance to talk to her because she is too quiet. When i think to myself, how can i have the right to get to know and help people outside if i couldn't even understand my own cousin? Well, there is always a chance to improve. Let me start from now. I had a great reunion lunch with the beloved ones. Who cares about the food? It is the companion and loving spirit that i mind :)

My third "Yu sheng" for the year. It was so good. Like really really good. I just loved the year of Dragon so much. More pictures will be coming up soon.

PS: I had a great connect group with the lovely people. Good atmosphere and great companions. Thank God for His presence and anointing. I was so empowered with His strength and the holy spirit that night.

See ya in the next post :) Happy New Year to all :)

One for all and all for one...

2012-01-19T08:12:00.000-08:00

Hello people, i know i did say i would come and update but i just realized i forgot to bring my camera to Singapore. So once again, NO PICTURES for you :) Anyway, i had an awesome dinner with JUST mommy and daddy. It has been so long since we last had a nice dinner together so i really appreciate the time with them. We had dinner at Giannis :)

I know this is not the first time i use this picture, but since the three of us aka The Three Musketeers haven't had the chance to take a decent picture, so i shall just make full use of this. And again i wanna say, serve you right Shawn for being superstitious about having three people in a picture. As i said earlier, i am not that bad, that's why i have decided to include you inside this picture too :)

Now, all of a sudden, why have i decided to use their picture for this blog post? That's because i misses them. Another reason, because i am meeting them R.E.A.L soon. Hurray.. Sufee is having his break now and Shawn is back from NewZealand. What's the sign? It is time for us to meet up. Finally the three musketeers reunite once more. Honestly speaking, it has been too long. I missed all their craps and their funny jokes. Even if i have to be the victim for them to make fun of, i am more than enough willing because life is always happier whenever i am with them :) They are the best buddies i ever had. Not to say that i can't get along with guys. But you know i am always being surrounded by girls and to open up to a guy is not an easy thing :) These are the two people whom i can share basically everything with them and at ease too :) The more they don't treat me as a proper girl, the happier i am. They won't distance themselves away from me like some guys do because to them, i am a human like them too. Just because i am a girl, it doesn't mean i am anything lesser or different from them. That's why i love hanging out with them. I won't feel left out at all.... Thanks for being part of my life.

PS: I know a lot of students hate Omega Tuition Centre. But to me, it is one of the best memory ever :) Without Omega Tuition Centre, i wouldn't even know these two boys at all. To find out more about these boys, you can read my first blogpost in 2011 :-

http://cardcaptorrawkz.blogspot.com/2011_01_01_archive.html

"One for all and all for one" - quoted from The Three Musketeers. Sometimes, i thank God for turning me into a manly girl. If it weren't because of my boyish characters, these two boys would have felt so uncomfortable hanging out with me :) Everything happens for a reason...

Too blessed

2012-01-16T09:23:00.000-08:00

Hey World...

I had a great day today. Pictures will tell you everything but i am just too tired to upload it today :) Honestly speaking, sometimes i really don't know what i have done to deserve such great blessings. It is really too much. I felt myself being drowned in His pool of blessings. I can't take it...

Lord, you never fail me, but here i am always failing you. I really don't know what else i can say. I felt as if i have been given too much. I don't deserve it. I really don't..... ! I was so touched at the fact that You always met my need. Lord, you know what i need and what i want....

Sorry that i failed you all the time. I realized that i wasn't listening to Your voice at all until the beginning of Year 2012. I got so much closer to You ever since i took part in Fuel 30. Your voice is sweet and Your word is strong. You blowed my mind like no others. Don't let go of me for i am still learning how to come even closer to You :) Thank you for making me a "Memory Keeper". Even though i know i have got to always stand by for the "Next Battle" and that we shouldn't be living in the past testimonies, but it is still a FACT that past memories always keep me strong and going. I don't want to forget any single moments with You.

PS: Tummy is not feeling good right now. For some reason, i feel like puking. Maybe it is the food that i ate :( Lord, heal me!!

Good night World :)

Nearly drowned in Your pool of Blessings..

2012-01-13T20:05:00.000-08:00

Hi World, since i know i have been missing updating my posts a lot, so i think i shall be hardworking and update another one :)

PS: I am determined to hit at least 150 posts by the end of 2012 :) Nothing is impossible if you believe...

Yesterday was a BLESSED day for me. Like really really blessed. I remembered my Law lecturer, Adrian told me that there are higher chances for him to see me in that particular law module again. Which literally means i would fail in that module. Why? Because i was diagnosed with chickenpox and i missed my mid-term test which worth 30%. I don't have good feelings about it and Melissa prayed with me :) I didn't really spend time in praying for my results even though i was scared. A thought struck me throughout this whole week. If i have written those answers by faith and truly believe in God, why should i be afraid? Even if i were to fail, i fail for a reason. And if i were to pass, i pass for a reason too. Everything i do, i am just doing what He wants me to do. I am not afraid and i am not ashamed. I made up my mind to be thankful no matter what the outcomes are like. HALLELUJAH!!! You know what i meant by this :) God is great....

I saw this pack of statues the minute i stepped into my house :) To be honest, my mum really understands me. She knew i loved "One piece" and she will buy it for me but not forgetting to add a sentence or two like "Oh.. i bought it because it is cheap!" or "I bought it because i think it is nice!" Sigh.. this is what i called "Asian". Why can't you just admit that you bought it because you know i love it? Asian always finds it hard to express his or her feelings. Overall, what i want to say is, my mum is a great person even though the way we communicate sometimes sounded like we are fighting. You know how mums are like... *winks*

Blessed birthday Mel :) I love her because she is always there for me whenever i needed someone physical to talk to. Who say a leader is always strong and courageous and problem-free? Sometimes i would break down too. This is why my previous zone supervisor, Alph and Jovan always encouraged me to have a good bonding with the other leaders. A leader also need some advices and supports at times. Thank God for not leaving me alone at times when i needed someone :)

I am really excited for what God is planning to do to me in the coming days. Sigh, a lot of people around me has been telling me that 2012 is the end of the year and we would be in situations like those hollywood films :- Armageddon, 2012, The day after tomorrow and etc. To be honest, i have GOOD FEELINGS toward year 2012 and i think something great is going to happen :) Strive on with me people.. and i am really thankful for everything. Matthew 6:33 - "Seek first His kingdom and all things will be given to you"

Love and tension feeling

2012-01-13T19:30:00.000-08:00

Hey people... i decided not to clam everything in one post. I can't believe most of my posts are so disorganized. I think i should use the power of "pictures" because a picture can speak thousand words :) Well, i am super blessed these few days. School has started and so far, i am adapting to it well. PS: Oh well, not really... i guess i am still in one of my lazy cum holiday mood *Yawns*

I choose to take picture of this because this is the thickest file i ever received. Come on.. at the sight of it, i know i am so dead. Lots of readings and studying. This is only ONE of them. I guess my life revolves around readings and more readings. I just can't escape.

It's okay... at least i have my daily bread to keep me going. I am taking part in Fuel 30 and it is like a love and tension race. There is one day when i almost couldn't make it. Thank God i manage to finish it before midnight struck. All in all, things are going fine. It helps me to grow stronger with the Lord. Although it is repetitive (as in, it is not the first time i read those stories and parables), but it is surprising that i always cried and marveled at the same stories and same verses :) I called this "Eternal flame" and it will never fades. My God is indeed a living God.

lazy...

2012-01-11T06:42:00.000-08:00

Hey all, I just realized i haven't been updating for one week :( I guess i am getting lazier. Just wanna say, i am fine and having an awesome time. Praise the Lord :)

Oh well, i'll update soon. Maybe later... because i just realized i had something more important to do :)

By the way, Fuel 30 has been going on really well. At least there is something to keep me going strong and steady with the Lord. Today is the 3rd day. 27 more days to go...HWAITING. I'll be praying...

Counting down...

2012-01-04T20:16:00.000-08:00

I am going back to school in less than a week's time. It wasn't a long holiday and yet i somehow don't think this holiday belongs to me. It is more like taking a break and working for God. Still, every trimester means a whole new life for me. I wonder how is it like :)

This trimester, i am only taking one similar module with both Nicole and Tze Xin. There goes the same for Grace and NONE with Shannie :( Awhhh!! It occurs to me that i will have to go and meet new people out there. It is both easy and hard to me at the same time. Easy because all i have to do is just talk and more talking. Hard because i can't expect to make friends like Nicole, Tze Xin and the rest. *Wails* I can imagine how my 3rd trimester would be like. MORE travelings and busier! I have to travel in and out very often due to music lessons and connect group. And yet, if i were to accept the job offer, i don't think i'll be able to come back at all. Oh well.... God has His plans.

I am worried over the fact that will i be able to cope with my studies. Unfortunately i am not a genius. I can't afford any division of concentration and i can't multi-task. It will either result in me excelling in one thing and totally ruin the others. So my mum is always complaining about my not consistent result. It is either very good or very bad :( My dearest brain, why don't you make up your mind? In another word, why should i worry? I should have know what is important to me.... and hence, just do my best!!!

Starting of year 2012 isn't as exciting as i thought. I have no idea how to plan my coming days. Still....i know i can't live without a planner!! Go all the way.....i want to live my life to the fullest... :)

PS: With full of reluctance and mixed feelings, i have decided to remove my beloved "One Piece" wallpaper and replace it with this picture above. Why? So that i can be reminded that even though i am weak, but there is someone out there who is much much stronger than i :)

Love you all...

So close, i believe...

2012-01-03T08:36:00.000-08:00

Dearest Heavenly Father,

I shall dedicate my second post in year 2012 to you. Despite fasting food which is the hardest task for me and having a bad tummy plus falling sick at the same time, i am glad i am able to make it to the prayers' meeting tonight :) Thank you for revealing Yourself to me. Your presence was so close, like really, so close to me. I don't even know how to describe but i felt something in my heart.

I have been neglecting you all these while even though i am a regular member in church and committing myself in serving. I realize most of the time, i am not serving you but the people out there. Sometimes i don't even think that's what you want me to do but i'll still do it because people asked me to. No matter how inconvenient it is, i'll still do it despite the fact that the holy spirit is telling me not to. Lord, i am disobeying you from times to times. I failed you from times to times by upsetting you and not listening to your voice. I always repent over some similar matters after seeking for your forgiveness. I did not trust that i have been forgiven the FIRST time i ask for it. I can't feel the pain of yours knowing that i did not give you my whole heart. I know how hurt and pain you are because you loved me for than anything and more than anyone else in this World. You are indeed my savior.

Forgive me for having mixed feelings and lots of stuffs on mind while doing my quiet time. Forgive me for not paying enough attention while going through your Words. Forgive me for not spending a good and quality time with you as i chose to do other things rather than putting you first. Forgive me for choosing sleep over you when it is time to pray. Forgive me for putting all blames on you when things do not go my way. Forgive me for always doubting you when i was being tested by you. Forgive me for not being thankful over the things that you've blessed me with. Forgive me for being greedy because i wanted more. Forgive me for being selfish because i am afraid of getting hurt. Forgive me for not trusting that you are all that i need. Forgive me for wandering off when i should be placing my trust in you. Forgive me for always repeating the same mistake. Forgive me for being as bad as i always am...

I want to put you first and above anyone else. I want to change and i want to make a difference this year. From the inside out, Lord my soul cries out. I want more of you...more and more of you. I know you are there all the time. I am aware of the number of times i chose to ignore you. Right now, i want to come back to you. I want you to lay back and watch me coming back to you because you deserves it! I am aware of the vision you have given me. I will work towards that goal and pray that you'll grant me with your strength and guide me throughout all these. Here in your presence, i am free.....

I love you Jesus....

Loves from your servant,

Viola

HELLO 2012 :)

2012-01-01T08:51:00.000-08:00

Hello World. HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Welcome to year 2012. Unlike last year, i don't intend to write a superb long post to thank some of the most important people in my life. I do appreciate them though but i thought i would just update a short post this time :)

I know Christmas was over but i promised i will write something about it. Picture of our "The First" Connect group. Not all people were there but i thank God for each and every single one of them. Hopefully our "The First" bookmark will carry the message of Jesus Christ to more and more people out there :) We rawkzzz... and we know we existed because of you Lord :) Thank you so much for this group and these bunch of people. Let us do greater things for you.

She is one of the greatest blessing in my life. Love her to the max. Looking at her is like looking into the image of my late grandmother. It is a pity that i do not have the chance to treat my grandmother well now. Still, i could spread the love around to people out there :)

I always wanted a brother or a sister (doesn't matter if they are older or younger than me) I just don't like to be alone and i dislike the feeling of loneliness. Hence, mixing around with these people makes me feel like i have dozens of younger brothers and sisters. I love to fuss around them and i love it when they are being their true-self in front of me :) They bring me joy and i appreciate it :)

I love this picture so much and hence i decided to include it in this post as well :) Though we have been Machi for 7 years but sometimes i felt as if i don't understand her well enough. Just like today, all i can do is just to cry along with her and pray for her. Other than that, i hate myself for not being able to help out at all :( Still, all i wanna say is that i really treasure this friend of mine. The only key to keep a friendship going is to "give and take" and lots of understandings :)

Alright .. i always wanted 2011 to end fast. Yet, when the time has come, i find myself having mixed feelings. 2011 has been both awful and awesome at the same time. Why? New Home (church), new friends, lots of first time, memorable moments and many more. It is awful because i have to say good bye to my family in Perth and lots of unhappy things happened throughout the year. I cried the most and shed the most tears during this year. To be honest, everything seems awful for me. But when i looked back, i realized God is always keeping me strong. I can never keep unhappy memories in my memory storage for more than 2 days. It'll just go "whoosh" and everything is gone :) Thank you Lord...

Now that 2012 has arrived, i am so looking forward to something greater from Him :) No matter what is it, i'll accept the challenge. I am challenging myself to be a better person and as well as to completely let go of all his memories. Nothing is impossible ...

Have a blessed 2012. I know mine will be great!!!

100th??

2011-12-28T08:38:00.000-08:00

Hey World..

Oh wait..i didn't even realized that i have already hit my target. And that is to write at least 100 posts this year!! I MADE IT!! Oh my word...I MADE IT!!!!

Been wanting to update about my wonderful Christmas spent with awesome people :) Yet, i know i have something even more important to do. And that is to finish up my 2nd batch of Christmas cards :) I just want to be fair. If one of my friend received something from me, everyone ought to receive the same thing. It is tiring, but THIS IS ME :)

Well, my mood? Happy and yet not really happy. Why? I guess that's because school is starting soon and once again, i got to start adapting to the different timetable? What would my 3rd trimester be? My last trimester was awesome :) I am believing God for a better trimester. Can't wait to meet my friends. 2012 will be great!!!!!

PS: Can't wait for 2011 to end and yet it is a bit sad to say "Good bye" to year 2011. A lot of things happened during this year. Sad and happy moments...sighhhh

Good night World :)

关于我。。。。

2011-12-23T01:19:00.000-08:00

Hey World.. i am too blessed that i really don't know how can i ever thank God for His endless blessings upon me :) Still, being blessed doesn't mean my journey will be very smooth. I do have a lot of emotions going on. Especially when i feel myself being left out or feeling uncomfortable...

I love smiles :) All i ask is just a simple and sincere smile with no other meanings behind it. A smile can be fake at times. I love being joyous and cheerful and yet.. sometimes, it can't be helped that different situations will bring changes to a person's face.

我是个爱哭鬼。不开心的事情总是很成功的把我弄哭。我是个心里脆弱的人，但也不至于是个软绵绵。我只是容易受伤吧了，因为我在做每件事的同时都把我所有的感情都加如进去。我很喜欢哭。因为我喜欢哭过后的感觉，就像雨过天晴那样：）很美好！很舒服！我不喜欢把感情都闷在心里。

还记得在澳洲的时候，我只会把不开心的事都往心里吞。遇到什么都不肯跟别人分享，因为我无法相信任何人。我以为只要我什么都不说， “麻烦” 和 “问题” 都不会缠着我不放了。别人也不会嫌我烦！可是我错了，原以为很坚强的我，有一天，哭了！哭的当时，我闪躲到一旁去，不让别人发现。我想我这个“毛病” 是很难改掉的！除非我是当场爆哭的，那是两回事：），不然我都是喜欢一个人躲起来哭。最后，我还是被 “他” 发现了。他只跟我说了一句，“你尽情的哭吧。会哭就表示你有在成长哦！” 当时的我，非常感动。。。。。谢谢你！！

为什么我会聊到 “哭” 呢？因为，我现在也非常想哭。我也不知道问题出在那里。也不知道自己到底做错了什么，我总是很在意自己和教友的关系。为什么别人可以相处的那么愉快而我却那么的疏远？我也不知道。。。有几会跟他们合作，我本来还算开心。可是，久而久知，我发现自己和他们没什么沟通。我就是会觉得不自在。跟别人就不会有这样的问题。我不想因为这样而辜负了上帝对我的期望。我只想把自己的本份做好。别人的脸色与我无关。反正无论我怎样做，人家都是不喜欢！对啦。。。我就是这么一个没自信的人！就现在。。只限现在这五分中，就让我好好的“发泄” 情绪吧！！我一定能做到的。。。因为我相信的人正是我的上帝！！

Okay...ranting time is over. I am so much happier now. Thanks to Machi Zhi Xian who reminded me that blog is a great place to rant :) Oh well.. despite this whole hour of emo-ness, i know my day is gonna be great :) My Lord is great ....

Overwhelmed :)

2011-12-18T08:43:00.000-08:00

Hey people, i just somehow can't stop updating my blog without stressing on the word "blessing". God really loves me too much. I don't think i even deserve HIS blessings. Praise the Lord. I will let pictures to do their work :) There will be four blessings each according to pictures :)

Blessing One - Met up with my dear Selina Bear on Friday :) I miss her so much. Haven't been seeing her for quite a while. She is still the same... apart from the fact that she is getting prettier and sweeter. Good luck to all potential suitors out there. Instead of meeting up at Lavender, we decided to chill out at Starbucks this time :) We planned to hang out there for hours but finally decided to catch a movie instead. We watched "The Muppets". It was so touching that i cried.

PS: Although we had a good day, but we missed Hebe Ting a lot. For goodness sake, come back soon :) SHE is not complete without you..

Blessing Two - My baby is finally back :) Honestly speaking, i don't like it whenever she is in KL. I felt as if i have no one to talk to whenever she is not in JB :( I am glad Machi Zhi Xian is back now. At least God knows that i don't like to be alone.

Anyway, we had a short hang out session together with Shermaine and Cedric :) I missed those times when we always hang out in Perth. I thought i've lost Shermaine's friendship due to some misunderstandings. We seldom contact ever since i came back to JB. Still, God is awesome. I was soooo surprise and happy when she told me she is in JB and wanted to meet up :) Hoping to catch up more with her soon.

Blessing Three - We went caroling at Plaza Sentosa on Saturday. Yes, members from The Church went caroling together. Everything was good. I had a great big blessing from dearest Aunty Rosalind. She is always giving me surprise and MORE surprise. I felt so blessed. I enjoyed every bits of yesterday even though i always have this kinda thought that i can't blend in with some people. Still, it is not all about them. It is all about what my Lord wants me to do.

PS: I enjoyed my current bonding with the people at church. It is not as close as anything but it certainly wasn't as cold as before :) I still prefers to be covered by sunshine and smiles :) I am trying not to take people's coldness so personally. I can't expect everyone to treat me the way i desired and yet i don't want to return them with similar coldness. Someone told me, the key to happiness is "BE YOURSELF". God created every single person with different personalities for a reason :)

Blessing Four - Hmm..you know what i wanna say. SUNDAY IS MY FAVORITE DAY :) I am always happy on Sundays. Oh well, not all the time. I have my emo moments too *big grins* Still, i know my God can take away all my gloomy feelings. Today is an awesome day for me. Like..really really awesome. Awesome presence of God in church, awesome fellowship, awesome cooperation while working for God, awesome time, i don't know how can i ever thank God for His never-ending blessings upon me. With that, i just wanna conclude that, i belong to God forever and ever. I shall always be your servant Lord :)

PS: When i say i have completely let go of you, i am lying because you are still my inspiration. When i say i still like you, i am also lying because i have long given up on you and i know it is impossible between us. Still, whenever being asked why my standard is so high, i'll always say "That's because i can't find anyone like him". I don't think that's true. I am just too used to saying his name whenever people tries to pair me up with someone else. All in all, i think i am using this as an excuse. I don't think my standard is high. I think i am afraid to let anyone into my heart. I am just not good in handling "love" affairs. A friend asked me "Do you still like him?" I did not answer her immediately as i thought i would. Instead, i paused for a moment and reluctantly forced myself to say "A bit". I always thought that if the right person appears, i would be able to forget him naturally...but it seems as if it is not true. My friend continues "I think the reason why you can't allow anyone to enter your heart is because you are not willing to get rid of his memories and everything. If only you can get rid of him completely, i am sure it would be easy for you to let someone else in". From another aspect, it is not that i am not willing to let go of my past. What if i fall for the wrong person again? What if i like that person but that person is not even interested in me? Won't it be like letting history repeat itself again? Well, i don't know....

Sorry for blabbering World :) It just flows out... guess i am sleepy. Praying for a great day tomorrow :) Good night World...

The Lucky Girl

2011-12-14T08:03:00.000-08:00

Hey people, speaking of blessing, i do realized for my last two posts, i kept on emphasizing on blessings from God :) Oh yes, to sum it up, this post will be stressing on "blessings" again. I had a wonderful Sunday. I just loved being in the House of Lord. It is true that politics in church really gets on my nerves. So, my friends and even my closest kins are always asking me "Are you really happy?" or "Do you think it's worth to be in a place where you don't feel happy at all?" No doubt, i can feel sad for the whole day or even longer than that when someone ignores me in church. Still, if you ask me to choose between "To go" or "Not to go" to church, i will always give in to God in the end :) I know no matter how unhappy and unwilling i am, i will naturally feel happy as long as i am serving Him. This is my definition of happiness and being cheerful :)

Reunion with my family - The String family. I repeat, The Violin is my Lover No 1. I always have strong affection towards this instrument and yet i blamed myself for not having that will power to hang on till the end. Oh well, one should not be hanging on to his/her past. MOVE ON!! As long as i have this determination to carry on, nothing is impossible. My dream will become realistic.

Well, after blabbering so much, i just wanna thank God for His supernatural blessing. I trade in my old violin exactly one year ago and bought a new one. Yet, i did not realize that my new violin is full of problems. It is not only bad but i have trouble pressing my strings. The sound of it was so bad that i can't even focus. The tutor advised me to send my violin for some repairing session in Singapore and she told me that the price would be very costly. I was stunned for i want to save up for my Super Junior's concert next year :(

Machi and i search High and Low for that particular shop and we found it. I was really excited to see so many violins. The greatest blessing to me from God for that day is that what i thought would cost a few hundreds turn out to be only 10 over bucks. Phewwww.... Not only do i have enough money to pay but i can even afford to buy a good quality tuner. God is good...

It has been so long since i last had a good chat with Machi. I had a superb long and great day with her. I am so glad i was born a girl. At least we have a lot of similar topics to blabber on. Blessings over blessings...i am overwhelmed with what He has done for me. I went for an interview and it was all good. Hopefully i can get it... because i really don't want my mum to pay for all my expenses anymore. I am trusting God for more.

PS: Received a call from aunt AJ around 8pm plus saying that Granny has passed on. Mummy didn't even call me. Trust me, i did not break down nor feel extremely sad because i always believe that God loves her more. Maybe this is a way to console myself or a way to encourage me to become stronger. When my grandpa and grandma died a few years back, i did not shed a single tear until i was being forced to. People known me as hard-hearted. I am not! Sometimes, passing on is a good thing for them because they don't have to endure any more physical pain like cancers, and diseases. Who wouldn't want them to live longer? Who would want our loved ones to leave us? The last thing i wanna see is my parent's sad faces and expressions. It is a blow to them. I can feel the pain even though i know i can control my emotions. What can i say? I don't even know how i should react now and i don't even know if i should cry or not to cry. I decided to stay strong because i know God has His own plans for everybody.

Lord, i am entrusting her into your mighty hands. Forgive her and let her rise as you call her name. I believe there will no longer be sorrows and pain... :)

Super blessed

2011-12-09T10:01:00.000-08:00

Hello World, let's give Jesus a shout out of praise for all that He has done for me tonight :) Honestly speaking, i really want to show you guys the surprise Aunty Rosalind gave me, but i think i got to postponed it because i want to talk about our Christmas Outreach for tonight. I confessed that i wasn't well-prepared for this outreach and i did not have good expectation about it. Why? I had chickenpox for the past few weeks and i did not have chance to meet up with the group to discuss about it. Everything was last minute plan. Most importantly, i kept on forgetting about the synchronized prayer for the outreach everyday at 10pm. Look at that, i don't even dare to think about the crowd and the outcome for this outreach. Yet, my God is amazing!!!!

Overflowing FOOD which can easily put on a few kilos if we were to finish everything. I really wanna thank everyone for contributing and not to be forgotten, my dearest Mummy who cooked pasta and prepared everything for us even though she wasn't feeling well. Yet, we were making so much noise :( I am so so so sorry. I promised i will help you to do more house chores.

Good food, good companion, crazy testimonies, great laughter, and not to be forgotten, HIS PRESENCE is what could be found in our "THE FIRST" outreach. Congratulation The First-izens :) You guys are awesome. We certainly rock the outreach tonight! It is not a joke.... i enjoyed spending time with you all even though i am not prepared.

Sharing is one of the hardest thing even though this is not the first time i preached. Maybe i am too used to having a lesson guide with me. And when i was asked to speak spontaneously, it is kinda challenging. Still, i manage to do it :) It was really heart-warming to see people reciting the sinner's prayer after me. I am believing Him for more. Of course, i longed for more people to join us in the fight even though i know the route won't be easy. Come on, "REACH THE WORLD" is my title for today's preaching :) I am glad this story manage to touch the hearts of others...... even though this is not the first time i ever tell this story.

PS: No matter what kind of problems i will be facing, i know i will always have the power and strength to move on. Why? Just because i am aware of the faith that i have within me. I know my God will always save the day....

Blessed

2011-12-05T07:49:00.000-08:00

Hi World, the princess is back (PS: Oh my word...it has been so long since i last used this phrase) For your information, people used to call me "Demon Princess". Oh well, misses the good old times. Thought of starting my blog post with something special instead of complaining and complaining :) The bell of "Freedom" is ringing soon. Oh yeahhhhhh... just a few more days. Yes, just give me 3 more days to finish this report and i am FREE for the next one month. HOLIDAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.....

Sunday is always my favorite day. Who said it wasn't? The Lord always blessed me with a really good day. After missing church for two weeks, it feels so good to be back :) I really loved the fact that i have a bunch of members who are always there to support me. Praise the Lord for it. I thought things would be slightly awkward, especially towards certain people.... but i know my God saved the day. Leader's meeting was awesome. Special thanks to our lovely pastor for treating us pizza until we were so sick of it. Most importantly, the sermon was AWESOME to the max. Who said our church is Stoppable? Come on, we are the Church and we are forever UNSTOPPABLE. No matter where i am, i will learn to be unstoppable too.. because God's nature is what should be in us.

Honestly speaking, God really blessed me a lot yesterday. I am sooooo glad i manage to spend some time with dear Aunty Rosalind and she gave me a surprise :) I shall keep that surprise for my next post. She is Such a sweet old lady, always so gracious. She might be the oldest member in our church but to me, she is as sweet as anything. I am really blessed to meet someone like her. She treated Wilson and i to a really fine french dinner. As much as i wanted to stay longer with her, i know i have to rush back to another "Blessed meeting" :) No worries, i shall visit her whenever i am back :)

PS: I really appreciate the fact that God always send the right people in to my life. I appreciate even more when "Trust" is in every friendship that i have. Thanks for trusting in me and sharing with me everything of yours. Even if it is just a small thing, but i appreciate it. You are really a good brother even though i always make fun of you. I scold you because i know you are able to take it...

Hey, who say there isn't any PURE boy-girl friendship? Must there always be something in a boy-girl friendship? Can't it be just a pure and simple one? I'll prove you wrong because i do have a lot of good guy friends whom are merely "JUST FRIENDS" to me and nothing will ever happen between us.

Oops sorry sorry....i drifted too far away. I always feel agitated because whenever i am close to a guy friend, and then people around you started saying things behind like "You guys sure get together one!" or "Do you like him?" Full of craps! Yet, i proved them wrong everytime. From KL to Australia to Singapore and back to JB, all the time, people will happily paired me up with someone, very sure that we'll ended up being together. Yet, nothing ever happen... See? I told you, pure friendship does exist!

Alright, back to my "Blessed meeting". I really love Shannie. Awwwhhh..love her to the max. She knew i like "Tohoshinki" and basically a K-Pop fan. She managed to get two free ticket which worth $188 from her boss. Instead of giving it to her friend who is a hardcore fan of Tohoshinki, she asked me to go along with her instead. DOUBLE BLESSING!! Look at that...i have a God who hears and who knows what i need. I have a lot more testimonies to share about what my God has done for me but i shall keep it until the next leader's meeting :) I enjoyed the whole concert with Shannie. It was crazy and we were shouting all the way. Yet, it was touching............ i still loved the times when they still remain as 5 instead of 2. It is okay, i will always keep the faith and keep on believing. Why? I do that....just because i am a Cassopeia :)

You are too awesome Lord............You are giving me what i DON'T deserve. That makes me see you as a really merciful and gracious God :) I want to be just like you..

Symptoms of addiction

2011-12-02T09:44:00.000-08:00

Hey people, i am counting days now. In less than one week's time, i am gonna be FREE :) Can't wait to meet up with friends and i can't wait for Christmas. It is TOMORROW D: I am having my LAW. Don't know why, but i had bad feelings about it. Still, i agreed with what Mel said, ask God and He will give me what i want. I am blessed today. Just when i need some serious advise, my ex-zone supervisor came to talk to me. He gave me some really good advise which again planted that "confidence" within myself. I really enjoyed talking to him :)

PS: Dear God, i am not gonna turn myself away from you. So please keep my faith strong and rekindle my flames of passion within me all the time.

I always loved it when everyone can worship God together. It is the greatest feeling ever when you can feel the presence of God....so close. Like really, soooooooooo close to you. It is always good to worship Him and He deserves it. Today is really a blessed day for me. I can't help singing

"So blessed i can't contain it. So much i got to give it away...."

Why? I wasn't planning to go to TheEdge Conference even though i paid for it. Why? Because i don't like the awkwardness and being in a place where i don't know anyone. It is just so uncomfortable. And yet, i decided to attend the night rally which is really amazing. Pastor Rich Wilkerson JR. preached about the "Symptoms of addiction" which really hits me. I am glad i went. As our life goes on, we often forgot all about our first love. Why are we troubled over all those trials when God is ALWAYS with us?? We are the ones who forgot the existence of God. We were asked to fix our eyes on God and be an addict of God. An addict doesn't need anyone to help them to be high. We will get high ourselves. We don't need anybody to tell us to read our bible, pray and do devotion. We will do it without any reminders.

Our God is an awesome God. And yes, He is my strength :) After sorting out all these emotional stuffs, i realized, i haven't been very addictive to God for these past 2 weeks. He don't deserve all these. Thank You for pulling me back in such speed. I realized that immediately. Nope God.. i am not doubting You. I just don't like all these politics. Still, i know you have a way out...and i know You want to bring me higher from where i am now. I know i am addicted to You when i am willing to pay all price to fix all problems :) You are indeed an awesome Father, Provider and Deliverer. You are my friend, my listener, my lover and best companion. Without You, i wouldn't be who i am today :)

I love You Jesus <3

Mixed feelings...

2011-12-01T08:07:00.000-08:00

Heyyyyy World, i have no idea why i am here when i am suppose to study. I am feeling really horrible and terrible now because i am worried. I really want to pass this stupid law. Ishhh.. stupid darn chickenpox which caused me to miss my mid term and now my 30% will have to be carried forward to my final. Even my lecturer also "shake head" at the difficulty of passing. Tell me, where can i find mood to go conference when my life outside conference is just so messy and complicated? Maybe it is very irresponsible of me to back out at the last minute. I don't care whether you are happy or not, but you just gotta understand that life still goes on outside Conference. Sigh...

Nicole and myself. She was my classmate since last trimester but i only get to know her this trimester. What to say? She's fun to hang out with :) One smart girl!!Been seeing her a lot these few months and my whole university life has changed so much. When i think back, i am always alone during the last trimester. It is more on my own thoughts and doing things alone. Not to say i don't have friends, but everyone has their own life. Perhaps God hears me, and things has changed so much. I am beginning to love school and lessons :)

I still can't forget "Giddens' " smile during her wedding. It is so natural. Like really...so natural that he has succesfully caused me to be in tears. I can feel tears rolling down my cheeks the moment i saw that smile. In the first place, Giddens was cursing the bridegroom and planning how to make him look ugly during the wedding. But the minute he saw his "apple" walking in, he forgot all about the cursing and plans, and gave her the best smile ever. I like the way where he can be so open-minded about it.

我錯了。

如果你真的很喜歡一個女孩，

當她有人疼，有人愛，你會真心真意的祝福她。
永遠幸福，快樂 - 那些年，我們一起追的女孩

PS: There is only one question on my mind. Why aren't there anyone like Gidden during my primary school life, college life and even university life?? Life is always fair..... :)

You are the apple of my eyes

2011-11-30T00:28:00.000-08:00

Hi people, it has been a while. Mixed feelings. From the bottom of my heart, i missed the people whom i haven't seen for weeks. And yet, when it comes to the time, i dreaded going. Why? Maybe i just don't like the awkwardness. It is not like they care about my presence or so. Perhaps, they will do even better without me. Sigh, that's me!! The emotional and not-so-confident side of me. I am just not good enough. Hectic life has just started. And this time, my body just couldn't take it so ended up feeling sick again. What a life!!I really should stuff myself with calcium and vitamin pills. I meant this post to be in chinese but due to this new laptop function, i just couldn't find the language application. So, i just gotta try my best to express this post.

I always heard of Gidden and his famous books. Yet, i did not read even one of his books until recently, when this aura is too strong. His movie and latest book of "You are the apple of my eye" has surpass the famous ratings of all other movies and everyone said it is a MUST watch movie and a MUST read book. I hesitated because i know certain scenes will hit me a lot and i didn't want to end up crying in the cinema. Still, i lost! I decided to face the reality so i read the book and as well as watching the movie. Only one word - AWESOME! This movie makes me laugh and cry at the same time. Well, i guess, it is every girls' dream to have a "Gidden" by their side. Someone who would is so devoted and love myself so much that they are willing to become childish. And yes, those past memories and certain scenes which is so so so so familiar to me. I missed the old good times.

I find the picture above interesting but it is true. I can't put myself fully in Gidden's story because i came from an All-Girls school. Even though we don't have boys in our class, but still, the feeling of ease and comfort still lives within me. I really love the feeling. A girl need not rely on boy for everything. Likewise, i thank God for putting me in an all-girls school because it has turn me into the independent girl of today. What makes up the Viola today is through the experiences of the past. All those heartaches, sadness, happiness, good old times, tears, joy, and etc.... shall always be my precious memories. It always accompany us throughout the whole journey of growing up.

I will definitely watch this movie again. Those years.... while i am still a young girl. Time flies....Exactly one year ago, He was the apple of my eyes. Well, he shall always be, because i intend to keep all the memories. I'll find myself indulge in all those sweet memories with those precious people :)

Still

2011-11-23T08:14:00.000-08:00

When the ocean rise and thunders roar, i will soar with you above the storm..

Dear World,

What's wrong with me? Why does it hurt so much? I have no idea. All i can say is, there is totally NO WAY to enter your World. We are totally like the opposite of one another. I can never be like you nor you can ever be like me. Even if i did try my best to fit in, but still, it is hopeless. I don't want to have anything more to do with this.

Father i turn to You. Despite all these emo feelings, i still wanna thank you for such a wonderful day. Indeed, your joy is my strength :) I shall certainly stop thinking about all these and get started with my assignments. Stay close to me Lord..and don't let me go. I have this kinda feeling that i am so not gonna hang on for long but i shall follow Your ways...

Peace out...

Ashamed

2011-11-21T08:19:00.000-08:00

Hey people,

Speaking about faith, i have to confessed that for the past two weeks, i did not spend a decent time with my God. I am so ashamed of myself. As a believer and a child of God, i shouldn't have this kinda attitude. I should be doing my devotion everyday. Forgive me Lord...i am unworthy.

A good example below will tell you why i love the kids. It is a conversation between Wing (my wonderful Zionkids mate in Perth) and amazing Christopher.

Wing: Christopher, what do u like the most in easter carnival? petting zoo?? Ferris wheel??
Christopher: what is that?? i dont like any of those. I just like GOD and Jesus.
Christopher: what is easter? can u tell me?
Wing: Jesus died for our bad things. *bla bla bla* after 3 days, HE rose again. Then we had a celebration for Jesus for that.
Christopher: Then why is it about chocolate and things???

Look at that!! It was so amazing that i couldn't help feeling touched by what he said. And i was only reading it from Wing's status. Imagine me hearing it straight from Chris himself. It is certainly blessings, praise and truth coming out from the mouth of Child. It was so cute and lovely :)

There you go... don't underestimate the power of children. You can learn a lot through them :)

LAW LAW LAW

2011-11-19T02:19:00.000-08:00

Hey World,

For some reasons, i just don't feel good. I have a Law paper which worth 30% tomorrow and i am not allow to go and sit for it. The unit coordinator said she would carry forward that 30% to my final...which means i got to study extra hard for this paper. I don't have good feelings about it. I am just so worried. Oh Lord, do tell me what i should do? Don't care what the school says and just go and sit for the paper all the same? Well, maybe i should just study from now onwards. Pray that i will be able to go to school next week :)

Sincerely,
Viola

November

2011-11-17T23:30:00.000-08:00

Hey all, for no reason i just feel like coming here. Maybe i was feeling disgusted with myself for not being able to control situations. While people were busy preparing for their examinations, here i am lazing around because i am not in a fit condition to do some serious studying. While people rush over their assignments in school, i am being kept away from school because of this stupid chickenpox. Sigh, i need to buck up soon.

Anyway, i am pretty much being left alone. As i don't feel like doing anything else, i'll think of the memories happened one year ago which is still vivid to me. Well, i guess the month of November will haunt me forever. Why? Because November is a month to remember :) At least for me, i want to think only the good sides of it. I fell in love with someone last Winter and things will never be the same again. I want to get to know this person more and i just couldn't find the right opportunity. Exactly one year ago, around this time, my friends will be giving me ideas as in to go attend his church service which is totally right at the other end of the city, or ask me to do something crazy.

I have to say, thank God for always being able to put things according to places and He came to my rescue just in time. I don't have the courage to do little things like talking to him on Facebook or adding him on MSN (though i often wished i have the courage to do so). Yet, it doesn't tally compared to what i have told him face to face. Around this time, my friends would always drag me to wonder along the streets of city to see if we get any chances to bump into him. Sometimes, out of rage, they would want me to text him straight away...or even direct, to ask him out just like that. Maybe it is the fastest way, but i don't think it'll work. To be honest, i can never forget every single things that he said (whether is it face to face or virally). Maybe this is just the case when you are too obsessed with a person. Why i can communicate with other people easily and not him? My friend told me, "You got to forget the fact that he is the guy you are interested in. You don't dare to talk to him just because he is someone that you like. You got to overcome all these!" To certain extend, she is right. He is just another harmless human who wouldn't kill you if you talk to him. So why am i so afraid?

It surprised me even more when i heard a voice all of a sudden telling me to confess my feelings for him. God, i am assuming that it is YOUR voice i am hearing. Things really fall according to its own places the minute i made decision to tell him how i feel. Hmm...stop stop!! Let me grasp some air back in reality. I could still remember the scenes clearly. It seems as if it just happened yesterday. Even if it happened nearly one year ago (30/11/2010), but i could still feel the awkwardness right through my bones. *shivers* I was scared. Who said i don't have the fear receptors within myself?

Oh well, i am not expecting anything. It is always better to remember the good sides of it. Come to think of it. He was the first person whom i tried to pursue with my own strength and without much thoughts. I don't even think i will have enough courage to do the same thing again. I can't say i still have the same feelings for him and yet i can't say that i have completely let him go. It is more or less in between... but nonetheless, i am going to give myself more chances to explore the World outside. I believe God has a way. If it is meant to be mine, it will somehow comes back to me. If it is not, then no point hanging on.....

My memories....once upon a November.... :)

Emptiness

2011-11-17T08:38:00.000-08:00

I miss you....

Oh well, i guess i just need someone to talk to. I miss my friends scattered around the World. How can i gather all of them together?

Warning sign

2011-11-16T03:59:00.000-08:00

Hey World :) It's been a while. Let's see..hmm, i've been absent from my blog for one week. Why? I wasn't feeling well plus, i had a real hectic week last week. I was wondering how come i couldn't recover from high fever and sore throat two sundays ago. I thought i was recovering only to find out within this week that i was infected by the CHICKENPOX virus. Ewww.. i don't like chickenpox. People said it will be itchy but nope, it is painful. I had trouble sleeping and i can't even touch my face.

Lord, please help me. I have a Law paper this Sunday and 2 assignments due next friday. Yet, i have been given one week off. Doctor was kind enough to offer me two weeks off but i boo-bah at the idea. No way am i gonna missed classes for two weeks. I don't need You to heal all the red spots but at least give me a clear mind so that i can concentrate in my revision as well as working on with my assignments.

Look at the picture above. It was taken last friday while rushing for my Aids report. I truly deserved a spanking for doing last minute work. And yet, it was worst when i reach school only to find that i did not save my work :( What to do?? Redo all over it again. Luckily i had three good friends who are willing to die with me. Lots of different emotions going on that day. From laughters to tears....from tears to frustration!!! Thank you guys. To be honest, i miss them a lot these few days. Life is great when you have some crazy friends who would do crazy stuffs with you. Oh no...in this case, it should be the other way round. They are always forcing me to do crazy stuffs :)

What should i do now? I am in pain!! I can't study nor to kick start with my assignments. So, let me pamper myself for one more day. This is when i remembered i had a book given by Daddy one month's back. It is called "Norwegian Wood". A japanese story but being translated to English :) I am halfway through the book and it was great :)

Stay away

2011-11-09T09:32:00.000-08:00

Dearest illnesses, please stay away from me! You are making me so weak for days that i am being unproductive. Come on, spare my life. I have a report due this Friday which is worth 30%. And i also have one page of summary to hand in today. You make me missed 2 lessons as well. The last thing i want from you is to receive a "Fail" in my result page. Please be kind to me :)

Sincerely,
Viola

Doubt?

2011-11-04T23:16:00.000-07:00

Hey people.... this will be a really short post.

Been wanting to update my blog for the past few days but really don't get the opportunity to.

Anyway, i just wanna thank the Holy Spirit for guiding me throughout the whole lesson. I wasn't well-prepared for the lesson so i kinda do it on the spot. Thank You Jesus...next time i'll prepare beforehand :)

Talk about being a true friend, misunderstandings always took place. No matter how i tried to shun it away or clear it up, but it just keep growing and growing until i really have no other way out. Someone told me, "Take a rest and don't do anything at all!!" I guess i'll do it.........

I just wanna say "Thanks for hurting". Oh yes thank you so much for hurting whether it is intentional or unintentional. I won't be stumbled but i am just so disappointed and hurt. I know it is kinda repetitive, but all in all i just wanna say i am a human with REAL emotions too. You all have feelings but it doesn't mean i don't have one. Believing stories from one side just WON'T help. Don't even try to talk to me in the first place if you don't intend to change or you intend to change only for a while. It just gets on my nerves. By all means, go ahead and trust only one side... i will wash my hands off all these. And yes, i'll be silent. I need a break..

"When i don't bring up something or don't say something, it doesn't mean i don't care or i am clueless!! I just trust in my Lord believing that silence can convey all messages" by Viola.

Dearest Lord, i love you. The God i know is righteous and holy....

Awkward? Chuck it away...

2011-10-31T10:58:00.000-07:00

Hey World, i've been neglecting my blog for a few days. Wouldn't have even think of coming here if i never so happened to come across Ryan's personal blog :) He really brightened up my day with his dancing skill :) Anyway, life has been good for me. Even though i can still feel the pain but i know i have a God who heals.....

Ever been into an awkward situation before? I am sure most people experience it before. For me, it is like, i really and truly don't like it when i actually do know that person but then we just can't communicate. What on earth is this? It disgust me even more when i actually don't even dare to look directly into that person's eyes nor to pluck up my courage to talk to him or her. It is just plain annoying. I mean i didn't do something as crazy as what i did to that special person..so why should i feel awkward? Oh please...chuck that feeling away!! I don't feel like myself...

PS: No matter how long, and no matter how hard i try to forget, there is still a solid memory of you which lies somewhere deep down my heart. Don't get me wrong. I've already move on..... it is just that, this is something which will happen when you truly gave your heart away.

Got tricked into watching "Paranormal Activity 3". I don't like. Like really really don't like. I dislike anything to do with horror and blood and disgusting and scary stuffs :( I need to build up my courage.... but my heart is weak....

Numbed

2011-10-26T05:34:00.000-07:00

"Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?" - Airplanes

I really love this particular sentence above :) I know i used the lyric 2 posts back but still, i find that it really corresponds with my feeling for today.

Sometimes the thing that you yearned for or wanted doesn't mean it is the best for you. You may try as hard as you want to, but if it is not meant to be yours, it will NEVER be. So what am i doing? WAKE UP please! I really don't want to waste my time on something which seems hopeless. It is oblivious and clear that the treatments are just so different. I don't want to face the same thing TWICE.

I never been this hurt. Nope, not even when he chose to be silent as a way of rejecting. Really....It is like i can feel sharp knives piercing through my heart. So this is the real feeling of "heartache". If it is so, i really dislike the feeling. And i don't wanna experience it again. Your words are powerful enough to make me ponder over it for long. I don't know what's wrong with me. It is just like a sudden sharp pain. Oh well, all i can say is, this whole experience tells me that i am not a cold-blooded and hard-hearted person, because the pain is extreme.

PS: A lot of people thought i am a hard-hearted person. So, they would rather not offend me. But you'll never know, sometimes, that is just a cover-up version of me. Yes, to cover all weaknesses and the lack of confidence within myself. I am after all, still a human with emotions. I am weak at times too...

Sorry if i sounded emo. I just can't bear that feeling. It is painful. From now i just want to make myself STRONGER :) If someone has to affect me with words, let that person be GOD. I would rather turn my attention on Him. It doesn't matter if my heart ache for God or that i am being affected by His word. At least i know that He would never leave me or forsake me.....

Blessed 22nd Dearest Dee..

2011-10-25T19:31:00.000-07:00

Blessed 22nd Dearest Dee. You are such a blessing in my life. You came to me when i was just alone in Perth :) I really miss you heaps.

Too bad i wasn't there to celebrate with you... still, there are lots of things which i wanna say to you. You are a strong leader Dee, and you are a prayer warrior girl. Continue to keep the faith and continue to strive more for Him. You have already glorify Him in various ways (dancing, serving and etc). Continue to help the zone to grow....

I shall not describe so much about you because all that i have to say has already been written in one of my long ago post :) Dee, you are a beautiful and strong girl from the inside out. Never let emotions bring you down. I am really glad that you have found Ju in your life. Life has been so much brighter for you :)

I will always remember the good times that we had during my journey in Perth. Our happy moments, our weakest moments, through all prayers and fast. Thank You Dee for teaching me how to stand firm and to surrender everything to God. Despite all the downs, i am really thankful that you exist

in my life :) I really enjoyed my moments with you girls. Though we are far apart, but i know our purpose will be the same.

I just wanna wish you a very happy birthday and May God's joy and blessings be with you. I know the zone/cell will definitely create something spectacular for you. Do update me :) Love you Dee....

Just one wish

2011-10-24T08:52:00.000-07:00

"Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?? I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now..... "

I have never seen a shooting star before in my whole life even though i would give up anything just to see it once with my bare eyes. Somehow, i wonder, why would i long to see a shooting star? Once upon a time, i used to believe that shooting stars will be able to make my wish come true. When i was young, i would always stare into the night sky, waiting for something to sweep past..but it never happens. For a girl who has never seen a shooting star before, i tend to talk to the stars above, hoping and wishing that it will make my dream comes true :) Yes, i did all these once upon a time.

Now, a realization falls over me. Can a shooting star fulfill my dreams? I learnt the truth that shooting star is one of God's creation. And it can never help to fulfill my wish. I believe my God can does it better. Humans are complicated. We tend to do crazy stuffs. Still, this is my childhood dream. I will still be happy if i could get to see one.

I don't know what makes me write this post. I do think that the lyric is cool :) I am off to look at the starry sky :) Good night...

Angry Birds..

2011-10-23T09:48:00.000-07:00

Hello World, look at my title above :) I guess this is the first time i ever write anything about Angry Birds after getting all crazy over them for quite a while. To be honest, i have absolutely NO IDEA what is it all about? I know they are famous and that's it!! Gradually, i don't know what motivates me to buy their key chains and stuffs. I am such a bad influence because Barry got addicted to Angry Birds too :P And it is ALL BECAUSE OF ME...

This was taken a few months back. I have no idea why i have to draw all these for Barry or rather, why did i agree to help him to draw in the first place? Maybe i was just trying to keep him quiet? Oh well, nonetheless, what's drawn is drawn *big grins*

PS: Philippians 4:13 kepts on ringing in my head. It is everywhere....through videos, through blogs and basically everywhere. Yes, i know i can do all things through Him who gives me strength. Even right now....

Okay peeps, just a short update this time to ensure that my blog is alive. I wanna upload pictures of our The First 17th meeting and also our chill out night. My BlackBerry is not being friendly :( Fine, i am gonna ditch you soon :P

Good night World..

I want excitements!!

2011-10-20T07:48:00.000-07:00

Herrowz World, back again to update. Today, i really want to thank God for all that He has done for me :) I wasn't well-prepared for my presentation which worth 10%. All in all, everything went well. This hits me. I am always very good at encouraging people with Matthew 6:34. Yet, when it comes to me, i will have to force myself to practice it. I am not saying that i am always 100% worrying about stuffs, but i don't even want that 5% of worrying. God is really good to me today :)

Saw this quote which i feel it is really true. "I can't brag about my love for God because i fail Him daily. But i can brag about His love for me because it never fails "

So true isn't it? We started to complain about our physical tiredness whenever we were being asked to serve more than we are suppose to. We always claim that we are sacrificing a lot for God. When we are successful, we won't even bother to thank God for it. When we fail, we put all blames on God. If we were to do our own soul-searching, ask yourself, do you really love God? Or do we love God with conditions? I just want to confess that i fail him everyday :( But God did not give up on me. He is helping me to go through everyday with His strength. I really want to know this God more because i know HE IS FOR ME :)

Soul Searching

2011-10-18T10:53:00.000-07:00

Lord, You are truly the God of righteousness. You are the hater of sins. Whenever i done something wrong, or rather something not right, i will always have this kinda uncomfortable and guilty feeling. All i wanna say is, i am not a perfect person but i am trying to be. Please guide me and show me the path to righteousness. Remind me when i am doing something wrong. Sometimes i might not even know it. I don't even know if i am doing the right thing or not, but i do feel very uncomfortable about it. It is not a nice feeling. I am sorry Lord, for all that i've done which is not pleasing to You. I am trying my best to be a better person. Please be in the center of all that is happening right now.... Show us your way... Do not let us use our strength to solve all problems. I am giving You all that i am facing right now.

I just feel that i got to type all these. I don't know why...but i just feel like it... i am sorry Lord...

Departures

2011-10-17T09:54:00.000-07:00

Dearest folks, good to be back so soon. If only i could be more hardworking in my studies...then life would be so much easier :P Well, before i sign in to this blog, i ve already planned to write this and that. Yet, the minute i set my hands onto the keyboard, i lost track on what i am suppose to write. Sigh, i agreed with what my friend told me, that we shouldn't plan our lives. Let it be impromptu.

I was watching "Departures" just now. This is one of the most famous and well-known movie in Japan. I remembered last year around this time, i was attending a Japanese Festival in Perth where they chose 5 of the most popular movies in Japan. Departures was one of the chosen ones. I wanted to watch it but it clashed with my busy schedule...and also i was hesitating because i read the story outline and realized that this movie has something to do with deceased. Okay fine..i admit that i am a coward and i am not a brave person. I dislike something scary or horror. Most of the time, i tries to watch horror films but always ended up screaming or covering my eye throughout the whole movie. Maybe i would watch it if a gang of people would accompany me :)

Back to the topic, being a media student, we were encouraged to watch various genres of movies. Our lecturer specifically recommended us to watch "Departures". I don't want to but she begged us to. And then, i decided that it must be God's will, because i missed it last year. To my surprise, i find myself actually enjoying the whole movie. There is a lesson to be learnt. I won't say it. JUST WATCH IT!! I was so touched T.T!! Truly, as a media student, i need to appreciate the beauty of arts :)

Thank you Father for giving me the courage to watch this movie. And thanks for such a beautiful day filled with laughters and excitements :) You are awesome...

I love Sundays ......

2011-10-16T08:58:00.000-07:00

Hey dearest World.. i am 15 minutes away to midnight. Before i end this day, i thought i would come and update for a bit. I really love Sundays...because Sunday is always the day when we get to serve and gather in the House of Lord. No matter how emo or how sad i am, whenever i set my heart aside for the Lord, i will naturally feel happy. This is when i truly experience the Lord's joy. Truly, the joy of the Lord is my strength.

If we are able to bring smile to an old lady's face, why not we do it often? For once, i am so thankful that i was given the opportunity to fetch this sweet lady (Aunty Rosalyn) this morning. Through her, i get to hear a lot of encouraging stories. I am just so glad that God is always watching over us. Do not underestimate a simple action. It might seems small to you, but to others, it is beyond description :)

Through all these, i learn to accept things just the way it is. I don't want to change things or even try to change it, because i don't have the strength to do so. All my strength comes from my one and only lover, Jesus Christ :) I love you so much and thank you for today and more Sundays to come. I want more of You...

B.A.N.G

2011-10-14T09:19:00.000-07:00

Hey hey hey....i am back for a reason. I don't have a specific topic on what i should blog about, but something hits me :) It has already been a routine for me to take a stroll at people's blogs. Some of them update regularly whilst some took a while to update. Yet i am so glad to browse through this person's blog daily (without much expectation because he doesn't update often). Today, i am surprise to see so many new posts :) One particular post really hits me.

The blogger wrote about having to put on another front in order to fit in. He mentioned something about acting cool just to fit in when all the while he is a funny and crazy fellow. It draws my attention when i realized that's exactly the situation i am in now. Sometimes, we wanted so much to be accepted by others, that we tend to hide our true self. For instance, i am sad today but i can't show it. So instead of showing my sad face, i tend to put on a fake smile and pretend that i am very happy. You get the whole picture?

I am always having a lot of difference sides of me. I know that the real desire within me is to be happy and crazy because i am free to do anything i want instead of having to put on a cool and serious look. Honestly speaking, i detest cool looking people. I am sorry to say that. It sounds harsh. Not to say that i wanna judge but it is just that, there is always a sign of barrier which stops me from getting nearer to "cool" people. I always have this mindset that they wouldn't want to hang out with "un-cool" people like me. For instance, i admit i am a crazy girl. People might think i am just acting or putting on a show..but believe it or not, that is my real emotions from the bottom of my heart, and from the inside out. I laugh and smile when i feel like it. I am happy hanging out with people i like. Sometimes it just turns me off when people show me some kind of "cold" look. What on earth?

I have to admit that i am someone without confident. I don't believe in my looks and characters. So naturally, i am 100% dependent of my heart and the way i treat people. Putting on a mask doesn't seems to help either for i am aware that my mask doesn't suits me at all. With that i really and totally agree with what that blogger written in his blog.

I think whenever I try to be cool, that’s a sign that I’m unsure of my identity. A sign of my insecurity and lack of confidence in myself. Being cool makes me more emo and I tend to judge people more because cool people don’t hang out with ‘uncool’ people. But being crazy make me more happy because I have nothing to hide and I can do whatever I want.

Thanks for inspiring me with whatever that you written. You'll never know that a simple post can really encourage people :) I am glad i have this kinda habit of following up people's blogs. Lastly, i just wanna say "BE YOURSELF" ...and yes, do nudge me if you think i am not being my usual self, for that's just so not me...

She will be still..

2011-10-10T07:35:00.000-07:00

Hello World :) Wanna know what happened to me for the past few days? After blogging about Daylan in the previous post, i was suppose to rush for my Media Audiences Proposal and PR essay which is due T.O.D.A.Y! Yet, sadly, i couldn't fight against my physical tiredness. I did stayed up late but i am not as productive as i want myself to be. So many things came up at a time and i couldn't reject even if i don't feel like it. It might seems that i am a hypocrite...but i just don't want to disappoint people. There must be a reason why a person calls you or ask you out. I always believe that... :)

Enough of that.... i did sacrificed my sleep to get everything done. God is always faithful even though He was naughty enough to scare me at the last minute :) I love Him more and more. He gave me so many unexpected surprises :) I shall keep that as a secret between myself and God :P

Guess what? Finally, i mean..like really finally, i get to serve in Kids Central for once. They are lack of one person and so, i get to sneak in. Hurray!! Super natural, super natural God, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE. Look at the kids <3 I know it is not as big as ZionKids, but don't worry, we'll grow one day. Apart from the fact that we are really small, kids are basically the same. I remembered when i used to serve in ZionKids, i need to think fast and act fast, because when a child wanted someting, he/she must have it immediately. Kids here are totally the same too. We will have to be alert and quick all the time. You know what? I love it...from the bottom of my heart. Even if you wanna doubt, i am fine with it :P I am just kidding...i don't what am i typing now..

There are so many things which i wanna share but i can't just squeeze everything in one post. I shall leave some for the next post. Something to share with you all. When i was small, people around me all loved singing. I was being brought up in that kinda situation. When i was in primary school, we adores Westlife, Britney Spears, Backstreet boys and so on. Things can't possibly remain the same isn't it? So, when i moved on to secondary school, 99% of my friends are chinese speaking. Even though i wasn't good in chinese, but in order to fit in, i will try my best to memorize those chinese lyrics. Thanks to them, my chinese improved :) Tee Hee... Well, after blabbering for so long, i just wanna say, Karaoke is the best place to build a relationship. It might be boring for those who don't like singing, or rather, don't really like to hang out in KTV. Don't miss a good opportunity. If you never try, you'll never know.

PS: Look at the picture above. I was so touched and amazed. Who say we can only sing Pop songs in a KTV? KTV nowadays are very advance. They even have worship songs. We can even worship in a KTV room. How perfectly amazing is that? I love that concept!!!

I am super duper sleepy now... so forgive me World, if you think whatever i typed doesn't make sense. I just wanna say "Thank You" to my Lord for always being there for me. Thank You... i'll pull through all these. What people do and say doesn't really affect me anymore. I just can't expect everyone to be friendly or accept me for who i am. So, instead of making myself miserable, i guess i'll just let it be. God will lead me to the right people. Yes, ALL THE TIME :) Lastly, yes, in reference to my title above, i will be still. I will always be still....

:)

2011-10-05T05:13:00.000-07:00

Herrowz lovely World, i am back again after 3 days? Hmm, talk about being productive, i know i am a procrastinator. I just can't sit infront of the laptop :( It'll slow down my progress and having 2 essays worth 30% due on the same day isn't cool at all. It seems as if time is never enough for me. I am always having to rush over something aye...! Still, i have no idea why am i here when i know i am not suppose to :P

Lovely people :) I just loved being around them. Of course there are more lovely people around :) They have been really supportive and encouraging when i need them. There isn't a moment when i have to approach them to open up my heart, for they knew it without words. Thanks for being smart and thanks for being there... you are awesome. Totally reminds me of my beloved Murdoch zone <3

Well, someone told me, when the tide is low, it is just about to turn. I guess, after all these emo moments, i am almost fine. Come on, i can't stay emo forever isn't it? Life goes on...

I miss him i miss him i miss him. He is Daylan (my most favorite kid in Zion Kids) *big grins* All the teachers said i showed favoritism. I loved all the kids but Daylan used to be the closest to me during that time :) I miss those moments when i have to crack my brain to think of new ways to trick him into finishing his food. I miss those moments when i would just stare and stare at his dreamy face. I miss those moments when he would just drag both my hands and make me spin round and round until i couldn't take it during worship sessions. I miss those moments when he would bombard me with his words. I miss those moments when he would jump onto my back and forced me to give him a piggy back ride. I miss those moments when i would go baby-sit him and his older brother, Christopher and younger sister, Erin at their house. I miss those moments when he would run into his room when it was time to put on his diaper. I miss those moments when i could check on him when he sleeps, to see if he's alright. I miss those moments when he would always dress up in spiderman suit and looked so cute. I miss those endless memories of him. All in all, i miss him super duper much and i miss the kids...

I am so blessed to have a friend like Wing (My only Zion Kids mate from Murdoch zone). She knows that i miss Day Day a lot, and she will always send me pictures of him :) Kids grow up too fast. I am sure they'll change a lot when i goes back for a visit in future. Kids are great blessing from God. Love them so much. Invest in them to raise up a generation who loves God.

Talking about children makes me happier, despite the fact that i had a tiring day. Travelling in and out so often is no joke. I am physically worn out...but not to the extreme that i will be defeated. NOT YET!! I know i have a God who heals. It reminded me of someone who said to me "Viola, i want you to wear this thing as you go out to "Reach the World". I have given this power to you. It is always in your hand!I trust that you can do it" Yes, i ve been relying on that power to survive. It seems so real...i am looking forward to the day when i could hand over this power to someone who needs it. I've been blessed with more than i deserve :)

What now? Fight on with my essays before i runs out of time *huge sigh* Oh dear..i need motivation. Please scold me or whack me. I need to wake up soon..

A day to remember :)

2011-10-02T09:03:00.000-07:00

Hey World, i know that i wasn't in a good mood recently. So all my posts are like...hmm..you know how is it like. I guess i am just all stressed out. Still, i manage to appreciate the beauty of Law. Fight the way. Nothing my God can't do :)

I really and truly missed serving in Zion Kids :( Even if i don't get the opportunity to serve in Kids ministry here, but my passion and love for children will never fade. They are God's promising future. I trust in You. The rainbow in the sky to show God's promise is a truth :) The kids outreach was a huge success. Nothing is impossible with God around.

I enjoyed spending time with the awesome people. A lot of things happened which caused me to break down. Do not fret. A moment ago, i may be crying, but at the next moment, i'll smile like usual :) This is my gift and power from God. Thanks for listening to me....

Grrrr

2011-10-01T11:04:00.000-07:00

I AM TRULY AND DEEPLY DISAPPOINTED WITH YOU ALL.

What do you treat me for? Don't think i don't know how to say "No", then you all can take things for granted. Just because i didn't say anything, but it doesn't mean i don't care. I have my own rights and i am human too. I have my own emotions and feelings too. Don't think you are anyway special than me because God created us equally with love.

Please understand that. If you need to bring up the matter, just bring it up and stop being a coward. Updating all those nasty tweets is not gonna help in solving the problem. I am ready...

Surprise

2011-09-30T22:04:00.000-07:00

Hello Peeps, talk about surprise. I love surprise :) Thank God for sending wonder people in my life who would care to surprise me. I was quite down yesterday after knowing that all First-izens will not be free and we will have to cancel our usual Friday meeting :( Nevermind, maybe God is giving me a rest. As i was happily watching drama and surfing the net, 8.30pm comes and i heard my door bell rings. Whoever could it be? I was expecting NO ONE. Like literally, NO ONE! I was surprise to see the boys and Dawn. For your information, they were suppose to be at Desaru, having fun.

See!!How sweet they are...trying to give me surprise by saying they are not coming but turning up at my doorstep :) I appreciate it. Still, i manage to surprise them fully by telling them our meeting has been cancelled. What fun....we ended up having connect group after all.. and yea.super duper awesome time!!

Alrighty. These people were shock by my mum's generosity. We had like so much left over food. Satay was awesome :) I love these people.

THE BOYS!!! Talk about being a leader.... i got influenced by them and their "Coning". We ended up driving from Maccas to Maccas, grabbing ice-cream. Oh my, i don't want to be blacklisted from Maccas. I still want to go Maccas :)

It was fun though, hanging out with these people. Brand new experience, brand new feeling. My God is awesome <3

Cold blooded

2011-09-29T08:35:00.000-07:00

My heart is getting colder and colder. Not towards God but certain people. Why? Why am i like that? I don't want to be so cold. I dislike this kind of feeling. Still, nonetheless, i am not gonna let you bring me down. I am as strong as anything :)

PS: I know my recent posts are kinda short. I am not in the mood for a long post yet :) Ciaozzz...

Don't stop believing...

2011-09-26T05:36:00.000-07:00

I wanted very much more than anything else in this World is to stay happy all the time. Being happy is easy but staying happy is a very challenging task. I could have been the most happiest girl in my life. Yet, i always let those unworthy thoughts to conquer my feelings. That's how i became the DEMON Viola. Take away the D and N and it becomes EMO.

Grown up version of us. We had good memories with one another. Although we have grown up and a lot of things couldn't possibly remain the same, but they are always my dearest sisters.

Happy? How should i stay happy? I am definitely not in a good mood now. So many things happened. Trying my best to stay positive and yet it is hard. I want to escape but i know He is not done with me yet. What now? DON'T STOP BELIEVING.... and hold on to the feeling....

My Lullaby

2011-09-21T08:22:00.000-07:00

I am LAZY...and i really don't wanna do anything. I am sleepy....zzzzZZZ

PS: I am sure i found my answer to the question which i have been seeking for a long time. You are just so awesome :)

i...i...i....

2011-09-18T05:55:00.000-07:00

I just love being in the presence of God. I love the fact that my God always have His own ways to touch my heart no matter how hard i tried to be cool. He is awesome. You touched me deeply today :)

I have problems. And i know i am facing tonnes and tonnes of them :) Yet, i can feel the joy whenever You are with me. I just wanna say "Thank You".....and i love you :)

As time goes by...

2011-09-15T21:47:00.000-07:00

Hey peeps, i have to admit that i am a poor planner. I couldn't even manage my time well. To say i have done a lot of things, that's not true. And yet, i am not doing nothing. So, complicated yea...

Well, it has been a while since i last thought of you or even to browse through your page. To say i don't miss you, that's a lie. To say i don't feel anything, that's a lie too. I am not contradicting myself. It is true that i have already let go and lay down all these completely. Still, it is a fact that you are the one who inspires me throughout everything. I compared all these politics with the ones i had in ZPH. It is more or less the same and yet, there is always unity among the church members there. I would have given up long time ago if it weren't because i visioned your perseverance face. I am not the only one facing problems. All of us were....

I don't think i will erase your memories completely until i manage to find the right person :) Call me stubborn but i am not someone who will let go of something easily. I miss you...

:(

2011-09-11T03:36:00.000-07:00

Hey people, i am back :) The only thing that is worthy to be happy is the fact that i still remember my blog. Other than that, i am really moody and to be exact sad. I don't know what's wrong with me. I have no idea why am i so down. Eversince the day i have made this decision, i know i am so gonna feel like that. If you know me, you'll know that i hate (Sorry Alph, but i got to break this rule for once because i really cannot stand it) to be absence from Church. You know the fact that i hate to be left out for anything. If possible, please don't let me know what i have missed out. If not, i will think a lot :(

I guess nobody really understand me. Thank God i still have this little space where only my besties will care. If you know me, you'll know that i am a person without confidence. Yes, i may look like a person with full confident but i am not. Not to say that i am 100% weak but i have the weaker side of me. Don't think i am a superwoman. I am just like anyone of you. I have emotions too. Please respect that. I am not saying that i need people to thank me or appreciate what i have done. But please note that a normal girl like me will appreciate a little bit of help if i do need one in future.

I don't think people will like or accept me for who i am. That's why i appreciate every single friends or people that i met. It is just that why is it i am the one who has to leave after trying so hard to bond everyone together? Sorry, this is just a random post. I guess i am too emotional right now. It felt as if i have just been slapped hard on the face. It is always the same in every situations. Leo club was one, then College, then Perth and even RIGHT NOW. Maybe this is my calling and i don't even know it. Maybe i were meant to be alone all the time. I am not trying to indicate anything but this is how i felt. When i am needed, then i'll feel useful. But when i am not needed anymore, nobody will ever remember me. I am sorry to say all these...

I honestly think that maybe my time is up and i got to move on to another chapter of my life again :) My time is up and i am no longer needed anymore. Maybe this isn't the right place for me at all from the start but it was my stubborn-ness who makes me perserve on. I should have left long ago. Why did i stay on? It is too late now. I can't leave just like that. I need to do something. Lord, all i ask of you right now is to show me the path. Lead me to the next stage.

Sweet moments

2011-09-07T05:31:00.000-07:00

Woohooo..i am back to update again :) So..what is so special that i have to set a title like above? Sweet moments? Yes, indeed i had a sweet and fulfilling week. Why? First of all, last week was my last week of holiday. I started my trimester 2 on Monday (5/9/2011)...boring to the max :( Second, BB Kelly is back. Nono, i should say she WAS back in JB last week but now she went back to KL. Third, i had a good time with her. Wanting to spend more time with her but couldn't because time is short. I hope she will come back again.

We had fun disciple-ing. Or rather, i should say, we ENJOYED chatting. Disciple-ing BB Kelly is one of the most excting thing because, in front of her, i can totally be myself. As in, i don't act in front of my other disciples but it is just different. I can lie down, or sweep the floor while asking her to attempt to those questions herself. All in all, i just have so much confident in her walk with Jesus that i don't have to stay with her throughout the whole lesson to watch her. That's what i called - Relaxing :) I am sure BB Kelly wouldn't want me to sit and watch her all the time. We'll rather have some Tutti Frutti instead :)

Church was cool too :) Lunch with Aunty Rosalind and the rest was awesome too :) I realized i just felt so comfortable when BB Kelly is around. So sad that she went back already. I am not saying i don't feel comfortable with this church. I have already accepted the fact that i am so gonna be alone all the time except during moments when i serve people. It just feels so different when you have somebody who knows you well there :) Oh well, i guess i gotta wait for another few more months before BB Kelly will be back to join me again :) Come back soon. Remember our lesson for that day? Always learn to forgive and forget. Things are perfect even though it didn't seem to be. Sorry if our connect group meeting wasn't up to your expectation. I promise you that it will be way better the next time you comes back :)

Korean cuisine with BB Kelly and my parents :) MA SI SO YO :) We are so addicted to korean dramas and basically Korea, that we just want to have korean cuisine all the time. I guess it is time for me to pick up another brand new language :) before i can officially say "Na wa se yo" to Korea again *winks*

School has started. I was praying to God earlier on that i hope history won't repeat itselfs again. So far, i am fine with everything. It is gonna be a hectic trimester because i am taking something called L.A.W. What on earth? Why is it my core module? I can't afford to fool around or slack this trimester. I don't want to repeat any of the modules. Results are out!! So far i am happy with it except for the marketing management. I've appeal for my paper to be remark again. Hopefully it went well :( With this, i decided to do something about it. Stay away from me Chocolates, sweets, junk food and those nasty nasty ice cream! I need to pass this test God has for me... No matter what the outcome is, i am willing to except all that God has in plan for me :)

PS: I don't want to stumble anybody with my Christianity life. But so far, it seems as if all my beloved ones has different opinions toward me. They said i am too engrossed in Christ that i ve forgotten that i have a family. Sometimes, it is not that i don't want to talk to them about it. They don't even want to listen. Sometimes, i choose to be silent but that doesn't mean i am trying to hide my guilt. It is just that i know you guys will never understand God's visions for me and you'll never be able to understand why am i doing all these? So please spare me.... i can't just back out now. And i don't want to. I have been desperately trying to achieve all those visions and everything goes according to what God has planned. I don't want to lose God...

To prevent this situation from getting worst, i made a decision........

Dreams??

2011-09-01T09:02:00.000-07:00

Herrow World, i am back again :) Don't worry about my title. I just had a long talk with a friend of mine and we talked about our future. Future seems so blur to me now. As in i really don't know what i want to do. It is either, i further on with my master in bible studies or early childhood education, or i pursue on with my biggest dream - enter the field of media. Or worst come to worst, take over Mummy's career. I love languages and if possible, i would really love to master the languages that i loved and make full use of it :) Nothing is impossible ey? Fight the way....

I received a parcel from Jo and Ms Foh all the way from Perth. Honestly, i am touched. Seriously!! They knew me so well and i could see their effort into preparing my birthday gifts :) Thanks girls. I miss you all heaps. There are a few stuffs in the box but i'll just show you one first. Look at this T-Shirt. It was the Boombox Tour 2011 shirt. I wanted it so much and Ms Foh decided to give it to me. On it were signatures by Mr Ryan Higa and other youtube celebrities :) There are also other stuffs which moves my heart and it brought back lots of memories too :) I'll show you guys again next time...

Time flies :( My break is ending soon. I have to go back to Singapore again next week. I ve been spending time with Mummy. I am sure she will feel lonely when i goes back. Nobody accompany her to watch korean dramas for the timebeing :( I don't want to. Call me weirdo...but i do admit i am a Mummy girl. I remember i used to drag her along when i go dating last time :P I am not emo. I am just thinking. What should i do to take a step closer to future? I guess i need to start planning now. To master my lover no 1- The Violin? To further on my Japanese language? To pick up Korean Language? To dream big for the sake of my future? Lord....speak to me. Speak to me....

Same place, same aroma, same companions

2011-08-28T09:33:00.000-07:00

Hello World, i am here to update about my 4 hours of sweet dating with my girls (Selina Bear and Fishy). I had an awesome high-tea session with these two girls last Friday before Connect Group. God is really good to me. He blessed me with double happiness :) It has been quite a while since S.H.E last gathered. Sadly, Hebe Ting couldn't join us this time. Haven't seen her for at least 5 months :( Nonetheless, i really believe that S.H.E will reunite very soon.

Our most favourite place - LAVENDER. Everytime S.H.E meet up (even if it is only 2 of us), this is the only place we will go. It doesn't matter if we sit there for the whole day. The ambience is good. Lavender is super great. It not only reminds me of that one time i argued openly with one of the waiters,but it also reminds me of my dearest girls.

I enjoyed talking with them. Who say we needs to dress up when we meet up? Who say girls need to put make up? Who say we cannot laugh loudly and heartily? Who say a girl must be demure and elegant? Who say a girl must be quiet? In conclusion, i just wanna say, we are contented being just the way we are :)

PS: Eversince i ve written last night's post, i knew that i would be emo and moody this morning. True enough, i really don't feel like talking and i really don't have mood to do anything. Even if i am serving in the ministry which i loved, i still don't have the mood to do it. The reason why i stay and why i am doing is because i believe the existence of God in the House. Sometimes i seems to have forgotten that it is God i am serving, not human. Why do i feel so horrible? I really have no idea. God touches my heart deeply today. I felt something pierce through me. I know i just need Him....

Lord, don't leave me. You are the only one i could live for. I know i am not alone...

Tired

2011-08-27T09:55:00.000-07:00

Super super random short post.

I AM SUPER DUPER TIRED ......

Yet, i was inspired by posts written by someone :) God is awesome....

Random thoughts - I was fooling around with Wing through facebook a few days ago. She was writing something like "Feel like jumping off my body and travel to other parts of the World". Then we started imagining ourselves really jumping off our bodies and travels around the World like North Pole, South Pole, Paris, Brazil and etc. It was so great!! Back to reality, how nice it would be if i could really leave this realistic World and to travel to all places around the World.

It is just so tiring. I don't know what's wrong with me. When people starts to rely on me, i'll feel stressed and tired. As in, i am not a perfect person. So, do i really have the right to take care of someone? I can only do this much..which is still within my capacity. I wanted to do more but i can't. For now, just let me live in my dream land for a bit. To leave everything in my life and to go into my own desire World. How nice would it be if i could help out at some red cross thingy elsewhere? How nice would it be if i could just help those poor kids outside? How nice would it be if i could just say "Yes" everytime people ask for my help? You know what, this is random, but i do missed my "Little Green". I really don't want to trouble people and i do NEED my little green car. It is not big or expensive car...but at least i could offer to fetch people or send them home. Lord, i want my little green back :(

Sometimes, i just felt like Wing. I want to jump right out of my body and let my soul fly to some random places. Maybe i am really tired.......whatever i write doesn't make sense anymore. So ....ciaozz...it is random but GOOD NIGHT WORLD...

:)

2011-08-23T23:57:00.000-07:00

Good afternoon folks...it is rare to see me updating my blog during day time. Oh well, i am slacking actually. Mummy asked me to come with her to factory for this whole month to lend a helping hand to Aunt AJ. Today is a bit special because she brought her two kids along (Barry and Rynn). They were sick again :( We need to pray for healing. It is not good for kids to fall sick so often.

My Cycling partner - Ying Ying :) From young, she is always very naughty and talkative. Yet, she is always very nice to me. Always give me a hug or wants me to give her a hug whenever she sees me. So sweet of her. I enjoyed spending time with all my kids :)

Even though i felt as if i did not spend my time wisely today, but still i think it is worth it. I had a long talk with Jovan (my ex-leader) through MSN. It was good reminiscing all the old good times. It was awesome to know that everyone is doing well in Murdoch and they are slowly building the zone. I am glad he is the zone supervisor now. You will do great!!! Though we may be small, but we are very united. I really hope to see this spirit in our current JB Church. It was really inspiring. Come to think of it. If he did not encouraged me with the power of "Reach The World", if he did not grab me out for a talk, I can't imagine what will happen to me today. Perhaps, i could have been a back slider. Perhaps, i would have lose all my faith. God is indeed awesome. Thanks for all the encouraging words and the things which you ve taught me :) He is always a good leader to me. We are the sowers but God is the one who takes care of the seed. I will never give up or step down because i don't want to fall into the Devil's trap. I believe i will be able to find the right person to hand over the power of "Reach The World" to. Thank you for not giving up on me and still continues to plant in me. Even though i know God was the one who did all the work, but my heart of gratitude towards this zone will never fade..!To me, NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE. Whatever discouragements that i faced now is totally nothing.....

Oh man...i miss them more and more. I am waiting for the day when God will bring me down the memory land again :) May God bless the Murdoch Zone.......it is the best zone ever...

Bored

2011-08-21T09:00:00.000-07:00

Hey peeps,

I don't have any ideas what to write *big grins*..but because i wanna achieve 100 posts by this year, i HAVE to update constantly :)

Random thoughts - A lot of things happened recently. Big matters, Small matters...they are all driving me crazy. I can't help thinking so much. Noise. I loved being in a noisy condition. Why? Because it prevents me from thinking too much. Yet, i can be in a quiet condition. That's when i am reading or doing other stuffs...so that my mind won't wander off. After writing a long post of myself, i guess i sort of understand who i am already :) One word - COMPLICATED :P

There is one thing i should be proud of. And that is i ve destroyed the last memory (That little mini guitar) I wanted to do it long time ago but don't have enough courage to do so. Why? I scare i will regret. I scare i will cry. i scare i will break down. Yet, when i see it, i don't think i am happy either. So what can i do? I don't feel anything at the mention of his name. I just want to let go completely. What did i do? I threw it away. Yesh...i got rid of that last memory yesterday's night (On my way back to JB). I won't tell you where i dump it :P Thank you Lord. I truly felt so relief and peaceful after getting rid of it.

Something which brightens up my day. Finally SHE is willing to open up to me :) I thought i will never be able to touch her heart when Jeremy assigned her to me. 2 hours of heart to heart chatting on the phone has given me a deeper understanding of her. I am glad she is positive. I know it is not my strength but HIS. I can feel it. Praise the Lord. You showed me the evolution of Impossible to Possible.

Sometimes, i don't know what i am doing. Sometimes, i may doubt myself. Sometimes, i am confused. Sometimes, i may doubt You. Sometimes, i may feel discouraged. Sometimes, i may feel hurt. Sometimes, i lose confidence. Sometimes, i dislike myself. Sometimes, i am weak. Sometimes, i cannot feel You. Sometimes, i let my thoughts and feelings control me.....!All in all, i just wanna say, i want to come near You, Jesus. Let me encounter You.....

這就是我 (This is Me)

2011-08-17T06:22:00.000-07:00

Hey people, after reading Pig's (one of the most important person in my life) blog, i suddenly have that kinda mixed feelings. To think we are so alike and i didn't even know it. Thus, it makes me wanna write a post of myself too :) Let me take you to an inner World of me. If you know me well, you will know this is real me from the inside out...

如果了解我

這就是我

「我:很简单」不喜欢跟别人去争些什么，吵些什么，除非触及底线。

「我:看似坚强」其实在平静的外表下，内心很容易受伤。

「我:会伪装」即使遍体鳞伤，还是固执的假装一副无所谓的样子。脸上依然挂着天真无畏的笑容。

其實

我

看似冷漠只不过因为情感太强烈，越是付出真心就越会被伤害

偶爾很讲义气够朋友；不会耍心机；对待感情认真专一；很顾家；

常常脾气倔强但心地善良；喜欢逞强；非常害怕孤单；不凶很好相處

其實

我

喜欢黑夜，因为黑夜是我最好的盔甲，阳光下只能见到我隐忍的微笑，只有月亮才看得到我隐忍了一天的悲伤。

所以我积压在心底的伤口，靠着我一个人砥，很累很累，直到我找到心属的荆棘这时，小心翼翼地接近。

請別

爱上我，我等不起，怕孤单的指數很高。

请别

爱上我或和我做朋友，我喜欢折腾人，一会儿对你好，一会儿对你坏。

请别

爱上我，我喜欢自相矛盾。

或許

我

想你了,不会马上发个信息打个电话给你说我想你,就算是发了打了, 也极少说出想你这两个字.

这就是我超乎常人的冷静.

因為我害怕失去, 害怕太在乎自己会受伤, 害怕不保护自己就会遍体鳞伤. 害怕的太多,

所以爱里的我看起来总是不冷不热.但你需要的不是怀疑我不爱了,而是要温暖我冰冷的心。

或許自私但是我更怕聽見自己心碎的聲音

或許

我

有时候很孤独，我需要人们的关心，

有时候比较粗心，我需要人们的体谅。

其实我很单纯，我更需要人们的爱护和帮助。

我也有缺点，相信我，我会改的。

我

吃软不吃硬；经常口是心非；很乐观又很悲观；安全感不多；有点感性；

有些话即使害怕错过也不说；小敏感；小洁癖；小心软；害怕受伤；总说自己不孤单，其实很寂寞；

对陌生人冷冷的，熟悉后就嘻嘻哈哈；总表现的很坚强，其实很软弱；总被人误解，却不愿解释。

我

很难向别人敞开心扉，所以一直期盼能遇到一个什么都不必说却能够懂我内心的人

我

的心里有一个角落,死也出不去,别人也进不来

我

想哭的时候，我会闭上眼睛不让它流泪，然后告诉自己，还是可以坚持下去；

难过的时候，我会伪装自己，笑着对别人说，我很好、我很开心；

失落的时候，我会勇敢的对自己说，没事，一切总会过去。

我宁可让别人觉得我快乐得没心没肺，也不愿意让自己看起来委屈可怜。

我其實很需要安全感

对于很多事情，我虽然看的透彻，但我仍然愿意去相信，

这个世界，是美好的，身边的人，是善良的，即使知道最后可能会让自己受到伤害，也在所不惜，这就是我，理性却又感性

我的单纯与善良是深入骨子里，容易相信一个人，相信一份感情，哪怕是在伤害之后，

我依旧是属于好了伤疤忘了痛的那种,我把这样的感受自己吐进了灵魂里，折磨着自己，时刻不曾停歇。

事实上，一点点跟伤痛有关的事物，都可以刺伤我的心。

哪怕再微笑，我也会感知得到

我不懂拒绝别人宁可勉强自己总替别人着想宁可委屈自己忍让成性的我你觉得我好欺负？

那是因为你不懂我内心的强大

请原谅那個，犹豫不决只是想做个正确的决定的我。

争吵过后請给我个赌气的机会

当你們成为我的好友时，你們会突然发现，原来我对你們已经相当的了解了。

有些你們自己都没注意到的细节，我可能已经给你指出来了。

有些你們心里的小纠结，我也心里早就有数了。

可能你們会觉得有点恐怖，为什么我之前并没有告诉你們这些。

其实，我就是这样。很多东西，我都懂，但是我不说

看似喜歡獨來獨往的我

其實很需要人陪伴

但即使心裡多麼的渴望

多麼的害怕一個人面對一切

但為了不想得到和自己想像中的答案是不一樣的

寧可委曲求全獨當一面

都不說出來...

因為我真的很怕受傷...

This is the confession from the inner Viola. If you know me, you will notice this is the real me from the inside. I am not emo nor sad. Just trying to know and to expose the real me from within. I might look fierce or strong, or even sometimes over-happy, but there are times when i do have my own emo moments. I am strong and yet not 100% strong. After knowing God, i know certain parts within me has changed....still i couldn't figure out which part is it :) Yea..i can't ignore the real me :))

Blogging mood

2011-08-15T09:26:00.000-07:00

Hey people, i am super sleepy after a most fulfilling weekend. It is the beginning of another brand new week and i am using God's strength to help me to last throughout this week :) Cute Dawn don't allow me to sleep on Saturday's night so i had to bring along with me a pair of "Panda eyes" to attend church service on Sunday. I thought i won't be able to last throughout the whole service. Trust me..i am super duper sleepy. Yet, by the grace of God, He blessed me with twice the energy level i used to have.

I was so sad when the twins has to go back to their formal connect group. I felt like a Mummy having to send my daughters away :( I enjoyed being in the same group with them and i enjoyed talking with them. Still, PRAISE THE LORD!! I have been praying and praying for Yvonne eversince the day when she decided not to come to church. It wasn't easy. I confessed that i am not a very patient person. The more visions i received, the more i wanted to achieve it. Hence, i was discouraged because i don't see any results at all. In the midst of waiting, i have learnt the power of "Patience". I need to learn to follow God's pace. No matter how much i wanted a thing to happen, i will have to lie in wait for God's timing. I forgot to say, connect group was awesome to the max. Everyone had fun....thanks for sharing and trusting in me :)

Random thoughts again. Oh well, i don't know how to put it in words but what i wanna say is, "We will never learn to appreciate something until we lost it". I used to work so hard on my stories until one day, when i decided to take a break. I never get back to my stories and i will never remember to continue writing until recently. My laptop died and i lost all my documents :( I don't even have a back up copy for my stories. See? When i had it, i don't appreciate it..but when i lost it forever, i'll think and think about it. I felt so lost and sad. I know i can always rewrite it..but things will never be the same again :( All my hard works are gone. The amount of tears, effort and time i invested in it, it is gone forever. Will i be able to turn impossible into possible? To rewrite all my stories again..Lord, help me!!

Okay, since i am that emo now (which i don't know why am i so emo all of a sudden), i shall just turn this into another meaningless post. Why am i so timid? Why can't i be more confident? Why can't i pluck up my courage? I don't know. Due to sin, woman's sorrows are multiply. Maybe that's the reason why i tend to think too much and make myself emo. I DISLIKE!!! I want to change my destiny. To turn all impossibles' to possibles' I can do it...definitely i can...

Defeated Queen

2011-08-11T07:21:00.000-07:00

Hello World....exams finally over :) I am happily enjoying my so-called short break now. Even though it is only less than one month, but it is better than nothing right? Mummy said i got to help her out in factory everyday :( Still, what can i say? It is better to help out than to do nothing right? Morever, they are my family. Helping them out is a MUST :) I love my family.

PS: Don't worry about my random title - Defeated Queen. My silent and loyal readers will notice that i used this title before 2 years back :) Why did i re-use it again? *Big grins* My mummy is watching it now and of course i re-watch it with her again. It was awesome. I certainly don't want to be a "Defeated Queen".

Sometimes, a small kind and thoughtful action can warm my heart :) Dearest Aunty Rosalyn knows i love chocolate and she kept some for me even though i couldn't be there during their outreach :) I love her so much and i told her that. She is such a dear lady...reminds me of my own grandmother. Too bad i don't have this priviledge to fetch my grandmother around anymore :( I'll keep all our beautiful memories in my heart.

V for Viola? I love this bunch of people :) Rewinding to the time when i first attended this church. That was after i left Perth...i was trying so hard to fit in. I always think that i am not the type of person which people will like or accept. So i have to try extra hard in every situations...especially when i have to reach out to people now. Sometimes i just wish that everything would remain the way it is. I am enjoying and loving every single moments which God has blessed me with. Yet, sometimes, things do change. No matter how tough life is, God always remind me not to underestimate the confident that He planted in me. He wants me to know that He created me just the way i am. No matter how i despite myself (during emo seasons), i am still HIS creation :)

I am not emo. I just feel like writing. People, my Fujitsu is dead :( Uncle Keith helped me to reformat it and i lost all my documents, even all my beloved written stories. I realized i don't have another back up copy :( Guys, i am sooooo sorry. It would take a long time before i have this inspiration to rewrite all my stories again :(

PS: It is really time to let go. What's wrong with me? I honestly and truly don't have any feelings for him anymore. I am leading a brand new life now and i am happy with my current life. All that i have to say will forever remain in once upon that december. Just let things remain the way it is. And yet why is it so hard for me to let go? I guess it is just this mind trick of mine again. After treasuring it for quite a while and for the first time, trying to achieve something which forever won't be mine, i find it a pity to let go of it just like that. But why do i still want to keep it when i know it will bring back painful memories? I won't stalk you like before or try to find out more about you for God has filled that place. Enough of all that, i don't know if you will read this or not, but all i wanna say is that i just hope you will be able to find your happiness :) And that i'll give you my greatest blessing. Thank you for being an encourager to me. I used to feel so inferior and i know i can only stand in the midst while you are like the brightest star shining from afar. Now that i am standing on the same line as you, i know you are just part of my memories :) Thank you....i believe i can really move on now :) God is with me....

Really people, it is painful....but nothing is impossible. I know i can do it. If you think i look emo or what these few days, i am so so so sorry :)

I know...

2011-08-09T08:30:00.000-07:00

I love the King and the King loves me :)

Sometimes, i don't have to say anything. The Power of Silence will convey all the things i wanna say. I believe even if i didn't say anything, my Father will know for He is even greater than my heart <3 I just love you so much...........

Random thoughts

2011-08-07T09:51:00.000-07:00

Hey peeps,

I always loved Sundays because it is the day when i can reunite with God in His house :) (PS: Back in Perth, i looked forward to Saturdays because our service is on Saturdays :P) Well, i hope i won't turn this into a long post again. I just feel like writing even though i know i still have one more paper left. Goodness, when can i ever be serious and start studying? :( I don't want to be that kinda person who will cry over spilt milk. What kind of person i am?

This lead to a brand new random thought. Recently, Mummy is addicted to taiwanese dramas. Please, i do think my One Piece is so much better than those lovey dovey dramas which makes no sense. I am serious. Imagine all those fairy-tales-alike scenes which will NEVER happen in real life unless i create my own scenes (which i have tried but it didn't turn out to be true) She said i am a bad influence because i was the one who introduce all those dramas to her :P What a good way to put all blames on her daughter huh? :D Yea, that's how my mummy and i communicate, that's if you don't know.

Recently there's this new taiwanese drama which i don't know what is it called. I know Cindy Wang is one of the actress. I kinda like the beginning of the story line. It was about a girl who always forced herself to adapt to other peoples' likings. She didn't even know what she likes and who she is. This led me to my latest random thoughts. "Who am i?" I am not saying i look like that girl in the drama but certain characteristics of that role reminds me of myself (Definitely NOT the love part). I realized i knew very little of myself. And yet, i understand that the purest love that exist in life is to know myself. If i don't even love or understand myself, how could i even have the right to love others? Why am i saying all these? That's because i realized i don't even know what i like. Everyone around me have their own specific likings. For instance, when someone asked me, "What's your most favourite musical instrument?" (PS: For those who don't know, i have 3 lovers - Violin, Piano and Guitar) Then i will say, "Oh, i like Violin the most. Hmm..and i also like Piano and Guitar!" ............But the question they asked is "What's your MOST favourite musical instrument?" You get what i meant? I can't even make up my mind what i really like. It is normal for most people to have varieties of likings. What i wanna say is, to make up your mind on what you really like the most is hard. Yet, that's the key to unlock the real self within us.

I am trying to reach the extend of unlocking the real self within me. I need to understand myself more before i can reach out to others. Jesus knows me from the inside out and yet He wants me to do a real research study on myself. Who is Viola? What are my likings? What i dislike? I don't want to portrait myself as one person to others and at the same time, trying to find out what kind of person i am. Who i am to God will be who i am to people out there :)

Sorry, i am blabbering again :)) Gotta work hard for the final paper tomorrow :( God is with me :)))

Motivation

2011-08-03T07:35:00.000-07:00

Herrowz World, in order to achieve 100 posts by this year, i need to remind myself to come back here often. Guess what? I flee back to JB. We had leader's meeting last night and thank God, i manage to get a ride from both Jeremy and Alvin. I manage to escape from all those traffic jams and long travelling time :) The reason why i chose to come back instead of being a good girl and to stay in Singapore to study, is due to the fact that i know i won't study if i stay in Singapore. Instead, i'll be spending most of my time surfing facebook and browsing through people's blog. At least when i am at home, Mummy still can nag me and i will naturally feel guilty if i don't study :) I know i am complicated but yea, that's me for you *winks* Exam's coming. I need motivation!!

PS: Instead of fasting food, i do see the need of changing it to "Facebook" and blog. Or maybe i should just banned it. I've been spending too much time on facebook which is not good. I am not suppose to get addicted to any Earthly stuffs.

There you go. I was suppose to post this picture few days back but because of technical problem, i have no choice but to delay it. Thanks to the waiter at "The Hands Burger" for helping us to take this picture. It was good hanging out with Raphy and Kelmo. I am so proud of them and i envied them for their passion in media. Raphy came all the way from Perth to give a talk on "How to organize a Youtube Celebrities concert?" For your information, the Boombox tour 2011 that he organized during May was a great success :) I am looking forward to participate in the coming concert in Singapore/Malaysia. God is great! Without God, nothing is possible. I miss everyone in Perth. Browsing through all our good old times pictures never fail to bring tears to my eyes. It is not that i am weak but i am just too overwhelmed and sometimes don't understand why God wanna plan my life this way.

Something to share :) I was on my way to Toa Payoh yesterday. While staring at zone's group picture (Which i always carried it with me), God spoke to me. He started by rewinding all those memories to me. Tonnes and tonnes of memories flow on my mind and i find it hard to absorb everything. Memories of me arriving in Perth, starting out in the zone, witnessing the first Murdoch service, started serving as usher (My first ministry), accept God's invitation as a core member, lost my relationship and friends because of God, how i got closer to the zone and God, how i broke down, how i showed my true feelings, how i learn to love, how i learn to be strong, how i learn the power of "Discern", how He cried for me, how i realized the fact that i am not alone, how i learn to share in the Lord's joy, how i gave my heart back to God, how He lead me home, how i learn to put God above anyone else, how i learn to accept His wills, how He placed me in many ministries, how He placed me (The only Murdochian) in drama team, how i learn to endure the pain of making decision, how He assisted me in terms of emotions, how He insisted that i should come back, how hard it is to let go of that particular someone, how i decided to let go, how i finally gave in, how guilty i felt when one cell group was disperse because of my leaving, how i endure the pain of seeing tears in the zone's eyes when it was time for me to say Goodbye, how i blame myself for all these, how much He loves me, how i survived till now, how much He has in store for me, reflections of who am i in Perth and who He turned me into TODAY.

When i finally opened my eyes back to reality, i realized i have been wanting to cry eversince the day i leave Perth and eversince the day i promised God that i'll be strong. God is telling me to surrender all my emotions and everything to Him. I am not saying i don't love the church i am in now. I do love it and i am happy with everything God has planned for me. It is just that back in here, i need to stand alone and i got to be strong which is really a "cover up" of Viola because i am not a confident person. I will break down at times. I don't really have someone whom i can share my problems with. I can't seem to find the right person to share with. That makes me wanna bottle up all my emotions. I don't wanna wear a mask wherever i go. It is very tiring. I just wanna be myself and yet I can't allow myself to be weak because i know there are tonnes of people who needs God outside. But God told me not to worry and not to underestimate the ability He has planted in me. He wanted me to be strong and yet i can choose to break down whenever i couldn't take it. For instance, i am always rushing after something (Which i don't know what is it). Even if i do have a lot of time, but i am always rushing. There is never a time when you could see me walking slowly to enjoy the scene, especially when i am alone. I never realize how tired i am because i can't allow myself to be defeated. God is reminding me that i am allowed to slow down my pace and not to be too strong all the time. It is not wrong to cry and it is not wrong to be weak in front of God. Sometimes i just tend to be happy-go-lucky in everything that i didn't realized that my heart is all wounded and i need healing. Thank you Lord for reminding me of that. I will spend more time to listen to what my heart has to say....

There goes the same to the "Power of Discerning" which God himself cried and spoke to me......but i shall save it for the next post :) The story of why i always stare at the hand strap i wore on my hand. I know that i have the ability to "Reach the World" for the power is always in my hand :))) The one and only encouragement that keeps me going on till now ..............

OUTREACH

2011-08-01T09:39:00.000-07:00

Your Name, is a strong and mighty tower

Your Name, is a shelter like no others

Your Name, let the nation sing it louder

Cause nothing has the power to save....but YOUR NAME :)

My God is not just some ordinary God. He is Supernatural and Everlasting :) Lots of things to say but when it comes to sharing, the words just won't flow nicely :(

PS: I was going to upload pictures of Raphy, Kelmo and myself when Raphy came to Singapore to give a talk. But somehow, i had problem saving those pictures from Facebook. Oh well, i guess it has to be in the next post then.

Nonetheless, i still have something awesome to share. Let's share in the Lord's joy.

As all of us know, all connect groups are carrying out "Daniel's strategy" where each of us have chosen our "Three" (Non-christian/backslider). We have been praying for them for 3-4 weeks. Then, we are gonna have an Outreach and invite all these "Three". Yet, the response wasn't that good :( Nobody really wants to come and we didn't like to force them either. We tried all ways - Called them up instead of texting, advertise, and plead them to come, but all in vain. Alvin and i was so devastated. It was our first time organizing this kind of event. We called it "Friend's Night" and we don't want it to end up to be like a normal connect group's meeting. What can we do? Leave everything to God...........We really don't know what else we can do.

We did leave everything to God. Even in the area of food. We were so afraid that the food wouldn't be enough because quite a few of them didn't confirm that they were coming. It was suppose to be a potluck. Praise the Lord. We had more than enough food :) We manage to get 3 brand new visitors. And the best part is, 2 got saved and 1 rededicated herself back to God. ALL GLORY GOES TO GOD!! What now? Nothing is impossible when God is around. I was so nervous during sharing time. Still, i wanna say, keep your house firm and strong :) You know what is the greatest foundation already...

Overall, my weekend is very fulfilling.....though a lot of things happened :( *Huge sigh* I know i don't have to worry because God is there. Yet, i will still dwell over it again and again. I love spending time with Mummy even though we were just watching dramas and doing groceries shopping. I love going to the House of Lord even though i know i will have to spend half the day there. I love serving the Lord even if it is without condition. You know what's the latest "deal" i have between God and myself? Alph once told me that we all ought to have confidence and believed that Heaven's door is already open for us and that we are all going to Heaven for sure. What i wanna drive from his sentence is, i don't want to go to Heaven. If i could make a deal with God, i wanna give up the opportunity to enter Heaven. I am not saying i don't want to follow God anymore. I'll still serve Him and do what He wants me to do. Instead of wanting to receive His rewards, i am willing to forgo everything just for the sake that all my beloved ones will be saved :( Time is running out. I know i am being impatient but i really want to see that breakthrough soon :(

I know i just have to keep on believing and pray about it but i am still a human. Sometimes it is really hard to maintain that kinda positive thinking. I wanna emphasise again - That's why blog is my best friend :) I will practice what Dee taught me - P.U.S.H (Pray Until Something Happen) Dear Jesus, i love you so much!!I know You will help me to survive from all these storms....

PS: Just a random thought, do i look fierce? Normally i am the one who goes round saying people looks fierce and yet, recently, a lot of people commented that i looked fierce and super gangster. Oh please..what a joke!!!Oh well, maybe i do look fierce when i am into my emo season :))

Speechless =.=!!!

2011-07-28T10:10:00.000-07:00

Hey peeps,

Please stay away as far as possible. This is gonna be another *venting out* post. I am so sorry but i guess this is the only way to make me feel alright again.

Sometimes, i really don't know what i should do to ensure that i am doing something "RIGHT". I mean, i carried out orders. I am being obedient and do what i ought to do. It is just that in certain areas or circumstances, i really cannot follow blindly what i am being asked to do. I have my ways to handle all these and i felt peaceful after doing what i am suppose to do. And yet, i am being known as "Un-teachable" if i don't 100% follow orders.

Again i wanna say, sometimes, no feedbacks doesn't mean i don't know anything. There are things which i didn't say but doesn't mean i don't care. I know what i should say and what i shouldn't say. People trust me with stuffs and i do think i have the right to protect what they shared. It might sounds like gossip but we do know how to repent. I am not someone who could help others to decide where they wanna be or who they should be with. It is only God who could do that. PS: I am not indicating anybody. It is just one of my random thoughts because i really *dislike* politics. It just makes me feel super duper uncomfortable.

I am not even trying to compete or whatsoever. I don't need to clarify or make known to the whole World what i am doing and all. People can think whatever they want of me. If people can like me for who i am, they can *dislike* me for who i am too. I don't need people to understand me. I know what i am doing and i know i have a faithful someone to guide me all along the way. Someone asked me once, "Don't you feel tired at all? Don't you think you are a bit too strong and you needed a rest?" The fact is that, i cannot allow myself to be weak. Who will care? I have only ONE master whom i am serving. What i am doing is just for the best of His kingdom. I need to step into people's World (without being one of them) to win them over. Please understand that all these cannot be done by forcing. It is the quality that matters...not the quantity. I cannot change a person's views or thoughts. I cannot help them to make decision. I cannot even ask them to do something which they do not want to do.

I am sorry that i sounded emo. In fact, i am just talking to myself. I think too much at times which makes me feel so bad and uncomfortable. That's why blog is my best friend :)

All in all, i just wanna say, it is hard.....but i know things will be fine sooner or later. No worries peeps, the next post will be slightly happier. I had fun for the past two days. It feels so good to hang out with Murdochians. Good job, Raphy and Kel :D Oh well, I guess that little emotional part within me has risen again no matter how hard i tried to hide it.....

Updates updates!!!

2011-07-25T21:04:00.000-07:00

Hello dearie World, i am back. I am finally done with all assignments and even that sickening presentation. Trust me, our dearest lecturer did gave us a hard time by asking so many questions :) Anyway, that wasn't the main point. This semester is coming to an end which i really thank God for it. I need my holidays soon. Yet, i know i will have tonnes of things to do. I wanna visit Godma Lucy and Godpa Robert in KL. I wanna arrange my time well so that i won't clash with Connect group's meeting :( Anyway, i shall worry about all these when exams are over. Come on, i was so happy when presentation is over that i forgotten that 3 exams waiting ahead for me. This shows how relaxing i am??

Sometimes, we shouldn't underestimate a simple and lame game. It can bring so much fun to certain groups of people. Look at us. We certainly had fun. I am determined to turn my "The First" group like my cell group in Perth.

I am blessed to have members who encouraged me with words like "You know, we actually felt so comfortable with this group. That's why we came back again!" XD It really provokes me to work even harder for the sake of this connect group. Who cares if i have or don't have my own personal time? It is the people that i loved. Who cares if people said nasty stuffs to me? I have inherited the power of "DISCERN" from my beloved Murdoch zone.

One for all and all for one. This is like the most encouraging phrase i have learnt from old classics. I always loved the story of "The three musketeers". It is always encouraging and touched to see people are willing to work hands in hands with one another. I am always visualizing that there must be a place somewhere out there where everyone is living in peace and happily. Back to reality, my country is in a mess now. My previous zone supervisor, Alph used to ask us, "Are you guys proud of your country?" A lot of us shook our heads. Then he continued "God put you in that place for a reason. If you, as a Malaysian, are not even willing enough to admit that you are from Malaysia, then it shows that you are not being appreciative towards what God has given you!" His word rings in my head eversince that day. From then onwards, i am really proud to admit that i am a MALAYSIAN :D Sometimes, we just need God to remind us of who we are. I am really proud of every single things in my life.

Another thing struck me. There are always lots and lots of politics going on in a church. But isn't church a place where people should work together and be loving towards one another? I know as long as there are people, conflicts are bound to be there. If that's the case, i seriously think that church is one of the best place to master "One for all and all for one". Let us stop being selfish and start caring for one another. It doesn't matter who is doing what and how much effort one has put in. We are just a servant to God. He knows it all :)

Till here folks....don't worry. This is just another blabbering season of mine. I just feel that i had to write something. So if you are here, welcome to Viola's World!!

PS: Feeling is so hard to control. When you think you have gotten over it, then it'll come back to you once more. I am so not gonna repeat the same mistake again nor to trust in "love" again.

Perseverance

2011-07-20T02:30:00.000-07:00

Hello World....

I feel like writing my blog since i don't wanna do anything else. I purposely rush back early today so that i would have time to multi-tasks *big grins* I have so many things to do. Haven't look through this Friday's lesson and i am not done with the invitation cards yet. Serve me right for being complicated. Why do i want to choose handmade?? And yet i am not feeling regret over it :) It is important that everyone in the group felt themselves being loved by me :) Tee Hee....

Today is the due date for our marketing plan. Yayy, we only left presentation and final exam then i am officially done with this freaking subject. Hopefully i can pass. I really don't want to repeat this module. I have one final individual assigment which i have not even start yet. Wanna know when is the due date? THIS FRIDAY!! Yayy..to think i am so happy about it. Sometimes i don't know if i should feel happy or angry with this "over-relaxing" attitude of mine. It is true that i don't feel stress over exams, assignments or when i have too much things to do. And yet, "over-relaxing" makes me procrastinate a lot. For instance, i can still chat with my friend over the net or browse through people's blogs even though i knew my assignment is due at 8am the next day. I experienced this a lot while i was in Perth..which really gets on my nerves. While other people is busy studying or appear to be busy, me, likewise tend to be super free. Why? Because i know can always produce my work right on time (Even though it is not a good work). I guess i don't really have high goals for myself. Whilst people were aiming for High Distinction or Distinction, i am only aiming for a Pass. I used to have high goals too...but i just don't want to be disappointed. So, setting my goals low is a good thing to me too. Nothing to lose i guess :) I enjoyed being simple at times. I guess the only stress i have right now is having to rush after time. Time will never wait for me and i am forever rushing after it.

Not to say that busy life is not good. I want to be as busy as possible. Yet, sometimes, i secretly hope i can have more personal time of my own. I know i am being complicated. And i am contradicting myself. I dislike being alone and yet,at the same time i hope to have my own personal time. What is this?? Hmmm...i don't know. Still....i prefer to be around people rather than being alone :)))

Perserve on!!! I know i will never allow myself to give up halfway. No matter how tired i am, i know my "New World" is right in front of me. My dreams seems closer and closer to me now :))))

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord

2011-07-18T05:58:00.000-07:00

Hey World, back again. And this time, i am emo :P I mean i don't wanna be emo but no choice. I was troubled by a lot of things and assignments are killing me. So many things to do. Sometimes it is not that i didn't put in effort but the thing is, i really don't know what you want. I don't want to be a marketer. I prefer happy stuffs :( For instance, CHILDREN!!

THE GIRLS!I love this connect group days by days. People asked "Why are you sacrificing so much for this group?" First, i don't consider all these as sacrificing. It is time consuming but definitely not sacrificing. Anyone can do it :) I am not doing it for the sake of pleasing humans but i do think it is worth it for the sake of God. I just want all of us to be united and happy. After all, we are ONE family. It is not as if God's level of love for everyone is different. I just want all of us to be happy. I can get a lot out of you guys. We are all here to help out one another.

Two truths and One lie :) I remembered when i first asked to be in charge of game for cell group in Perth, i chose this game. I was in Kelvin's cell group then. My first cell leader. Can't believe i am one now :) And yet, i still wanna choose this game. This is one of the best way to get to know about your members. Although it wasn't much but at least i gained something.

Stormy rain just won't go away. But life is always like this right? When this tide is over, the next will be arriving soon. I am not afraid because i know i will get over it soon :) There is no right and wrong in everything as long as we believe....

There is NONE like You

2011-07-13T07:31:00.000-07:00

There is none like you....
No one else can touch my heart like you do
I could search for all eternity long
And find, there is none like you......

At times i may fall.....who is there for me? No doubt HE IS!! Someone always said, "Why hide everything to yourself? Or even write everything in your blog? Who will care? Just tell it out!" The main point is, i don't want to stumble anyone and i can't just share it with anyone i like :) It has to be someone whom you really trust. Now that my heart has quiet down and i do really see the need of writing stuffs on my blog. Why? At least it is my own little space and i don't stumble anyone here. You can chose to read or not to read. And if you do, welcome to a different World of "VIOLA"!! Someone used to say, "You shouldn't bottle all your emotions up. You can choose not to smile when you don't feel like it." But the fact is, people always known me as the crazy Viola and if i do really shut my mouth up one day, the World is gonna turn the other way round :) It is only when i am alone, then i'll surrender all my emotions to HIM. I admit i am a girl with lots of emotions :D

Father, hear my cry now! What is the best decision and or even the best plan? I know You will never let me walk alone, and yet i really do see the need of seeking You right away. Maybe i am really stressed out and i didn't even realize it...or maybe my mind was crammed with lots of stuffs that i find it hard to barely just breath. Oh well....good luck to me. I know He will guide me out through stormy rain.....

Ding dong bell...

2011-07-11T22:37:00.000-07:00

Woohooooooo people, here i am. Praise the Lord that i am still able to use this laptop of mine. It was suppose to be dead :( So sad...hopefully it will last me throughout my assignments. Please Lord *Big grins*. Oh well, my weekend was awesome. Watched Transformers 3 with friends. I am glad Bumble bee and Optimus Prime is still alive :D For a moment, i though Bee was gonna die....i don't like!!I prefer happy endings. Church was cool...Connect group was awesome!I am on the verge of recovering :) Hopefully i will. Weather has been really bad.....no wonder my body cannot take it :( Well, my purpose today is not to write about anything but i just want my blog to stay alive :)

The First 4th Meeting. It was mad awesome. We manage to get Dawn, Eric and Marc to join us. I hope i did not scare you off :P Welcome to "The First"!! Hope to see you all again :)

I was making more "The First" cards. I thought i would just stop at batch one but then decided that, everyone should received equal treatment. Since i handed out this cards to every members in the first place, then every "future" members deserve one of these too :) Spot the difference okay? I have made up my mind to change the color of heart shapes all the time. I am on the "PINK" trend now. Do grab one before it runs out of stock.....

I played this game during one of my cell group meeting in Perth. Thanks Clarence for the idea. If you look closer, you'll be able to spot the beautiful star in the middle (created by us). The objective of this game is to get to know more about you and also to realize how important to be united :)

I really thank you all for encouraging me and always assured me that i am not alone in this battle :) At times i may fall, but i am so not gonna let myself be weak. Please pull me up whenever i am falling...for sometimes it can't be helped. God has given me such big vision and by all means, i am going to use His strength to make that vision comes alive :D

I love you all :)

Dislike being sick :(

2011-07-07T05:41:00.000-07:00

Herrow World, sorry, hadn't been updating for a week?? I have no idea. I was planning to post pictures of "The First 3rd Meeting" but decided that my computer might have gotten virus as both my pendrives are ILL now. Better don't take the risk :P I will upload it when i get back to JB. Hopefully i remember to....

People there are so many things which i have to do and yet my schedule has been pushed backward again. I was down with fever and running nose again which is a disaster. I *dislike* being sick. And my throat is killing me. It is not like those other normal sorethroat i used to encounter. This time i felt as if my whole throat is swelling and i find it really hard to swallow any food. I guess i got to be like Kevjumba, to have only JELLO and liquid stuffs :(( I WANT MY MACCAS. I am missing fillet-o-fish, Chicken McNuggets, and Ice-cream a lot. And now they are selling SHAKER FRIES again *drools*. I wanna eat...

Yet on the other side, i should be thankful. I know my Father is healing me slowly. No doubt, HE WILL. Ive came across a famous blog called "Dancing Paper Cranes". It is really heartbreaking and yet encouraging to see Leonie being so positive and so strong to fight against her disease. Here i am complaining over all these eenie mini sorethroat and running nose but there she is, fighting against cancer which could have taken her life away. What now? Learn to be thankful. Things are perfect even though it didn't seems to be. I guess i am just feeling moody that i haven't been able to sing well these past weeks due to this sorethroat and running nose which makes my voice sounds so croaked and funny.

On the other hand, i really did try to smile as a greeting to every starting of my day to ensure that i will be able to endure it with my Father's joy. For THE JOY OF THE LORD IS MY STRENGTH. I really felt blessed to have such a funny lecturer for Consumer Behaviour. Everyone might think he is silly, funny, and maybe over-ego because he kept on praising himself all the time :P And yes, even though he could afford to buy a car, but he rather take public transports instead of driving. He won't even carry a proper bag but instead carry those environmental bags around. He carried a Doraemon bag once which makes me laughed non-stop. Really..you can't just stay serious for once in his class. Your jaws will drop because you laugh too much. Oh well..i typed all these just because he made me laughed so much earlier on. He actually asked me to praise him on facebook for his pink shirt and to compliment how nice he looked =.=!!! And yet, he actually shoot me from head to toe, from my hair to shoes. Hahaha...i wasn't angry..but finds it amusing. To him, all girls must be feminine and gentle, with long hair and laugh gently. Haha..and i told him.."Hello, i prefer short hair and you know it is so pathetic if you wanna laugh but cannot laugh heartily." Super funny to the max. Join his consumer class one day and you'll know how funny it is...

Father, oh Father, i don't want to be lazy. But instead, i haven't been writing letters to you for a week :( I guess i just have to stop procrastinating and be really consistent each day. Whatever headaches, vomiting, sorethroat, fever, running and coughing...you better watch out. I am so gonna bring you down..hmmphh...!Tomorrow is what day? Yayyy.It's Friday Friday....!Which means, i am going back home. Yayyyy....i miss my home...huhuhu...and i want to go back.... :DDD

I am NOT ashamed of the gospel

2011-06-27T05:37:00.000-07:00

Hey People, i am back to update again :) Finally i am done with the so-called Marketing Management mid semester paper which worth 15%. Haha, i know i have to love this subject because if i "dislike" it, i won't be able to score well. Yet, i don't like it because this exam falls on Sunday which caused me to be absence from the House of Lord. Still, i am glad that God blessed me with an exciting experience.

PS: I know God is everywhere. But i don't know why i always have this kinda mindset that I can only feel God in my church (I don't own a church but i mean the one i am planted in). That's why i was so upset when i knew i have to leave Perth and to come back here because to me, i always think i will lose God if i don't attend my regular church :) Therefore, i was quite upset when i knew my exam falls on Sunday and i know i will have to miss church. Yet, He proved me wrong. He brought me to a traditional church where i can really felt His presence upon me. He even spoke to me, to the answer which i have been searching for so long :) GOD IS AMAZING <3

Time flies. Without realizing, We (The First) are done with our second meeting. Although we are small, but i always felt so blessed that we are united. It ain't easy to keep a group peaceful and united but we made it :) All glory goes to God. I am glad that God taught me several ways to lead a group while i was in Perth. Worship can strengthen our relationship with God.

And i know i am weak
I know i am unworthy
To call upon your name
But because of grace
Because of your mercy
I stand here unashamed

Remember last year, around this time, i don't have a close relationship with God. I can't even feel Him. All i know is that i can't let my leader and my zone supervisor down. They have been so good to me and now it is my timeto repay them :) To serve more and to say "yes" to whatever they wanted me to do. I remember that was my second time leading worship but this time it was different. There were so many people standing infront of me. Much a bigger crowd than a cell group. And i chose "Unashamed" as one of my worship songs. That was the day when i cried the most all along my journey in Perth. The pain and sorrows rises within me and i was so touched by the love and grace God has showed me. What's more, i felt the love from the zone :) I mean like, you guys don't even know me but still willingly laid hands on me to pray for me <3 We sang the "Unashamed" over and over again and i realized even though i am unworthy but God still allows me to call upon His name. I am not ashamed of Him. *Dance along with the kids. I am not ashamed of the gospel * This is HIM, my heavenly Father from above. If He can do this to me, He can do it to you all as well for our God is fair and just.......

I couldn't ask for more. For those who knew me before, they will know that i am not one of those who will easily express my love to others. It is not as if i don't love them but i just can't express it. But because i ve experienced God's love for me, i know i have to carry out His commandment and to do everything with love. Yes, i love you all. I just pray that God will continue to keep this group bonded and strong. Not only "The First", but all the other groups as well. Basically everyone...because i love you all. Oh nooo...God loves you more <3

Till here, i am too full to shower. I guess i got to forgo my sleep again tonight because i just had so much to do :) I felt blessed to have this little space where i can just express all my feelings and thoughts here.... :)

L.O.S.T

2011-06-22T22:07:00.000-07:00

In a place so lost, i really don't know who i can rely on except for You. Well, you can't blame me because afterall, i am still a human being living a human's life.

All i know is that, i really got to be strong. Even if i don't feel like doing it or no matter how tired and sick i am, but Your will be done. I will do it all the same.

Lately, i have been so sick and tired that a lot of my schedules and plans have been pushed backward. Which menas, i will be super busy and tired these few days. I am NOT going to campus today. Why? Because i don't want to be heard coughing and coughing and be a disturbance to the rest. Plus, i don't have any classes today except for self-study. Going back to JB later to meet Kris. So sad that i can't stay back because i am pretty sure The Queen will kill me if she knows i come back for this reason :)

* I know that you are for me. I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness.....*

I simply loved the song "You are for me" by Kari Jobe. I ve been watching a Father's Day video tagged by BB Kelly. I was so touched by it especially when the background song (You are for me) reminded me of my days in Perth.But the main reason why i cried is due to the fact that i know My King is not young anymore. I should be doing my part and to spend more time with them instead of running around. And hence, i can't imagine the day when he has to walk down the aisle with me and i have to say to him "Ready when you are". I know i am thinking too far but seriously, 10 years passes like swift. Without realizing, i would be 30.

*Huge Sigh* I miss you......(This is like a confession to the heavenly Father above) I just miss Your presence so much that all i want is for You to held me tightly in Your arms and tell me that everything's gonna be okay.

Okay...enough of that. Gotta get back to study before i start my journey. Everything's gonna be OKAY!!! I am sure of that :))

When the coast is clear....

2011-06-18T00:12:00.000-07:00

Hello people, i am back to update again *evil laugh* I wish i am that hardworking in doing revision rather than blogging. But there are something which i really MUST share it here in case i forgets those precious moments. Know what, i was so super duper emo yesterday. Even though i tried to be cheerful during "The First" (That's what i named our connect group). FIRST connect group in Johor Jaya and Taman Molek man. Let's rock the World!! I realized i always think too much. I mean it can't be denied that all these happenings really affected my mood but it depends on how i handle my own emotions. If i chose to let it go, i wouldn't feel so uncomfortable and sad. But instead of letting go, i think and think of it. Obviously it doesn't makes me any better right? I guess i just needed someone to talk to. It is a very good and efficient way to heal my emotions. So yea...enough of that. I just wanna say the coast is clear for me now. I am happy again :)

We had our FIRST CONNECT GROUP! I called it "The First". Thanks for those who came and so willingly take part in everything. Worship was awesome. Games was fun. Lesson's THE BOMB. Refreshment was fantastic! Fellowship was so cool. What's most important. We are filled with God's love and blessings. Even my house was filled with God's presence last night.

It is not about the number of people who came but it is all about sharing His good news and saving souls. I am glad we are one big family. I would like to urge everyone to continue praying for JB and this connect group. Victory is on our side....XDD

Remember "THE FIRST". You guys made the best decision ever....!I believe we will grow. That's absolute!!!!

Things are fine
Things are fine
Things are fine..
Well...at least i chose to believe everything will be fine....
What now??

SMILE AND BE HAPPY <3 Love you all....

You are the E.V.E.R.L.A.S.T.I.N.G

2011-06-16T07:06:00.000-07:00

You..will always be the same
Your love will never change
You are the Everlasting

I will put my trust in You
Forever to be true
You are the Everlasting.....

Herrowz World...i feel a need to update this post. To be honest, i was so sad and vexed for the whole day. Why? Because of assignments? Definitely NO! Did i ever mention before that Viola Ng will never feel stress over her work? Not to say that i am very productive but i always know that i will be able to get it done before due dates. So what i am stressing about? Yes...it is none other than P.E.O.P.L.E! Whenever i am stress, it always has something to do with people. Why are humans so complicated? Human is always one of my weaknesses. A fact which never fails to bring me down. I don't like to see people getting angry. I don't like people to have issues with me. So you can actually guess what happened right?

Well, i confessed that it is my fault and very irresponsible of me. For i know i should manage my time well instead of saying "Oh i need more time to do research and to absorb all these informations!" She is right!Due dates won't be waiting for me to get done with my research. It is afterall my own work and responsibility. No one can help me if i don't manage my time well. There goes the same for my family and the Lord's tasks for me. Instead of saying "I am busy and tired", why not i say "Well, let me just sacrifice my sleep or maybe eating time!" I can't sacrifice the Lord's tasks for me and i can't sacrifice the time i need to spend with my family. I don't even have time for them already so i can't possibly hurt them by saying i don't want to come back for the weekend. Even though i haven't been sleeping much but that few little hours of sleep is more than enough to produce something. I really don't like having conflicts with people. I know i am not the one to judge and i know i don't have the power to change a person's thoughts. People can like me for who i am and yet people can hate me for who i am too. Though it hurts,but what can i say? What can i do? I can only be humble and able to confess my sins :)

This case is tough. Not only was i being judged of being someone who is not me, but i was given a totally new impression which is 360 degree different from who i am now :( It hurts. It really does. But i don't want to dislike anyone since i know this is partially my fault. The Lord told me not to dislike anyone too and to be able to forgive and forget. For it is a group project and i should be ready anytime even though due date is still far away. I really don't need her to understand my situations. I don't want to make any excuses for myself. All i know is that i need to be responsible for this group and project. So the only thing i could do is to say "I am sorry!" And really repent over it. I have been thinking and mourning over this for one whole day. And i came up with a conclusion that it is best for me to stay humble. I don't want to bear any hard feelings within me and i also don't want to have any conflicts with anyone.

I prayed hard to God this whole day. Whenever i had chance to be alone, i'll just pray. Hoping and hoping that by faith, He'll guide me through all these. My heart sunk when i received her cold reply by saying that we should bring this matter to our lecturer. I mean it was me she is having problem with. We don't have to bring the rest in. Though we all knew there is something going on but i really don't want them to be involve. We can actually solve all these between us. "Lord, why have you forsaken me?Don't i deserve a chance to be forgiven?" This is the first thought that popped into my mind when i realized that my conversations with her are getting worst. I know the Lord has already forgave me the first time i seek for His forgiveness but you can't help having such thoughts when you are being put into that kind of situation. What did i do? I decided to let the holy spirit to do all the textings. Whatever came to my mind, i just typed it all out and sent. I was really losing hope while sending the final message by saying "Don't i deserve a chance to be forgiven?" I mean just because i have done something wrong, don't i deserve any chance to be forgiven? It is not like i did not confess my sin. I did! I even realized that i was in the wrong, and humbly, i apologized. I reached the state when i was so devastated. I began to lose hope and I didn't expect any miracles to happen already. I was figuring out how should i explain to my lecturer that i have got a lot of disciple-ing to do and also travelling in and out takes time but i kinda can imagine what his answers would be like. Just then, i received a reply from her saying that she is willing to END all these. Imagine that!! T.T!!!! The Lord is so good to me. I really appreciate what He has done for me. And i thank God for her understanding towards me. Even though i know things will never be the same again but i really believe our project will turns out well. Lord, please guide us through all these..............

You know what? ONE experience is MORE THAN ENOUGH for me. I don't want to repeat the same mistake again. Like NEVER. Whatever it takes to complete my part, i am willing to sacrifice all of it. I am so afraid of human beings right now. But i really appreciate the fact that she is willing to be honest with me and just shoot out everything. It is so much better to hear the truth than to be backstabbed from behind. I am glad i texted her to say "I am Sorry"...at least i feel the need to do so....

See that? Being humble and willing to confess is one of the best solution to everything. I learnt my lesson. I hope you guys won't face the same situation like i do. Advice to all - MANAGE YOUR TIME WELL. It is good to serve the Lord but your responsibility is very important too for we are the living testimony of Christ.

New Moon

2011-06-15T05:07:00.000-07:00

Herrow World....had a great dinner?Anyway, forget about my title above. It has nothing to do with M.O.O.N!!It just so happened that the moon is superb round tonight...and i thought of New Moon *big grins* One word to describe myself currently..and that is TIRED. Honestly i didn't really sleep well. I always dozed off while i was in the middle of doing my assignments. The feeling was un-cool!I mean, who doesn't desire a good sleep? I won't collapse that soon because i know the joy of the Lord is my strength XD

I wrote on my twitter that i love to watch babies sleeping. That's really true though but rest assured, i am NOT a paedophile. I just loved babies and kids. Look at my cute cousin. I have been baby-sitting him a lot. He is a real active baby. He is only 6 months and he wanted to stand up by himself. Amazing!! Creations of the Lord never fails to amaze me.

There are lots of stuffs for me to learn. Encounter has really does me good. It has given me a brand new lfie. Let's practice the fruits of the spirit together!!!

Father's Day is coming up soon. I was asked to prepare gifts and cards for "The Church" this Sunday. So while working on it, a thought strike me. I made cards for Earthly Daddies...but how about my heavenly Father from above? *Big smiles and grins*. So there you go....this is my card for Father Jesus. I won't show you the content though :P

Tired tired tired....but there is nothing i could do. What i need now is a cool bath and a real rest. Then i shall carry on my research. Awesome right? I love my life though. I have been trying to be humble. And i have to say, it really does makes me feel happier. I mean there are lots of things that ain't worth troubling and mourning for. So why make myself miserable? Look ahead and never once look back.

You are the light of the World......You are the light of my life.........

Rain down on me

2011-06-11T08:39:00.000-07:00

Lord, would you rain down on me? I want to be free in Your presence. Encounter was good!! But there are lots of things which i need to repent. I am amazed by how You touched my heart. Lord, winning souls are important but winning my family over is even more important. So i need Your strength Lord and Your direction. I need You to bless me with unity and understanding between my mum and dad. This is where You want me to be......i just wanna say "I'll obey You" and "I trust in You".......

Lord i am amazed by YOU....

2011-06-07T19:13:00.000-07:00

I wanna dedicate this post to my Heavenly Father from above...

Lord, i am amazed by You
Lord, i am amazed by You
Lord, I am amazed by You
How You love me............

Indeed, i was super duper emo last night during our first Leader's meeting. It is not that i don't enjoy the presence of the others. I enjoyed every bit of it. I guess all these guilty feelings + tiredness + a little stress of rushing after time + quietness = E.M.O Viola
For the first time, i don't feel like talking. All i want is just to quietly worship God, enjoying His presence, amaze and marvel at all His wonderful works in my life. I just wanna be with Him. He never fails to delight me XD You know what, i woke up feeling fine. I am all pumped up, all ready to be on the battle field again. This time..i am so gonna pay attention in class. 2 more weeks to my Marketing Management test. Bring it on...not even afraid of you.. :b

Thank you Lord... I love You <3

Busy like a bee

2011-06-06T08:51:00.000-07:00

Herrow people......this is the starting of another brand new week. Tests are coming up. Assignments due dates are getting close. What am i doing? I really have no idea. It seems as if 24 hours a day can never be enough for me. I need MORE TIME. Well, serve me right i surpose for i did not manage my time well. I always spend most of time doing unnecessary stuffs. For example, where am i now? Maybe i should just stop blogging and get start with my assignments and revision =.=!!!

Something to share. A picture of "We are ONE". God certainly has so much more for us....!Continue to keep the faith and strive for the more =)

The A.L.P.H.A gang. Though the course has already ended but the promise will always be there. The bond between us will never break =) Go alphaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa......

Hmm...someone used to tell me that i ought to always insert pictures whenever i wanna kick start with a brand new post. According to that person, posts with pictures are more attractive :P Anyway, my purpose here is merely to prove that my blog is still alive. I miss my homie and bedroom. Although i am just a bridge away from home, but still, Home is always the best. I really felt guilty for not spending time with Mummy :( When i am free, she'll be busy or when she is free, i am always not around. Don't really want all these to happen but what can i do? I mean i have my own stuffs to handle and yet...i really don't know how to split myself into two or three. Sometimes, i wish Mummy has more children. Yet, i know this is a very selfish thought of me :( Raising me up is already a very hard task for her. Imagine if she were to have two or three more Viola running around in the house, shouting at one another....how can she take it?

I get to hang out with the sweet + loving couple= Li xuan and Kon yesterday *big grins* I am always happy everytime i see the two of them together because i am their C.U.P.I.D <3 All those joyful stories and new updates!Seeing them argued over silly stuffs makes me wanna smile. !Whooooo..i missed my foundation studies life in KL. It is not about the place but You guys are the reason why i treasure all the memories. Thanks for being awesome <3

Been thinking a lot recently. It is good to be busy. Even though i often grumble and complaint over the fact that i am always having to rush after time and it seems as if i can never catch up with time no matter how fast i run after it. But secretly, i find myself actually enjoying every bits of my busy life. Busy-ness prevents my mind from wondering off to some forbidden memories. But there are times when my mind is free from busy-ness, that's when i started to think a lot. I mean.........i can't help it. I don't want to. But quietness always makes me weak. I felt as if i needed someone by my side....but why? I can pretty much be independent and not rely on people. This is what i called -Mind Trick. In the end, i just wanna say "I don't need that "You" by my side. I don't need that "You" in my life". I hope i am not lying to myself......

HAPPY 1 year old To THE CHURCH @ JB CENTRAL. We are ONE :)

2011-05-31T05:53:00.000-07:00

Good day to all. I actually planned to update this post last Sunday but don't know why i dragged till 2 days later which is today XD (After turning one big round, i just wanna say i am lazy). Woohooo.anyway, The Church @JB Central turns one year old last Sunday (29th May 2011). Hip hip hurray!!! Even though i just joined this church like 2 months ago, but this church has certainly created lots of memories for me. I get to experience a lot in this church. We are THE CHURCH AND WE ARE ONE. God has been really really good to me during this period of time. I get to experienced God's grace a lot. God has been rewarding me a lot too XD Awesome friends + awesome services + Awesome pastors + Awesome events = The Church @ JB Central....

I hadn't seen people uploading pictures of our church First year anniversary. So these are the 2 which i can find =) Remember how i used to say i joined choir just because i wanna be eligible to audition for Murdoch worship team? I didn't give up that passion within me. God brought me back here and there are times which i really felt like giving up on these dreams. Yet, thanks to a friend of mine whom i met here in JB. She told me not to give up and continue praying to God. He has HIS reasons for everything. When i think of it, it is TRUE. Serving God is NOT about what i like but what He wants me to do. After praying for so long, i finally get to serve in Worship Team as backup singer XD Our God is awesome isn't it? He answered my prayers, just when i was about to give up too. I really enjoyed my current situation now. Things are more easier and happy when you know whatever that you do, you are doing it for HIM and no one else. Love His people and His Kingdom and He'll be please. I believe the vision of "Invest in young children to rise up a new generation who loves God" is coming true soon.....

I remembered i always compare The Church with Zion Praise Harvest during the first few weeks when i am back from Perth. Not only TheChurch @ JB Central but all the other churches too. I always ask myself "Why can't i serve in the ministries that i like?", "Why can't i choose to do this?", "Why this and why that?" and the list goes on. You know how hard it is to have to adapt to a brand new life after setting all my heart at one place(Perth). Still, i have nothing to comment now since i really enjoyed my current life and how God work things out in my life.

Here are some of the things which i wanna give thanks to the Lord :-

1)Giving me a chance to meet more new friends. As i mentioned earlier, even though i ain't close with the people yet, but time can change everything. God said in John 15:17 - This is my command: Love one another. So no matter how un-close i am with the people, i'll try my best to understand them and to love them for we are all God's wonderful creation.

2)Alpha course ended successfully. It was sad but i can see a new family being formed. I believe it is not the end yet. Can't imagine the first day i joined Alpha and now it has ended...time flies....

3)Giving me a place(church) where i can finally acknowledged it "My Home" and blessed me with a brand new Family. Sometimes, i might wanna hide away. Sometimes i might even want to escape from everything. Sometimes, i just don't want to be alone. But towards the end, every Sunday is always the day i can look forward to because it is God i wanna meet XD I can't believe i used to be so emo until i wanna hide away from everybody.

4)Giving me a chance to serve Him. I always tell my friends that i don't wanna backslide and that i missed serving God in Perth. I felt lost. I felt guilty for not doing anything every week for i was so used to the busy church life i have in Perth. So whenever i wasn't serving, i felt guilty. I even have this thought on my mind. "Father, you have forsaken me. You have forgotten me that you don't even want me to serve you anymore :( ". But i was wrong. God didn't forget me. He did not minimize my workload either. Instead, He has given me a brand new task.....something which i enjoyed doing it.

5)For a new life in Singapore. When i told my friends i will transfer back to SMa, they exclaimed "Oh my word, are you serious?People came all the way from Singapore to Perth and now you are going back to Singapore instead!What is this?" You never know how pleased i am with my current study situation now. Lecturers were friendly and great. I laughed so hard until my jaws almost drop. If you never seek, you'll never find XD

6)For everything and everything at all.........my beloved ones, connect group, street E and etc...

The new leaders. Some of them were not here...but in total, we have SEVEN new leaders. Can you believe it? S.E.V.E.N!! God is great. And we have quite a number of people getting baptized on that day. Isn't it AMAZING?? I am honoured to be part of this huge family and able to serve God. I thank God for this great opportunity and instead of feeling all stress out and discourage(Though you can't help it at times), i am willing to take up this challenge God has given me. Never give up, cause He's always there....XD I believe more great things are coming up. We are ready to shake the city of JB XDDDDDD.....

Oh my word, i didn't know this post would take so long. Talking about God always makes me happy. I know i am not a perfect person...but God is just so merciful and forgiving that He forgives all my sins the first time i asked for His forgiveness. I remembered Pastor Patrick used to tell us, if we always feel guilty even after confessing to God and asking for His forgiveness, that shows we don't really love God. If we love Him, we will always know that we are forgiven the minute we ask for forgiveness and sometimes even before that. 1 John 4:18 - Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. Thank you Jesus....for all that you've done. Till here people, will continue on my random thoughts in my next post XD

Positve thinking

2011-05-27T09:52:00.000-07:00

Hey guys,can't believe i am back that soon. Anyway, this is not some new update or whatsoever.Just something which i feel like typing it out since this is my little space. Alpha course has ended officially. We had a most wonderful celebration just now. I felt a little sad but nonetheless, i can see a family being formed. Come on, we are here to transform JB. Hopefully we could stand firm with one another. Shake the city guys..... !I believe it is not the end yet. More exciting stuffs are coming up. THIS SUNDAY especially. It would be our chuch One year anniversary. See that? We are ONE YEAR OLD! We are definitely growing and expanding XD Gooooo The Church @ JB Central.....You can make it through God's grace...

PS: To the "You"...Hmm..what to say? I believe it is like a habit for wanting to check out your blog and facebook. I know i promised not to stalk you which i don't think what i am doing right now is categorized as "Stalking". But it is a pleasure reading people's blog. I enjoyed reading your blog. To me, you have always been an outgoing and bubbly person. And yet, through your writing style, i realized that you are a very deep thinker. You tend to think a lot and often wonder if people would like you just the way you are. Honestly speaking, it is the bubbly you which attracts me though i don't think you'll ever ever notice that. You are not alone...get that? It is good to be alone sometimes, but most of the time, it is better to have someone to share your ups and downs. Our God is a God of relationship. He didn't created us to be alone :) I am sure people will like you just the way you are....... and they are more than willing enough to spend time to listen to whatever you have to say. I'll be praying for the "Past" you to come back soon.......Emo-ness is one of the biggest torture ever. I pray that you'll walk out from this struggle soon....

Hmm..i'll feel emo too whenever i see people feeling emo. This kind of feeling is hard to describe. Anyway, if anyone of you is reading this, don't mind me. I just felt as if i got to type this out as i am too lazy to write it in my diary XD Till here people........Good night!!

HIS wonderful creation

2011-05-26T09:56:00.000-07:00

Hey dearie World, i am sick of saying "I am back". Gotta think of a most opening to start my blog post.Oh well, i haven't got time to upload pictures of my Secretive Birthday celebration *Huge sigh* Well, will upload it someday. Hmm..weather's super hot nowadays. Make me don't feel like doing anything. I planned to do this and that but in end, all failed :( WHAT?!! Oh yea...i bunked in at Esther's house on Monday and it was great XD I enjoyed myself a lot. Thanks Esther and send my best regards to your parent's and grandparent's. Thanks for the hospitality. Of course Sengkang is NOT ulu XDD

Oh dear...when i first started school, i thought i would be able to come back every wednesday, but now, i can only go back on Fridays. What kind of rule ICA set for International students? Boring to the max. Anyway, think on the bright side. At least i get to do some really serious studying instead of fooling around. I can make full use of that 3 hours. Teehee...

Wait...look at the picture above. My cousin is very cute ain't him? My main focus is not on his look even though he is really cute *winks* but look closely. I am sure everyone of you held a baby or a children's hand before right? How does it feel like? He is holding MY hand :) I was playing with him when he suddenly wail out loud. Thinking that he might want to hold his toy, i gave him his toy. But instead of holding the toy, he grabbed my hand. I loved that warm feeling of it. It makes me wonder, why do babies like to grab people's hand? They felt insecure?? I know that all babies were brought and held personally by the Lord into this World. Now that they are here, as the Child of God, it it our duty to look after these babies. Feed them, take care of them, raise them up, and love them just like how the Lord loves us. Remember, we were being held the same way by the Lord when we first came into this World :) I am crazy over kids. I don't care if you call me a paedophile or what, but i love everything God has created XD

Had a good chat with Ms Foh, and i am super glad that she didn't forgets me. Haha...stop making me jealous by telling me you get to hug Ryan Higa and Kevjumba. *DISLIKE* Anyway, what i wanna highlight is, i am glad you guys are willing to share your problems with me. At least i don't feel alone and left out :) Knowing that i am always afraid of being reject and lack of confident, you girls saved me. Just wanna say, i miss you all very very much. I am willing to be a "go-to" person to others. My only regret is i am not strong with the word of God yet. Will try my very very best to strengthen myself.

With that, i wanna present this verse to you all. 2 Timothy 2:15 - Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth. I learnt this verse with the kids (With action)....XD So cuteeeeeee.............what now? Yes..do our best to present ourselves to God for He is with us. No one can judge us except HIM....

T.I.R.E.D

2011-05-22T08:52:00.000-07:00

Herrowzzzz World, i am back again for a super short update. Haha..i was thinking that maybe i should just update my blog whenever i can. I wanna break my record for this year. Let's say 100 blogposts for one whole year? Sounds impossible right? But God says, NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE. So yea, let's see if i manage to achieve a total of 100 blogposts for year 2011 XD

Finally i manage to get all the birthday pictures from the photographer of the day aka My lovely and most wonderful BB Kelly Ong. Thanks to everyone who attended the party and making it memorable for me. A most sincere apologize from me to those whom i didn't manage to catch up much with you guys :( I'll try my best next time i promised!!I love you all XD

I love you, You love you, WE ARE HAPPY FAMILY. In the eyes of others, our family situation may be slightly complicated, but all i can say is, i am glad God arranged it this way. You're amazing Lord =)

I can definitely feel the stress now....school has just started and i can see all assignments calling out and waving to me. But this time, it is certainly different for i am studying for God's sake. Still, travelling in and out often is no fun at all. Aiks..let me complain for a while and i'll be fine. I am super tired man. Oh no...my energy level has been decreasing constantly. I am not someone who would gets tired easily but what happened to me now??? Talk about travelling in and out, i think i am far more luckier than a lot of people. Imagine my uncle (the one whom i am staying with in Singapore) used to travel in and out of Singapore EVERYDAY when he was a student. Imagined him coming home late at nights and have to be out of the house by 5.30am. Hmmm...what now? Appreciate what i have now and be sure that i make full use of the opportunity that is being given to me.

XD I know what i should do now.....live my life to the fullest! Good night World..

Hey Hey Ho Ho...

2011-05-19T03:11:00.000-07:00

Hello World...Forget about my title. I have nothing to update and yet i wanna update something to ensure that my blog isn't dead. Well....hmmm...Just wanna thank everyone who made my birthday so memorable. Jenny Lee aka Mummy-san organized an early celebration for me so i really wanna thank those who attended the celebration. Thanks a lot my dearest ones. It was simple and yet meaningful. Just what i wanted =) And also special thanks to those who wished me through facebook or through textings. You guys certainly made my day especially after a super long and tiring day while travelling in and out from SG to JB. Thanks to Sam and the twins for the delicious cake too XDDD

So blessed i can't contain it, so much i got to give it away. Hmm..to show that i really appreciate the blessings that is being given to me, i will brighten up your day by sharing my super weird and ugly long hair picture. See? That's me when i was 13. As my photographer of the day which is also my dearest and lovable BB AKA CHERRY ONG KELLY haven't send me any of the party pictures yet, so i can't share it. What now? Don't laugh...i know it's funny. That's why i don't like having long hair. Can't imagine i used to love having long hair but because of the legendary "Chewing gum" incident, i decided to chop off my hair. I didn't change much aite?? Hehehe...

Till here..will be back for more updates soon =))

Other than me, it is still ME XD

2011-05-11T19:57:00.000-07:00

Woohooo guys, i am back once more. Can you tell you from my expression (You can't see me anyway =P) that i am feeling happy? Oh well, not really that crazily happy for no reason, but at least i felt as if all my burdens has been lifted off me. Anyway, just like what Esther and Kelly said, maybe i just needed someone to talk and pour out my feelings to, then everything will be fine. I tend to hide everything to myself or vented it all out in this poor bloggie of mine, which doesn't really help to heal my wounds. Anyway, enough of that, i am back for a purpose, and that's to BLOG..obviously XD

My dearest sisters. How i missed them. My neighbours of course but we used to hang out a lot...ahh..the good old times. Oh well, people, school has started officially. I am adjusting to the life in Singapore which is pretty cool for me. A Whole New World for me, and i have pretty good feelings about it. I can feel the stress, come on!!BRING IT ON!! I am willing to take this challenge in order to fulfill my dreams.

I think i sounded super duper emo in my previous posts. No worries at all, this shall be a slightly more happier post. Everything's fine now people. Don't worry. There is someone up there who can put everything right for me. He is none other than my dearest and cutest Father Jesus. I mean, i can't do anything right? I am not the one who decide what outcomes will be better and i am not the one to judge also. So, "let it be let it be let it be ohhh let it be...whisper words of wisdom, let it be..." I am addicted to this song. What now? As usual, pray hard and let God do the rest. Remember He still loves me despite the fact that i ain't perfect.

You know what? Maccas is such a bad influence..i got so addicted to it that everytime people asked me "What do you want for breakfast?" I would say "Maccas". Then they would again asked me "What you feel like having for lunch?" And AGAIN i would say "Maccas". And it goes on...XD I love Ronald Mcdonald. Better not get addicted with it, for it is unhealthy...but oh, can't help it.

So, do you feel like having Maccas now? Call me if you feel like having Maccas anytime, i will forever say "YES" to it. By the way, Kelly took that shot of me above using my BlackBerry. I was thinking, why not i write something about myself?

PS: Don't run away. I am so not going to write a whole biography about myself but just some random thoughts and my point of view =)

Who is VIOLA? What would you answer? People would normally say "Duh..that short girl", "That short hair girl" or " That very noisy girl" and etc. Yet, somebody who knew me well would have answer "Oh, that very talkative girl", "The girl who always hide everything to herself and very emo","Girl who always got bullied by people", or "Girl who don't know how to say NO", and etc. See the difference? Well, there is no right or wrong between the two parties. Both were right. It is just certain parts that you witnessed in me =) My views for it? Woohoo...here you go. Well, honestly, I DON'T UNDERSTAND MYSELF AT ALL. If you say i am a happy-go-lucky person or a bubbly person? Yes, i always laugh heartily even at something which is not funny. Yet, i gets emo very often. If you say i won't say NO to people, Oh, i always say NO to my parents (That's not good..Don't learn it). If you say i hide everything to myself, Yes, i think i am that kind of person but that doesn't mean i don't trust you. I just won't go round, telling or sharing things unless you ask me about it. If you say i am talkative, yes, i am, but i can seriously be super quiet and you wouldn't like that. If you say i am very emotional, well, maybe yes and maybe no..because when i think over it carefully, i'll be like "What?I seriously cannot be like that. I have to put things right!My Heavenly Father will give me strength". If you say i get bullied easily, well, there are people who are afraid of me for they think i am too fierce. It is a bit contradicting...but i seriously don't understand myself at all. But yea, the girl whom you guys knew has always been the same. What makes me different is that spiritual characters in me. Thank you Jesus. Apart from that, everything is still the same. Everytime, people will say to me "Viola you have changed. You are no longer as fun as before!" But trust me people, i never did once change myself. I could be crazy if you want me to. I could be emo if you want me to or even noisy. I am who i am....

Something to share again, which applies to my daily life. God always taught me to be patient and not to flare up easily right? To me, it is the hardest thing ever. I mean to transform myself from a hot-tempered person to a good-tempered one is not an easy task, especially when you are dealing with your closest kins. Take my current situation for example. I don't like doing house chores...like seriously 100000000000x dislike doing it. So when my mummy-san asked me to do house chores, i will be like "I don't wanna do it" but will gradually stand up, grumbling and unwillingly pick up the broom and stuffs. Imagine you are doing it with full of anger and fire all over, and yet, after doing it for a while, you'll find pleasure in it and you'll smile while doing it. That happened to me JUST NOW. Main point is, why am i like that? Why do i have to show my mum a grumpy and unwilling face, then only i'll get up and do it? It is that same old human nature within me i guess. I guess i just don't like being nag and nag all day long, especially when i have to do something which i DISLIKE. So, what i am trying to say is that, sometimes, it is not because of me rejecting my parent's requests and stuffs like that, but i just don't like to feel myself being pushed or forced to do something which i don't like. I know i will have to say "Yes" in the end..so why not let me do it willingly? I know i will do it but just don't like being pushed. So there goes the same for my disciples, i mean...yea, unless you are still young, but if you are old enough to think, i'll let you realize what is important for you. And you'll come to me willingly =) Even, we, as normal humans, we dislike being forced, so we better not inherit the same pushy nature....if not, people will run away the minute they sees me XD That would be really sad.

Alrightey, my dad is getting impatient, for i am using his laptop *Big grins*....i better hand it back to him before he starts nagging at me and i'll be grumpy again...till here....love you all XDDD

.........

2011-05-06T20:32:00.000-07:00

"Lord, i am sure i need You right now....like really RIGHT NOW. Help me to stay strong and focus. Turn all my attention to You. Things just don't work out. I will follow You each day. Help me to save them....like really hold them close to You"

Oh dear, i am certainly missing out a lot of things. Like One day Hillsong conference in Perth and as well as the official Hillsong Conference in Sydney T.T!!I want to go.....*sob sob* I am missing out Boombox Tour as well. Sorry Raphy...i thought i could attend your First concert with Niga Higa, KevJumba and Jayesslee. I wanna GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..........I wanna get their signatures...XD

PS: I don't wanna miss you anymore for i don't need that boy in my life. But i won't regret or mourn over every single decisions i ve made =)

Why do things come at the same time? It is annoying and i tend to be all moody which i really cannot take it. Lord, Rain down on me.............and let Your presence falls on me...

♥ D.I.O.N.E♥

2011-05-04T11:35:00.000-07:00

Hello World, are you guys having an awesome time? It is near to the end of the week already...i hope you are all making the best out of your time XD I know i am kinda emo like few days ago but things are getting better. I am alright with The Queen already. Not to say she has completely understand but things are certainly getting better. At least we did talked now. Thank you for all your prayers guys♥ I realized i still prefers to write long post in blogspot instead of Tumblr. Why? Tumblr is too complicated for me...perhaps i am too lazy to explore it =)

Dione and myself. I met her during my orientation where she was the volunteer for international students. As a new comer, all i could do was to look out for people wearing red so that they will assist me. Due to the fact that i stayed quite far from Murdoch University as i wasn't allow to move into my hostel yet, i only attended one out of five days orientation. So obviously i wasn't close to them at all...and all i could remember was Alph's (which later became my Zone supervisor) face. Little did i know, most of the volunteers were actually from Passion, which is a Christian group, associates with Zion Praise Harvest. Murdoch is actually one of the smallest zone among all. I wasn't close to anyone at all and everyone seems to be blended in quite well. Dione doesn't seem friendly to me in the first place. She has this kinda fierce look. But nonetheless, i was brought to ZPH by these Murdoch people and was encouraged to attend cell group. It was then i realized ZPH is actually a very large church which consists of 3 zones or more - Murdoch, Curtin and UWA, including all the Young adults, young families, youth, and etc. Lucikily for me, Murdoch zone was on the verge of setting up their own church service so we don't have to travel all the way to Curtin on Sundays morning. The distance is around 20mins drive from Murdoch to Curtin University.

I witnessed the First Murdoch Service which was so memorable to me. It seems queer for our service will be on Saturdays instead of Sundays. I was given the honor to serve as ushers. That's when i interact more with Dione for we were in the same team. Time flies. Without realizing, my first semester is coming to an end. I learnt a lot through serving and got to know God more. Still, i wasn't at all close with this team. In fact, i feel weird and uncomfortable. I tend to be very very quiet except with Alph for he is a big lame joker. Nobody can be normal when he is around =P I thought i was gonna be like this for the next semester until God opens door for me. He put me in the core team and broaden my view by putting me in various ministries. Still, i really feel uncomfortable. Come on, i really don't know them well. I always isolate myself by not joining them in their fellowships and dinner gatherings. True enough i attended church services, but i am always the first to rush back whenever it ends. I was asked to spend time with the core members and to build a firm relationship with them. It scares me when i had to attend their intense training last winter. That's when i realized i had to really commit myself and time to God. For i am serving in His Kingdom.

Dione aka Dee came to my rescue when i was just alone. I mean i am alright with the others (core members) but still, you can't just blend in like that. It takes time. She came back from her winter holiday right after our 3rd to 4th core members meeting. She has been a really good friend to me. Always brought me to maccas and forever inviting me to go out for lunch and dinner. In the first place, i thought i would be very lonely throughout the whole winter for i was the only person who refuse to go back to JB. But it ended up, i have no spare time to myself. I was being kept occupied by them which is a good thing. I have not only learnt a lot of things, but i gained lots of friends too. Friends whom will never ever leave me and will always turns up whenever i am in trouble. I began to love this zone and the people more and more....!Thank God for everything..

I'll never forgets how God has transformed my life....by placing Dee in my life. She is always the first person who would come over to pray for me. Especially during alter calls and when tears started rolling down my cheeks...

Dee, I just want you to know that you are awesome. You are not alone. If you hadn't come over to talk to me or kept me occupied throughout the whole Winter, i would have resign myself from being a core member long ago. The Dee that i knew is a brave, helpful, lively, crazy, caring girl with a most loving heart. I can see Christ through you. You ve taught me lots of things. You bring me out from my comfort zone. Because of you, i became closer to Edwina and Sophia. We are like the best girlies ever♥ Thank you for trusting me with all your secrets and problems. You are always the one who will pray for me and give me the best advise ever. You will cry with me whenever i broke down....Thank you for those "many many" stuffs which you have done for me. To you, it might be little, but to me, it worth a million. You are part of His plan as someone who guided me back to God. I am glad i made the right decision. For i will stick with Him for the rest of my life...

Now that i know you are facing struggles too. I want you to know that you are not alone. Be strong..for the Dee that i knew will always stand firm. You are the child of God...and through all good and bad times, His love for you will never ever change. You are not friendless for you still have us. Though i am nowhere closer to you, but that doesn't make any difference. I will still be your friend =) God love you so much and you are certainly a blessing to me. Like what you said that you are always ready to hear me pour out all my sorrows and happy stuffs. I am going to do the same too. I will always always be here whenever you needed someone to talk to. Lord, rain down all Your blessings upon Dione. Let her entrust all her burdens upon Your mighty shoulder........

PS: I just felt like writing and writing non-stop...but time didn't allow me to *Big sighhh*.........Arghhh..i definitely misses my girlies a lot!!I would rather be a blessing to others than to stay in my comfort zone..........

What now? I am off to sleep..........The Lord is awesome.....XD You know i'll always love you....

Down Down Down Down Down ....

2011-05-02T01:41:00.000-07:00

Hey World...you know what? Sometimes i felt so sorry for my bloggie. It is either when i am too free or when i am feeling moody only i will remember my bloggie. Then i'll be spamming and spamming as if nobody knows how to read. Now i feel like singing "Down" by Jay Sean. Baby are you down down down down down....!I am so DOWN right now. Alrighty i think i am a bit crazy + moody + upset. *Dislike* this kind of feeling. Alph told me that *Hate* is a very strong word so i was trained not to use hate in every situations =) So, i really really dislike this kind of situation.

My official poser, Ah mei and me. It has been so long since i last camwhore with her. I miss those times when we were little, and we used to camwhore everyday. Time flies and everything changed. I am glad we are still very click with one another =) Thanks for always cooperating with me.....you are forever my official poser!!!

Alrighty..i am a little out of topic. Why am i so moody? What else can makes me moody apart from family's,friends, studies and relationship? The Queen (Mummy-san) scolded me terribly yesterday. Apparently she thinks i have given too much time to the church. She didn't think what i am doing is serving God. Instead, she thinks i am just wasting my time and doing meaningless stuffs. *Big sigh* What can i do? She just wouldn't understand. Yet, i can't allow myself to explode because the Lord taught me to be patient and show my love to all "Haters of God". How on Earth can i find the right words to explain? She wouldn't understand why am i doing all these? I am doing it for the Lord. He has given me all these visions..and He is SO REAL...that nobody can be above Him.

Did i mention that i felt my amount of happiness has decreased? I know i still laughed and smile every day but it is getting lesser and lesser each day compared to the time while i was in Perth. I misses all your prayers........i miss the time when i could just broke down whenever i couldn't take it and i know for sure there will be somebody who would come over to give me a hug or a pat on my head as encouragement. But back here, i got to stand firm and be strong. It is hard....like really, it is hard to influence them...!I need you all....=(

I tried not to feel discourage over my current situation for i have FAITH in Him. He'll put things right. Sorry for making this post so emo. I just had to vent out everything before i goes crazy. I'll be fine. Though it is hard, but i am not giving up...NEVER will i give up. For i have a bigger vision from Him.....=) Lord, since this is Your will for me, Your will be done. I am doing it for You and no one else.

PS: I always get influence easily over some small little matters. Even if it is none of my concern, but i can just feel upset and moody over it. This is all wrong. In order to serve the Lord, i got to stand firmly. Our attitudes meant a lot to Him. I need You Lord, to help me to meditate myself in every aspects of my life. Refresh me from time to time......for i am Yours....

Till here people.....I am always fine. Don't worry. Viola will always be Viola!!God bless ya....

Late in the night......

2011-04-28T11:16:00.000-07:00

Hey people, by right i should be sleeping....but i have no idea why am i here =) I guess i am into one of my "random thoughts mood" again. I am always like that whenever i am emo or moody. I was browsing through my diary and i saw this - "If two people who are of different world, do they stand a chance to be together?" This thought came into my mind after i watched "Cinderella Story". It was just like a fairy tale which all the girls are yearning for. You see, imagine if the two of you were like strangers, barely talk at all, and knew nothing about each other. This kind of feeling is just like when you walked past and missed each other on a busy road. Do you think fairy tales will still exist? Well, maybe it does. It all depends on who would sacrifice the first move. I can't figure out the other best solution to this question.

Forget about everything which i have written on top. That was like one of my long time ago random thoughts. A weird way to start this blog post but a good way to reminisce the past!! I have no idea why i am so moody right now. It was suppose to be a good day for me....i wonder why?

BB and me. I ve been seeing a lot of her recently. That's awesome....but i guess i'll feel lonely once she goes back to KL =( Life is always like this isn't it? Beautiful things won't remain the way they are. I know i am feeling slightly emotional, but i can't help feeling upset over the change which is taking place right now. I mean, i know this is God's challenge for me but still......i dislike the feeling that i can do nothing to save the situation. Everyone is different. I cannot change a person's mind and thoughts. To be honest, sometimes i felt as if i am not the right person to be involve in that situation. And yet God is telling me not to give up. Lord, i know you are listening.....and i know you won't put me into a situation which is beyond my limitation. I trust in You.

Little Daylan. Oh man...i really really missed him a lot. Again, i know the whole World will say i showed favoritism to him. Really no!!I loved all the kids in Zionkidz. It so happened that this little Daylan is forever dreamy and into-his-own-World. Can't bear to leave him alone like that =)) I missed him. Being able to serve God's younger generation is like one of the best thing that has ever happened to me. Thank You Father for such wonderful experience. "To invest in children to raise up the next generation who loves God"- I will bear this in mind.

After talking to Esther regarding the "Decision thingy", i felt more relief. This is what God planned for me...i should rejoice at it. He will never lead me to something which is not good for me. Yet, i should learn to rely on Him COMPLETELY. What now? Pray more...He can hear us....

PS: I realized the best way to forget someone is to surrender all your time to HIM. He can keep us occupied. Serve Him completely and you'll realize, you can actually do a lot of things beside feeling emo and moody over someone. All i can say is i don't feel anything now..like really i don't. I am really moving on XD which is really a great thing. Thank you Lord. The kind of feeling that i had right now when i browse through your pictures was "Arghh...i missed out all the fun!!" or "How i wish i was there...." Other than that, i am really happy with my current life =)

Alrighty people, i will end this post now. Time to sleep. Be good......Good night World...

Happy Easter

2011-04-24T09:32:00.000-07:00

Herrowwwwwwwwwwzz Dearie World, i thought i would like to drop by for a quick update =) Just wanna wish you all a very HAPPY EASTER DAY!Hope you guys had fun. I actually intend to update this blogpost on Good Friday but i suddenly felt so sad after watching the video of "We are the reason" T.T!!Thank you Jesus for dying for me on that cross. Nothing but the blood of Jesus. I will always treasure the life that i have right now. Hmmm let me see, this is my 2nd Easter Celebration. I never celebrate Easter before because i knew NOTHING about it. Yea..not until i came back to HIM last year. I am so so so so so so sorry about it Lord, but thank you for leading me back home XD

F.R.I.E.N.D.S!!!I loved them all =)) Again, even though this church is small, but i can definitely witnessed the same kind of passion that i ve seen in Murdoch zone. The same kind of familiar feeling =) I was feeling quite upset to know that i would have to miss out all the fun (Easter carnival and Passion retreat) in Perth. To think we all planned so hard since last year, to do this and that. I know you guys will have great fun. Shine all your passion out Murdochians!!I really and truly misses each and every single one of you. Thanks for all the encouragement...

I had a great Easter too. Good job guys. Easter eggs was cool and the sermon was awesome XD I chose to rejoice at whatever HE has planned for me. Like i mentioned before in my tumblr, if i never come back, things wouldn't have work out this way. I wouldn't be able to see a change in my beloved ones isn't it? So, Thank You Jesus. I am glad that You gave us hope and faith.

Disciple-ing(own created word :b) was fun!!!It amazed me to see that my good friends could actually stay focus throughout the whole lesson. It shows that when it comes to studying, they can be serious too =) But i have to admit that, we were fooling around throughout the whole lesson. Those lame jokes and random silliness really lit up the whole atmosphere. It cracked my brain to figure out how to make the whole thing interesting. But, thank you girls, for putting up with me. Super dramatic right? I promised you, the next lesson will be EVEN MORE FUN. Maccas is definitely one of my most favorite hang-out place. It reminds me of my late nights hang-out place in Perth with the darlings =))

I always burst out laughing whenever i see my friends fighting over who is the most hardworking person and who reads the bible constantly or even finishing the homework that i gave. They are like kids competing with one another. It is hard to decide whenever being asked. For you girls are equally good. Just continue to remain the way you are and i'll be more than enough happy. Praise the Lord!!

You know what? Sometimes, it is really hard to make a decision. I don't know what can i do to please both sides. Both sides were good and yet different in certain aspects. Towards the end, we are still serving the same God. I know i am getting used to what i have been doing and the people here. Although we weren't that close yet, but it takes time. And yet, if i go to the other side, there will be higher chances for me serve in the ministries which God has planted that passion within me. Arghh..i really don't know. I know i can only pick one out of two. Lord, help me!!

PS: Sometimes, the happiest person is always the saddest person on Earth. I want the "JOY" which i once had....

Good night World...

God's promise

2011-04-20T08:59:00.000-07:00

Yahoooooooooooooooo...........back once more for a short update. Told you, i would be lucky if i am able to squeeze out a little time to type out this blog post. Oo...which means i got to do my daily devotion later. People, this is not a good example. So, DON'T EVER learn from me =) Always put God first. Anyway, i did update. Not in blogspot but in my tumblr site. I am trying my best to update in both sites. In order to "stalk" the Murdochians, it is best for me to get a tumblr. Haha..for easier follow-ups.

" The rainbows in the sky to show God's promise is a truth. The rainbows in the sky to show the World...it's the only way..for Your everyday =)" I miss the kids! To ensure that i'll never even forgets the things which i have learnt during the time when i served the kids, i'll always sing while dancing to those Kids worship and praise songs. HILLSONG rawkzz!!

To elaborate more on this song-Rainbow, oh by the way, you guys know the story of Noah right? And yea, in order to ensure that HE won't flood the place anymore, God created Rainbow as a significant that His promises to us will always be kept =) How comforting is that!!!I am glad i obeyed God...really and truly.....and i know and i believe HE will make a difference not only to my family but my life too =) Thank You Lord....

I know it is a bit late....but still i wanna share God's joy. My cousin got saved last Sunday. Yayy...ONE MORE SALVATION!!PRAISE THE LORD!!! I know........i can entrust all my problems to Him ...and i'll always have a shoulder to rely on.

How i miss you Issy! My one and only Japanese buddy. Of course there are more buddies...but Issy has been my very own bestfriend eversince i first met her in class. We hanged out a lot. We always contradicting ourselves by saying we loved Japan and yet, forever craving for Korean cuisine and always goes mad for korean stuffs XD I just wanna thank God for giving me such a nice friend. I know you are very upset about me not being able to attend Japanese classes with you anymore. Sachi Sensei told me you looked upset =( But that's fine...if you believe in miracles, i am sure we will meet again.

A simple message of encouragement can really light up my day despite how tired i was =) I miss you guys a lot. Even though i couldn't serve alongside with you guys, but towards the end, we are still serving the SAME God. I just want you all to know that it was the passion that i witnessed in the zone that keeps me going. Thanks for planting that passion and fire within me. I am going to use that passion to serve HIM fully now. I loved my current life. I just like the way things fall according to its own places. At least i know, i am so not gonna let myself backslide.........No..please say i WON'T.....

Good night World....

B.U.S.Y

2011-04-12T10:24:00.000-07:00

Hey World, i am so so so sorry for abandoning this little blog. I didn't do it on purpose i promised *fingers crossed* I thought i would just come here to show that i am still alive. Oh my word...this week has been pretty interesting and exciting. PRAISE THE LORD!!! Wanna know what happened? You'll soon know =) Our God is awesome =)

Now, although i miss my girlies and large family in Perth(A LOT), but truly, i don't regret with my decision to come back here. There is always a reason why He arranged all these for me. This verse really inspired me a lot. It was written on the signing book which contains the love from the whole zone- 1 Peter 5:7 - Cast all your anxiety on Him for He cares for you. It really encouraged me a lot. Thank You guys for planting this fire and passion in me. I will never ever give up =)

My time is rather occupied now. I got to travel in and out Singapore all the time just to do my enrolment and get my Student pass done. Super troublesome to the max =( But what to do? Oh well....

I am not missing you. Oh well..not as hardcore as before already. Well i guess time can really change a person's mind. I'll just pray that you will be able to achieve whatever that you want in your life.........even though sometimes, i wish i can be slightly more initiative. Still, i hope i can be your friend because you really inspired me a lot in certain aspects.

Oh man..i am super super sleepy. Didn't get enough of sleep recently. I need to really change my body clock system because i know it'll get worse when school starts. Arghhh........

Okay, i think i am starting to lost track on what i am suppose to write now. I think i better stop here. Good night World!!See ya guys in the next post. The Lord is my priority =)

He still loves me =)

2011-04-05T09:55:00.000-07:00

Hey there World...Sorry for the delayed but i am still in the middle of typing out my chinese blog post =( Had a lot to do recently =) I promised it won't be long. Woohoo..Hmm...i think i can kinda felt a change in my life now after feeling upset over this whole coming back thingy. It takes time i know =) but nonetheless, i am going to lead a very good life...as it is all for the sake of HIM. Lord, You are almighty. You made me felt uncertain of my future now......when people asked me, "Are you still going back to Perth?" and i would immediately answered "YES!!Definitely!" But now, i am really uncertain about it. Still, i hope God can open doors for me XD There are lots and lots of people here who haven't heard of Christ. They need to be saved =(

Well..something to share. I was browsing through some memorable pictures and i came across this. This picture was taken during Freshies Welcome Semester 1 (6th March) which is also my last performance in Zion Praise Harvest. I never had the chance to join choir before as i was placed in the drama team. I always wanted to join choir because i love singing, and partly is due to the fact that, in order to be eligible to audition for vocalz (Worship team), we have to go through choir. I am not saying that i join choir JUST because i wanna join worship team (even though that was the main reason XD) ...but i really enjoyed the spirit of singing and worship-ing God together with a big group of people. The atmosphere will be like.."WOW...AMAZING!!". It struck me. Look at us....there are so many of us in the choir team. Each and every single one of us has different voices....and some of them have exceptionally good voices =)

Someone asked me... "There are so many of you in the choir team. We can't really hear your voice. So what is the point?" Yes you are right. It is hard to identify each person's voices because all of us are singing together at the same pace. In another perspective, who is our main listener? Who are we dedicating the song to? Is it for the big crowds? Or are we singing for the sake of glorifying God? YES...we are singing for God. Even though so many of us are singing together at the same time, but God can definitely identify our voices individually. He can hear us. So, whether we have good voices or not-so-good voices, it doesn't matter, as long as we are sincere about serving Him =) For no matter how imperfect we are, He still loves us =D Just like how the chorus of our chosen song goes "I am not perfect, Yes i do wrong....." Isn't it comforting to know that God still loves us despite of us not being perfect? We should rejoice for it is our greatest priviledge to have God in our lives =D

With that, i wanna end this post with the chorus of "He still loves me". Yes, forgot to mention that, this was the chosen song we sang during Freshies Welcome. It was awesome to the max XD And i have to admit that, CHOIR RAWKZZ XD Will definitely stick to choir no matter where i am =)

Seems like i always fall short
of being worthy
Though i ain't good enough
But he still loves me
I ain't no superstar
The spotlight ain't shining on me
Though i ain't good enough
But he still loves me

I am not perfect
Yes i do wrong
I'm trying my best but
It ain't good enough...
Shunned by the World
If i don't succeed
Though i ain't good enough
BUT HE STILL LOVES ME......

Just some very very random opinion of mine =) At least i updated =P

人生中的遗憾 (intro)

2011-03-30T11:22:00.000-07:00

Dearie World.....my internet is back. I am super duper happy but of course Mummy ain't very please about it. According to her, as long as i have internet, then i'll forget all the house chores. I seriously hate doing house chores. Sweeping + Mop-ing + Washing clothes + Cleaning my room = DISLIKE. Hmm..i guess nobody really likes to do house chores right? Today, i have this kinda feeling of writing this blog post in chinese. See....my blog title has given me away XD

I miss my girlies super much. Especially when i am trying to adapt to a new life here. Sometimes, when you are used to something, you wouldn't wanted a change. Well, i guess i got to rejoice...for this is God's plan for me. I should be glad that i have the chance to keep on changing and adapting to new lifestyle XD

PS: I know we looked super unglam in this picture.....but i always find it very meaningful. See that? At least we smile through tears. There is always HOPE when there is NO HOPE.

我已经开始慢慢适应这里的生活和环境了。再怎么说，我也是在这里长大的。要适应并不难。家永远是最好的！不过，我不知道开课后的日子会怎样。我能应付得来吗？我不敢想像。我不敢肯定未来的路会怎样，但我知道，我这一次回来是有理由的。那就是上帝想要对我说的话。刚开始，我当然会很不甘心。为什么是我？为何在我最不想离开的时候，我却被逼要做这样的决定？为什么我不能狠心一点，而选择留在Perth？反正决定权在我手上，没有人会怪我的。可是，我就是会觉得内疚。不过，已经不重要了。上帝说“我们改变不了昨天，但是，我们可以利用今天来改变我们的行为，好让明天受到鼓励”。

有时候，我很恨自己为什么要一直怀念过去？过去就让它边成永远的回忆吧。我们是不可能回到过去的。明天对我们来说才是最重要的。这就是我们活着的定义。所以，我决定要跟“我的过去”道别了。每个人的生命都会有着不同的经历。我也不例外。。。。虽然我知道我比很多人来得幸福。我从小都不必担心钱的问题。爹地妈咪对我有求必应。可是，人生中总会隐藏着连我们本身都没察觉的遗憾吧？？

现在回想起来，我的人生从小学开始到中学，甚至到大学，原来都有着不同的遗憾。。。它们都包括友情，感情世界，课业，家人，当然也少不了自己的内心世界。

我会一个接一个的慢慢打出来！！读者们，请不要放弃我。。。。让我好好的练一练我那差到不行的华语吧。。。。。。。。

GOOD NIGHT WORLD XD..ooops...stay tuned for more =D

The 3 L.O.V.E.R.S of my life

2011-03-25T21:20:00.000-07:00

Hello Dearie World...i am back to update my blogpost again. Finally, i went to consult the doctor. Goodness know why do i need to pay RM86 just to get a cough medicine and some antibiotics *sigh* How i wish my nose isn't block now. It does gets on my nerves =( Again people, life has been good. Just need to get myself planted in church and stuffs...and i'll be good. Do you love music? Alright people, i am here to introduce the 3 lovers of my life to you. Yes..officially...XD

First of all, let's welcome my LOVER NO 1 - The Violin. She is still new....because i upgraded my Violin to a full-sized one. I still miss my old violin though =( Oh well, i believe she will lead a better life with my cousin. I always loved Violin since young. Even though a lot of people said Violin sounds so sad and emotional but still i loved it. And hence, since young, i always pester my mummy, threatening that i wanna give up piano just to pick up Violin. She was like "FINE!! You can have your way!" Woohooooooo....but unfortunately, due to the heavy workloads and activities, i couldn't further on for higher learning. I am coming back to her now =)

Piano piano piano- My LOVER NO 2. My mummy was arguing with me that i was the one who pester her about learning piano when i was young. But since when i say i wanna learn piano. I guess mums are all like that. Always ask their kids to learn music when they were small. I guess that's how i came into the World of piano. I think i watched too much "Nodame Cantabille"...but i can't help feeling that it is true. I gave up piano just because my piano teacher stays next door. And she always tend to spot check if i did practice my piano or not. I felt stressed...and hence, i gave up halfway. Musics were meant to be enjoy. If i don't feel happy learning it, then i think the whole thing will turn meaningless. I am happy with my current relationship status with my lover no 2 now. I can play piano happily without having to stress over theories and grades or even exams XD

And now........the latest addition to my musical family. Let's welcome My LOVER NO 3 - The Guitar. Hmm..why am i interested in this instrument all of a sudden? I guess it is due to cell group. As you know, Murdoch zone is not really big and we are often lacked of musicians....and hence...it strike me. I kinda like it though. Thinking of upgrading it to a better one....oh well...that's the future...let me learn first =DD

Woohooo..i have a lot of small instruments. For e.g Recorder, Flute, Ocarina and etc. But they are not my lover. It is just for fun.......So who are the lovers of your life? I had an awesome time with these lovers. Share it with me please....XD

Alright...gotta go now...ciaozzz....

My two little rascals

2011-03-22T02:56:00.000-07:00

Hello World.......so hard to update my blog without internet service. I don't know what's wrong with my home internet again =( But apparently my mum said "The internet always goes wrong whenever you are at home!" Fine... =P Anyway, i have been sick for quite a long time and i think i brought the virus all the way from Perth. So saddie....I have been baby-sitting my cousins a lot recently. Hopefully i get to master the power of patience. Well, you can reprimand a kid, but don't ever hit them. It won't work.

Barry and me. People said he is stunning handsome but.....i do think he is super naughty. And hence.....i always goes mad because of him. What to do? My dream is to open a kindergarten with lots of kids running about. Don't know why am i wasting my time doing a Bachelor of Marketing and the Media when i know i won't be dealing in this field in the future XD

Here goes Rynn, Barry's younger brother. Ahaha...people said i always show favouritism when i am dealing with kids. I don't....it just depends on the amount of time i spend with them. I spend more time with Rynn i suppose....so naturally, i won't want to scold him and he didn't do anything that would makes me goes mad. Plus, i loved to watch him eat. You know, there are some type of kids who would eat a lot and very fast. Whilst some kids are too whiny whiny and always rejects food. Well.......and hence, here is the picture of Rynn wanting to get off the baby chair but wasn't allow to XD

Life has been good. I realized i have too many stuffs to settle and there are endless stuffs for me to learn and pick up here. Hopefully....i can master all of it. And of course my dreams. The only fear is that i am afraid i would back slide and stray away from God once more. Really must get on with serving and stuffs before i lose my passion. Honestly Lord, i need your guide and specific directions on where you are leading me to.

Well, i don't know. It seems to take longer than i expected. I was hoping to get over you as soon as possible but oh well, i guess it takes time. There are too many things which reminds me of you....especially now, when i am dealing with my lover no 3. It totally reminds me of you ALL THE TIME. God bless me....why am i so stupid to pick up something which have your trademark in it?

Oh people...i found my lover no 3. Will update about it soon XD Hopefully.......if nothing goes wrong with my internet. Ciaozz people...i don't want my mum to shout at me for using her company's computer to update my blog and to facebook all....=ppp

Just the way you are

2011-03-17T17:58:00.000-07:00

God wants us to be grateful and rejoice at every single plannings that He planned for us. So here, i am trying to rejoice at every single happenings in my life.

Life here is good....because God, you are amazing! And we are amazing to Him just the way we are. Even if the whole World rejects us, He will never forsake us. So, World, be grateful and happy because there is someone up there who will always watches over us XD

I think whenever it comes to Friday, i will have a sudden feeling of sadness because i misses the cell back there in Perth. I am still trying to adapt to a brand new Christianity life back here. Come to think of it, i never got myself planted in any church or cell nor even serving when i accepted Christ back in 2007. I never even flip through the bible. And hence, i know this journey will be tough...but i'll treat it as God's mission for me =)

How have you been doing? Well, i am thinking you should be enjoying your life but on the other hand working hard too =) I don't know how to put it in words, but even if you feel that the whole World is against you, look high above, for you are amazing just the way you are XD Nobody knows you better than He does XD

Stay tuned people for more....i want TAROT!! I think it is time for me to step into Tarot Cafe and to reunite with those tarot cards again =)